full

Discovering Purpose Beyond Wealth: Darren Mass Shares His Entrepreneurial Journey

Have you ever wondered what it truly means to find success and balance in life? In this episode of Seek Go Create, join host Tim Winders and special guest Darren Mass, former CEO turned business therapist, as they delve into the complexities of modern parenting, the pursuit of wealth versus passion, and the elusive search for happiness. Discover Darren's introspective journey through entrepreneurship, the impact of technology on family dynamics, and the transformative power of embracing life's unexpected twists and turns. If you've ever pondered the true meaning of success, this episode is a must-listen.

"Success is not about money but about the balance between health, happiness, family, and wealth." - Darren Mass

Access all show and episode resources HERE

About Our Guest:

Darren Mass is a former CEO turned business therapist, host of the podcast "I Took a Hike," and founder of the Business Therapy Group. With a wealth of entrepreneurial experience and a passion for helping business owners find balance and fulfillment, Darren brings valuable insights and wisdom to the world of business and personal development. His journey from a focus on wealth to a pursuit of purpose and happiness provides a unique perspective on success and the importance of individual fulfillment.

Reasons to Listen:

1. Gain insights from a former CEO turned business therapist as he reflects on the pursuit of wealth, parenting challenges, and finding balance in life.

2. Discover how Darren Mass retired at 38, reevaluated success, and found purpose, relevance, and happiness beyond monetary rewards.

3. Explore the impact of technology and social media on family dynamics and personal well-being, and uncover strategies for mindful parenting and managing device usage.

Episode Resources & Action Steps:

1. "I Took a Hike" Podcast by Darren Mass - Listeners can connect with Darren and gain insights from his in-depth conversations with top entrepreneurs.

2. LinkedIn - Darren Mass highlights the therapeutic aspect of using LinkedIn for networking and professional development, despite the complexities it introduces.

Action Steps:

1. Limit Exposure to Negative Content: Follow Darren Mass' example of consciously choosing to focus on positive information and limiting exposure to negative content, which can improve overall well-being and mental health.

2. Seek Lifestyle Goals: Embrace Darren's concept of setting lifestyle goals that bring happiness and fulfillment beyond monetary success, such as affording an RV or achieving personal milestones, to prioritize a balanced and rewarding life.

3. Pursue Passion and Vision: Act on Darren Mass' encouragement to pursue passion and vision, work hard, and surround oneself with good people to achieve financial success and find fulfillment in life. This involves identifying personal passions and taking steps to align one's career and life choices with those passions.

Resources for Leaders from Tim Winders & SGC:

๐Ÿ”น Unlock Your Potential Today!

  • ๐ŸŽ™ Coaching with Tim: Elevate your leadership and align your work with your faith. Learn More
  • ๐Ÿ“š "Coach: A Story of Success Redefined": A transformative read that will challenge your views on success. Grab Your Copy
  • ๐Ÿ“ Faith Driven Leader Quiz: Discover how well you're aligning faith and work with our quick quiz. Take the Quiz

Key Lessons:

1. Success is about finding balance: Darren Mass emphasizes that success is not solely about wealth, but about achieving balance between health, happiness, family, and wealth.

2. Pursue passion and purpose: Material possessions may not bring happiness. Darren urges individuals to pursue their passion and vision, work hard, and surround themselves with good people to achieve financial success.

3. Technology and information consumption: The negative effects of constant exposure to negative news and information can impact mental well-being. Being mindful of technology use and consuming positive information can lead to improved overall well-being.

4. Parenting challenges: Parenting presents complex challenges such as feeling outnumbered and the pressure of not "screwing up." Darren shares his experiences and acknowledges the daunting nature of the task.

5. Business and personal life parallels: The parallels between running a company and being a father are discussed, highlighting the unique challenges of both experiences.

These lessons emphasize success as a multifaceted concept, the importance of personal fulfillment, the impact of technology consumption, the complexities of parenting, and the parallels between professional and personal life.

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] Introduction: Tim introduces Darren, a former CEO turned business therapist, whose mission is to help entrepreneurs find balance and enjoyment.

[05:45] Parenting Philosophy: Darren believes there is no right answer to parenting and discusses challenges, including the impact of technology on family dynamics.

[14:20] Balancing Technology Use: Tim and Darren discuss the complexities of managing technology usage, particularly social media, and its impact on personal well-being and family dynamics.

[24:15] Redefining Success: Darren reflects on redefining success from wealth to a balance of health, happiness, family, and wealth, emphasizing the importance of being present and living in the moment.

[35:00] The Pursuit of Happiness: Darren shares his journey from pursuing wealth to realizing that lifestyle and purpose-driven goals bring more happiness than solely monetary targets.

[45:30] Challenges of Parenthood: Tim and Darren delve into the complexities of running a company and being a father, emphasizing the unique challenges of both experiences.

[55:00] Impact of Wealth: Darren emphasizes the importance of purpose and passion in achieving financial success and finding fulfillment in life, encouraging individuals to pursue their passion and vision.

Thank you for listening to Seek Go Create!

Our podcast is dedicated to empowering Christian leaders, entrepreneurs, and individuals looking to redefine success in their personal and professional lives. Through in-depth interviews, personal anecdotes, and expert advice, we offer valuable insights and actionable strategies for achieving your goals and living a life of purpose and fulfillment.

If you enjoyed this episode and found it helpful, we encourage you to subscribe to or follow Seek Go Create on your favorite podcast platform, including Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify. By subscribing, you'll never miss an episode and can stay up-to-date on the latest insights and strategies for success.

Additionally, please share this episode or what youโ€™ve learned today with your friends, family, and colleagues on your favorite social media platform. By sharing our podcast, you can help us reach more people who are looking to align their faith with their work and lead with purpose.

For more updates and episodes, visit our website or follow us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, TikTok and YouTube. We appreciate your support and look forward to helping you achieve your goals and create a life of purpose and fulfillment.

Now, you can tip us, buy us a coffee, or offer financial support. Contributions start at just $1, and if you leave a comment, you could be featured in a future episode!

Visit our Support page for more details.

Mentioned in this episode:

Overcome Leadership Challenges with Tim Winders

Feeling overwhelmed in your leadership journey? You're not alone. Tim Winders, your SeekGoCreate host, is here to guide you through those tough moments as an experienced executive coach. From mastering team dynamics to making strategic decisions and fostering personal growth, Tim offers the support you need to break through barriers and achieve what once seemed impossible. Donโ€™t let challenges define your leadership. Book a free Discovery Coaching Call with Tim today and take the first step towards a path of greater success and satisfaction. It's time to transform your challenges into opportunities.

Book Coaching Call

Transcript
Speaker:

That is a very scary situation, especially at a young age to retire. I

Speaker:

retired at 38 years old.

Speaker:

Yeah. That's a scary situation. Is that my final hurrah

Speaker:

at such a young age? It's also the realization that, sure, I could buy a

Speaker:

lot of things, but those things, those materials Didn't make me happy. They

Speaker:

didn't fill that void.

Speaker:

Can a simple hike open the door to profound insights and life

Speaker:

changing conversations? Welcome to Seek Go create where we explore

Speaker:

this intriguing idea with Darren Mast, a former

Speaker:

CEO turned business therapist who finds clarity and

Speaker:

connection on the trails with the world's leading business

Speaker:

achievers. Darren's story is a roller coaster of ambition,

Speaker:

Success and introspection. After selling his company, Mass

Speaker:

Communications, for 40,000,000, Darren found himself grappling with a

Speaker:

sense of loss and confusion. It was a hike that

Speaker:

transformed his perspective and led to the creation of his

Speaker:

podcast. I took a hike of empower listening, great

Speaker:

podcast, where he shares in-depth conversations with top

Speaker:

entrepreneurs Amidst nature's backdrop.

Speaker:

Darren, welcome to Seek, go create. Thank you. And I definitely did not

Speaker:

script that, and I could not have said it better. So Well done.

Speaker:

Welcome. It's good to have you, Dan. I'm excited about this conversation. I stumbled

Speaker:

upon you on LinkedIn, and I said, This is a guy we're either

Speaker:

related or cousins or need to be or whatever, and so we're

Speaker:

gonna have a fun conversation all about redefining here. But

Speaker:

before I dive into things, let's

Speaker:

pretend or not really that we just bumped into each other. I ask you what

Speaker:

you do. What do you tell people when they ask What do you do?

Speaker:

I help business owners crawl out from the rock that they fell

Speaker:

on. Do you like that question? Do you hate the

Speaker:

question sometimes as much as I do? So I was

Speaker:

part of a networking group a while back during COVID when we all

Speaker:

needed some help. And the purpose of the networking group is to never ask,

Speaker:

what do you do? Why? Because not to crap all over lawyers, but if you

Speaker:

tell me you're a lawyer, I'm thinking probably one of a few things,

Speaker:

Right. But that means I'm not thinking about your, you as a

Speaker:

person. And that's when all of this clicked with me,

Speaker:

that It doesn't matter what you do. You as a person is more important. So

Speaker:

yes, I do not like that question, as the opener.

Speaker:

It naturally comes out because that's our default bias. We always want to

Speaker:

categorize and lump people into things. So, yeah, if you're a lawyer, here's

Speaker:

your bucket. You're a doctor. Here's your bucket. If you hike

Speaker:

for a living and share inspiration with all the listeners

Speaker:

on a podcast, You don't have a bucket. You're

Speaker:

somewhere in the cookie category. So there I am in the cookie category.

Speaker:

I think some of us are getting to a place where we Tried to be

Speaker:

in the bucket for many years, and now we've spent a period

Speaker:

of time, years, whatever, trying to be outside the

Speaker:

bucket. It Sounds like that's a good bit of what your journey's been.

Speaker:

Correct? Yeah. I think this stems from

Speaker:

yep. I'm the tail end of generation x, The ex gen

Speaker:

maybe arguably some millennials born in May of 1980.

Speaker:

My people Didn't want to be like their parents.

Speaker:

We didn't want to live in that house, go to work in the morning,

Speaker:

come home, eat dinner, wake up, Go to work and repeat,

Speaker:

repeat, repeat. So we've all had this really strong sense

Speaker:

of work ethic. Right? We do. We went to work. We worked hard. We

Speaker:

climbed that corporate ladder. We sought after the jobs we wanted.

Speaker:

Right. We earned it. But then when we became parents, we started

Speaker:

realizing that Wait, I'm my dad

Speaker:

or I'm my mom. And we started seeking something different.

Speaker:

Right? We seek, we go and we Create it. There you go. Here you go.

Speaker:

But that is, is very, very much my mission as well

Speaker:

as many others. And I think we are all collectively finding unique

Speaker:

ways to earn a living, earn a keep, but more important, find

Speaker:

balance to enjoying our lives. Because I'm not going to say

Speaker:

that my parents Don't enjoy their life? They do now in retirement in

Speaker:

Florida, but they didn't enjoy their life.

Speaker:

Granted, if I asked Tim the question, do you enjoy your life at

Speaker:

45? They would have said, sure. But I didn't witness

Speaker:

that. I didn't witness the social nights out or

Speaker:

the friend hangouts or the parties or the

Speaker:

work celebrations. I witnessed my dad just

Speaker:

getting through life. And that is something that I didn't want to

Speaker:

be. And many people like you and I have

Speaker:

found a good trajectory to not be like that.

Speaker:

So what's interesting is that you say you're on the tail end of that, I

Speaker:

guess, that generation X I'm on the tail end of the baby boomer. So it's

Speaker:

almost like we're this odd tail end of 2

Speaker:

generations That I I

Speaker:

ended up going down the path, even though I didn't want to. Sounds like you

Speaker:

did a little bit too. We'll talk about that in just a moment, But yet

Speaker:

I didn't want to. And I don't know if I didn't know how to get

Speaker:

out or if I just didn't know what I didn't know, but I do

Speaker:

think it's part of a journey and it seems like all of

Speaker:

our stories, this is what we talk about here is almost every situation

Speaker:

Is a journey, but I wanna go into that, but real quick, a bigger question,

Speaker:

because now you're working with people. You call yourself a business therapist, which we'll, we're

Speaker:

gonna talk about that in just a Seek. But But

Speaker:

can people get outside of the

Speaker:

bucket On their own, or

Speaker:

does there have to be some kind of event Or

Speaker:

external thing happen or some kind of

Speaker:

come to Jesus or whatever you wanna call it That forces that.

Speaker:

Because I know yours will talk about it some as it was a transition

Speaker:

from being a CEO going through an exit. Mine was

Speaker:

2008, the downturn. Those were

Speaker:

external things that we may have known about, may not,

Speaker:

but Can we lead people down that path as an executive

Speaker:

coach and a business therapist without having to go through a bunch of

Speaker:

crap? So

Speaker:

broad generalization with everything we're saying, right? Of course, there are

Speaker:

individuals that were born into entrepreneurship. I feel like I was

Speaker:

born into entrepreneurship. My grandfather was an entrepreneur. My father had a

Speaker:

moment. My uncles have moments. Go I think you're born

Speaker:

into it. That spark Does happen naturally. But

Speaker:

for many, right, at the risk of generalizing, for

Speaker:

many, You do need that existential

Speaker:

wake up call that life changing wake up call, whether or not, you

Speaker:

know, it was a health scare That made you realize, oh my God,

Speaker:

what am I doing here? Or a nudge from a care, a

Speaker:

caring party or a loved one. I think

Speaker:

we are programmed to go to school at an

Speaker:

early age. We are programmed to obey Party and listen

Speaker:

to our Winders, all well and good. Alright.

Speaker:

But that programming for many does create this robotic

Speaker:

life, Does create the going to work and coming home. And

Speaker:

that's the purpose of life until you have children and

Speaker:

a wake up call. As a father, What was I doing? I was

Speaker:

working really hard, but then I became a father and now I'm working really hard

Speaker:

for this purpose, taking care and supporting my family.

Speaker:

Mothers taking care and supporting family, going to work to support a

Speaker:

family. Right? We have this meaning. I think there is that

Speaker:

click though, and it's usually a life changing event for me.

Speaker:

I've had multiple clicks in my life. I've had bouts of depression,

Speaker:

like many I've had lots of those

Speaker:

existential conversations in my brain saying, what am I

Speaker:

doing? What is this purpose? Why am I doing this? Many can

Speaker:

relate to that. And I think it's that style

Speaker:

thinking and those types of events that build

Speaker:

greatness, great character, and these purposeful

Speaker:

events. You mentioned that you Winders of

Speaker:

have genetically wired entrepreneur

Speaker:

In in your blood. I think that I do too. It's interesting. You Winders skipped

Speaker:

a generation, but I was wanting

Speaker:

to hustle, do business, Make me some money,

Speaker:

you know, right early on, but

Speaker:

then something Wanted me to go

Speaker:

to college, get that education, and then I had a company

Speaker:

in college, and then I went to work corporate for 9 years before I was

Speaker:

able to Bussed away from that. Safety. Talk about You went

Speaker:

to the safety aspect of things. Safety, just got married,

Speaker:

stuff like that. You think you need to do money, but it's interesting. I think

Speaker:

you posted something, and I I don't even know if I still have it pulled

Speaker:

up here. You do post a lot. I post at least 6 days a week.

Speaker:

Yeah. You do a LinkedIn. You're Seek people need to check you out on LinkedIn.

Speaker:

I enjoy it. That's what, what part drew me to it. I think you put

Speaker:

a picture of you back when you were a kid, the earring,

Speaker:

the buzz head, all that kind of stuff. You wanted to be a rock and

Speaker:

roll number for the state. Yeah. Yeah. I am not going to be putting up

Speaker:

my yearbook photo because there was a lot of hair there, and there was a

Speaker:

lot of hairspray with it. A lot more hair than you had. Shows shows the

Speaker:

difference in the generation. You were Go, so yes.

Speaker:

Sometime, here's what you said here. Sometimes we spend chasing

Speaker:

something we want. You put that in quotes only to find

Speaker:

out it isn't The thing we

Speaker:

need is it, doesn't that appear that's what most people are

Speaker:

doing or not even want They think it's what

Speaker:

they want, or they think it's what they should want

Speaker:

might be, something there. So talk about that. Yeah.

Speaker:

That's marketing at its finest, self marketing and ex external

Speaker:

marketing. We want these things, and we set

Speaker:

goals to achieve them. We wanna drive a Ferrari, So we work really hard to

Speaker:

earn the money for a Ferrari. Then we get a Ferrari and we spend our

Speaker:

lives obsessing over the dent where the scratch we just got on a

Speaker:

Ferrari. Right? What I mean by that is when we

Speaker:

achieve the thing we wanted, we find out it didn't solve or fill the

Speaker:

void that was missing all along. We're not happy with ourselves.

Speaker:

It's the reason why the most prescribed drugs on the

Speaker:

planet are anti depression drugs, because we're

Speaker:

depressed on our wanting journey.

Speaker:

My message is all about and granted, it did take me a lot of

Speaker:

wanting, Achieving and Reflections Discover

Speaker:

This, but my message is really about when you achieve

Speaker:

the want, It didn't fix the void.

Speaker:

So stop wanting and wishing our lives away and start celebrating and living

Speaker:

in the moments. Now, granted, I don't always practice what I preach.

Speaker:

Right? I talk about being present and in the moment.

Speaker:

Be there for your children because that is the only generational wealth

Speaker:

that matters. I'm not talking about money. I posted something on this the

Speaker:

other day. Generational wealth is misunderstood. If I leave my kids

Speaker:

$100,000,000 without rules and guidance or trust

Speaker:

and a map, I just screwed them up for generations to come. They become lazy,

Speaker:

complacent. They're pieces of garbage. No offense to anyone who's a piece of

Speaker:

garbage. But, if I set them up

Speaker:

with education, knowledge, We helped work

Speaker:

on their personality to become likable, charismatic people

Speaker:

that like to help others. Good, strong work

Speaker:

ethic, a drive. I've set them up with as much wealth

Speaker:

as they want to achieve in their life, not a handout.

Speaker:

And I tell this to my kids, and all the time. I might

Speaker:

not leave you money, but I will leave you with a future.

Speaker:

That's more important. Now when I say I'm a little bit of a hypocrite, I

Speaker:

talk about being present. I catch myself all the time

Speaker:

like this. My kids are around and I'm like, hold on, I'm

Speaker:

posting. I catch myself though. That's the

Speaker:

important part, the realization when you're violating the thing that you

Speaker:

shouldn't be violating. So I do have to tell myself because I'm

Speaker:

human, put the phone down, the comment can wait, be

Speaker:

present, be there for your child, but it's the catch

Speaker:

that we need. Yeah. It's interesting. Yeah. There's gosh. Two thoughts popped

Speaker:

in my mind as you were talking there. 1 Was,

Speaker:

you know, that, that want that you mentioned versus what we Seek.

Speaker:

And I went back to a conversation. We were, my wife and I were with

Speaker:

our grown son in Vegas not too long Go, and we were sitting

Speaker:

there having lunch and it was they were actually Prepping. They were about to have

Speaker:

the formula one race there. So I thought that was cool, but I made a

Speaker:

comment to them that I think I love the

Speaker:

thought Of Vegas more than the actual

Speaker:

application of Vegas. I don't know if you know what I mean by that. It's

Speaker:

like Vegas Seems like it should be so cool,

Speaker:

but yet I'm there, and I'm kinda Go. And I think there's a lot of

Speaker:

things like that in life. I think we love the thought of Some

Speaker:

things, but then when we actually apply them or try and we

Speaker:

realize maybe that was somebody else's dream or somebody else's goal or something that

Speaker:

we thought You mentioned marketing. I think we are so

Speaker:

susceptible to being swayed and influenced

Speaker:

and listen, I do marketing. You're a business guy. You've done

Speaker:

marketing, so we may be part of the problem, but maybe at

Speaker:

least talking about it will Help people overcome it. But then the second thing you

Speaker:

mentioned, which is related, are these devices that were

Speaker:

on. And you are You're of the age to remember

Speaker:

before barely before internet. I'm

Speaker:

definitely of the age to remember, but How challenging

Speaker:

is this conversation we're having with all of

Speaker:

the access we have to information and the notifications and the comments and

Speaker:

the, you're very active on LinkedIn. We're active on a few channels and

Speaker:

things like that. How challenging is it and how tough is it when we're

Speaker:

Trying to convey that to our children. You've got 3 girls and I've got grown

Speaker:

children. It is seemingly

Speaker:

impossible. So I was alive. I was born in 1980. I didn't have

Speaker:

a computer until 1998. My 1st year in college, I worked hard to buy

Speaker:

it. I remember it well. He

Speaker:

Life seemed simpler back then, but I think in

Speaker:

retrospect, when you do reflect and nostalgia,

Speaker:

It always seems simpler, right? I love being

Speaker:

so connected. I genuinely love

Speaker:

LinkedIn. I I'm I'm a staunch

Speaker:

believer in the power of networking for business

Speaker:

Always. I'm not a fan of other social media. Yes. I do it.

Speaker:

But I delegate those tasks away because I don't love that, so I let other

Speaker:

people handle that side. But when it comes to LinkedIn,

Speaker:

that is the new style of networking. That is your storefront. That is your

Speaker:

banner. That is your Awning. That is how you attract your

Speaker:

brand. I do it because for me, it's therapeutic. I don't have a call to

Speaker:

action. If you like me, sure. Follow me. Cool. If you like the message,

Speaker:

Comment, share. Cool. If you don't, leave a comment.

Speaker:

Cool. Ignore me. Awesome. I'm doing it for me.

Speaker:

But by doing it for me, I'm aligning with other people that can relate

Speaker:

to me. I will say that life is more complex

Speaker:

because of it. It does require me to be glued to a

Speaker:

device. I spend no less than 2 hours a day, collectively,

Speaker:

on LinkedIn. It is a lot. But it's because

Speaker:

I enjoy it. And, really, you shouldn't

Speaker:

do anything you don't enjoy doing with

Speaker:

exceptions. Growing a business, Somebody's gotta work all

Speaker:

those jobs you don't wanna do at 1st. Do Tim. Learn your experience,

Speaker:

but eventually hire and delegate that away. For me, if

Speaker:

I love LinkedIn, that's my medicine. That's what I will do. If

Speaker:

you don't love LinkedIn, hire somebody to do it if you're

Speaker:

growing a business. Let someone else manage it, but don't

Speaker:

neglect it. But, yeah, that device,

Speaker:

It's tough to deal with. And now I see the problem with my kids having

Speaker:

these devices. The one thing they don't have though is they won't have

Speaker:

phones for a while. Good parent, bad parent. One thing I've

Speaker:

learned also don't tell people how to parent. There's no right answer. You're going to

Speaker:

screw your kids up regardless, but I will

Speaker:

not be getting them the iPhone. I'll be getting them when

Speaker:

they turn 10, some device that will allow them to communicate

Speaker:

with me, They're friends, right? A safer

Speaker:

device. I don't want them on social media the

Speaker:

way that The world has been on social media. There's lots of negative. Now

Speaker:

can I block them from everything? No. They're kids. They'll sneak out of the house.

Speaker:

Great. I'll celebrate that. But The best I can do

Speaker:

to keep them out of the challenges of today, I'm gonna try

Speaker:

to do that. Don't practice what I preach, or do

Speaker:

something like that. Well, I think that

Speaker:

part of it and I, you went down a path. I was about to ask

Speaker:

question I'm glad you let us know. I'm assuming Sorry. My ADHD takes me on

Speaker:

multiple paths sometimes. I I think we're tracking

Speaker:

because you answered the question I was about To ask. So we're

Speaker:

either something's going on here, which is nice. But

Speaker:

one of the things, I was gonna ask the ages Of your

Speaker:

children and I've already met Coraline. Cause I listened in

Speaker:

on a podcast episode where you took a hike with her.

Speaker:

So, she was she was 4 at the time. I don't know if she's still

Speaker:

that age, and then it sounds like you've got almost 10 year olds. And and

Speaker:

I guess the question I was Go to ask what you sort of asked, I'll

Speaker:

answer it. I'll, I'll kind of address it here is, is

Speaker:

how do we, How do we convey

Speaker:

that there needs to be a certain degree of maturity to deal with

Speaker:

these things? And I do want to say this At Tim, I'm not sure that

Speaker:

I have the maturity or a lot of what we would call adults

Speaker:

have the maturity with these tools that we have. So I do want to say

Speaker:

it's not necessarily an age Tim. How do you convey that? This is not a

Speaker:

how to parent. This is almost how to communicate what type of

Speaker:

information you need to have access to. Yeah. So

Speaker:

it is an age thing actually, because adults are far worse

Speaker:

than children because we always hide behind the I'm the

Speaker:

adult. I as a business therapist, I

Speaker:

coach a lot of partnerships, and I see a lot of fighting like

Speaker:

children, and it is Comical to me because,

Speaker:

granted, kids don't always listen to their parents,

Speaker:

but eventually, you can connect with them. Take that for what

Speaker:

it's worth, but, hey, we don't, we're not the best representation

Speaker:

sometimes, but what success should be.

Speaker:

When it comes to parenting, I get it wrong all the Tim. And

Speaker:

I celebrate that because I try to do things differently than my parents

Speaker:

did. My parents were strict at the time growing

Speaker:

up. My dad's favorite sport was yelling. You know, I'd walk

Speaker:

into a room. He would tell me to shut up before I even said anything.

Speaker:

Now he's the happiest, greatest person on earth. I don't even recognize him. It's

Speaker:

fantastic. But I turned out all right. I

Speaker:

like the person. I love the person I am. I love that I turned out

Speaker:

that way. So I try to learn from those lessons. I yell at my kids

Speaker:

too much. We all do, but I catch myself now.

Speaker:

And now when I think I'm about to yell, I don't, I take my deep

Speaker:

breath because that's what I tell people. Take your box breathing in for

Speaker:

4, hold it for 4 out for 4 Tim your heartbeat lines up with your

Speaker:

breathing. I do that all the time. I walk away now. It's

Speaker:

really just trying to be a better parent, but I'm going to screw it

Speaker:

up to some level. So if I do yell at my kids,

Speaker:

which Over the past few months has been infrequent since I've been very, I've

Speaker:

been in a happy place and enjoying life far more than ever before.

Speaker:

I will actually sit down with them and say, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled

Speaker:

at you. And I tried to talk to them like they're adults,

Speaker:

because Tim, if you and I were having a conversation, I yelled at you. You'd

Speaker:

probably try to put me in my place. Right. Or get me to

Speaker:

stop yelling at you as an adult or in reality, I wouldn't yell

Speaker:

at you. So why is it okay for me to yell at my children? It's,

Speaker:

again, it's a self reflection that I'm screwing this up. And, as

Speaker:

parents, we're the hardest on ourselves because We don't always practice what we

Speaker:

preach, and we do revert back to that parental

Speaker:

unit that we had at the teachings. It it's all

Speaker:

just about being human. And I think today, kids are more advanced than ever

Speaker:

before. My kids do have Ipads. They're far

Speaker:

smarter than I was at their age. I was watching Sesame Street at

Speaker:

6, and they're watching YouTube. And they're telling me

Speaker:

about science experiments and NaCl is Sodium Chloride.

Speaker:

6 years old. I'm like, A, B, C?

Speaker:

Right? So I don't punish

Speaker:

technology, I don't prevent them from having technology, but I

Speaker:

try my best to police with technology, and that goes back to the phone

Speaker:

situation. They have the iPad and they'll eventually have a

Speaker:

communication device. Do I want them to be like me always on the

Speaker:

phone like this? Absolutely not. That's what I'm policing and

Speaker:

parenting against. They're going to see all the negative. They're gonna see that

Speaker:

life can be an ugly, sad place, or I

Speaker:

can coach them into turning that ugliness off. I'll allow myself to

Speaker:

wander in an ADHD moment for a second. A 120

Speaker:

days ago, and I'm posting about this, I think, next Seek. A Under 20 days

Speaker:

ago, I turned off the news completely. I don't watch the news. No

Speaker:

one ever wins with the news. I did that. I did that 9 I did

Speaker:

that 90 days ago. I did it October 1st. Go

Speaker:

October 1st, I turned up the news and it was very, it's fascinating.

Speaker:

What's going on with me mental? But go ahead. You tell me what's going on

Speaker:

with you, but I think this could be extremely valuable to

Speaker:

someone listening in. So I am Happier.

Speaker:

I don't engage in negative thoughts as

Speaker:

much or as frequently anymore. The world is

Speaker:

seemingly totally within my control. I am

Speaker:

not peppered with constant negative feedback and

Speaker:

marketing because the realization is the news is there to heighten your one

Speaker:

emotion that will get you glued, fear. Fear is

Speaker:

our oldest emotion, and it is what Keeps us glued and

Speaker:

focused. Running away from the bear, hearing

Speaker:

the bear, hearing the lion, smelling the lion, That's

Speaker:

what keeps our attention, and that is what the news is there for, to sell

Speaker:

advertising. So I turned it off. I'm not an idiot. I know what's going

Speaker:

on in the world. I know the world's affairs, but I am not constantly

Speaker:

seeing the negative. Because I came to this realization a 120 years

Speaker:

ago that we actually live in the best

Speaker:

time ever in humanity. You don't think

Speaker:

so? Okay. I'm gonna prove it to you. In the

Speaker:

1600, if I cursed somebody in the royal

Speaker:

family, I would lose my tongue. If I stole a loaf of bread from my

Speaker:

starving family, I would lose my hand. If I cheated on my wife, I

Speaker:

would lose my If I told the

Speaker:

king that he should die, I would lose my life. I would be threatened by

Speaker:

the rack, the wheel, the pair, the gauntlet, anything that would torture

Speaker:

me a brazen bull. I'd be set on fire or hung at a noose.

Speaker:

I don't have to worry about that, especially as an American. I I can tell

Speaker:

you I like you, I don't like you. I can say our president is great,

Speaker:

I can say our president sucks. There's a limit to the amount of

Speaker:

freedom, of course, But I don't have to fear

Speaker:

losing my life, and I have freedoms. This is

Speaker:

the best time ever. It is not the best time for everyone in their

Speaker:

personal situation. But when you collectively look at the fact that we

Speaker:

are alive and we can do whatever we want, It's a

Speaker:

pretty damn great time. So why would I allow some

Speaker:

squawk box to tell me that it's not the

Speaker:

best time to harm my personality

Speaker:

and my future and my needs, wants, and desires. I just turned it

Speaker:

off. That's the power I have, and I've been really happy since.

Speaker:

Yeah. It's amazing to me. Were you, would you consider yourself

Speaker:

addicted to information and news prior to that?

Speaker:

I'm a huge nurse. I love information. I love news.

Speaker:

I love the world events. I let me put a D there. I loved all

Speaker:

that. I got Sucked into it. I wanted to see how the world was gelling

Speaker:

together or not. I'd wanted to feel like I could solve the problems, but I

Speaker:

couldn't. I love information. When I was viewing

Speaker:

TikTok all too frequently, which I also got rid of when I was viewing

Speaker:

it, I would, My feed was all this nerdy science stuff or

Speaker:

chemistry stuff or hiking things. I just absorbed knowledge

Speaker:

and I loved that. I love learning. But now since I've turned off the negative,

Speaker:

I've only focused on positive. I've been able to learn more about our

Speaker:

positive brain, our positive mentality. I've been able to do more. I've

Speaker:

been able to hike more. I've been able to write more. My vision has

Speaker:

become clearer, and I know this all sounds kooky, because guess what? It

Speaker:

is. But I'm choosing the way that I want to

Speaker:

feel every day. And whenever asked,

Speaker:

I don't mean to rub it in, but it sometimes sounds like that. My friends

Speaker:

ask me all the time, how am I doing? And I say, I'm living the

Speaker:

best day of my life every single day. And

Speaker:

then I hear some other people say, oh, today, I'm miserable. K. Misery is a

Speaker:

choice, so is positivity. Sounds kooky,

Speaker:

but it's a choice. People don't realize they choose to

Speaker:

be miserable. Yeah. There's real circumstances and situations that

Speaker:

cause us to be miserable. Yeah. Life Experience has caused us

Speaker:

to be miserable, but you could turn certain things off. I'm not telling

Speaker:

you to turn off the fact that, you know, cousin Jimmy just passed away suddenly.

Speaker:

Yeah. Be sad about that. Be human. Of course. But in a few

Speaker:

weeks, you should mourn and move on and not dwell and celebrate the fact

Speaker:

that Cousin Jimmy's not here, and maybe he should be here, but he's not. So

Speaker:

let's move on. He would want us to move forward. Sorry, cousin Jimmy. I didn't

Speaker:

mean to be insensitive. Yeah. The neat thing about that

Speaker:

is that I'm recognizing it's very similar. I feel like I'm

Speaker:

looking in a mirror, hearing my voice because I Was

Speaker:

trying to convince myself that I needed all this information for

Speaker:

what I did for my business or for financial decisions or

Speaker:

for Business decisions for the executive coaching that I do

Speaker:

probably just to be able to communicate and converse with people.

Speaker:

Sounds like you found the same thing. No, I don't. I don't need that. In

Speaker:

fact, I think it was jading my mind a

Speaker:

little bit, and I'm older than you are. I we would have hoped we would

Speaker:

have figured this out sooner, but I was looking at the world through a

Speaker:

lens that was clouded by what other people wanted me to think about it. Media,

Speaker:

we can call it news. You actually alluded to this. It's really more media

Speaker:

In that they're selling something, and they have to keep us attached to it and

Speaker:

things like that. We don't really have pure

Speaker:

news much anymore. I, I think it's been phenomenal.

Speaker:

And I, I actually am on a

Speaker:

similar path, more creativity, writing

Speaker:

more. I enjoy my conversations more. I have

Speaker:

less cynicism, Darren. I was finding

Speaker:

myself being more cynical. You look at the political structure, and you just

Speaker:

I don't care what side you're on. You're just like, oh, man. This is a

Speaker:

mess. We got troubles. So, anyway, that that's cool. So that was a sidebar. Didn't

Speaker:

really plan that, but I think that could be some of the

Speaker:

most valuable things that we mentioned to folks is cut some

Speaker:

stuff out, get rid of it. I I wanna shift a little bit

Speaker:

here, and I want to go back a

Speaker:

little bit to talk about your, what we'll call your journey, your success story,

Speaker:

And a few highlights here, and I think you listed this out on a post.

Speaker:

You you had achieved so much, started a company, scaled it over

Speaker:

50 employees, got acquired by a Fortune 500 Company,

Speaker:

but you had this Seek, dark feeling of irrelevance.

Speaker:

And, I guess, talk more about

Speaker:

Kind of what led up to that, because, obviously, you had a pretty good

Speaker:

run, I'm guessing, if you scaled a company, sold it.

Speaker:

And were you feeling good about yourself during that Tim, or did you have any

Speaker:

clues that you didn't have it all together Before then?

Speaker:

Yeah. So, I started the business because I

Speaker:

always knew I wanted to start a business. That was always my thing. I learned

Speaker:

from my grandfather. I went to university. I

Speaker:

had a job, an internship. I stayed at that company for multiple

Speaker:

years. I learned as much as I could. I used that job

Speaker:

as the best education I have ever had.

Speaker:

Right. I learned how to be an adult, a professional, how

Speaker:

corporate structure works. I learned the ins and outs of

Speaker:

being a business person in that sense. And then one day I had my

Speaker:

insane entrepreneurial cliched spark in the middle of the night and

Speaker:

said, And I had my business name and I had my,

Speaker:

my motto and I just ran with it, created a really quick business

Speaker:

plan, went into the office the next day, I told my

Speaker:

boss, Hey, I'll give you 6 months and I'm out. And his exact

Speaker:

words, if I may par I'll say his exact

Speaker:

words. Sorry for the profanity. He said, it's about fucking time,

Speaker:

kid. Because they always heard me say that one day I'm gonna

Speaker:

own my business. And that to me is was a great example of

Speaker:

what a great leader and a mentor should do. He could have

Speaker:

convinced me to stay or tried, but he knew there was no use. He even

Speaker:

said, I'm not even gonna convince you. I know it's not gonna work. Right? He

Speaker:

was telling me I'm supportive. Here you go. Then a whole bunch

Speaker:

of can'ts came because it was turning into 2008,

Speaker:

horrible time to start a business, so people thought. And I heard

Speaker:

the, you can't start a business in this economy.

Speaker:

You can't, can't, can't, can't, can't. And I'm always a person that said,

Speaker:

I'm gonna prove you wrong, so I sought out to prove everyone

Speaker:

wrong. Starting a business in tough economic is

Speaker:

a phenomenal idea. While you're at 0, your would

Speaker:

be or should be competition is too worried about protecting their own

Speaker:

assets. They're not paying attention to you. That allows you to

Speaker:

creep up unnoticed. That also allows

Speaker:

you to get the benefit of a bad economy. What do I mean? I was

Speaker:

in telecom. I needed to work with the world of Verizon and AT

Speaker:

and T, these big monster companies. They would have never spoken

Speaker:

to me in a great economy, but they did in a

Speaker:

shitty economy. Anyway, Fast forward. I loved

Speaker:

that business. I loved working with people. I loved inspiring people. I

Speaker:

loved being a leader. I loved doing all

Speaker:

of the jobs and all the tasks that most people wouldn't love doing.

Speaker:

It was never about making money. It was always about the

Speaker:

freedom of doing what I loved and wanted to do

Speaker:

predominantly. And then one day, it started becoming about

Speaker:

money, and that's when I was a little bit less

Speaker:

excited. I was more excited about the want

Speaker:

Then the reality of what I was doing. And when I finally started

Speaker:

realizing that the market is changing, the economy's changing, my

Speaker:

risk Tolerance is decreasing. My need, my insatiable

Speaker:

need for more money was ever growing. That's when we

Speaker:

decided to sell the business because I knew we were becoming detrimental

Speaker:

to the growth. Sold the business in 2018.

Speaker:

I stayed on because I wasn't ready to call myself Tired. I was an

Speaker:

employee of the company. I was the president of, the company for about a

Speaker:

year. Unfortunately, the company went into bankruptcy due to a

Speaker:

lawsuit that they lost. Not because of my company that

Speaker:

they acquired and Create us, but working in a bankrupt company was

Speaker:

not fun, not exciting. And I looked at it as I don't have to do

Speaker:

this and I'm not gonna do anything that's not exciting to

Speaker:

me. Took my exit. And now it all sounds like poor rich

Speaker:

guy. That's when I realized the thing that I always wanted

Speaker:

that, that money, that, that dream of everyone

Speaker:

was not really that exciting. I started worrying about

Speaker:

money and losing it more than ever before because I wasn't

Speaker:

making the same income anymore. I wasn't replacing what I'm spending.

Speaker:

So that really weighs on you. I started realizing that I'm this

Speaker:

retired dude. That's picking up his kids and dropping them off at school

Speaker:

and then hanging out with his wife all the time. Don't get

Speaker:

me wrong. That's could be fun Tim your wife tells

Speaker:

you to go out and get a job because you're annoying as hell. So then

Speaker:

I started getting depressed about it, and that's when I realized

Speaker:

chasing money is not the answer.

Speaker:

The reality of where you wanna find your happiness, it's

Speaker:

the intersection of chasing a lifestyle

Speaker:

achievement. I correct people all the Tim. When you tell me you want to

Speaker:

make $1,000,000. Okay. You are saying that you

Speaker:

want to make $1,000,000 right now in this moment, When you think $1,000,000

Speaker:

is a lot of money, but when you make $1,000,000, you

Speaker:

realize your lifestyle changed, and it's no longer a lot of money.

Speaker:

So some people will inspire you to reset the goal. Great. But

Speaker:

you're resetting the goal to a inflection where you're upset

Speaker:

and depressed about the fact you achieved your goal and it didn't bring you the

Speaker:

joy or happiness or want and need that you needed or wanted.

Speaker:

So what I'd tell you is set a goal. You wanna have a van life

Speaker:

or live in an RV or afford an RV? Boom. That's a real

Speaker:

lifestyle goal. Work really hard, put in the effort,

Speaker:

put in the, the, the, the time to earn the

Speaker:

ability to buy that RV, Then reset

Speaker:

and reset and reset. Keep driving forward, set up lifestyle

Speaker:

goals. You want to own a company, boom, own a company.

Speaker:

You want to, you want to have 50 employees work really

Speaker:

hard to be able to afford 50 employees, do it right.

Speaker:

Make sure that you're growing a business properly. But set up

Speaker:

goals. You wanna surf every Friday afternoon and not go to the

Speaker:

office? That's an easy one. Go out and surf. Do

Speaker:

it. Seek up a lifestyle, because that will bring you more happiness,

Speaker:

than just wanting and setting goals for money and money alone.

Speaker:

Go, yeah, I hit a really bad depression. COVID hit.

Speaker:

It exacerbated that per that depression. I, like everyone else, was thought

Speaker:

the world was going to end, although I did not wash my groceries.

Speaker:

That wasn't that crazy. No offense to crazy people.

Speaker:

But it did exacerbate the

Speaker:

issue. That's when I went on a hike, My brother took me

Speaker:

out, it clicked, I loved hiking. I took another hike with a

Speaker:

friend where I told Tim, I feel purposeless.

Speaker:

I don't feel relevant anymore. I'm 40 years

Speaker:

old. I'm fully retired. I don't need to work

Speaker:

ever again. And the thing that I needed the most was feeling

Speaker:

relevant purpose. And my friend turned to me and he

Speaker:

said, Darren, man, you are extremely relevant and

Speaker:

stop tying relevancy to work. You're a

Speaker:

great father. You're a good husband. Assuming I was a good

Speaker:

husband. I think I am. You have all of this

Speaker:

energy tied into something that brings you passion, where you can inspire

Speaker:

others. And once I got back to my Jeep, that's where I took I came

Speaker:

from. That's my relevancy. I'm no longer depressed about

Speaker:

it. You don't make money from podcasting unless you're Joe Rogan.

Speaker:

You make purpose. You make relevancy from podcasting.

Speaker:

You align with people. You network with people. You know how rewarding it

Speaker:

is to hear someone. If I'm in the center of town, Hey, I heard your

Speaker:

podcast. I really liked it. That to me is all the money I need.

Speaker:

That's the currency Purpose.

Speaker:

Yeah. Right? Yeah. That's nice. I wanna talk about, I wanna talk about the podcast

Speaker:

shortly, but I wanna back up a little bit because I'm trying to, I'm thinking

Speaker:

of parallel paths here when we were going through your

Speaker:

company journey. It seems like it was about a 10 year 10 year journey.

Speaker:

And if I'm doing my math correctly, help out here.

Speaker:

About halfway into the company journey is

Speaker:

when you had children. I don't know when you got married along

Speaker:

the way there, but probably Somewhere around there. There was about halfway

Speaker:

in, and I guess I want to to kinda ask,

Speaker:

was there any tension When all of

Speaker:

a sudden it wasn't just about Darren and your wife, and all of a

Speaker:

sudden there were children involved. And I know you're, I think

Speaker:

you're in New York, so you're in the city, so there's probably commutes involved,

Speaker:

and there's a lot of time involved with startup and things like

Speaker:

that. Talk about The parallels between what was going on in your

Speaker:

life at some point there, I may have the math right. You could correct me

Speaker:

if you need to. Yeah. It's pretty close. So we had the business exactly

Speaker:

10 years to the day. You put good out there, your luck circles. I

Speaker:

started the business December 19, 2007. We sold it or signed a

Speaker:

stock purchase agreement on December 19, 2017.

Speaker:

Closed the deal in March. We didn't pick the last Create. The

Speaker:

company buying us did. So it's just put good out there and

Speaker:

good comes back. Yeah. It was about the midway point. I got

Speaker:

married in 2011. We started the business in

Speaker:

2007, 1st day in 2008. Go, yeah, midway point

Speaker:

for kids. It was actually great. No tension. I did live

Speaker:

in the city, so that commute was really a subway Way ride from

Speaker:

downtown Manhattan to the upper west side, so about 40 minute. My

Speaker:

wife, Christie, she's amazing. She would take the kids out in

Speaker:

their double stroller and Pushed them to the train station, the subway station, and

Speaker:

we would meet. There was no real tension there. The tension

Speaker:

that I would have felt was more when we moved out of the city and

Speaker:

became a suburbanite family. We moved to New Jersey.

Speaker:

Yeah, my attention really came from the fact that my wife was no longer

Speaker:

In this big city, couldn't take the stroller out and just

Speaker:

walk around and feel that energy from New York. She was now

Speaker:

stuck inside of a home with these twin kids. There was some tension

Speaker:

there, of course, but I never had pressure from her. There

Speaker:

was no pressure of of we need more, or you should do

Speaker:

more until after I sold the business where she told me to

Speaker:

get the hell out of the house and get a job. But no, I

Speaker:

do. We've always had this understanding from the day I met her. I met her

Speaker:

when I started the business. We were 3 months in, we had no clients.

Speaker:

I told her I was a CEO it sound cool? And it worked.

Speaker:

Yeah. It's a good story that she tells. She thought that I was this

Speaker:

big time CEO and I was in debt.

Speaker:

But, but no, there was no tension, but we started off

Speaker:

saying that, oh, I don't need a girlfriend. I don't want

Speaker:

a girlfriend. It was a little nicer than that, but it was understood that the

Speaker:

business has to come first. If we're gonna make a relationship work, then

Speaker:

the business has to be in check. That balance that I've always been looking for,

Speaker:

I was heavily balanced towards the business, which would have set my

Speaker:

future up. But by having a very understanding

Speaker:

person, I met the right person. She allowed me to not

Speaker:

have to be so present for the relationship. So it worked

Speaker:

out right person. I wouldn't say I had that much pressure from her

Speaker:

ever, except to get out of the house. What's

Speaker:

tougher running a company that's got 50 employees

Speaker:

or being the quote unquote head or

Speaker:

father In a household with 3 young girls

Speaker:

and your wife compare and contrast.

Speaker:

It does depend. Everyone's situation is unique.

Speaker:

Me personally, I'm an engineer by trade. I believe

Speaker:

in people process and product to Steal that from Marcus Lemonis, but I believe in

Speaker:

the process aspect mostly. So running a 50 person company is

Speaker:

no different than a 100 person company, Very different than a 5 or 10

Speaker:

person company, but you grow your processes and you have management and structure and

Speaker:

an org chart and then good leadership. You can take a day out of the

Speaker:

office and you have lots of coverage, and things won't break. Being a

Speaker:

father is the hardest job on the planet. Being a mother It's

Speaker:

probably harder. The expectations we put on ourselves to

Speaker:

just not screw it up is constant and daunting. These little

Speaker:

Mutant children running around will not listen to you at all.

Speaker:

It doesn't matter that you know what you're talking about, or you have inspirational,

Speaker:

wisdom or Experiential wisdom. They don't

Speaker:

listen. That's frustrating to a rational adult. Those times where I

Speaker:

am yelling at my kids, it Feels like I'm the only way I can get

Speaker:

them to stop running with scissors is to yell at them. So now being a

Speaker:

father is there are moments where it just sucks. Absolutely

Speaker:

sucks. And that's where you have to bring yourself back to what's the

Speaker:

purpose here. Tiny brain less than the conversation. You

Speaker:

have to bring yourself to their level. And I've learned that too many times, and

Speaker:

I keep learning that. Yeah. Being a parent is

Speaker:

every Create. I'm also, I'm a Georgia tech process. I'm a systems

Speaker:

engineer, industrial and systems engineer from Georgia tech. I think you're our it.

Speaker:

And what's interesting is There are many things in

Speaker:

life that you can systematize. I am

Speaker:

not sure that marriage and Running

Speaker:

children is something that is systemizable. I don't

Speaker:

know if that's a word. I may have just made a word up there. Sure.

Speaker:

One of the word. I understand. You know what I mean? One of the reasons

Speaker:

I was that up is that our daughter, our grown daughter, has 2

Speaker:

daughters, and I was thinking that actually might be some, you know, good wisdom

Speaker:

for our son-in-law, Hunter, Who, they are, about to

Speaker:

work on having their next child. And they're looking like they're

Speaker:

just cranking out the girls. It looks like they're just having

Speaker:

it. Oh. Having girls, which is awesome. If there's actual statistics

Speaker:

on that. But, yeah, 3 girls for me. I'm done. I'm outnumbered. They're not

Speaker:

not there yet, but pretty soon there'll be teenagers. And, you will see me

Speaker:

hiking a lot more. I know there's a lot of women

Speaker:

out there that hate me for that comment, but it's true. Gonna be rough in

Speaker:

my house. Right. Well, if if you wanna say on in

Speaker:

another time, I'll give you my advice for when all of a sudden the dating

Speaker:

begins that I had a daughter that we had a couple rules that

Speaker:

worked out real well. We'll share that in another time. But but now the,

Speaker:

the wisdom from that. You're gonna need some help there. Alright,

Speaker:

Darren. So a lot of people get confused

Speaker:

when they hear That someone didn't exit.

Speaker:

Their bank account obviously is doing very

Speaker:

well, but yet They feel

Speaker:

irrelevant. They feel depressed. They're they don't feel good about themselves.

Speaker:

They can't equate that because there's a massive amount of people out there

Speaker:

that think If they had a boost, if they just added

Speaker:

1 0 in their bank account, much less 2, 3,

Speaker:

4, or 5 zeros in the bank account, That their

Speaker:

life would be awesome. Before we dive into

Speaker:

the I took a hike, and I wanna get some wisdom from the conversations

Speaker:

you've been having there, I'd like to talk about

Speaker:

money because there are a lot of people that would

Speaker:

say, why is this guy struggling? If he

Speaker:

just went through what most people in the world would

Speaker:

love to go through. So talk more about that. I'm

Speaker:

human. That's the answer. We're human.

Speaker:

We always Seek. We want. Right. It's

Speaker:

the topic of a lot of this conversation. The reality is I

Speaker:

grew up in a time where my dad would always say, you don't talk about

Speaker:

money. And that is, That always perplexed me. Why? What's wrong

Speaker:

with talking about money? Now it seems like every influencer on the planet talks about

Speaker:

money and how much they make and how much they wanna make. They're all miserable.

Speaker:

K? Because when you do have an exit

Speaker:

event, a successful event, or you win the lottery,

Speaker:

Negative things start to happen. 1, if you're not reapplying

Speaker:

yourself and working hard again, to make more, Generate

Speaker:

more money, wealth, or profit, you start going backwards.

Speaker:

That is a very scary situation, especially at a young age to retire.

Speaker:

I Hired at 38 years old.

Speaker:

Yeah. That's a scary situation. Is that my final hurrah

Speaker:

at such a young age. It's also the realization that, sure, I could buy a

Speaker:

lot of things, but those things, those materials didn't make me happy. They

Speaker:

didn't fill that void. The reality

Speaker:

of money is it's a control mechanism to get

Speaker:

you to want to do more for

Speaker:

whatever you're doing, whether it's working for somebody or working

Speaker:

with somebody. It's the government's way of controlling you,

Speaker:

not conspiracy. That's How it is, you control the population by giving a

Speaker:

drug. The money is the drug. You realize you get

Speaker:

the drug. It doesn't fill the void. That's what it is.

Speaker:

That's when you have to pivot and make purpose. That's when you have to

Speaker:

do more with your life than just the drug.

Speaker:

So for me, that was my experience. And it's a real

Speaker:

experience and I'm very honest with it. Now, if you're gonna ask me, would I

Speaker:

trade it in? Hell no. I liked having a whole bunch of things I don't

Speaker:

have to do. I don't have to worry about this or that because I had

Speaker:

an exit event, but I earned the exited event by

Speaker:

taking risks, working hard and applying

Speaker:

myself, doing things that many people would be afraid to do

Speaker:

with their career or their success. Taking those risks.

Speaker:

You have absolutely heard this. We've all heard this. The

Speaker:

lottery Winders, it's a curse. There is a

Speaker:

there was a show on Netflix about what happens when you win the

Speaker:

lottery. Well, cousin Jimmy wants a handout.

Speaker:

Right? It's a curse when all of a sudden

Speaker:

your lifestyle changes overnight because

Speaker:

now all the things you couldn't afford, you can Didn't

Speaker:

fix the problem. There was a Yale School of Management study

Speaker:

on what exiting entrepreneurs should do. And

Speaker:

the net result is the majority of exited

Speaker:

Seek, business owners, entrepreneurs should not spend a

Speaker:

dime in their money, Should not change their life, should not buy the

Speaker:

boat, plane, train, automobile, or house for

Speaker:

at least a year, To allow yourself to stay normal, to keep

Speaker:

your baseline of spending and lifestyle normalized.

Speaker:

Because once you start spending, you start emptying that void

Speaker:

or emptying that pool. And that's when the depression sets in. This

Speaker:

is not abnormal. Unfortunately, That study was

Speaker:

sent to me way too late. But I experienced it, so now I get to

Speaker:

teach it to everyone else. Work hard, make

Speaker:

money if that's what You want, but realize that's not going to

Speaker:

solve your problems. It'll check off a whole bunch of don'ts.

Speaker:

But anyone can make money. That's part of the other realization.

Speaker:

I thought I would never be hired again. Well, I was right. No one was

Speaker:

ever gonna hire me again. I have too much experience For certain levels,

Speaker:

I'm too expensive to hire, but for the bigger companies, I'm

Speaker:

too inexperienced, so I'm right in the gap of not hireable. Right?

Speaker:

I'm not afraid to speak my mind, and I don't need this job. That's what

Speaker:

an employer thinks. That's scary for an employer. So I had

Speaker:

to start a business therapy practice to help other business owners climb

Speaker:

out from under that rock that they created. How do I

Speaker:

do that? With experiential wisdom, knowledge, and teaching.

Speaker:

Right? Going through all the life cycles of a business, or going through the same

Speaker:

emotions that a business owner is going through to help them out.

Speaker:

Purpose, yet again. I realized I could start another business

Speaker:

and make more money. Everybody has the

Speaker:

choice to make more money. Now, if you're sitting behind

Speaker:

a Seek, scratching your head and saying, I haven't gotten a raise in 2

Speaker:

years, k. You're probably not going to get that raise if you

Speaker:

don't ask for it or demonstrate the value of why you

Speaker:

should get it. And if you don't like the answer because you were told, no,

Speaker:

you can't have a raise, it is a 100% within your control to

Speaker:

apply for another job, or start a business, Or

Speaker:

even a side hustle. You can make more money.

Speaker:

It's a resource. Anyone can make more. Could you make 1,000,000

Speaker:

overnight? I wouldn't. I wouldn't try,

Speaker:

because it's a nightmare. Can you make a lot of money over a

Speaker:

period of time, putting in hard work and effort. Yeah. Yeah, you

Speaker:

can. But hopefully you're hearing the message And you're

Speaker:

starting a business or doing a side hustle or starting a new job because you

Speaker:

love what you do, you have a clear vision, it brings you purpose and passion,

Speaker:

Money will follow them. Guaranteed.

Speaker:

Guaranteed that you will make a lot of money in your life If you're

Speaker:

following purpose and passion, and have a clear vision, and

Speaker:

follow a process, and are a great person, Other people

Speaker:

will wanna work with you alongside you. Forget about 4. They

Speaker:

work with you, and then they will help you hit your Go.

Speaker:

And you'll make money. Simple formula. Hey, Darren,

Speaker:

you, you just have answered this, but I wanna ask this specific question.

Speaker:

How would you define success today

Speaker:

versus how did Darren define success in 2008

Speaker:

or 2002, 3 when you came out of school

Speaker:

or something like that. Just contrast, 20 years or 15,

Speaker:

20 years ago versus Today, I think you've answered it, but I'd like to

Speaker:

I'd like it to be concise more concise here. So I asked

Speaker:

this question on every episode of I Took A Hike. Are you successful and how

Speaker:

do you define success? So somebody's been listening. So if you asked me in

Speaker:

2008, I would have given you the answer that I thought you wanted to hear.

Speaker:

Success is tied to money. I'd be very wealthy.

Speaker:

Today, my answer is 1 and only 1 answer. Success

Speaker:

is balance. That's it. Balance

Speaker:

between health, happiness, in my case,

Speaker:

family, then wealth. Right.

Speaker:

Education. It's all about being that fulcrum

Speaker:

balance, because I can tell you if I'm working every single day and I'm never

Speaker:

seeing my kids and I die the next day. I will be filled with regret

Speaker:

right before that dying moment, just like the old man on his deathbed.

Speaker:

Right? But I can tell you if I Go the work and

Speaker:

I'm not making any money and I'm not generating enough to feed my

Speaker:

family, I'm not balanced. I'm miserable. I'm

Speaker:

not healthy. Right? Yes. I'm there for my family, but

Speaker:

am I really, if I don't take care of my health and I'm

Speaker:

constantly Seek, and it's within my control to get

Speaker:

healthy again. Then I'm not in balance, and I'm not

Speaker:

successful. Success is not money. Success

Speaker:

is the balance between everything in your life.

Speaker:

Success is walking away every day saying that

Speaker:

was a good day. Maybe not every day, but the majority of the

Speaker:

days in the year, You should feel like it was worth it.

Speaker:

And if you don't, you're just wasting that life. You're wishing

Speaker:

it away. I used I'm a I used to fall prey

Speaker:

to this all the time. I'll be happy when I get the job out of

Speaker:

college. I'll be happy when I go to college. I'll be happy when I get

Speaker:

the promotion. I'll be happy when I, when I, when I I was never

Speaker:

happy. Now, I'm happy. And, yes, there's a lot of

Speaker:

people that can say I'm happy because I don't have to worry about money anymore,

Speaker:

but you're wrong. Worry about money more than I ever did before

Speaker:

until I realized that it's within my control to make that

Speaker:

money. It's a resource. It's not about the money,

Speaker:

about the effort, purpose, and the balance. Long answer.

Speaker:

One word. Yeah. I didn't, but great answer. I think the curse of

Speaker:

we'll call it entrepreneurs, maybe the hustle, The hustle

Speaker:

and grind culture, whatever we could throw it in. I think one of the curses

Speaker:

that we have today is that we have this

Speaker:

Addiction to I'll I'll say 2 things, addiction addiction to more.

Speaker:

And tomorrow we interviewed someone not too long ago, Chris Morof. They said I was

Speaker:

addicted to Tomorrow, and then a few years

Speaker:

ago, we interviewed, Mark Whitaker, who was the basis for that

Speaker:

movie, The Informant that Matt Damon, And he said he was addicted to more.

Speaker:

And and you know what? I recognized myself the same thing and a lot

Speaker:

of the people. That's why they need the business therapists. That's why they need the

Speaker:

coach Is because sometimes we don't recognize it. I

Speaker:

think we think life is there's this destination, this place that we're going to get

Speaker:

to, But really it's this journey. How do

Speaker:

we measure balance? Because I think,

Speaker:

the way we're wired, Darren, the way you and I are wired and a lot

Speaker:

of people listening in is that we will get to this place and we will

Speaker:

look around and we'll get a balanced trophy Or a balance,

Speaker:

a a balance certificate or something, but it it's it

Speaker:

really is something that is not I I don't wanna say it's

Speaker:

not tangible, but how do you know when you're close to it

Speaker:

or getting there or in a place? Is it just

Speaker:

happy days? Days are good?

Speaker:

I mean, we can make a glass trophy for everything. Right? And anything

Speaker:

you'll hear me or you'll see it on my posts. I often mock that because

Speaker:

I was the recipient of media glass trophy. I you will hear me

Speaker:

say a line like, if you're sitting at your Seek, staring at your glass trophy,

Speaker:

wondering where your life went wrong, This message is few,

Speaker:

right? The reality is it is intangible.

Speaker:

My balance is completely than yours, just like my list of success will be

Speaker:

different than yours. For me, it's health first because it's

Speaker:

hard to be happy if you're unhealthy. And sometimes you just get some bad

Speaker:

luck and it sucks. Steve jobs was not a happy person

Speaker:

when he was unhealthy, especially right.

Speaker:

It's if you're not happy, it's hard to be healthy because we do know that

Speaker:

stress raises cortisol levels and that starts eroding

Speaker:

yourselves. Right? So

Speaker:

it's really personal to you. If I ask you, are you having more happy

Speaker:

days than not? If I say, are you healthy? Are you doing things to be

Speaker:

healthy? Are you you don't have to diet. Just eat smaller portions. We're Americans.

Speaker:

We eat too much. Right? I don't eat healthy in any way, shape or form.

Speaker:

Last night I had Wendy's kids, Wendy's. Did I

Speaker:

eat all the Wendy's? No, But I ate Wendy's,

Speaker:

but then maybe tomorrow, a salad for lunch or, something

Speaker:

smaller. So I'm mindful of what I'm eating, but then I go to the gym

Speaker:

every day or I hike, or I go to a boxing class. Why? Because

Speaker:

I love doing it. I'm not going to do something I don't love doing, but

Speaker:

it's balanced. I don't know. There's no number. Just like I said,

Speaker:

how much money is enough? I have a billionaire friend. I ask him, at what

Speaker:

point? When's it enough? And he always says to me, it's never enough, because

Speaker:

it's ego. Sorry to my friend if he's listening to this, but it's

Speaker:

pure ego and greed. Maybe.

Speaker:

Maybe he runs in a pool, a circle of billionaires. They're always taking out their

Speaker:

rulers and measuring. Right? But it might be more.

Speaker:

He just loves winning. He knows he's never going to run out of

Speaker:

money, but he loves winning. Is he happy? Yes,

Speaker:

with that. Is he always present for his family? No. If

Speaker:

I asked him if he's successful, he'll absolutely say yes based on a monetary

Speaker:

definition. But if I was evaluating his life at the pearly

Speaker:

gates, I'd probably say his kids need a little more time with him.

Speaker:

Maybe I won't tell him to tune into this one, but Actually, you know what?

Speaker:

I'm gonna tell Tim this all. Yeah. I was and it's fine. We in invited

Speaker:

me because, I mean, it's measurable. I get it. You can measure That

Speaker:

money piece very easily. It's hard to measure. That's why I asked the question.

Speaker:

It's hard to measure, joy, happiness, Tim with kids. Yeah. You

Speaker:

can measure the hours you're there, but if you got a phone in your hand,

Speaker:

even if you're at the park with them, you know, that's a bit of a

Speaker:

challenge. I wanna transition. Go ahead. I wanna just add this.

Speaker:

Everyone is very different. I am very well aware. There are some

Speaker:

people that hate their kids. I get it. There are moments where

Speaker:

I think it, and sometimes I mutter it. Okay.

Speaker:

Not everyone must be the greatest parent in the world.

Speaker:

This advice isn't for them. Right? So what I'm saying, everything has an

Speaker:

opposite to what I'm saying. These are not fixed

Speaker:

targets for everyone. If you don't like your family and you

Speaker:

consider them the worst thing in the world and you don't wanna fix that, then

Speaker:

that's not your success measure. That's not your balance. I just wanna make sure that

Speaker:

it's understood that I'm not telling you to do something to find purpose

Speaker:

and balance. Do what works for you to find purpose and I think that's the

Speaker:

most powerful thing that, definitely people in our shoes can say

Speaker:

Darren is everyone's success has to be

Speaker:

their own. In other words, you and I could probably sit here

Speaker:

and rattle off 3, 5, 7 steps to do this, blah blah blah, this,

Speaker:

do this, but yet, Those, I'm getting

Speaker:

less dogmatic as I age and mature, and I'm

Speaker:

kinda saying the bottom line is you need to find what works

Speaker:

for you and your balance and your success,

Speaker:

and I'm watching my time here, but I wanna finish up with a few things

Speaker:

here. At some point, Create, who our wives or

Speaker:

our spouses will say our partners are often the ones that

Speaker:

know us best and can give us the guidance the best. At some

Speaker:

point, Create looked at you and either gave you a swift kick or a

Speaker:

gentle hug or a kiss and said, Darren,

Speaker:

You're gonna have to get out and go do something, and you went out and

Speaker:

took a hike. And did you already have what you call now the

Speaker:

business Therapy, brand, I guess I'll call

Speaker:

it that, because it seemed to me like those mesh together that you

Speaker:

know, I took a hike And business therapy sort of go together.

Speaker:

Talk briefly in our last few minutes here about those 2

Speaker:

things, and then we'll wrap up and let people know how they can connect with

Speaker:

you. So Business therapy and I took a hike. Sure. So

Speaker:

after I exited a company that acquired us, I started a consulting

Speaker:

practice, and it was Christie when When I was telling her what I was

Speaker:

doing, she's like, oh, you're like a therapist for business, a business therapist.

Speaker:

So that no looking back, when you get the spark, you run with it. She's

Speaker:

a genius. Far better than I will ever be. And I'm not just saying that

Speaker:

she's very smart. Right? So I had that going,

Speaker:

but that paused completely during COVID so I could focus on

Speaker:

living and life and and not, you know, being eaten by this invisible bug.

Speaker:

The hiking came after that, and I've just applied the things that I've always

Speaker:

Been been doing my whole life. I've always been observant of other people. I

Speaker:

can read people very well, and I pay attention to situations

Speaker:

of emotions and how people engage and interact, and I apply

Speaker:

that to business to help partnerships and business

Speaker:

owners, Like I said, get out from under the rock that they created.

Speaker:

Most challenges in business were created by the inexperience of the

Speaker:

business owner, not an insult. But, if you're a CEO in a

Speaker:

start up company calling yourself CEO, you have no idea what a CEO

Speaker:

does, because a CEO doesn't belong in a start up small

Speaker:

business, A business owner does. The CEO protects

Speaker:

shareholder value for shareholders. Delegates,

Speaker:

elevates. You're a start up business. You don't have that.

Speaker:

You're a business owner. Own a business, grow a business, turn into a

Speaker:

CEO as the business grows. I didn't know that either. I called myself a

Speaker:

CEO. I bought the plaque. It was really cool. High five moment to myself.

Speaker:

I didn't know what a CEO was until I went School to learn

Speaker:

business, to learn how to read a P and L, to learn how to protect

Speaker:

shareholder value. Right? The business therapy that I do

Speaker:

combines all of that experiential wisdom, training, knowledge,

Speaker:

and the emotions of being a business owner, especially the

Speaker:

heightened frustration, anxiety, depression, and pain. Do you enjoy

Speaker:

the I'll call it inspiring and interacting

Speaker:

therapy that you're doing now

Speaker:

more than you did when you were actually applying and head down inside

Speaker:

of a business? Because I do. I really enjoy Being that

Speaker:

outside looking in instead of the businesses and all that I

Speaker:

ran, what how do you look at those? So it's different

Speaker:

timelines. When I was in my twenties thirties, I

Speaker:

loved being finally a CEO. I loved going to the trade shows and

Speaker:

having the meetings and being the person that people would turn to.

Speaker:

Not an ego thing. I just liked being that person at that

Speaker:

time. Now, yes, I love helping other people

Speaker:

win and Seek. I love the inspiration. In fact, I'll say, I effing

Speaker:

love it. I love what I do. I genuinely do it. It's this is not

Speaker:

a huge payday. I don't make Anywhere near what I made as

Speaker:

a business owner and a CEO or as the executive of a of Fortune

Speaker:

500, that were even close. Again, it's not about money. It's

Speaker:

about the purpose and the balance for me. So I genuinely love what I

Speaker:

do. I select my client, not in an elite or arrogant way,

Speaker:

but I work with clients that I know are willing

Speaker:

to grow, are willing to take knowledge and run with

Speaker:

it, are willing to make changes. I love their businesses. I see

Speaker:

opportunity in their businesses. That's advice I give to

Speaker:

all my clients is You always wanna select a consultant, a

Speaker:

coach, business therapist, a mentor that doesn't need

Speaker:

you as a client. If they need you as a client, they're

Speaker:

already giving you the wrong advice, because they're gonna bill you per hour and try

Speaker:

to get as much out of you. That relationship will last the average of

Speaker:

5 months. You wanna find someone that doesn't need you as

Speaker:

a client. They want to work with you. They want to help

Speaker:

you and vice versa. And that is a recipe for

Speaker:

success. I've always had business mentors, coaches in my life.

Speaker:

That's when I share some of their knowledge and I pass it. I pay it

Speaker:

forward to my clients. Yeah. That's very common

Speaker:

in the coaching world is that people are coding, Coaching for the

Speaker:

dollar. And I think it compromises quite a bit. So

Speaker:

that's I really love you sharing that. Darren, Where can

Speaker:

people connect with you? And then I've got 1 more question before we wrap up.

Speaker:

So give all your coordinates so that people can listen in. We'll include it down

Speaker:

below, but Where can people connect with you? Go I love

Speaker:

the coordinated approach. I took a hike .com, or you can listen

Speaker:

to it on Spotify podcasts Or Apple Podcasts or

Speaker:

wherever you get your podcasts. LinkedIn,

Speaker:

it's Darren Mas. You can find me there. I post Seek

Speaker:

days, sometimes 7 days a week. I love it. If you like it, follow,

Speaker:

share, comment. I always engage. I always reply. Sometimes

Speaker:

Tim takes longer due to the volume, but I will always reply.

Speaker:

Businesstherapygroup.com, all of the above and some.

Speaker:

Very good. Yeah. I love what you're doing over LinkedIn. I think that's what drew

Speaker:

me to you. That's where I was saying, okay. He's talking some of our

Speaker:

language over there. We need to connect. Darren, we are seek, go Create.

Speaker:

Those 3 words, and we'll let you choose 1, Seek, go or Create, which do

Speaker:

you choose that resonates the most with you right now and

Speaker:

why Seek? Because when

Speaker:

you stop learning is the moment you are dying, and I have

Speaker:

experienced that part, and I am ready to continue to

Speaker:

seek. Awesome. Darren

Speaker:

Mast, thank you for joining us here at Go Create. I highly recommend

Speaker:

That you go as soon as you finish up here and follow,

Speaker:

subscribe, whatever you do on your podcast player too. I took a hike. I've listened

Speaker:

to some of them. It's phenomenal. It's great. It's, It's, it's

Speaker:

similar messages. If you're listening in here, you need to go

Speaker:

over there because we're talking The same language you want me to

Speaker:

translate. We are Create here releasing new episodes every Monday.

Speaker:

Your support means the world to us. Now you can tip us, Buy me a

Speaker:

coffee or offer financial support at seekgocreate.comforward/support.

Speaker:

Start at just a dollar, and if you leave a comment, We'll feature you on

Speaker:

a future episode. Visit Create,

Speaker:

and give us a tip. Until next time.

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Seek Go Create
Seek Go Create
Redefining Success in Leadership, Business & Ministry

About your host

Profile picture for Tim Winders

Tim Winders

Tim Winders is a faith driven executive coach and author with over 40 years of experience in leadership, business, and ministry. Through his personal journey of redefining success, he has gained valuable insights on how to align beliefs with work and lead with purpose. He is committed to helping others do the same, running a coaching business that helps leaders, leadership teams, business owners, and entrepreneurs to align their beliefs with their work and redefine success.

In addition to his coaching business, Tim is also the host of the SeekGoCreate podcast and author of the book Coach: A Story of Success Redefined, which provides guidance for those looking to redefine success and align their beliefs with their work. With his extensive background, unique perspective and strengths in strategic thinking, relationship building, and problem-solving, Tim is well-suited to help clients navigate through difficult times and achieve their goals.