Overcoming Addiction: Marci Hopkins' Inspiring Journey From Chaos to Clarity

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I would tell my 12 year old self that as difficult as this is, and

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for all the pain you're going through, that you will one day understand why.

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You had to go through this and that you will find your knight in

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shining armor and you will be loved.

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You will find that love in your life that you've always been seeking

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Ever wondered how some people managed to overcome seemingly

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insurmountable challenges and not just survive but thrive.

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Today we sit down with Marcy Hopkins, a woman whose life story is a

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testament to the power of resilience and the importance of giving back.

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Marcy is the Emmy award winning host of wake up with Marcy, a talk

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show with a heart airing on CBS and streaming platforms where she shares

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inspiring stories of transformation.

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also a recovery expert, author of Chaos to Clarity, just finished

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reading that, and a passionate advocate for survivors of abuse.

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her own struggles with addiction to her tireless work supporting women

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and children in need, journey is one of hope, Healing and ultimately

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leadership before I get to Marcy.

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Speaking of incredible journeys, I just want to remind our listeners.

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We're about to embark on a milestone of our own.

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This is episode as we're counting at two 98 of our show, and we are gearing up

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for number 300, our 300th episode and beyond with some truly special guests.

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Trust us.

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You don't want to miss this.

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You don't want to miss what we have in store.

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So make sure you're following and subscribe wherever you listen or watch.

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So you don't miss a single episode.

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It's going to be really cool.

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So Marcy, we're celebrating and you're getting close.

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Welcome to seek, go create

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That is so exciting, congratulations!

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I'm number 298!

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298. Yeah.

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Have you ever been able to say that?

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Woo hoo.

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I'm number 298.

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I have not, but I'll celebrate that today.

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Good, good, good, good.

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Well, let's, I think we should celebrate every day and 298

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is something to celebrate.

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Marcy, I'm very excited for this conversation.

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I read your book, looked at some of your stuff.

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It stretched me in some ways and, caused me to think about a lot of things.

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And I think we're going to get into that and have some cool, cool conversations.

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Before I do that though, my first.

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call it an icebreaker question, but truthfully, it's too much

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for an icebreaker question.

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You've got a choice.

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First question.

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Would you rather answer, what do you do or who are you?

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Pick it and start answering.

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I'm gonna say, who am I?

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Because that leads to what I do.

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So, who am I is Someone that has overcome some difficulties in life.

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Struggles from trauma and addiction.

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And overcoming the pain and being a victim.

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And today I am a survivor and a thriver, like you've said.

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And I'm almost 10 years sober, and through this journey, I have actually discovered

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who I am, what my joys are, what my passions are, what my purpose is, and

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it was by these difficult times and this huge transformational shift for me that

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I was able to go within and identify what it is that I was put on this earth to do.

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And that was.

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To be of service to others, to help others through difficult times, know

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that they are worthy of a beautiful life, just as I have found, and

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that your past does not define you.

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We have multiple steps that we need to take in this life, and the first

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is turning ourselves over to our higher power, which is what I did.

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But today, because of this work, I am now doing that, helping others to live

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a beautiful successful life through the platforms that I have created.

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And that is Wake Up With Marci and my book and beyond.

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Yeah, there's a word that just jumped in my head that I'm going to

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kind of ask as a follow up and the word is peace Are you at peace I

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sense that you are, but answer that.

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and then if you're at peace now, can you go back a little bit and about

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when you arrived at that place?

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And I know it's part of your story here.

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I don't know if I do want to dive into that, but me what it was like before then.

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And then when it occurred.

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I will tell you, I mean, I lived in utter chaos.

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I mean, my book is chaos to clarity and my life was chaos.

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I was raised in chaos.

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I was raised in drama.

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I was raised with yelling and, and, just dysfunction.

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And that's all I knew.

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My relationships were dysfunctional.

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The way I managed my life was dysfunctional.

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And even though I would always say that I wanted that to be different,

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when that is all, you know, when you do have peace in any way, your skin

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almost crawls and then you create the drama and, and the chaos for yourself.

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It is once.

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That I stopped putting when I stopped drinking and I put down the one

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thing that I thought that was helping me, but was actually destroying me.

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I was able to start the journey towards peace.

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And as I started doing the work, meditating, My gratitude practice,

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being very connected to God in a different way, I started to find peace.

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I wasn't reacting to life anymore.

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I became a good mother.

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I was a good wife.

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I am a good wife and a good mother.

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I'm a good friend.

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I'm a good leader and I'm all these things now because I did the work

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and I have found peace within life, even during the difficult times

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because I now know how to approach.

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Difficult times now.

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I look at them as a learning opportunity, even though they're hard to get through.

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It doesn't destroy me like it used to.

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And so to be in this place of peace and tranquility, which I do believe

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that and part of that is, Being okay to be quiet and alone, it's a beautiful

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place to be, and it continues to evolve and get more and more comfortable.

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I think your husband's name is Ray.

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Is that correct?

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That's correct.

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I got the impression and correct me if I'm wrong on this, that Ray

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grew up in a different atmosphere

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Very.

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did

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would, I'm going to use a few words and then you could describe it.

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Okay.

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One would say it was more peaceful, maybe a bit of a father's knows best.

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didn't sound like he came from a broken home or any, any abuse that

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was obvious or anything like that and probably quiet and things like that.

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Would all that be accurate?

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That would be.

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my wife and I are similar,

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Mm

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grew up in a very challenging, chaotic would be a great word to use.

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hmm.

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And I grew up in a very, similar to Ray.

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So Ray and I are alike, you and my wife are alike.

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What are some things that you've learned

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Mm

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the contrast between those two

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hmm.

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the

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Mm hmm.

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I believe we've got two types of people listening in the people that grew up in

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like you and my wife That want to learn how they might continue finding peace

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and then the people like us that are attempting To have some compassion and

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understanding And go I don't marcie.

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I don't get it.

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i'm trying to get it And there's a beautiful story in the book we

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might get to later about how you and Ray came to some, I think it

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was a real peak in your story, but just talk about the contrast that

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Yeah.

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seen

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Yeah, it's hard.

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I mean, I'll tell you the first years of our relationship were very,

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very difficult because I reacted, I yelled, that's what I knew.

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So if I had an emotion that didn't feel good, I would yell.

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And for him, there was no yelling in the house.

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His parents didn't fight in front of him.

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He didn't understand that.

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So he would be like, we must not be good for each other because we're yelling.

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And that's not normal.

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And I'm like, that's normal.

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You just work it out or, you know, so I will say it did cause a lot of

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problems in our relationship because we didn't know how to converse

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productively and get through situations.

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You know, I used to yell at him that You should understand, and you

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should change for these reasons, and he would just shut down.

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And, we never really learned or progressed through our difficult times.

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And what I've learned today, because this is what I've, I've had to learn,

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and he's had to learn on his side.

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So I have learned how to now approach, a difficult conversation in a different way.

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Whereas, it's not like, you, you, you, you, it's more, I have felt this

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way, or I feel this way, when you have said this, or you've reacted

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in this way, or you don't do this.

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and so when I can start the conversation in a way that is not putting him

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on the defense, then he is much more open to the conversation.

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And he's also realized that communication is so important.

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Like if we are having a difficult time, just shutting down is not helpful either.

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So we have both come together.

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And learned how to better communicate with one another.

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As we've always heard, communication is key.

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But communication is one of the hardest things to do in life.

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We aren't really taught how to effectively communicate with other people.

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And so, thankfully now there's a lot more conversation around that.

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And once you get to a place where you are comfortable approaching those difficult

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conversations and know how to approach those difficult situations, you can

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get so much further in life and build.

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Even though it's a difficult conversation, you actually grow through that.

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What's fascinating.

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I'm smiling and I'm not.

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laughing at what you're saying, but I'm smiling about it.

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And my wife and I, we, we, was this conversation we had, we'd

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been married 36 years, I think.

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Wow.

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and I grew up in this very quiet and still, and I don't want to

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say unemotional environment, but maybe that would be accurate.

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yeah, I get that.

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And my, and I remember like early in our marriage, I told my wife,

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Gloria, I said, now, listen,

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I heard a little bit of yelling, not relative to what, what I thought.

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said, I would really prefer for us to not have yelling in the house.

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If we need to communicate, let's sit down and talk.

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I will tell you that it didn't, it didn't entirely work out that way.

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Yeah.

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anyway, there was one of the thing I want to, I want to mention a couple

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of things about my wife's situation because I kept seeing glimpses.

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Of her situation in reading through your story and you went through

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some you detailed it greatly.

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We don't have to go through all of it But when you were six years old,

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there was a situation when you were 12 There was a situation and I I have I

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may have mentioned this before on the podcast But if not, we we when we went

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we digitized all of our photos and I was digitizing all these photos of my

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wife and I noticed I mean, we didn't know each other then, but as a child,

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when she hit eight years old, she had a smile on her face leading up to that.

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But then after eight years old, she was very somber.

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Yeah.

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a smile that I saw, almost, I mean, we've even discussed it even through

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to, much into her adult years.

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That was the year that her brother died of leukemia, her

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younger brother and her, her.

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Family was already sort of falling apart, and that was probably

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something that kind of, sped it along.

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In your upbringing, and I know the situation with your mother, you detail

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it greatly in the book, is that she went through a lot of challenges and issues.

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And my wife's mother was very similar, very unstable, and have a

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lot of identity and things like that.

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Were there times that if I were to scanning the pictures of your childhood,

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there would be smiles and all, and then at six or 12, all of a sudden somber,

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or do you have any recollection of joy?

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When you were growing up

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So, after I was six, yes, I still had a lot of smiles.

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I was a very, very joyful child.

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All I wanted to do was give love.

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All I wanted to receive was love.

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for me to smile was just really part of my personality.

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I will say after the abuse started at 12 from my stepfather, My smile changed.

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My smile became more not the joyful, innocent young person.

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It was more, maybe a little forced and maybe a little, sometimes

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like a seductive kind of thing.

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Because my view of love and, What men wanted and what people I felt

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wanted from me was very skewed.

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And so I smiled because there was the camera, but you really,

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do see a difference in my smile.

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Absolutely.

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and so, one of the things that's interesting are the people that

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you mentioned, one of the things that kind of grabbed me initially

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is I think the first boyfriend that your mother had was named Tim.

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So, like in the first few paragraphs of the book, you're, you're saying,

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and Tim was this and I'm going, Hmm, little, that's my name too.

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And then.

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I gotta tell you slight chuckle and I'm not making light of the situation,

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but to see the name Richard Dick in writing and to know that he was the

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Dick dick.

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Yeah, I

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funny, but uh odd, um, one of the things that I kind of picked up

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on a few themes in reading through the book and you talk about it some

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and I just want to ask about it.

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That is that are situations where people are victimized there's no doubt

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that when an adult male does something sexual with a child, 12 year old that

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there is an inappropriate situation there, but there's also situations

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where We start owning the term victim and I think you use the word victim

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hood And this is a difficult question for someone who hasn't experienced it.

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So I hope it's appropriate.

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But in looking back, is there anything that you advise?

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Let me tell you one of the reasons for this questions too.

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I've got a four year old and a two year old granddaughter.

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I know they're going out in the world and, and I guess I'm just

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wondering you could have told your 12 year old self or even your six

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year old self something, what would you have said that might have helped?

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The situation and, and if that's like a Tim, you don't understand type

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question, you could tell me that, but

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guess at that time when I was 12 years old and my mother married Richard, I

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thought he was my knight in shining armor, that I was finally going to have a dad,

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that I was going to have this beautiful life, right, with my mother finally.

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And no matter what my mother ever did to me in my life, I loved

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her with every essence of myself.

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And I always wanted her to love me and be the mom I always wanted.

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And so I thought Richard was going to be that answer for us.

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So,

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when that didn't happen, I continued to seek that.

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So I guess that I would, I would tell my 12 year old self that

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as difficult as this is, and

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for all the pain you're going through, that you will one day understand why.

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You had to go through this and that you will find your knight in

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shining armor and you will be loved.

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You will find that love in your life that you've always been seeking

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and it seems that around that time you began seeking it in a lot of places

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that you know, they were unhealthy.

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Tell us a little bit about some, cause some, I believe, and you say

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this, it was, obviously attractive and I'm guessing you were also

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attractive then and you use that, but then also alcohol was introduced.

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Talk about a little bit of both of that and what that did when

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that identity was impacted.

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And then you started looking to, bring peace in through some various avenues.

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The reality is, is that you almost, you've become like a shell of yourself.

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And like, for me, it became this idea that, well, all I have to offer is

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what I have on the outside, so I need to make that perfect all of the time.

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and I need to attract men.

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I need to have a man in my life for me to have some sort of validation.

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And if I look a certain way, and a man or a teenager, whatever, shows

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me attention, and then also am sexual with them, that I will be loved.

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It becomes very skewed as I said, like you want that fulfilling love,

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but you don't really know what it looks like, what it feels like.

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You have these protected barriers around you.

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But the interesting thing is, is that in that time your exterior and how you

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look on the outside and what you do with your body becomes your superpower.

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So I use that for many years as that's my power and I will control

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you by getting what I want.

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Does that make sense?

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and it works to a certain extent, correct?

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you're empty.

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And then, you know, when I was young, those younger years, I would

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drink to actually do those things that were uncomfortable for me

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with a boy, because it's not like I really wanted to.

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I mean, I mean, I, I lost my virginity at 15 and I remember thinking that I had

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to do that for that boy to like me more.

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And it just became so crazy.

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Like, I would be with someone, that's the, the unhealthy relationships that

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I, that I had throughout my life.

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Like it became a cycle.

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So I would hook you, bring you in, we would form a relationship.

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It was very dysfunctional.

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I would be, I would try to change you.

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and then I would become unhappy and unfulfilled and then I would go outside of

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the relationship and find somebody else.

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So that you couldn't hurt me.

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I was going to hurt you first and then I would move on to another relationship.

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So it was just never, it really was never peace.

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You know, it was like fun and drinking and then it was volatile and fighting.

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And then it was like going outside of the relationship and finding

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someone else and starting all over.

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it was exhausting.

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To be honest.

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and the alcohol, numbed you, it,

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Mm hmm.

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A hundred percent.

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and numbed you almost at the same time

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A hundred percent.

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my wife's story.

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that she perfection was also part of what she was achieving.

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Mm hmm.

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keep her parents together.

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Yeah.

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love from her mother and possibly acceptance from her father who

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had abandoned or left them.

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so what she did.

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went a little bit different way, and she hated men, is what she said,

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There's that, too.

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which I will tell you, Marcy, made it pretty darn difficult when we bumped into

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each other, and I was fairly schmitten,

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Yeah.

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of the first things out of her mouth was, I hate men.

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I am just so egotistical and arrogant enough to say, Oh, Well,

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this could be a bit of a challenge,

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I

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but

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it's always driven by a challenge.

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Believe me.

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yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Mm hmm.

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so what it led to was this, if I did the math right, 20, 30 years.

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Of alcohol abuse and

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Yes.

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and one of the things you said I do want to kind of layer this

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in I think you brought this in towards the tail end of the book.

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You said that your view of yourself had been Attractive or that you had

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looks But that you didn't feel as if you were intelligent or smart

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Yes.

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were either one of those lies,

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well, what's interesting is if you look back at my life, and in

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work and all, I was always single.

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I was always moving and moving up and people would seek me out and

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put, to put me in higher positions.

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So I guess I was doing something right.

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I'm a very driven person, but as you said, that alcohol would numb me and it didn't

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allow me to work at my full capacity.

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And so a lot of times when I would drink, I think more of that feeling stupid was

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I couldn't think very clearly I would say things that were very embarrassing.

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So I was constantly in this cycle of shame about how I was feeling.

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And so really it was.

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Not trusting myself, not believing in myself.

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and the only way that I felt comfortable is if I was having a glass of wine,

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and so I think that I know now, I mean, I know I'm not stupid and I

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know that I can do whatever I put my mind to, but at that time, I just was.

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I was so broken inside and so the only thing I knew how to do

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was, be loving to my children.

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My children were everything to me.

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and try to keep the facade up of everything looking perfect,

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but all the while feeling that I was nothing but a failure.

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What were the ages of your children when, I think is, I

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think it was October of 2015.

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We'll talk about that in just a little while, but what were their

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ages when you had your moment?

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Well, when I

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9 and

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started drinking, they were nine and 11.

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those are some pretty impressionable ages.

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Have you had any discussions with them about what it was like before

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and then what it's been like after?

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And what do you think the impact has been on that they've

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kind of lived through journey?

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Well, honestly, Tim, I was on that slippery slope of drinking.

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But it wasn't like, I wasn't drinking to a blackout every night.

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I wasn't, you know, it was just, and there's a lot of women out there,

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a lot of men out there, I mean, you're at home and you're having

Speaker: 00:27:10

three, four drinks at a night, right?

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And that, That becomes the norm and I couldn't go to a restaurant

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if they didn't serve alcohol.

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And so in my drinking elevated, when I got in front of the camera, I

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started using it as liquid courage.

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The worst part of that time was, you know, making difficult, negative,

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difficult, disastrous decisions and things that I was doing.

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And then also the, yelling and fighting that my husband and I were going through.

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That was the most impactful traumatic thing for my son.

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My daughter doesn't remember anything really, but my son, now that I know

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my son as an adult, he's an extremely intelligent person, so he was taking

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in even more than I even understood.

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And so, he has had to deal with that.

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I thought at that time it was about working on myself and working on

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the relationship with my husband.

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But the reality was my son was affected by what was going on.

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And we gave them a lot of really wonderful years, but now I'm very open

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with my book and my public speaking.

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And so my son and I have had those conversations.

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My daughter and I have had those conversations and what has helped

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me be an even better parent.

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When it comes to drinking now is that I educate my daughter You know, she's

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exploring the drinking at 19 years old and I'm able to share with her you know how

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it affects you the decisions the negative decisions that you can make how people

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will take advantage of you and I You know, there's a lot of parents that out

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there that just say No, you can't drink or they kind of perpetuate that drinking

Speaker: 00:29:22

for them you know, they're like feeding them the alcohol and they think it's fun

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to party with their kids and you know, So it's it's just allowed me to be more

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of a teacher in that area but I will say it also gives me a lot of fear because It

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is very rampant in my family addiction, so it's scary to watch that, because

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I'm not sure what the outcome's going to be, and I can't control that, right?

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So, but I will tell you that we are working on the things that

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are needed to be worked on.

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For my son, he has his own, mental health struggles.

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he has ADHD, he's twice exceptional, he's gone through some depression

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and some of that is trauma based.

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And so he's working on that right now.

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We're working on that as a family.

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I actually have come to believe, that it's very difficult for anyone

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to go through life without something

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Mm hmm.

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to cause some issues.

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our story is that we were living in resort community, golf courses, blah,

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blah, blah, all leading up to 08.

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And then five years later, and our kids were at, probably pushing

Speaker: 00:30:41

the ages that you're were yours were when you became sober.

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huh.

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we went through financial collapse.

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That was just like, me waking up every morning and just saying,

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okay, just keep punching me in the gut, punch me in the gut.

Speaker: 00:30:55

Because my identity was sort of tied up in I'm good at business.

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I'm good at making money.

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I'm good at bringing things in.

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we're realizing now our children are in their thirties that, you know, there

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was pretty, Big impact with trauma because they bring up trauma and you

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know, sometimes people of my generation go trauma What are you talking about?

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You

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I know.

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come

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It's very different.

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Uh, but it what it was I mean, you know We were in a six thousand square foot

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home and then we were my wife and I were in a honda van and told the kids

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There's no home to come come home to so,

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Wow.

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a lot of that's been restored but let's talk about Kind of the the road to

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recovery because I think it's a learning and and I I want to layer this in this

Speaker: 00:31:38

your story is alcohol but Addictions and I and I know there's varying

Speaker: 00:31:47

degrees of the harm that addictions can have but we're in a society where

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there's drugs My addiction more As a business person, there was never enough.

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And I had a conversation on the podcast with someone who

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had served time in prison.

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And I said, how at 32, were you continuing doing the things you were doing?

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As I was addicted to more, I said, that's my addiction too.

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Yeah.

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bit, it's a little bit more acceptable in our culture and society,

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because sometimes it's applauded.

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Yeah.

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talk about what you've learned about addiction in general.

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and then we're going to talk about some things as we wrap up

Speaker: 00:32:30

here with projects you've got in the book and things like that.

Speaker: 00:32:32

But just what have you learned about addiction in general

Speaker: 00:32:37

over the last 10 years,

Speaker: 00:32:39

Well, addiction generally is It's a coping or a masking of a deeper issue.

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Something that you are, you know, trying to fill within yourself

Speaker: 00:32:56

because something else is lacking.

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The other thing about addiction, whether it's food or, you know,

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Workaholic, or working out too much, or being on the computer, or

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social media, or drinking, or drugs.

Speaker: 00:33:15

It literally all stems from the same thing, and that is the dopamine

Speaker: 00:33:19

hit that we get within our brain.

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And that's the feel good chemical within our brains, right?

Speaker: 00:33:26

So the more we do it, we feel good the first time, we feel good the second

Speaker: 00:33:29

time, we feel good the thousandth time, but then it doesn't feel good anymore.

Speaker: 00:33:34

It becomes too much.

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Our bodies, our brains, literally have to rewire the way that we are feeling.

Speaker: 00:33:42

You know, transferring that dopamine within our brains.

Speaker: 00:33:48

And so that really is at the core.

Speaker: 00:33:52

It makes us feel good.

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And so what do we want?

Speaker: 00:33:55

We want to feel good.

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We want to be happy.

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And it's easier to be happy if you're doing these other things.

Speaker: 00:34:05

Because to be fulfilled is work.

Speaker: 00:34:08

It is action.

Speaker: 00:34:12

And there are multiple things that you need to do to rewire the way that

Speaker: 00:34:18

you think, rewire the way that we were programmed from when we were raised,

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rewire the way that we talk to ourselves, the way we think of ourselves, how we

Speaker: 00:34:29

energetically put ourselves out there towards the universe and the world.

Speaker: 00:34:37

And there's just so many things that we need to do and

Speaker: 00:34:41

this is something I've done.

Speaker: 00:34:43

So I know it works.

Speaker: 00:34:45

but addiction at the end of the day is really just masking a bigger problem.

Speaker: 00:34:53

I've always wondered.

Speaker: 00:34:56

And I actually was thinking through this as I was reading through your

Speaker: 00:34:58

book because part of your recovery process was going to AA I so appreciate

Speaker: 00:35:05

in your book, you in your words, walking through the 12 step process.

Speaker: 00:35:11

I want to tell you right up front how I appreciated that because

Speaker: 00:35:15

I knew of the 12 step process.

Speaker: 00:35:19

I've never had anyone walk through it kind of in, we'll call it layman's terms, you

Speaker: 00:35:22

Yeah.

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big book or anything like that.

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Yeah.

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And it, at its foundation, it is a surrender to that higher power, which

Speaker: 00:35:30

I would word it as a minister and a follower of Jesus Christ as, and you've

Speaker: 00:35:34

said it similarly, letting Jesus come into your life and admitting that

Speaker: 00:35:39

there's something bigger than you.

Speaker: 00:35:42

How important is I mean, because I think what we begin doing, I would put

Speaker: 00:35:49

my business, you know, expertise air quotes for those that are not watching

Speaker: 00:35:54

this on the video higher than my relationship with my heavenly father

Speaker: 00:36:00

Oh, of course.

Speaker: 00:36:01

to me like your alcohol and things like that you elevated it we call it

Speaker: 00:36:06

idols, I guess in church world, but Aren't it doesn't it seem like most

Speaker: 00:36:10

of us are going through this life looking at putting many things Above

Speaker: 00:36:15

that relationship with, with God.

Speaker: 00:36:18

Yeah, yeah, listen, I was raised in church, but just life was so chaotic

Speaker: 00:36:26

that it didn't, it didn't stay with me.

Speaker: 00:36:30

I always believed in God.

Speaker: 00:36:32

I always loved God, and Jesus.

Speaker: 00:36:35

But when I got sober and there was a little church, most AA meetings are

Speaker: 00:36:43

held at a church, there was a little, church, Attached to the place that we

Speaker: 00:36:49

had the meeting and I would go into this little church, and I just started

Speaker: 00:36:55

slowly becoming more connected and grounded and quiet, and there was a lamb,

Speaker: 00:37:03

a little picture of a lamb, literally like this big, and it had a gold lamb

Speaker: 00:37:09

with a red felt back, and it was framed.

Speaker: 00:37:13

And I would just look at this lamb and I was just like,

Speaker: 00:37:19

Jesus saved me.

Speaker: 00:37:21

Jesus come into my heart.

Speaker: 00:37:23

And if you get, if I get through this, I will always follow you.

Speaker: 00:37:29

I will always, you will be my shepherd.

Speaker: 00:37:33

And it is, you know, in church, we're always taught.

Speaker: 00:37:38

He's just waiting for you to ask.

Speaker: 00:37:42

and when that happened, it really, there, there, and it wasn't just one

Speaker: 00:37:48

time, I mean, it was over and over.

Speaker: 00:37:50

And I started practicing every morning, praying to God and

Speaker: 00:37:54

there was, a YouTube video.

Speaker: 00:37:56

I mean, we're talking almost 10 years later, I still go to this

Speaker: 00:38:00

YouTube video connecting to God.

Speaker: 00:38:03

And it's not any specific religion or anything.

Speaker: 00:38:07

It's about truly, cause I think of God now, like we're raised to almost

Speaker: 00:38:12

think of like this man with, you know, silver hair and a silver beard in the

Speaker: 00:38:17

sky and he's bigger than all of us.

Speaker: 00:38:20

Right.

Speaker: 00:38:20

But it's just this divine energy of love and we're all connected by this love.

Speaker: 00:38:27

And that's.

Speaker: 00:38:29

So now I just feel that I envision that I, and then I see myself in Jesus's arms.

Speaker: 00:38:36

And it's just my connection today is so, so very, very different and it has

Speaker: 00:38:43

saved me and I do it every day because it is a practice to stay connected.

Speaker: 00:38:51

So as you're saying, Right, all these other things become more important

Speaker: 00:38:57

and we and and God or our divine or Universe, whatever because it's

Speaker: 00:39:02

down here, but we work every day.

Speaker: 00:39:05

We're not doing that practice every day So that's why you have to make that

Speaker: 00:39:11

practice every day and then the work you still can do the work But it's almost

Speaker: 00:39:19

more fulfilling and you're better at it When you have that connection and you make

Speaker: 00:39:27

God, Universe, the Divine, the priority.

Speaker: 00:39:30

Right.

Speaker: 00:39:32

that has changed, significantly for me.

Speaker: 00:39:36

And that's why today it is the number one practice for me.

Speaker: 00:39:41

Do you think you're almost 10 years sober?

Speaker: 00:39:43

Congratulations.

Speaker: 00:39:45

Do you think that there is any way you could have had one year to 10 years

Speaker: 00:39:50

sober without that spiritual foundation?

Speaker: 00:39:54

Not at all.

Speaker: 00:39:55

you've been around a number of people with AA.

Speaker: 00:39:57

Do you believe that that is the common thread?

Speaker: 00:40:01

When you work the program and you do the foundational steps, and that's

Speaker: 00:40:06

one of the reasons I shared, 'cause most people don't know, right?

Speaker: 00:40:09

They're outside and they don't really know what it is, but those steps.

Speaker: 00:40:15

No matter who you are, will benefit you in your life.

Speaker: 00:40:21

it helped me get sober, but what it really helped me to do was heal.

Speaker: 00:40:27

I had been through therapy.

Speaker: 00:40:28

I had been through all the things, right?

Speaker: 00:40:32

But when I started doing that work, it was completely different.

Speaker: 00:40:37

I mean, AA is really based, it's a spiritual based program.

Speaker: 00:40:43

So, that's why I shared that.

Speaker: 00:40:46

Well, one of the things that came to mind while I was reading through

Speaker: 00:40:49

your book, this, it's a little bit of a, we just talk spiritual now on it.

Speaker: 00:40:53

I believe we are spirit, soul, and body.

Speaker: 00:40:55

That's what we're made up of.

Speaker: 00:40:57

And one of the things that I thought of while reading through

Speaker: 00:41:01

this was, what is the physical?

Speaker: 00:41:06

Implications of someone who's drinking.

Speaker: 00:41:09

you use the term almost daily.

Speaker: 00:41:11

So I'm assuming you're drinking almost daily for that length of time.

Speaker: 00:41:15

I did the math.

Speaker: 00:41:16

I don't know if it was 30 years or 20 something years or something like that.

Speaker: 00:41:19

Can you, do you notice anything physically?

Speaker: 00:41:25

I believe that you can also be healed.

Speaker: 00:41:26

I believe that God can heal that and restore all that.

Speaker: 00:41:29

But do you notice anything that you tell yourself?

Speaker: 00:41:33

That's probably a repercussion from somewhat abusing myself

Speaker: 00:41:38

physically for a period of time.

Speaker: 00:41:40

Does that make sense?

Speaker: 00:41:41

For me, no.

Speaker: 00:41:42

I don't have any repercussions at this time from that.

Speaker: 00:41:47

Right.

Speaker: 00:41:48

At the time, I was very puffy and I couldn't sleep.

Speaker: 00:41:55

I was also going through perimenopause, which is another

Speaker: 00:41:58

huge factor I've realized.

Speaker: 00:42:00

post, my addiction and that, that in my forties, how

Speaker: 00:42:04

difficult that time was for me.

Speaker: 00:42:06

I also had a lot of burning in my stomach.

Speaker: 00:42:10

I'm sure that I was eating away the, you know, the lining of my stomach probably.

Speaker: 00:42:16

so there were a lot of issues there.

Speaker: 00:42:18

but I would say that I'm, I'm very healthy today.

Speaker: 00:42:24

one of the things I'm curious about is.

Speaker: 00:42:29

I know you've been through AA.

Speaker: 00:42:30

I know you've done through all that, but are there other

Speaker: 00:42:35

that one puts up?

Speaker: 00:42:37

I mean, let's, let's look at men that are addicted to porn.

Speaker: 00:42:41

One of the things that they will do is stay offline.

Speaker: 00:42:46

and, and, and I think in your book, you mentioned one point that was, you were

Speaker: 00:42:50

alone in the house and you had a brief fleeting thought of, of having a drink.

Speaker: 00:42:54

And so I was actually curious, was there still alcohol in the house?

Speaker: 00:42:58

what do you do when you go out with other people that may be drinking?

Speaker: 00:43:03

We actually, we have a, where we're at here in this resort,

Speaker: 00:43:06

we're having a happy hour tonight.

Speaker: 00:43:08

It's not totally dedicated to drinking, but there'll be probably a little

Speaker: 00:43:11

bit of wine and something like that.

Speaker: 00:43:13

Do you, you go to those things?

Speaker: 00:43:16

What, what would that look like for you now?

Speaker: 00:43:19

Well, today, sometimes I feel like I'm a bit of an anomaly because I don't

Speaker: 00:43:25

go to the 12 step program anymore.

Speaker: 00:43:29

And I have no problem with having alcohol around me at all.

Speaker: 00:43:33

There's alcohol in the house.

Speaker: 00:43:35

I go to functions all the time.

Speaker: 00:43:37

It does not bother me at all.

Speaker: 00:43:40

I would never, never, I mean, you can't say I won't ever,

Speaker: 00:43:44

but can't predict the future.

Speaker: 00:43:46

But what I have, I would never ever want to give up for any amount of

Speaker: 00:43:52

alcohol, but in the beginning when you're starting, just like anything,

Speaker: 00:43:57

when you're changing a bad habit or an addiction to something, there are

Speaker: 00:44:02

multiple things that you have to change.

Speaker: 00:44:04

There's many things that you learn within the meetings, that help you.

Speaker: 00:44:10

The first thing is, and this is with anything, you need to change

Speaker: 00:44:14

the people, places, and things, the things that trigger you to drink.

Speaker: 00:44:18

and yes, you need to take it all out of your house.

Speaker: 00:44:21

and you can't go to the same restaurants.

Speaker: 00:44:24

You can't necessarily hang around the same people because if you're drinking,

Speaker: 00:44:28

you're probably hanging around people that are drinking like you or more.

Speaker: 00:44:32

Or, you know, so you don't feel bad about yourself.

Speaker: 00:44:36

you do have to change.

Speaker: 00:44:37

and for instance, that, incident that you're talking

Speaker: 00:44:40

about that I shared in my book.

Speaker: 00:44:42

my husband traveled a lot and if you're alone, you can do anything, but who

Speaker: 00:44:47

knows, you're full of guilt over that.

Speaker: 00:44:49

And I didn't want to live with that anymore.

Speaker: 00:44:51

And so one of the things that I had learned was move

Speaker: 00:44:54

a muscle, change a thought.

Speaker: 00:44:56

You can only think about one thing at one time.

Speaker: 00:44:59

So I was laying on the couch, I was watching a movie.

Speaker: 00:45:03

And, I thought about, oh, if I had some wine right now, no one would know.

Speaker: 00:45:08

But I got up and I actually went and got the big book and I did something

Speaker: 00:45:12

else, you know, so, and that's with anything, you know, so if you're at

Speaker: 00:45:18

a party, make sure you drive your own car so you can leave, make yourself

Speaker: 00:45:23

useful, always make yourself useful.

Speaker: 00:45:25

That's a big thing.

Speaker: 00:45:27

Don't put yourself in a situation if you think that you're going to fail.

Speaker: 00:45:31

make sure you've eaten, make sure you drink, enough water.

Speaker: 00:45:35

So there's just all these things.

Speaker: 00:45:37

I mean, I could go down a million lists.

Speaker: 00:45:39

I've got a whole toolbox I've actually put together.

Speaker: 00:45:43

I have so many freebies that I have, but you know, that's a big one for me.

Speaker: 00:45:46

And, but there's many, many tools that you must implement in your

Speaker: 00:45:51

life to help you to be successful.

Speaker: 00:45:54

I, my favorite, let me just go ahead and say this were naps.

Speaker: 00:46:00

you promoted naps and you know, people that are achievement

Speaker: 00:46:04

oriented, we think naps are for losers or sissies or whatever word.

Speaker: 00:46:11

you know what?

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I actually believe we're a fatigued society.

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And when we're fatigued, we make poor choices.

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I think being rested is very important now.

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Now I'm in my sixties, so I've got different mindset about that.

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Yeah.

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used to think that way.

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I used to be hustle, hustle, hustle.

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And it sounds like you were in industries that were similar.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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So, so one of the things that we hear in our, in our current culture is the

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need to be authentic and vulnerable and share and all of these things.

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I don't think you're of my generation.

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You're a generation behind me, but, it's one thing to go through

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what you went through, Marcy.

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another thing to all of a sudden say, I'm going to share it with the world.

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Yeah.

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What, what's up with that?

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I mean, I mean, here I am, I'm on a podcast and I've shared my story.

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I actually have in some of my quiet times with the Lord, I'll say, Lord, is this

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something I just need to keep to myself or do I need to talk about it with Marcy so

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that the world can hear it on YouTube and tell me a little bit about the process of

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going from deal with it on my own, keep it quiet within the family, et cetera.

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Or wake up with Marcy, write a book, talk about that.

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Well, first of all, I'll say, if you stay isolated, quiet, and keep it in

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your family, you're going to stay sick.

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sharing your story is so, so important for your healing.

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Doesn't need to be with the world, but it is so important to talk about things,

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get perspectives from other people.

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They allow you to, get advice and people out there that can help you

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and you don't feel alone and you don't feel stuck and you don't feel like

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you're the only one going through it.

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so I think that that's really, really important.

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It wasn't like I initially just started sharing with everyone.

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I started healing and there were some things that I was going through and my

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book has to clarity seeing the signs.

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Seeing the signs and breaking the cycle.

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So seeing the signs, I started seeing signs from the other side.

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I started being guided.

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As to what it is that I was meant to do.

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And so sharing my story, writing a book, starting a TV show.

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I mean, I can't even fathom that I've done all of these things,

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but I was so guided to do them.

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And when I listened and started pursuing those things, there were people

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that were brought into my life that.

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It helped me to move forward to make it possible.

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And I just listened to my inner intuition.

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We must listen to our intuition.

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And I just knew that it was the right thing to do to help other

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people, to not feel by themselves.

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not feel alone.

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And, and it was hard in the beginning.

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Listen, I used to feel like, God, I'm going to be so judged

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in my community, you know?

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but I, I just, I've always asked God when I started this to that I'm your conduit.

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But just please speak through me, and to help me make a difference.

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I think there's so much power in that.

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My story is similar.

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When we went through all that we went through in my identity wrapped up

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in, I'm a successful business person.

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And then I started feeling this nudge to do a podcast wanted to interview

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all these people and stuff like that.

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the Lord.

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Literally told me no You have to tell your story first and the first episode

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is titled homeless and bankrupt our number one episode So we're close

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to 300 now and I have a pretty about confidence and stuff like that But

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you could hear my voice quivering

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hmm,

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to that where i'm like going I don't want to share this.

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I don't and then so many people right away said Thank you for sharing that

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because we went through similar things.

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We did this and all of that.

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How do you put part of what we've done here, Marcy, with this podcast

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is we've tried to kind of bust up, paradigms about what success is.

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hmm.

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How were you defining success say pre 2015 and how are you

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defining success right now?

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Well, success was

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by

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getting validation from other people all the time.

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I was a victim of wanting more also.

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It was just no matter what I did, it never was enough.

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And so I was always striving for more.

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And I always needed someone to tell me how good I was doing, right?

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Today, listen, I still can be a little insecure at times, right?

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We're all human.

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but what really defines success for me today is, If it is at the core,

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if I am happy, if it feels good,

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and it benefits me and my family, like if it's right, if it's right, if it

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is at the expense of my family, my happiness, then it is not success.

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Uh huh.

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Uh

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of goes back to, that childlike joy that we talked about earlier that I saw in

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my wife and you said that you had it, it's like, it's hard to know it, but you

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know, it, you know, it, and, and, you know, we've used the word peace also,

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there's just this peace that happens.

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And, I can.

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Kind of tell, like I said, I had to do a little bit of research on you here over

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the last few days, and I'm like going, this doesn't seem like someone spent 30

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years, drinking almost every day that did all that you talked about doing That

Speaker: 00:52:51

was one of the fascinating things about the book to me how quickly it read.

Speaker: 00:52:57

And you were, it wasn't like you were matter of factly going through those

Speaker: 00:53:01

things, but you sort of were, you were just sort of like just putting it out

Speaker: 00:53:05

there and it just read very quickly.

Speaker: 00:53:08

And I actually believe it's, for anyone who's probably going through

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some type of struggle, I think it would be a blessing to them.

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Marcy, for people that want more of you, tell us now where they could find.

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I've got, it's on my Kindle here.

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huh.

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but tell us where they can find you.

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You've got a show.

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I think that's out there I found it on youtube this morning.

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I'm pointing to my tv for people wondering.

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TV here in the rv us where people can find you We'll put it down in the

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notes and then I got one more question I want to ask you before we wrap up

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Well, everything is on wakeupwithmarci.

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com and I will tell you my new guided mission in life.

Speaker: 00:53:56

I have retired the talk show.

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I haven't retired from doing a talk show, but I have retired the show on WLNY TV.

Speaker: 00:54:07

I shot my last episode last week.

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And I moved to Florida, to be a snowbird until May.

Speaker: 00:54:15

And, I'm extremely happy.

Speaker: 00:54:18

And what I'm doing now is I am launching my show.

Speaker: 00:54:23

I'm continuing with the name Wake Up With Marci because I've had

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the branding for seven years.

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I'm just changing look and it's going to be more geared as a podcast

Speaker: 00:54:33

because you can reach people globally.

Speaker: 00:54:36

You can deep dive into conversations where you can't do that on a TV show.

Speaker: 00:54:40

You've got like seven, eight minutes or four minutes.

Speaker: 00:54:43

It's just very, very tight.

Speaker: 00:54:46

And so my dream has to always been to really fully connect with somebody.

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And share their stories to create change and you can't do that when

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you have a TV show necessarily.

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So, I've launched, launching my podcast, March 1st, Wake Up With

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Marci, A Deep Dive Into Self Discovery.

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And, and I'm partnering with USA Today, the, the media, um, conglom, conglomerate.

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Did I say the word right?

Speaker: 00:55:21

the big company the media big company.

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We'll call it

Speaker: 00:55:24

Company, we'll keep it small.

Speaker: 00:55:26

but there, I've had this opportunity to partner with them.

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So I'm going to have also, some of my show that will be on USA Today.

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So I'm just very excited about that.

Speaker: 00:55:40

And so hopefully Your listeners, will maybe find some joy and

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peace and change within that.

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So,

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That's exciting.

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Boy, this would have been a great conversation too, is you have probably

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seen such a change in the world of media

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Oh,

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television and things like that.

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love pivot or the adjustment that you're making, because when I even saw it, that

Speaker: 00:56:07

you had like a local type show that was picked up and broadcast different places.

Speaker: 00:56:12

I was thinking in my mind, I said, you know what?

Speaker: 00:56:14

I haven't seen that in a while.

Speaker: 00:56:16

yeah.

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the podcast world, so, you know, people are doing this and they've got YouTube.

Speaker: 00:56:20

And I believe that that is going to go extremely, extremely well for you.

Speaker: 00:56:25

And we'll look forward to seeing and hearing some more information from that.

Speaker: 00:56:29

And, if we can help you with any part of it, just let me know.

Speaker: 00:56:34

Marcy, I had a final question.

Speaker: 00:56:37

I'm going to call an audible.

Speaker: 00:56:39

I'm going to ask you to do something, I believe that there are people out

Speaker: 00:56:45

there that might be going through some type of an addiction and this

Speaker: 00:56:50

conversation may have helped them realize it and, you know, it could be alcohol,

Speaker: 00:56:55

drug, could be any number of things.

Speaker: 00:56:58

going to ask you to, I hate to limit 30 seconds or something, just look in the

Speaker: 00:57:04

camera speaking in the microphone and.

Speaker: 00:57:06

Encourage them, tell them something.

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I don't know what it would be.

Speaker: 00:57:10

We'll kind of let the Lord maybe guide you here, if someone is struggling

Speaker: 00:57:15

with things like maybe you were 2015, would you want to tell that person?

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I've been there.

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I've been where you are right now.

Speaker: 00:57:27

And it is a very scary time.

Speaker: 00:57:31

You feel very alone.

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You feel that there's no answer.

Speaker: 00:57:35

There's no light at the end of the tunnel.

Speaker: 00:57:38

But I will tell you that you're not alone.

Speaker: 00:57:42

There's so much help and there's so much beauty through recovery and you are meant

Speaker: 00:57:49

to live an incredibly beautiful life and that your past does not define you.

Speaker: 00:57:57

And you are worthy.

Speaker: 00:57:59

You are worthy of happiness and that addiction does not have to keep you stuck.

Speaker: 00:58:08

It is possible to move forward.

Speaker: 00:58:11

I promise you that.

Speaker: 00:58:14

Thank you for that, Marcy.

Speaker: 00:58:15

I'm glad I did something different there.

Speaker: 00:58:17

What an incredible conversation with Marcy Hopkins.

Speaker: 00:58:21

Make sure you get a copy of going to try to hold it up here.

Speaker: 00:58:24

Chaos to clarity is on my Kindle.

Speaker: 00:58:27

So it probably doesn't look as good as the actual cover.

Speaker: 00:58:29

and I want to remind people, check everything out down in the links below.

Speaker: 00:58:33

Get ready, because like we mentioned earlier, our next few episodes are

Speaker: 00:58:36

going to be epic celebrating 300 super big and all we've got two of our

Speaker: 00:58:41

most popular guests from five years ago when we got started coming back.

Speaker: 00:58:46

Silicon Valley veteran and original Netflix startup six member Jim cook

Speaker: 00:58:51

and businesses mission evangelist Mike bear They're gonna be our guest and

Speaker: 00:58:55

there'll be one more guest that I will tell you It's probably the biggest

Speaker: 00:58:59

guest we've ever had on the show.

Speaker: 00:59:01

I'm not gonna tell you just yet, but They'll be sharing insights

Speaker: 00:59:04

on the past five years and also predictions for the next five.

Speaker: 00:59:07

So make sure you subscribe.

Speaker: 00:59:10

Don't miss these anniversary episodes.

Speaker: 00:59:12

Go check out everything Marcy talked about.

Speaker: 00:59:15

Look for her new podcast, wake up with Marcy that's coming out.

Speaker: 00:59:18

She said March 1st, depending on when you're listening to this.

Speaker: 00:59:21

Until next time, continue being all that you were created to be.