Authenticity and Achievement: David Wood's Guide to Meaningful Success

David Wood: 00:00:00

So each person needs to choose what's right for them right now.

David Wood: 00:00:05

You might be in a space where you, you could use some pushing.

David Wood: 00:00:09

And maybe a kick in the butt.

David Wood: 00:00:11

Okay, great.

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Or could you use some nurturing, some self care, look at your nutrition,

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your, your physical exercise, your, your sleep, your relationships.

David Wood: 00:00:23

Could you use some more nurturing?

David Wood: 00:00:25

Oh,

Tim Winders: 00:00:37

When personal triumphs meet professional excellence, how do

Tim Winders: 00:00:40

we navigate the tough conversations that lead to our greatest growth?

Tim Winders: 00:00:45

Welcome to Seek, Go Create where today's guest, David Wood brings a wealth of

Tim Winders: 00:00:49

experience from both his personal journey and his professional ascent to becoming a

Tim Winders: 00:00:54

leading figure in the coaching industry.

Tim Winders: 00:00:57

David is a former consulting actuary turned master coach who traded his Park

Tim Winders: 00:01:02

Avenue job for the adventure of building the world's largest coaching business.

Tim Winders: 00:01:06

David has climbed to the top of Google as the go to for life coaching,

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impacting over 150, 000 coaches and individuals across the globe.

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Despite personal adversities and professional challenges, He is emerged

Tim Winders: 00:01:20

as a leader in transforming lives through the art of mastering tough conversations.

Tim Winders: 00:01:26

David, welcome to Seek, Go Create.

David Wood: 00:01:29

Thanks Tim.

David Wood: 00:01:30

Appreciate it.

Tim Winders: 00:01:32

I'm glad you're here.

Tim Winders: 00:01:33

And let's start off with, if someone asks you what you do, what do you tell people?

Tim Winders: 00:01:38

I gave you a great bio.

Tim Winders: 00:01:39

I gave sort of a great bio there, but if someone asks you what you do, what do

Tim Winders: 00:01:43

you tell them you're just out and about.

David Wood: 00:01:45

I help business owners to double their revenue, their

David Wood: 00:01:48

time off, and their happiness.

Tim Winders: 00:01:53

And how do people respond when you tell them that?

Tim Winders: 00:01:55

What if they're not a business owner?

Tim Winders: 00:01:56

What do they say?

Tim Winders: 00:01:56

Ooh.

David Wood: 00:01:59

Yeah, if they're not a business owner, they, they, they go, Oh.

Tim Winders: 00:02:03

And if they are a business owner, their response is.

Tim Winders: 00:02:07

Tell me more.

David Wood: 00:02:09

I think usually they're curious.

David Wood: 00:02:10

They're like, Oh, cause it's an unusual mix.

David Wood: 00:02:14

I mean, everyone wants to start with more money.

David Wood: 00:02:17

Generally, I find people come in who doesn't want more money, but if that's

David Wood: 00:02:22

all they want, I usually suggest that they go and find someone else.

David Wood: 00:02:25

There are plenty of people who help you with revenue alone.

David Wood: 00:02:29

Due to my unique background.

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I cover business and the life aspects.

David Wood: 00:02:35

So when you want a generalist, you can help put all the pieces together.

David Wood: 00:02:39

That's usually where I come in.

David Wood: 00:02:40

No,

Tim Winders: 00:02:42

So how did one that, that was kind of one of the most fascinating

Tim Winders: 00:02:45

things when I was just reading up on your background and all, how did one

Tim Winders: 00:02:50

marry those two unique backgrounds?

Tim Winders: 00:02:53

Cause typically people that are good with numbers and the spreadsheets,

Tim Winders: 00:02:58

the charts, and all of those things, they aren't necessarily skilled

Tim Winders: 00:03:02

in communications and leadership.

Tim Winders: 00:03:05

And things like that.

Tim Winders: 00:03:06

this probably is a little bit of your background story and goes into your

Tim Winders: 00:03:09

professional career, but how did those two start coming together for you?

Tim Winders: 00:03:13

Was that you started that way or has that been just part of your journey?

David Wood: 00:03:18

I came in two stages.

David Wood: 00:03:19

So the, the natural one for me, the first one was the left brain.

David Wood: 00:03:23

I had a tragedy when I was seven years old and apparently one trauma response that

David Wood: 00:03:31

people learn is to shut down feelings.

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Now, the upside might've been that I developed a lot of left brain

David Wood: 00:03:38

capacity and I came top of my school.

David Wood: 00:03:40

I, got paid to go to college and then I landed a really great

David Wood: 00:03:45

job with a consulting firm.

David Wood: 00:03:47

And then got transferred to Park Avenue at the age of 23 to consult

David Wood: 00:03:52

a Ford and Sony Music and Chanel.

David Wood: 00:03:56

that was the first half of my life and I got really good at business,

David Wood: 00:03:59

numbers, systems and money.

David Wood: 00:04:01

But fortunately, I wasn't happy, and someone spotted it, and suggested I go

David Wood: 00:04:08

and do a personal growth program, and I nearly didn't do it, because they all

David Wood: 00:04:13

smiled way too much, and they wore name tags, and I'm like, this is some cult,

David Wood: 00:04:18

hippie, weird thing, and I'd always thought of self help as, weak willed

David Wood: 00:04:23

people who couldn't think for themselves.

David Wood: 00:04:26

Fortunately, they were ready for my arrogance.

David Wood: 00:04:30

And my left brain and they cracked my cynicism and they cracked my heart

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open and I discovered that I knew nothing about emotional intelligence,

David Wood: 00:04:39

vulnerability, integrity, leadership, authenticity, and I got hooked.

David Wood: 00:04:47

I'm like, all right, I got to catch up.

David Wood: 00:04:49

So the second half of my life, the last quarter of a century has been, Doing

David Wood: 00:04:54

my own therapy, sitting with gurus, doing crazy human experiments to kind

David Wood: 00:05:00

of push the limits, lean into my fears.

David Wood: 00:05:03

And I know, I know you're supposed to specialize and I, and I teach

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that yes, specialize, pick a lane.

David Wood: 00:05:11

But I finally surrendered to the fact that I can handle, I can help

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someone with their hiring system and their productivity in the first half

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of a session, and then we might be talking about the meaning of life.

David Wood: 00:05:23

Or a fight they had with their kids or their legacy in the second part of it.

Tim Winders: 00:05:29

So I need to go back a second because it, I, I keep

Tim Winders: 00:05:33

wanting to move forward, but it.

Tim Winders: 00:05:34

You mentioned an event that occurred that sort of shut down part of your brain

Tim Winders: 00:05:40

and it's a trauma and I think, I think many people part of their journey is

Tim Winders: 00:05:44

they've gone through some type of event.

Tim Winders: 00:05:48

I call it a catalytic event.

Tim Winders: 00:05:50

And what I do that has.

Tim Winders: 00:05:52

Change the way they think, change the way they define the world,

Tim Winders: 00:05:54

success people around them.

Tim Winders: 00:05:55

So something like that.

Tim Winders: 00:05:57

Can you gimme a little bit more about what occurred there?

Tim Winders: 00:06:00

Just so that it kind of sets the stage for some of this

Tim Winders: 00:06:04

conversation we're gonna have.

David Wood: 00:06:07

Sure.

David Wood: 00:06:07

and I just want to warn listeners, it's, it's not pretty.

David Wood: 00:06:11

my little sister and I got off the school bus and somehow she ended up

David Wood: 00:06:15

underneath the bus and was killed that day and I was there and witnessed it.

David Wood: 00:06:22

And back then, I don't think therapy was a big thing, not in Australia, you

David Wood: 00:06:28

didn't, you didn't send kids there, and I didn't even go to the funeral,

David Wood: 00:06:32

so it wasn't until, I just, I just grew up, alright, this is my life, and it

David Wood: 00:06:37

wasn't until I was 23 and I was having trouble in a relationship that I finally

David Wood: 00:06:41

went to a psychiatrist and said, what?

David Wood: 00:06:44

Is going on and he said, well, I've just met you, but my initial

David Wood: 00:06:50

hypothesis is that you didn't grieve properly and you are sensitive and I

David Wood: 00:06:56

think I can help you reclaim some of that emotional side and go and move

David Wood: 00:07:01

through that process in a healthy way.

David Wood: 00:07:03

And he was spot on.

David Wood: 00:07:05

I don't know that I'm done like 25 years later.

David Wood: 00:07:07

I think I'm still grieving and it still comes up now and then and I cry at every.

David Wood: 00:07:13

Every movie or even a commercial has got a sense of loss, but that, I think that

David Wood: 00:07:19

explains why I was more of a cardboard cutout for the first half of my life.

David Wood: 00:07:24

And then when I discovered authentic relating and real revealed communication

David Wood: 00:07:30

and vulnerability, I was hooked.

David Wood: 00:07:33

I'm like, give me more of this.

David Wood: 00:07:35

And so my life, I would say my life is mainly about that.

David Wood: 00:07:39

It's mainly about being real, being expressed and having deep connections.

David Wood: 00:07:45

I just happened to do the business coaching because I'm good at it.

David Wood: 00:07:48

And that pays the bills and business owners can justify the expense.

David Wood: 00:07:53

Oh, well, I'm making money.

David Wood: 00:07:55

Everything I do now on the personal side with David is basically free.

David Wood: 00:07:59

So that's how it ended up.

Tim Winders: 00:08:02

And since you work with so many people, I've observed this myself,

Tim Winders: 00:08:07

you and all likelihoods see similar situations, traits, personalities.

Tim Winders: 00:08:16

In others, how common is it?

Tim Winders: 00:08:19

Not the exact situation.

Tim Winders: 00:08:21

Obviously it's very tragic situation.

Tim Winders: 00:08:24

It's interesting when you brought that up, I was reminded of a cousin who

Tim Winders: 00:08:29

had a cousin, not a family member, but a family member, family member.

Tim Winders: 00:08:34

It was a very similar situation.

Tim Winders: 00:08:35

They grew up in Mississippi and the older brother.

Tim Winders: 00:08:39

Got off the bus, the younger sister, the bus started and she was

Tim Winders: 00:08:43

killed in an accident like that.

Tim Winders: 00:08:46

And, and, and I know that his name was Donald.

Tim Winders: 00:08:51

I just recalled his name.

Tim Winders: 00:08:52

It's been a while since I've talked to him.

Tim Winders: 00:08:53

I know that Donald, it impacted him greatly.

Tim Winders: 00:08:56

He was the older brother.

Tim Winders: 00:08:58

I think he had this thought of, I should have protected, what

Tim Winders: 00:09:00

did I, why was I leaving for all these type things and all that?

Tim Winders: 00:09:04

So

David Wood: 00:09:05

Yep.

Tim Winders: 00:09:06

we don't have to.

Tim Winders: 00:09:07

Unpack a lot of that, but I guess my question is how common are situations

Tim Winders: 00:09:16

that you see in people you coach?

Tim Winders: 00:09:17

I mean, we know that there's no perfect person out there.

Tim Winders: 00:09:20

Everyone's gone through stuff, but I mean, I guess just talk in general

Tim Winders: 00:09:24

about what you see with leaders, business owners, just people that you

Tim Winders: 00:09:28

work with related to traumatic events.

David Wood: 00:09:34

I think I want to split this into two answers that first I

David Wood: 00:09:37

noticed more of that in my friends.

David Wood: 00:09:41

Because healers, healers, we're all healing ourselves.

David Wood: 00:09:45

And so a lot of my friends have got, there's some kind of traumatic.

David Wood: 00:09:50

Event where, where there was some kind of abuse or loss or something.

David Wood: 00:09:54

So I'm present to that in my clients, I have a theory that all

David Wood: 00:09:59

of us carry some kind of trauma.

David Wood: 00:10:02

I don't know much about, pre birth trauma, but I've got a friend who specializes

David Wood: 00:10:06

in that just coming out of the womb.

David Wood: 00:10:08

Apparently he's going to do something to you.

David Wood: 00:10:10

And then there's going to be a time when you didn't get your needs met and you felt

David Wood: 00:10:14

alone or abandoned or someone left you.

David Wood: 00:10:18

So I think we've all got our own version.

David Wood: 00:10:22

something from the past.

David Wood: 00:10:24

Some of it, it might be, some of us, it might be quite mild.

David Wood: 00:10:28

for others, it's, it's gonna follow us maybe all our days in

David Wood: 00:10:32

some way and we learn to adapt.

Tim Winders: 00:10:37

As someone who is, I think I see a title at times, you've

Tim Winders: 00:10:40

got, I know you've got business coach, but you also have life coach.

Tim Winders: 00:10:44

And, and I've noticed in our industry, the coaching industry, there are many

Tim Winders: 00:10:50

people that have that life coach tag.

Tim Winders: 00:10:54

That sometimes I think they're skirting the counseling, the counseling

Tim Winders: 00:11:00

role, which is not a bad thing.

Tim Winders: 00:11:03

I see it come up quite often with me.

Tim Winders: 00:11:05

I mean, I think, I think I see people go different paths.

Tim Winders: 00:11:07

There's some people that need some spiritual healing and with a

Tim Winders: 00:11:10

background in ministry and all of that.

Tim Winders: 00:11:12

I, I'm keenly aware of that.

Tim Winders: 00:11:14

I think some people need obviously some, some counseling and then some people,

Tim Winders: 00:11:19

maybe we can tie it all together.

Tim Winders: 00:11:23

But where do you, I guess, where do you draw a line between, okay, this

Tim Winders: 00:11:29

is a little bit outside of my scope.

Tim Winders: 00:11:32

This is someone who needs a much deeper emotional counseling

Tim Winders: 00:11:37

role than I can provide.

Tim Winders: 00:11:39

Or do you go into that?

Tim Winders: 00:11:40

I mean, I don't know if you're licensed or anything like that.

Tim Winders: 00:11:43

I don't know if that question makes sense, but you, but you know, some of this,

Tim Winders: 00:11:45

it gets watered down a little bit.

Tim Winders: 00:11:47

You know what I

David Wood: 00:11:47

Yeah.

David Wood: 00:11:47

The answer is both.

David Wood: 00:11:49

you know, I'm not trained as a therapist or a counselor and I've

David Wood: 00:11:53

been coaching for 25 years and I've done a lot of my own work.

David Wood: 00:11:56

So I'm able to hold space for a lot of deep emotion.

David Wood: 00:12:01

And I tell people, I tell even like I've got corporate clients, I

David Wood: 00:12:04

specialize in business owners, but I coach some executives and I, I

David Wood: 00:12:07

tell them, look, there may be tears.

David Wood: 00:12:11

There may be my tears.

David Wood: 00:12:13

It may be yours.

David Wood: 00:12:14

Everything's welcome.

David Wood: 00:12:16

It's usually got to be pretty extreme before I refuse to coach them and

David Wood: 00:12:25

say, look, this is not my area.

David Wood: 00:12:26

for example, when I was first starting out, there was a woman who had visions of

David Wood: 00:12:30

cutting herself with sharp metal objects.

David Wood: 00:12:32

I'm like, okay.

David Wood: 00:12:34

Thank you for being clear that that's not my area.

David Wood: 00:12:37

I don't know how to handle that.

David Wood: 00:12:39

I've had a client recently who's also a friend and she just wasn't

David Wood: 00:12:46

really up for being a business owner.

David Wood: 00:12:48

She was, she, there's so much healing to be done.

David Wood: 00:12:51

And I, and my, with me, isn't the most efficient place to do that.

David Wood: 00:12:55

I do 30 minute sessions.

David Wood: 00:12:56

We dive in boom, boom, boom, boom.

David Wood: 00:12:58

You got actions off you go.

David Wood: 00:13:00

I said, I think you really need to find a healer.

David Wood: 00:13:03

And then maybe a year from now.

David Wood: 00:13:06

When you feel more resilient, more robust, you can come back to coaching.

David Wood: 00:13:09

But that's pretty rare that I say to someone, sometimes I've said, I encourage

David Wood: 00:13:14

you to get therapy in conjunction with coaching, and I've got more than

David Wood: 00:13:19

one client who they have a therapist.

David Wood: 00:13:21

They got me and they sometimes bounce things off both of us.

David Wood: 00:13:24

And I often say, I like this guy.

David Wood: 00:13:27

I mean, I like it there because he's, he's saying some really smart stuff.

David Wood: 00:13:32

So I like to think of it as more of a collaboration.

David Wood: 00:13:36

and I, and I totally respect if some coaches, including life coaches

David Wood: 00:13:40

go, I'm not going to go there.

David Wood: 00:13:42

if it's deep emotional stuff, I'm not going to handle it.

David Wood: 00:13:45

It's just, I've been through so much of it at my set, so much of that myself.

David Wood: 00:13:50

I'm happy to at least hold space for some of these things.

David Wood: 00:13:53

and if they need more support, great going.

David Wood: 00:13:57

Going, maybe put the coaching on pause and go and get some therapy,

David Wood: 00:14:00

or if your therapist is okay with it, we can work together.

Tim Winders: 00:14:06

I do think I, I enjoy this coach role because what it

Tim Winders: 00:14:11

does is it fosters some deeper communications than a lot of us have.

Tim Winders: 00:14:16

And it allows for things like you just brought up.

Tim Winders: 00:14:20

David, one thing I'm, I'm intrigued by, you brought up this word earlier, so

Tim Winders: 00:14:23

I want to kind of circle back to it.

Tim Winders: 00:14:25

And that's, you've realized that in a world that everyone is told to niche

Tim Winders: 00:14:33

down, be specific, be very unique, that you're more of a generalist.

Tim Winders: 00:14:38

I have felt the same way and I sometimes wrestle with that.

Tim Winders: 00:14:43

I think you said you've come to terms with it, but talk a bit,

Tim Winders: 00:14:47

a little bit about that journey.

Tim Winders: 00:14:48

I think I saw somewhere.

Tim Winders: 00:14:50

Have you done, I mean, you've done some acting, you've done some

Tim Winders: 00:14:54

things in Hollywood and all that.

Tim Winders: 00:14:57

Give just a little bit of background to show whatever you'd like.

Tim Winders: 00:15:02

That yeah, you, you've got a generalist heart and it keeps leading you in

Tim Winders: 00:15:07

places that a lot of us would go, Ooh, that's, that's kind of different.

Tim Winders: 00:15:10

Ooh, that's unique.

Tim Winders: 00:15:11

boy, David, you're going all over the place.

Tim Winders: 00:15:13

give some examples.

David Wood: 00:15:15

Well, the, the generalist heart, I think, comes from all the

David Wood: 00:15:19

business background and then all the emotional work and the self growth

David Wood: 00:15:24

and the, the quest that I've been on.

David Wood: 00:15:27

I think that's why, but I also, a psychiatrist told me I'm counterphobic.

David Wood: 00:15:34

And I hadn't heard that word before, but as soon as he said it,

David Wood: 00:15:37

I started looking at it was like, yeah, I'm afraid of abandonment.

David Wood: 00:15:42

So I've experimented with open relationships and polyamory.

David Wood: 00:15:46

took me a few years to realize I'm scared of heights.

David Wood: 00:15:50

I mean, yeah, you put me up 2000 feet above the ground

David Wood: 00:15:53

hanging from a paraglider.

David Wood: 00:15:55

I'm terrified, but it, it just didn't occur to me for a while until he said

David Wood: 00:16:01

that, Oh yeah, I'm scared of heights.

David Wood: 00:16:03

And so I fly.

David Wood: 00:16:05

I'm scared of, well, crowds really.

David Wood: 00:16:10

So getting on stage is an edge for me and, and acting.

David Wood: 00:16:14

Oh my God.

David Wood: 00:16:15

I don't mind so much being in front of the camera.

David Wood: 00:16:18

Cause if you mess it up, okay, the director might be annoyed and maybe

David Wood: 00:16:21

you don't get another gig and there might be something riding on it.

David Wood: 00:16:26

Particularly if it's a million dollar budget for a 30 second commercial,

David Wood: 00:16:29

but, but you can do it again.

David Wood: 00:16:31

But you walk out on stage in front of an audience to do a play.

David Wood: 00:16:36

Or even a scene from a play, an acting class in a professional theater.

David Wood: 00:16:41

Oh my God, the adrenaline coursing through me.

David Wood: 00:16:44

So I think that gives me the credibility to help people face their fears.

David Wood: 00:16:50

Cause I've faced so many of them and I understand what it's like to have

David Wood: 00:16:54

your heart pounding in your throat.

David Wood: 00:16:56

I, I went and played guitar and sang in pubs and I have

David Wood: 00:16:59

a pretty bad singing voice.

David Wood: 00:17:01

I did that for a year and a half because I wanted to see if I could do it.

David Wood: 00:17:05

And then the acting thing, I, I've been thinking about it for years.

David Wood: 00:17:09

And then someone said to me.

David Wood: 00:17:11

I did that.

David Wood: 00:17:12

I went to LA and I did the acting and a week later she called me and said, do

David Wood: 00:17:17

you want to come to an audition with me?

David Wood: 00:17:20

They're doing a production of Dracula.

David Wood: 00:17:22

And I said, well, I thought I'd maybe take a class first, but all right, I'll go.

David Wood: 00:17:29

And I landed the lead.

David Wood: 00:17:30

They gave me the, they gave me the role of Dracula in this play.

David Wood: 00:17:34

And so one thing led to another.

David Wood: 00:17:36

I'm like, I think I need to move to LA to at least find out what I can do in a year.

David Wood: 00:17:42

So I did that.

David Wood: 00:17:43

And I'm glad the experiment is over.

David Wood: 00:17:45

It was very successful, and I'm much happier now hanging out in North Carolina.

David Wood: 00:17:51

so I don't know that that makes me a generalist, but

David Wood: 00:17:55

colorful might be a better word.

David Wood: 00:17:58

I will dive into new things that I have no idea how to do,

David Wood: 00:18:02

and I like to obsess about.

David Wood: 00:18:06

Getting better.

David Wood: 00:18:08

I like to assess it like, like what's the fastest way to get there?

David Wood: 00:18:12

I'm a nerd that way and I think that really helps with my coaching

David Wood: 00:18:17

because they might have a good plan.

David Wood: 00:18:19

But what if we could do that in half the time with half the effort?

David Wood: 00:18:21

Let's, let's try that.

Tim Winders: 00:18:25

So one of the things, similar, maybe different experiences,

Tim Winders: 00:18:29

but similar, and there are three things that I've wondered about myself.

Tim Winders: 00:18:34

So I'll say this and then ask it as a question, sort of related to

Tim Winders: 00:18:38

not, not really the generalist, but maybe just a lot of experiences.

Tim Winders: 00:18:43

I think you and I have probably seen people, this is very common in the

Tim Winders: 00:18:47

world, they go into a role, we'll call it a title, and they'll be there

Tim Winders: 00:18:52

for a good portion of their life.

Tim Winders: 00:18:55

And I'm not really judging that.

Tim Winders: 00:18:56

That's fine.

Tim Winders: 00:18:57

In fact, sometimes I admire those people greatly because it's, that's

Tim Winders: 00:19:03

not me, that's not my journey.

Tim Winders: 00:19:05

and, and, but I, I've wondered about myself.

Tim Winders: 00:19:08

Number one, do I just get bored, bored easily?

Tim Winders: 00:19:13

Number two, do I just love the thought of overcoming, you mentioned

Tim Winders: 00:19:17

fear or overcoming, not knowing something or a challenge or something.

Tim Winders: 00:19:23

And then number three, I've wondered if I'm trying to prove something, if I'm just

Tim Winders: 00:19:29

like, there's something that I need to prove either to myself or to other people.

Tim Winders: 00:19:34

And, And so those are the things that I've kind of gone through in my process.

Tim Winders: 00:19:38

When I mentioned any of those three, do any of those jump out at you?

Tim Winders: 00:19:43

Do they

David Wood: 00:19:44

Oh, yeah.

David Wood: 00:19:45

Yeah.

David Wood: 00:19:46

A lot comes up.

David Wood: 00:19:47

I love this.

David Wood: 00:19:48

I love this question.

David Wood: 00:19:50

I used to look down on, and maybe I still, still have judgments about

David Wood: 00:19:55

it, but I used to look down on people who weren't doing big things.

David Wood: 00:20:01

I'd call a friend from high school and say, Hey, what's new?

David Wood: 00:20:04

Oh, nothing, same old, same old the last 10 years.

David Wood: 00:20:08

And I didn't understand that.

David Wood: 00:20:11

but as I've gotten older and gotten to see it from a different point of

David Wood: 00:20:15

view, I've realized I've always gone for the big thing, gone for speaking on

David Wood: 00:20:21

big stages and publishing a book and.

David Wood: 00:20:25

Becoming a snowboard instructor when I couldn't really snowboard and then

David Wood: 00:20:29

flying the Himalayas in a paraglider and trying to build the world's largest

David Wood: 00:20:34

coaching business and becoming number one on Google for life coaching.

David Wood: 00:20:37

Like I like big, go to LA and be an actor.

David Wood: 00:20:42

And my friends love it.

David Wood: 00:20:43

They're like, man, I can't wait to see the next chapter.

David Wood: 00:20:48

But Byron Katie, is a teacher I follow and love dearly.

David Wood: 00:20:54

And I quote her often.

David Wood: 00:20:56

And one of the things she said is, She speaks about ordinary angels.

David Wood: 00:21:02

And so those, I think those friends from school who said nothing's changed.

David Wood: 00:21:08

One of them told me, the best moment of his day is cracking a beer at

David Wood: 00:21:12

five o'clock, sitting out in his yard, looking at the mountain,

David Wood: 00:21:16

his kids playing around his feet.

David Wood: 00:21:19

And I realized they've got something that I don't have.

David Wood: 00:21:24

And Katie was right about being ordinary angels.

David Wood: 00:21:29

And she said to me once, watch the specialness.

David Wood: 00:21:31

She said, watch the specialness.

David Wood: 00:21:32

She said, watch the specialness.

David Wood: 00:21:33

Because specialness can be deadly.

David Wood: 00:21:37

And I've always, I still, my ego's I want to be, I want to be

David Wood: 00:21:41

special and I want to be loved.

David Wood: 00:21:43

I want to do, I want to, I want to do things bigger and better.

David Wood: 00:21:48

But with age, I'm 55 now, I finally realized I want to settle in

David Wood: 00:21:53

Asheville for the rest of my life.

David Wood: 00:21:55

I want to have a home base here.

David Wood: 00:21:57

I'm done with all the traveling and, and the, I want to say, I was going to say

David Wood: 00:22:01

carnivals, the, festivals and the, the different things I don't like to travel.

David Wood: 00:22:06

I like having a quiet place to sleep.

David Wood: 00:22:08

I like having my dog and my house and my friends, my regular cup of tea.

David Wood: 00:22:15

And, and my new venture is I just discovered cause I needed

David Wood: 00:22:18

something to throw myself into.

David Wood: 00:22:20

Cause I'm not very good left to my own devices and choices.

David Wood: 00:22:24

I've just discovered pickleball.

David Wood: 00:22:27

And until two and a half months ago, I hadn't even seen a game on

David Wood: 00:22:32

TV and I thought it was like T ball.

David Wood: 00:22:35

And to be honest, I'm not even sure what T ball is.

David Wood: 00:22:38

So I finally discovered this and now this is my latest.

David Wood: 00:22:42

I'm training like six out of seven days and I love getting better

David Wood: 00:22:47

and I love getting out there and being with people and I'm happy.

David Wood: 00:22:51

Plus, I'm starting to host.

David Wood: 00:22:52

I like, this is new for me is to host things.

David Wood: 00:22:56

Because I've been a bit of a hermit a lot.

David Wood: 00:22:58

And now I host people at my house three times a month and just hosted

David Wood: 00:23:02

my first public pickleball event.

David Wood: 00:23:04

So that's fun.

David Wood: 00:23:06

And I'm looking for, I got this suspicion that the real joy comes

David Wood: 00:23:10

in a lot of the smaller packages.

Tim Winders: 00:23:13

the cool thing about this conversation is that I've gone

Tim Winders: 00:23:17

through similar journeys and that is, I wanted in my circle, whatever that

Tim Winders: 00:23:24

circle is to be the one that was always pushing forward, the one that was

Tim Winders: 00:23:29

always, pushing, pulling, stretching, whatever words you want to use.

Tim Winders: 00:23:34

even so much so that, I don't really watch TV.

Tim Winders: 00:23:38

We keep a screensaver on our YouTube channel here and a commercial

Tim Winders: 00:23:42

will come on for lazy boy.

Tim Winders: 00:23:45

And it'll show these people that are fighting for their rights.

Tim Winders: 00:23:48

to sit in their lazy boy chair.

Tim Winders: 00:23:51

And, and I find myself with this irritation at this relaxation

Tim Winders: 00:23:57

that people are having.

Tim Winders: 00:24:00

And I, and I really would rather not judge, but I do, but, it's fascinating.

Tim Winders: 00:24:05

I do want to tell you, I started playing pickleball about a year and a half ago,

Tim Winders: 00:24:08

just left a place in Arizona where we were wintering, where they've got 32

Tim Winders: 00:24:12

pickleball courts, just like a Mecca.

Tim Winders: 00:24:15

And.

Tim Winders: 00:24:16

Pickleball is very cultish.

Tim Winders: 00:24:18

Be very cautious.

Tim Winders: 00:24:20

You probably have already seen it.

Tim Winders: 00:24:21

It is, it is very, very, easy to be sucked into a life that it is 24

Tim Winders: 00:24:29

seven for people, but I enjoy it.

Tim Winders: 00:24:31

I'm 60 and it's great.

Tim Winders: 00:24:33

It's a great, it is a great sport for people of, I think of all ages,

Tim Winders: 00:24:37

but it's social, it's competitive.

Tim Winders: 00:24:40

But it's also something that almost anyone can do, which is kind of democratized.

Tim Winders: 00:24:44

Is that the right word?

Tim Winders: 00:24:45

Is that what you see?

David Wood: 00:24:47

Well, I've never.

David Wood: 00:24:48

I played mainly solo sports, like squash was my sport, kind of similar

David Wood: 00:24:55

to racquetball, and I wouldn't have even found pickleball if there

David Wood: 00:24:58

was a squash court in Nashville.

David Wood: 00:25:00

But there is no squash court in Nashville.

David Wood: 00:25:02

but I'm stunned by the availability, like seven free courts, and One website where

David Wood: 00:25:10

everyone coordinates their social play.

David Wood: 00:25:12

Cause that's what was missing for me.

David Wood: 00:25:14

Say with tennis, I didn't know four to eight, 16 people

David Wood: 00:25:18

that I could get together.

David Wood: 00:25:20

And now with pickleball, you don't have to, there's one website

David Wood: 00:25:23

worldwide where we go and coordinate.

David Wood: 00:25:25

So I can just look at the map each day and go, Oh, that's where it's on.

David Wood: 00:25:30

All right.

David Wood: 00:25:30

Where am I going to get my fix?

David Wood: 00:25:33

And I like that there are 16, 20, 30 people all rotating in and I'm

David Wood: 00:25:39

starting to find people I actually like.

David Wood: 00:25:41

cause it's not where I'd normally source my friends, but there's some, some people

David Wood: 00:25:46

with nice energy and I'm already hooked.

David Wood: 00:25:48

I've, I've, and my ego is fully at work cause I want to see how fast, my question

David Wood: 00:25:55

was how fast can I go from beginner to 4.

David Wood: 00:25:59

5?

David Wood: 00:26:00

And I think I've been playing six weeks now with my right arm and I'm up to 4.

David Wood: 00:26:04

0.

David Wood: 00:26:05

I'm on track and then at some point, hopefully I'll, I'll, I'll chill, but

David Wood: 00:26:10

I like to learn and develop and train.

David Wood: 00:26:12

So I'll drill three to four times a week.

David Wood: 00:26:15

And I'm, I'm the one setting up all the drill sessions.

David Wood: 00:26:18

because that's fun for me, but it's also fun to just get out and

David Wood: 00:26:21

just, I, I haven't taken beer.

David Wood: 00:26:23

Oh, I once I took a beer to the court, but I think we should get there four

David Wood: 00:26:27

to six in the afternoon and someone should have a small cooler and, and

David Wood: 00:26:30

we just have some social games and doesn't really matter what happens.

David Wood: 00:26:35

So I, I like both of those aspects, but I think that training thing,

David Wood: 00:26:39

like that question I said before, what's the fastest way to get here?

David Wood: 00:26:44

That's often what we're asking the coaching questions.

David Wood: 00:26:46

What's the fastest way for you to double your revenue in a

David Wood: 00:26:49

way that's enjoyable for you?

David Wood: 00:26:51

What's the fastest way, to get from 40 hours a week to 20?

David Wood: 00:26:55

How do we, how do we do that?

David Wood: 00:26:57

So I think that, that drive serves me when it comes to, to coaching.

Tim Winders: 00:27:03

So one thing that I'm asking, and I'll, I'll kind of pose it to you

Tim Winders: 00:27:07

is, I do think there are times that we are to pursue things with all vigor.

Tim Winders: 00:27:14

I'll say it that way, like you're doing with pickleball.

Tim Winders: 00:27:17

And then there are times that we're to go at a maybe more measured relaxed pace.

Tim Winders: 00:27:23

And I will say this is a new thing for me.

Tim Winders: 00:27:26

Maybe it's age, maybe it's maturity, maybe it's life experience.

Tim Winders: 00:27:30

I don't know because I haven't always been this way.

Tim Winders: 00:27:33

I mean, I've Told the audience before I used to pride myself back in the nineties

Tim Winders: 00:27:38

on sleeping an average of three to four hours a night and, constant hustle mode.

Tim Winders: 00:27:45

I'm thinking a little differently now.

Tim Winders: 00:27:47

And I'm actually thinking that as I work with people, I'm even

Tim Winders: 00:27:51

asking questions like that.

Tim Winders: 00:27:52

What are your thoughts on the balance between hustle, hustle,

Tim Winders: 00:27:56

go, go, go pursue with all vigor.

Tim Winders: 00:28:00

And then let's just step back and relax and see what comes to us or allow some

Tim Winders: 00:28:05

time or to be a little more patient.

Tim Winders: 00:28:08

Did that make sense?

David Wood: 00:28:09

Well,

Tim Winders: 00:28:09

know, what's

David Wood: 00:28:10

careful, Tim, because you might end up talking yourself

David Wood: 00:28:13

into a lazy chair, into a lazy

Tim Winders: 00:28:15

I can't, I don't think I could fit a lazy boy here in the RV, but

Tim Winders: 00:28:18

maybe somehow I could get a lazy boy.

David Wood: 00:28:21

Yeah, well, there are two, there are two poles.

David Wood: 00:28:27

So there's some real polarity there.

David Wood: 00:28:29

There's the yin and the yang.

David Wood: 00:28:31

And I think that question's age old.

David Wood: 00:28:37

the people who come to me are usually wanting to make something

David Wood: 00:28:41

happen in time and space.

David Wood: 00:28:43

So they're usually wanting more.

David Wood: 00:28:44

And so that's often where the coaching will live.

David Wood: 00:28:49

But if, if someone's always at that full speed, then they're probably going

David Wood: 00:28:56

to burn out and it's not sustainable.

David Wood: 00:28:59

So it's probably not the most efficient way.

David Wood: 00:29:02

I want to come at it from another angle.

David Wood: 00:29:05

I used to be the spiritual warrior.

David Wood: 00:29:08

if it's difficult, I'm doing it.

David Wood: 00:29:11

And, Open Relationships was an example.

David Wood: 00:29:13

It traumatized me over and over and over again, but theoretically, I'm

David Wood: 00:29:17

like, why not love more than one person?

David Wood: 00:29:19

I can handle this.

David Wood: 00:29:20

Just suck it up.

David Wood: 00:29:22

And then I had massive insomnia because of that.

David Wood: 00:29:25

And I refused to take any medication for a year because I

David Wood: 00:29:30

wanted to see if I could do that.

David Wood: 00:29:33

And I was kind of white knuckling it.

David Wood: 00:29:35

And I think there was value in that, but then it got to a point

David Wood: 00:29:39

where a doctor friend of mine was begging me to take something so my

David Wood: 00:29:43

brain could come back into balance.

David Wood: 00:29:46

And I had to learn the hard way because I went into deep depression

David Wood: 00:29:50

and, anxiety, which is, one of the most rotten cocktails on the planet.

David Wood: 00:29:55

To have depression and anxiety at the same time.

David Wood: 00:29:58

So you can't really relax and you can't really sleep, but you can't,

David Wood: 00:30:02

but you want energy all the time.

David Wood: 00:30:04

and I learned the lesson of balance through that.

David Wood: 00:30:07

okay, there are times to be the spiritual warrior and push and say, I'm not going to

David Wood: 00:30:13

accept no, and I am absolutely committed and I'm going to show up like that.

David Wood: 00:30:17

That's great.

David Wood: 00:30:19

But you got to know when to say, okay, too much.

David Wood: 00:30:22

My body can't handle it.

David Wood: 00:30:24

Or my nervous system can't handle that.

David Wood: 00:30:26

Or I need some R& R as well.

David Wood: 00:30:28

Or you know what?

David Wood: 00:30:29

Oh, here's my, here's my favorite line that I think I came up with.

David Wood: 00:30:35

I sometimes find myself saying, I'm not tall enough for this ride.

David Wood: 00:30:41

know those signs at the carnival, you got to be this tall.

David Wood: 00:30:44

Some things like, like I'm dating a woman right now.

David Wood: 00:30:47

I'm honestly not sure if I'm tall enough for this ride, because there

David Wood: 00:30:51

are some challenges for my psyche.

David Wood: 00:30:53

I love her and it's great, but I don't know.

David Wood: 00:30:56

But I've learned to say, I can't promise anything and I don't know, but let's

David Wood: 00:31:01

keep hanging out and see what happens.

David Wood: 00:31:04

And, and if it becomes too much, I trust my body will know.

David Wood: 00:31:08

And I might have to take a step back.

David Wood: 00:31:11

That's new for me.

David Wood: 00:31:12

Well, in the past 10 years, that's new.

David Wood: 00:31:14

Before that, it'd be like, yes, of course we're going for it.

David Wood: 00:31:18

Dive in, let's jump off the cliff.

David Wood: 00:31:20

Who's with me?

David Wood: 00:31:22

So each person needs to choose what's right for them right now.

David Wood: 00:31:28

You might be in a space where you, you could use some pushing.

David Wood: 00:31:32

And maybe a kick in the butt.

David Wood: 00:31:34

Okay, great.

David Wood: 00:31:35

Or could you use some nurturing, some self care, look at your nutrition,

David Wood: 00:31:39

your, your physical exercise, your, your sleep, your relationships.

David Wood: 00:31:45

Could you use some more nurturing?

Tim Winders: 00:31:48

I, one of the things that just jumped at me while

Tim Winders: 00:31:51

you were saying that was the importance of being self aware.

Tim Winders: 00:31:56

And I was one physically, from a physical standpoint, I used to convince myself.

Tim Winders: 00:32:05

And I guess I could do this, that I could push physically to, do a new sport to

Tim Winders: 00:32:13

do something that might be challenging.

Tim Winders: 00:32:15

And I think I mentioned earlier, I just turned 60 this year.

Tim Winders: 00:32:17

And this last year, this last 12 months, I've had two situations where Slight

Tim Winders: 00:32:24

injury, no, no big deal or anything.

Tim Winders: 00:32:25

One was related to pickleball, by the way, I fell and landed on my

Tim Winders: 00:32:28

wrist, which was not exciting at all.

David Wood: 00:32:31

I'm still recovering from a wrist sprain from falling on my butt.

Tim Winders: 00:32:36

I know pickleball is, is unfortunately it is somewhat dangerous

Tim Winders: 00:32:41

for people, but we won't get into that.

Tim Winders: 00:32:43

But what I noticed, David, this was, I would typically get up, shake it

Tim Winders: 00:32:50

off and power through, but something in me, and I don't know if it was

Tim Winders: 00:32:55

wisdom, self awareness, self awareness.

Tim Winders: 00:32:57

I was hurting so bad.

Tim Winders: 00:32:58

I don't know.

Tim Winders: 00:33:00

Something said, let your body rest, be patient, get a lazy boy.

Tim Winders: 00:33:05

Maybe I don't have one, but, and rest.

Tim Winders: 00:33:08

And you know what, both times it took right at six weeks.

Tim Winders: 00:33:11

I kept up with it.

Tim Winders: 00:33:12

I monitored, I tracked it.

Tim Winders: 00:33:14

I'm an engineer.

Tim Winders: 00:33:15

So I've kind of got this left brain, right brain thing going to, I'm an

Tim Winders: 00:33:19

industrial and systems engineer.

Tim Winders: 00:33:20

So I'm like, Keeping up with okay, what's my level of pain?

Tim Winders: 00:33:23

Where am I at?

Tim Winders: 00:33:24

What's going on now?

Tim Winders: 00:33:26

And so I I got to the place where okay I feel like i'm healed and they

Tim Winders: 00:33:30

both took about six weeks, which I know that 10 years ago 20 years ago

Tim Winders: 00:33:35

It would have been You know, six days, 60 minutes, something like that.

Tim Winders: 00:33:42

How important in all of this that we're talking about, this goes back to, I

Tim Winders: 00:33:47

think, EQ that you brought up earlier is self awareness and, and I know as a

Tim Winders: 00:33:53

coach, you and I would say, that's why everybody needs a coach, but just talk

Tim Winders: 00:33:56

general self awareness and then we might can go into why bringing someone in helps.

Tim Winders: 00:34:02

But see, I think someone needs to be self aware, even to begin with.

Tim Winders: 00:34:05

Ask for a coach.

Tim Winders: 00:34:07

I mean, they won't even make that leap.

Tim Winders: 00:34:08

A lot of people out there by themselves.

Tim Winders: 00:34:10

So self awareness, how important is that?

David Wood: 00:34:14

It's such a difficult topic to speak about because I had a

David Wood: 00:34:19

client say to me this week, he said, well, I'm, I'm conscious of that.

David Wood: 00:34:24

I'm doing that.

David Wood: 00:34:25

And I said, well, hang on, you're conscious of what you're conscious of,

David Wood: 00:34:29

but you don't see what you don't see.

David Wood: 00:34:31

So how do you know how conscious, how do you know how aware you

David Wood: 00:34:34

are when it comes to this?

David Wood: 00:34:36

This, this was on the topic of checking in to see if people are

David Wood: 00:34:41

still listening and still interested.

David Wood: 00:34:43

And he said, Oh yeah, I'm aware of it.

David Wood: 00:34:44

And I'm thinking.

David Wood: 00:34:45

Yeah.

David Wood: 00:34:46

I don't think you are, but you can't see your own limitations.

David Wood: 00:34:52

If I said to you, Hey, I know a course, it's about a thousand

David Wood: 00:34:57

bucks and three full long days.

David Wood: 00:35:00

And it's probably going to increase your self awareness by at least 20%.

David Wood: 00:35:07

Some people say that's a great deal.

David Wood: 00:35:10

That's a great deal.

David Wood: 00:35:11

I'm going to do it.

David Wood: 00:35:12

If they value that, Which I think everyone should, but, but some people

David Wood: 00:35:17

go, ah, three full days, thousand bucks.

David Wood: 00:35:19

I don't need that.

David Wood: 00:35:21

But if I said, I'll give you a thousand dollars.

David Wood: 00:35:25

and take away 20 percent of your self awareness.

David Wood: 00:35:29

Would you go for that?

David Wood: 00:35:32

No one in their right mind would go for that.

David Wood: 00:35:35

The things you finally learned about yourself, I do this, this is a limitation,

David Wood: 00:35:39

I tend to talk too much, I'm arrogant.

David Wood: 00:35:42

You've got to know that stuff so that you can relate with people.

David Wood: 00:35:46

And spot your limitations.

David Wood: 00:35:48

So I think it's crucial, but I don't really know how to have

David Wood: 00:35:54

people value it and, and seek it.

David Wood: 00:35:58

And I think coaching is one way to become more aware because you can get feedback.

David Wood: 00:36:04

But if you're not listening or your ego, your self defenses are so

David Wood: 00:36:08

strong, you're not going to hear.

David Wood: 00:36:10

A bunch of it anyway.

David Wood: 00:36:13

I personally, the strongest thing I've found to crack through people's defenses

David Wood: 00:36:20

and help them see things they never saw about themselves is that course

David Wood: 00:36:25

that I originally did back in 1996.

David Wood: 00:36:28

I still send people to it.

David Wood: 00:36:30

My family, my clients, it's called the Landmark Forum by Landmark Education, and

David Wood: 00:36:38

they've dialed something in like the ideas that you pop and you see stuff you never

David Wood: 00:36:42

saw before through all the interactions with all these other crazy people, you

David Wood: 00:36:47

may not see it in yourself, but you see it in someone else and go, that's, me.

David Wood: 00:36:53

That's what I do.

David Wood: 00:36:54

Now, if you're not self aware, think of a friend, think it's not even a friend.

David Wood: 00:36:59

Think of an acquaintance who's kind of bumbling around through the

David Wood: 00:37:01

world and has no idea that, they get people offside or they have no

David Wood: 00:37:07

idea that they talk way too much, or they think they're super responsible

David Wood: 00:37:12

and they're completely deluded.

David Wood: 00:37:15

Well, we all have some of that, but you're not going to know it until you do.

David Wood: 00:37:20

So are you going to invest time, money, energy into trying to learn more?

David Wood: 00:37:25

I've been on this path since 96, when I did that course, I got hooked.

David Wood: 00:37:32

And so I've gone and sat with teachers and done courses and done things to

David Wood: 00:37:36

try and see what I wasn't seeing.

David Wood: 00:37:39

And I've been doing that for 25 years.

David Wood: 00:37:42

I know other people, it's their full time job.

David Wood: 00:37:45

They want to wake up, they want to be enlightened.

David Wood: 00:37:48

I'm not that hardcore.

David Wood: 00:37:50

I want, I want to have fun playing pickleball and have fun with my friends.

David Wood: 00:37:54

And, it's, it's more of a, I just, I like hanging out with the

David Wood: 00:37:59

people who are on that path now.

David Wood: 00:38:01

And we, like I say, I'm not hardcore about it, but three times a month, I have

David Wood: 00:38:07

people at my house and we sit and do a process called circling, and Where you

David Wood: 00:38:12

speak about what's real for you right now.

David Wood: 00:38:16

Right now, I'm feeling nervous and right now I feel attracted to

David Wood: 00:38:21

you and I don't want to say it.

David Wood: 00:38:23

Right now this and we do that for an hour and a bit and I don't consider

David Wood: 00:38:30

that hardcore anymore That's just life.

David Wood: 00:38:32

That's just a lifestyle.

David Wood: 00:38:35

But each time ideally I'm gonna learn something Something about I'll reveal

David Wood: 00:38:43

something and people ask questions and then it's kind of like therapy on

David Wood: 00:38:47

steroids I'm a big fan of self awareness.

David Wood: 00:38:50

I don't know.

David Wood: 00:38:50

I wish I could get everybody in the world excited about doubling their

David Wood: 00:38:56

self awareness, things would change pretty quickly if we could do that.

David Wood: 00:39:00

I, I don't know yet how to do it.

Tim Winders: 00:39:03

Yeah.

Tim Winders: 00:39:03

You mentioned people that are hardcore and I, I think I've observed, and I

Tim Winders: 00:39:07

think I was this way at one point I was somewhat addicted to, this is a

Tim Winders: 00:39:13

general term, but self improvement.

Tim Winders: 00:39:15

And I love what you brought up because now I believe that I have just integrated

Tim Winders: 00:39:23

improvement and being better into my life style, into my regular life.

Tim Winders: 00:39:28

It sounds like that's kind of what you're doing because pickleball, you

Tim Winders: 00:39:31

said you want to enjoy pickleball, but see, that's part of it.

Tim Winders: 00:39:33

That's part of, I think that process and, and journey.

Tim Winders: 00:39:37

So I like that.

Tim Winders: 00:39:39

One of the things that I've heard you, I think I've heard you use this word

Tim Winders: 00:39:42

twice and that's the word arrogant.

Tim Winders: 00:39:45

You've kind of used it to describe a portion of yourself.

Tim Winders: 00:39:48

And I have used that to describe myself also.

Tim Winders: 00:39:52

And I think if we were to take most business leaders, people that have done

Tim Winders: 00:39:56

great things, we may have some degree of arrogance, confidence, we could kind

Tim Winders: 00:40:02

of maybe interchange a few words there, but how does one discern, determine, be

Tim Winders: 00:40:10

aware of the difference between healthy.

Tim Winders: 00:40:14

Arrogance and unhealthy arrogance, because I believe there's times in

Tim Winders: 00:40:20

my life where it's been healthy.

Tim Winders: 00:40:22

It got me to places that I would not have gotten to otherwise.

Tim Winders: 00:40:26

And then there's times I think it blinded me to being self aware about

Tim Winders: 00:40:30

something I needed to be more aware of.

Tim Winders: 00:40:32

So any comments on that?

David Wood: 00:40:34

I'm going to look up the definition of arrogance.

Tim Winders: 00:40:37

Okay.

David Wood: 00:40:38

and I'm flashing back now to 2007 when I sat with this guru and

David Wood: 00:40:45

He said all these things to me and then he said, but what's your arrogance?

David Wood: 00:40:51

And I said, what do you mean?

David Wood: 00:40:54

And what does that mean?

David Wood: 00:40:55

And he just said, look it up.

David Wood: 00:40:59

So I'm looking up.

David Wood: 00:41:00

Arrogance is overbearing pride or haughtiness.

David Wood: 00:41:04

Attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in

David Wood: 00:41:09

presumptuous claims or assumptions.

David Wood: 00:41:13

So you said healthy arrogance.

David Wood: 00:41:17

I would maybe use the word confidence versus arrogance.

David Wood: 00:41:21

So you can be confident like, Hey, yeah, I'm really good at this.

David Wood: 00:41:25

Okay, that's fine.

David Wood: 00:41:26

I don't think that's arrogant, but I tend to be biased towards

David Wood: 00:41:31

assuming that I'm right.

David Wood: 00:41:34

When I may not have checked it out.

David Wood: 00:41:35

I may not even be looking to find out.

David Wood: 00:41:38

And I'm just like, this, this is right.

David Wood: 00:41:40

And then I find out I'm wrong.

David Wood: 00:41:43

I'm often assuming I'm the smartest person in the room.

David Wood: 00:41:46

And that may be true in a bunch of rooms.

David Wood: 00:41:48

But there's gonna be rooms where it's not.

David Wood: 00:41:51

And so I like this bit about presumptuous claims or assumptions.

David Wood: 00:41:57

And one of the key tenets of authentic relating is to assume nothing.

David Wood: 00:42:05

So we start in our circling, we speak in different language.

David Wood: 00:42:09

We say things like.

David Wood: 00:42:11

It seems to me, I couldn't say, why are you sad?

David Wood: 00:42:16

Cause now I'm making an assumption that you're sad.

David Wood: 00:42:18

I see tears streaming down your face and I see you're scrunched up and

David Wood: 00:42:21

your shoulders seem a little tense.

David Wood: 00:42:24

I, it seems to me that you're sad.

David Wood: 00:42:26

Is that true?

David Wood: 00:42:27

We actually get to practice dropping the arrogance and the

David Wood: 00:42:32

assumptions and the being right.

David Wood: 00:42:34

And so I, we have to say things like, I have a story.

David Wood: 00:42:39

I have a story that you did this because of that.

David Wood: 00:42:41

Is that true?

David Wood: 00:42:44

It's a good practice to check arrogance.

David Wood: 00:42:45

So I would say arrogance versus confidence.

David Wood: 00:42:49

Confidence is great.

David Wood: 00:42:51

Arrogance might be you, you're making assumptions.

David Wood: 00:42:54

And then the overbearing thing, that can be quite annoying.

David Wood: 00:42:58

there's a pickleball guy who I'm told knows a lot about the game, but I

David Wood: 00:43:03

can't stand him telling me what to do.

David Wood: 00:43:06

There's a way he says it, like a, like a school headmaster or

David Wood: 00:43:12

something that just gets my back up.

David Wood: 00:43:15

And he might be right, but I don't want to hear it.

David Wood: 00:43:17

It seems quite overbearing in the way it's done.

David Wood: 00:43:22

humility is probably still one of my life lessons, and the universe

David Wood: 00:43:28

I think has given me plenty of chances to, to learn humility.

David Wood: 00:43:33

Maybe I just have to pay attention.

Tim Winders: 00:43:36

I think, I think life, as we go along the way, I've, I,

Tim Winders: 00:43:39

I love what you said about the, landmark forum that you send people

Tim Winders: 00:43:42

to, to kind of help them get to this.

Tim Winders: 00:43:44

My experience has been, there's two ways that people make, I

Tim Winders: 00:43:49

will say significant change.

Tim Winders: 00:43:51

And I don't know, this is theoretical.

Tim Winders: 00:43:52

This isn't, hard to prove it out.

Tim Winders: 00:43:54

It's just my experience.

Tim Winders: 00:43:56

One is.

Tim Winders: 00:43:57

They make a decision and they go through process like you talked about, or like

Tim Winders: 00:44:02

we just were discussing life deals them some event, some catalytic event

Tim Winders: 00:44:09

that forces them to make some change.

Tim Winders: 00:44:13

I know a lot of this.

Tim Winders: 00:44:15

I know, a lot of these things too.

Tim Winders: 00:44:17

My biggest changes have typically occurred when there's some form of a.

Tim Winders: 00:44:22

One outside my control, the 2008 downturn showed me that I wasn't always

Tim Winders: 00:44:31

the smartest person in the room where I thought that I was, and I was a

Tim Winders: 00:44:35

business person and things like that.

Tim Winders: 00:44:37

So that was, that was interesting.

Tim Winders: 00:44:40

And so I, I, I like that we're tying this together.

Tim Winders: 00:44:45

One of the things, David, that comes out of what you do is a lot of,

Tim Winders: 00:44:51

I'll call it practical, but let's just call it communication skills.

Tim Winders: 00:44:57

And I like where we've gone with the conversation, because if we were just

Tim Winders: 00:45:01

to talk about communication technique, I think it's just that technique.

Tim Winders: 00:45:07

But to me, I'll go back to the arrogance thing.

Tim Winders: 00:45:10

I notice when I am fatigued and tired, I will slip back into

Tim Winders: 00:45:17

believing and using tones that come across as I'm a know it all.

Tim Winders: 00:45:23

I would be like the guy on the pickleball court if I'm tired and not well rested

Tim Winders: 00:45:28

and not, not sitting in the lazy boy, but if I am not resting well, and so

Tim Winders: 00:45:35

what I'd love to do in the last couple minutes we have here is, is what can

Tim Winders: 00:45:39

you tell us now as we've led to talking about a lot of big picture things.

Tim Winders: 00:45:44

To the practical difficult conversations that people have in

Tim Winders: 00:45:48

this world, because I don't think a lot of people are having them.

Tim Winders: 00:45:51

I think a lot of people are shirking them.

Tim Winders: 00:45:52

They're avoiding them.

Tim Winders: 00:45:53

A lot of it could be because of some of the things we've been talking

Tim Winders: 00:45:56

about, but just in a couple of minutes, I'm going to ask you to give us a

Tim Winders: 00:45:59

quick mini communications seminar, anything that you want to share on

Tim Winders: 00:46:04

that after the conversation we've had.

David Wood: 00:46:06

Well, that's a big question.

David Wood: 00:46:08

And I.

David Wood: 00:46:09

If we had more time, I'd love to get into it and I think, if you're

David Wood: 00:46:13

up for round two, I'd be happy to do that sometime because it's a

David Wood: 00:46:16

whole big topic in and of itself.

David Wood: 00:46:19

I think whatever I say is going to come across as a tease, but I will say I wasn't

David Wood: 00:46:28

taught growing up that it was okay to say what was really happening for me.

David Wood: 00:46:34

I wasn't even taught to take a look.

David Wood: 00:46:37

And, and work out what am I feeling, what's happening

David Wood: 00:46:40

in my body, what's going on.

David Wood: 00:46:42

So there's so much I think many of us have learned to bury.

David Wood: 00:46:46

We don't even, you mentioned self awareness.

David Wood: 00:46:48

I wrote a book called Mouse in the Room, which is about firstly

David Wood: 00:46:52

identifying what's going on for you.

David Wood: 00:46:55

What am I feeling?

David Wood: 00:46:57

Why am I resentful?

David Wood: 00:46:58

What do I want?

David Wood: 00:47:00

That's a win, just that you know it.

David Wood: 00:47:03

And then secondly, if we did know that, saying it to someone

David Wood: 00:47:08

else can be quite scary.

David Wood: 00:47:10

What if they have feelings?

David Wood: 00:47:11

What if they leave us?

David Wood: 00:47:12

What if there's some consequence?

David Wood: 00:47:14

What if I have to deal with all this emotional red tape now?

David Wood: 00:47:17

What if I step on a landmine?

David Wood: 00:47:19

Because I'm not really trained in this.

David Wood: 00:47:22

So I understand why, I think I understand, see there's the arrogance,

David Wood: 00:47:26

I think I understand why people, why we generally shy away from truth.

David Wood: 00:47:33

And difficult conversations.

David Wood: 00:47:36

And I found that when we're willing to have the courage and take a shot,

David Wood: 00:47:43

be brave, that's where the goal is.

David Wood: 00:47:46

That's where we might learn something about ourselves,

David Wood: 00:47:49

something about the other person.

David Wood: 00:47:51

There's a chance for us to go deeper.

David Wood: 00:47:53

There's maybe a 10 percent chance things will get worse and not get

David Wood: 00:47:58

better, but I've found, there's often a chance for around two and around three.

David Wood: 00:48:04

And if you stick with people while they get through their emotions, and

David Wood: 00:48:07

if they'll stick with you while you.

David Wood: 00:48:09

While you get over yours, then you come out stronger.

David Wood: 00:48:13

So just like I'm a fan of self awareness, I'm a fan of real communication and

David Wood: 00:48:19

sharing what's actually happening and taking those kinds of risks.

David Wood: 00:48:23

Someone asked me yesterday about risk assessment and like how to decide

David Wood: 00:48:29

what's too much and what's not enough.

David Wood: 00:48:31

Cause he was quite risk averse.

David Wood: 00:48:33

And I said, humans are idiots when it comes to risk.

David Wood: 00:48:38

We'll take.

David Wood: 00:48:41

Risks with no upside, like not wearing a seatbelt or not wearing a helmet and

David Wood: 00:48:44

driving a motorcycle or smoking nicotine.

David Wood: 00:48:50

Like we'll take risks like that, but tell your partner that you made out with

David Wood: 00:48:55

somebody a year ago at a Christmas party.

David Wood: 00:48:59

Oh no, that's too risky.

David Wood: 00:49:03

Can't do that.

David Wood: 00:49:03

And I disagree.

David Wood: 00:49:05

I think it's risky to not tell it.

David Wood: 00:49:09

So there's my mini treatise.

David Wood: 00:49:11

Is it treatise?

David Wood: 00:49:12

Is that a word?

Tim Winders: 00:49:14

Maybe, we're, we're using some big words here, yeah,

David Wood: 00:49:19

last month.

David Wood: 00:49:20

I've never used before.

David Wood: 00:49:21

I don't know where they're coming from.

David Wood: 00:49:22

but

Tim Winders: 00:49:23

I'm, I'm going through a process of learning some

Tim Winders: 00:49:26

new things just from a, anyway, but we, we won't get into it.

Tim Winders: 00:49:29

David,

David Wood: 00:49:30

well, let me just say if, if, if people want to up their

David Wood: 00:49:33

EQ, their emotional intelligence and increase their self awareness and, and,

David Wood: 00:49:37

and speak more of what's real mouse in the room, you can find it on Amazon.

David Wood: 00:49:43

It's 12 95.

David Wood: 00:49:45

and I think.

David Wood: 00:49:47

Particularly if you've got a partner or kids, it could be

David Wood: 00:49:50

gold for everybody to read it.

David Wood: 00:49:52

So you'll have a common language and go from here to up here

David Wood: 00:49:56

in terms of authenticity.

David Wood: 00:49:58

I'm not saying it'll always be easier, but I think it's easier

David Wood: 00:50:01

than not talking about it.

Tim Winders: 00:50:03

We'll include that down in the links.

Tim Winders: 00:50:05

David, I was going to ask one of my last questions, but there's one more question

Tim Winders: 00:50:09

I want to ask that when I get someone who has, number one coach in the world on

Tim Winders: 00:50:18

their, on their bio, and I'm a coach, I consider there to be value in coaching.

Tim Winders: 00:50:25

But what I'd love to ask is almost my last question is what is The value of coaching.

Tim Winders: 00:50:33

What does, what does coaching bring to the table for people?

Tim Winders: 00:50:37

What are your thoughts on that?

Tim Winders: 00:50:39

And, and then there's a couple of things I want to ask before we wrap up.

Tim Winders: 00:50:42

Why coaching?

David Wood: 00:50:46

Firstly, I do not call myself the number one coach in the world.

David Wood: 00:50:49

To clarify, at one

Tim Winders: 00:50:51

With the, with the whole conversation about arrogance.

David Wood: 00:50:55

at one time, someone pointed out to me that it seemed

David Wood: 00:50:58

I was the largest provider to the coaching industry in the world.

David Wood: 00:51:02

And that felt worth mentioning because I'm proud of it.

David Wood: 00:51:08

Again, you're, you're thrown in these really big questions that

David Wood: 00:51:11

I don't have the time to answer.

David Wood: 00:51:13

The short version is when I'm working with a coach, I'm going to show

David Wood: 00:51:20

up in a completely different way.

David Wood: 00:51:22

business and for my life.

David Wood: 00:51:24

I'm going to put my attention on the stuff I want to change and I'm going

David Wood: 00:51:27

to get into action in a different way.

David Wood: 00:51:29

If my coach has some suggestions and ideas that I hadn't

David Wood: 00:51:32

thought of, that's pure bonus.

David Wood: 00:51:36

Same with pickleball.

David Wood: 00:51:37

I want to get better at pickleball.

David Wood: 00:51:38

I can take five years trying to work it out on my own, or I can

David Wood: 00:51:41

get someone who's been through it.

David Wood: 00:51:45

And there's a video on YouTube that I just launched in the last month,

David Wood: 00:51:49

which is the, something like the five unexpected benefits of a business coach.

David Wood: 00:51:54

So if anyone wants to look that up, they can, they can go and find it.

David Wood: 00:51:58

It's a much, obviously a much richer conversation, but there's my short answer.

Tim Winders: 00:52:03

Very good.

Tim Winders: 00:52:04

David, how can people connect with you?

Tim Winders: 00:52:05

If someone says, Hey, I'd like to connect with David, get more

Tim Winders: 00:52:09

info, get a coaching session.

Tim Winders: 00:52:12

How can they do that?

David Wood: 00:52:13

Thank you.

David Wood: 00:52:14

Well, there's a bunch of free stuff on my site.

David Wood: 00:52:16

I send out a couple of videos once a week, so you can go and subscribe at focus.

David Wood: 00:52:21

ceo.

David Wood: 00:52:23

It's not dot com.

David Wood: 00:52:24

I actually got the dot CEO extension.

David Wood: 00:52:28

so you're welcome to that.

David Wood: 00:52:29

If you're interested in working with me one on one, and you're a business

David Wood: 00:52:34

owner who's already up and running successful making revenue, and you

David Wood: 00:52:38

care about more than making more money.

David Wood: 00:52:42

cause we can start there, but that's not where we're going to finish.

David Wood: 00:52:45

You're welcome to apply for a coaching session.

David Wood: 00:52:49

and the same site focus.

David Wood: 00:52:50

ceo and something I mentioned to you earlier, Tim, that I've been experimenting

David Wood: 00:52:55

with, I used to just charge a flat fee.

David Wood: 00:52:58

It was 2, 000 a month, no matter where you're at in your business.

David Wood: 00:53:02

And I realized recently that some people, if you're not earning a quarter

David Wood: 00:53:05

of a million a year in revenue, Yet, I probably wouldn't recommend you

David Wood: 00:53:10

pay two grand a month to a coach.

David Wood: 00:53:12

I'd say go, go get a cheaper coach.

David Wood: 00:53:15

so I've just started experimenting with a sliding scale.

David Wood: 00:53:19

And so instead of charging a flat 2000, I'll charge you somewhere between 300 and

David Wood: 00:53:24

2000 if your business isn't at the point where it makes sense to pay my full fee

David Wood: 00:53:30

and the way to do that is go to focus.

David Wood: 00:53:32

co.

David Wood: 00:53:34

Apply for the coaching program.

David Wood: 00:53:36

It doesn't commit you to anything or me to anything, but you'll then

David Wood: 00:53:40

get access to my intake form, which will have you spend 10 minutes.

David Wood: 00:53:44

Really thinking about what you want out of your business and your

David Wood: 00:53:47

life and where your roadblocks are.

David Wood: 00:53:50

It's, it's gold.

David Wood: 00:53:51

Even if we never spoke, it's a great intake form.

David Wood: 00:53:55

and then it'll take you straight to my calendar to book a 15 minute call.

David Wood: 00:53:59

Just make sure you mention in the form, seek, go create and sliding scale

David Wood: 00:54:05

so that I know that it was from this podcast and I know to honor that offer.

David Wood: 00:54:11

And if we both agree that I can help you.

David Wood: 00:54:14

If we think that that's likely, we'll pick a number that feels good for

David Wood: 00:54:17

both of us and we'll get started.

Tim Winders: 00:54:20

Very good.

Tim Winders: 00:54:21

Thanks for that, David.

Tim Winders: 00:54:21

We are Seek, go create here.

Tim Winders: 00:54:24

Those three words, David, my final question.

Tim Winders: 00:54:27

I'm going to, I always say this, I'm either going to ask you to pick one

Tim Winders: 00:54:30

of those three words or force you, whichever you want to, however, your

Tim Winders: 00:54:33

personality wants to look at it,

David Wood: 00:54:35

Create.

David Wood: 00:54:35

I

Tim Winders: 00:54:36

and, and why

David Wood: 00:54:38

think that's the nature of coaching.

David Wood: 00:54:41

I think we're creating.

David Wood: 00:54:43

We can just go in default mode and respond to the world, but we have willpower.

David Wood: 00:54:49

We have something that, most other animals don't have.

David Wood: 00:54:53

We have the ability to create.

David Wood: 00:54:55

What do you want your life to look like?

David Wood: 00:54:58

What do you want your relationship to look like?

David Wood: 00:55:00

What do you want your body to be?

David Wood: 00:55:03

And I love that game.

David Wood: 00:55:05

So I choose create.

Tim Winders: 00:55:09

David?

Tim Winders: 00:55:10

Thank you for this conversation.

Tim Winders: 00:55:11

I've enjoyed it.

Tim Winders: 00:55:12

It's been very rich and I think it teased so many deeper things that we could have

Tim Winders: 00:55:18

talked, talked about, but I've enjoyed it.

Tim Winders: 00:55:21

Thanks for listening in here at Seat Go Create.

Tim Winders: 00:55:23

We have new episodes every Monday.

Tim Winders: 00:55:25

We release on YouTube and all the.

Tim Winders: 00:55:26

Podcast platforms.

Tim Winders: 00:55:28

If you would like to support what we're doing here, I invite

Tim Winders: 00:55:32

you to go to seek, go create.

Tim Winders: 00:55:33

com forward slash support.

Tim Winders: 00:55:35

You could actually contribute comments there, or you could

Tim Winders: 00:55:38

contribute financially.

Tim Winders: 00:55:40

We welcome that.

Tim Winders: 00:55:41

So go take a look at seek, go create.

Tim Winders: 00:55:43

com forward slash support.

Tim Winders: 00:55:45

We're going to include all of David's coordinates and what

Tim Winders: 00:55:48

he mentioned down in the notes.

Tim Winders: 00:55:49

So go check out all of that.

Tim Winders: 00:55:52

I recommend you take him up on a conversation.

Tim Winders: 00:55:55

Thank you And to me, it seems healthy just to even go through his intake

Tim Winders: 00:55:59

form, just to get the thought process.

Tim Winders: 00:56:01

I think that would be extremely healthy.

Tim Winders: 00:56:03

So I appreciate David being here.

Tim Winders: 00:56:06

Thanks for joining us until next time.

Tim Winders: 00:56:09

Continue being all that you were created to be.