From Grief to Growth: Creating Work-Life Balance as a Married Entrepreneur with Robert Fukui

Robert Fukui: 00:00:00

There really is no separation between business

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and marriage and family issues.

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They all affect the other, but you can only get help on one side or the

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other, whether it's marriage counseling or business coaching or consulting.

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right?

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But never the two shall meet.

Tim Winders: 00:00:25

In a world where the grind of entrepreneurship often

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overshadows personal life, one man has made it his mission to harmonize

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the hustle with heartfelt home life.

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Welcome to Seek Go Create,

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where today we're chatting with Robert Fukui, co-founder of I 61 Inc.

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A visionary who's redefining the entrepreneurial journey.

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Robert is a marketing maestro with a track record of skyrocketing sales

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for giants like Coca-Cola Novartis.

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Alongside with his wife Kay Lee, he's crafted a lifeline for married

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entrepreneurs drowning in the sea of

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business demands with their innovative program, Power Couples

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by design and their book Tandem.

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I just finished reading that they are lighting the path to a world

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where thriving marriages and prosperous businesses are not mutually

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exclusive, but mutually empowering.

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Listeners, buckle up as we explore the secrets to scaling your business

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without sacrificing your most valuable asset, your marriage.

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Let's get to the heart of what it means to lead with purpose, both in

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the boardroom and the living room.

Tim Winders: 00:01:26

Robert, welcome to Seek Go Create.

Robert Fukui: 00:01:30

Hey, Tim.

Robert Fukui: 00:01:31

Hey, thanks.

Robert Fukui: 00:01:31

You know what?

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I'm gonna have to use that intro as my bio That was amazing.

Robert Fukui: 00:01:38

I that for sure.

Tim Winders: 00:01:39

you can do that.

Tim Winders: 00:01:40

Yeah, I was working on that some that, and the pronunciation of your last name.

Tim Winders: 00:01:43

I've been working on that for

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some

Robert Fukui: 00:01:45

Which, which, which one took longer?

Tim Winders: 00:01:48

I think the pronunciation of the last name.

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But anyway, Hey Robert.

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Let's pretend we just bumped into each other.

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We've done some things.

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We've been guests on your podcast and you and I have chatted about some things.

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But let's pretend we just bumped into each other.

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You just came from a conference this last weekend, or you're on a plane or

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something, and I ask you what you do.

Tim Winders: 00:02:05

What do you tell people when they ask what you do?

Robert Fukui: 00:02:10

Yeah, sometimes I wonder.

Robert Fukui: 00:02:11

But, we're basically, or I'm basically a business consultant

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with an interesting twist.

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so we really helped married entrepreneurs create greater work life balance.

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That's the crux of it.

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But within that is how do we help the entrepreneur win both in their

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business and in their marriage.

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They're sometimes they, we operate in silos and unfortunately we feel like we

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have to lean towards one side the other.

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so we just help them do both better, basically.

Tim Winders: 00:02:37

All right.

Tim Winders: 00:02:38

So you and I have talked a while back and you know that my wife

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and I for 35 years-ish, have been essentially attempting to do this

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that you and Kaylee talk about, and y'all been doing this for some time.

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Why ? Why is the marriage relationship such a big deal,

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especially when we're talking about entrepreneurs and business owners?

Robert Fukui: 00:03:03

just if, even when you talk about in a business context,

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it's all about relationships.

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And if you don't have relationships, we really don't have a business.

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you have to develop a relationship with your customers, one that's

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long lasting and deep so that they come back right, again and again.

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And then your employees.

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you're not just, you these days with the younger generation,

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they want more of a relationship.

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even customers want a relationship with the brand.

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Employees want a relationship with the business, with the owner.

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They wanna feel they're part of something.

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And then go back to your marriage and your family.

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if you don't have them, I who are you gonna celebrate with?

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I the things that we remember as we get older are the memories.

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It's not about just the accomplishments, we'll talk about it, but really the

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things that drive you emotionally for the good are gonna be your memories.

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And it's gonna be your spouse, your kids.

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and so at the end of the day, you want to, really invest into them because

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you can still make a lot of money.

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While investing in relationships first, but if you're investing

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primarily in your business, your relationships are gonna suffer.

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So I guess you choose.

Robert Fukui: 00:04:05

The only way you can have both is if it's relationships first.

Tim Winders: 00:04:08

So the, I don't know, devil's advocate or the cynical

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in me kind of popped up there.

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And I do wanna say I'm in agreement with you.

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Obviously I've been married and working with my wife for a while,

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but I'm just trying to think about the person that would say something

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like, yeah, but business is business.

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there are plenty of examples out there of hard charge and business

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people, probably mostly men, but probably men and women that have plowed

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through, been successful in business and gone through 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

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More relationships along the way, disconnected family, but

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they're successful in business.

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How do you respond when someone says, but how important is this

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Because you can really be successful without the family, can't you?

Robert Fukui: 00:04:57

Monetarily.

Robert Fukui: 00:04:58

Absolutely.

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And you're just as your just example you gave, but how happy are you, four

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or five marriages and I'm sure you're probably, have some people in mind

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when you say that just like I do.

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And how happy are they?

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Right.

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just going through one divorce is just excruciating.

Robert Fukui: 00:05:15

I haven't been through that, but I just know friends that, that have, just one

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divorce is painful enough and you go through multiple, that's just a grind.

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And then you've got all the complexities around, having different, multiple

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families, So it's just really just, it's just really complex.

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And so really how happy and fulfilled are you versus just pouring into

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relationships you already have.

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And I think the, you my pushback is we think we can't have it all.

Robert Fukui: 00:05:42

We think we can't invest into our relationships and still

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grow a thriving business.

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And I can give you examples of that, that there's that example On the other

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side is where one marriage, one family, and they still have a thriving business.

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And an enterprise.

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I mean, I'll just share with you, Sure as we got on the call that we're just at the

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Family Business magazine conference and examples of, six generations of families

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in the business and, some of 'em are doing better than others, but there's the

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ones that are just thriving and they're family enterprises, which means they

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have multiple, a multimillion dollar business as well as all the assets and

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the thriving relationship relationally.

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There was this one, guy on a panel, last week and it was, their last name

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was, I won't say the last name, but they became a running joke in the conference

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for the whole week because they were such an example of three brothers being

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in a work well together, even when they were going through a buyout that

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they were still thriving relationally before, during and after because they

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had invested into relationship upfront and it really came from their dad.

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But, so there's examples of this, the side where we can invest in relations first

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and still grow a thriving enterprise.

Tim Winders: 00:06:52

I think it's good to hear stories like that because I

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think often, this feeds the cynicism, we hear the stories of the ones

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that have the bodies littered and very similar to what you said.

Tim Winders: 00:07:04

I think about, I even tell my wife this from time to time that I know . How much,

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and this in a positive way, how much work it is to be in one marriage relationship.

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And we've got two grown children, and this is in no way judging

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people that have had some multiple families and things like that.

Tim Winders: 00:07:23

I'm not doing that at all, but

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I can't picture how difficult it would be to deal with, multiple holidays,

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multiple families, multiple, interactions,

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relationships, and things like that.

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So I just, I like my life to be a little bit simpler.

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If possible.

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E even though we know life is complicated, in fact, I think

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I'd love to do this.

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Now, Robert, I know that, we talk about redefining success here,

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and I think what we try to do is

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we're trying to shift the mindset that some people might have.

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That success is just making money and cars in the garage and big

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houses, but no healthy, successful relationships and marriages.

Tim Winders: 00:08:00

But I know that you've been through an interesting story and I'd love

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for you to share a little bit of your background we've got the, in

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the bio there, which was really cool.

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You said, the marketing and the corporate work that you've had

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and you've moved into being in business for yourself with Kaylee.

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but there's some things that you've had to redefine and some challenges

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and also share some things about that.

Tim Winders: 00:08:21

Whatever you're willing to share here.

Robert Fukui: 00:08:24

Yeah.

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Redefining success.

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that's the key.

Robert Fukui: 00:08:26

The key thing, because I'm sure you grew up just like I grew up, where success

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was defined by our accomplishments.

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And so I think that's where we get that, the cynicism of relationship

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and business and we can't have both and all this kind of stuff.

Robert Fukui: 00:08:41

And so even though I grew up as a pk.

Robert Fukui: 00:08:43

My dad was a pastor and but even he, he grew up a, with a

Robert Fukui: 00:08:48

very, very strong work ethic.

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He grew up on a sugarcane plantation in Hawaii.

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And so the family's working, from the time they're young all the way through.

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So they definitely, he grew up with a strong work ethic,

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which he passed down to me.

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But because of that too, even as a pastor, he got so focused on the ministry and

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having success really was the ministry.

Robert Fukui: 00:09:08

how well was the church and the congregation doing that?

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The family often took a back seat.

Robert Fukui: 00:09:14

And so here you are, you have a pastor, you're the shepherds of the

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congregation, the shepherds of the flock, yet his own, in his own nuclear flock.

Robert Fukui: 00:09:22

His own family was taken aback seat.

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And it's no, nothing negative of him.

Robert Fukui: 00:09:26

I know he loved us, I loved him.

Robert Fukui: 00:09:28

we had a great relationship as we got older, but it was because of

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how he grew up, just like you and I.

Robert Fukui: 00:09:34

And so I think that's what happens is, how we define success is

Robert Fukui: 00:09:38

a lot based on how he grew up.

Robert Fukui: 00:09:40

So it wasn't just my dad's fault, he just did what he knew, right?

Robert Fukui: 00:09:44

And so I carried that with me.

Robert Fukui: 00:09:47

And so whether it was sports or in school and in my career.

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I wanted to succeed by checking out the boxes, getting MVP for cross country

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or basketball and getting good grades.

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And then getting that marketing degree and getting that first job

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outta college was with Coca-Cola.

Robert Fukui: 00:10:03

it was like the feather my cap, Here I had some of my friends, graduating

Robert Fukui: 00:10:06

from college and trying to find a job, any job, let alone something within

Robert Fukui: 00:10:10

their major And here I did both, right.

Robert Fukui: 00:10:13

It was my major and it was a great brand.

Robert Fukui: 00:10:15

so then, and then I went into the, moved into the pharmaceutical industry and then,

Robert Fukui: 00:10:21

you here I am, my, my career's growing.

Robert Fukui: 00:10:23

I'm knocking on six figures and, I got all this opportunity.

Robert Fukui: 00:10:27

Even my wife at the time too growing in her career.

Robert Fukui: 00:10:30

Um, we had purchased our first house, got our first puppy.

Robert Fukui: 00:10:33

And you're checking the boxes, right?

Robert Fukui: 00:10:35

Of success from career to even personal.

Robert Fukui: 00:10:38

But it was based on stuff, right?

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Accomplishments.

Robert Fukui: 00:10:41

it was the, the house, it was the puppy, whatever.

Robert Fukui: 00:10:44

Um.

Robert Fukui: 00:10:45

And then 22 years ago though, like everything shifted where it was a week

Robert Fukui: 00:10:51

before Christmas and I kissed her goodbye.

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We had tandem parking in our, garage down in the condo.

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And so I had to let her out.

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So I kissed her goodbye.

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we give a nice hug and then she drives away.

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And then literally 10 minutes from the spot I'm sitting at right

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now, she got in a car accident and passed away at the scene.

Robert Fukui: 00:11:13

She didn't survive the accident.

Robert Fukui: 00:11:15

I didn't know about it until that evening when I got home and the

Robert Fukui: 00:11:18

coroner was waiting for me at my door.

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And I'm like, what, what's a coroner want to talk to me about?

Robert Fukui: 00:11:25

I was just, I'm just like, what?

Robert Fukui: 00:11:27

I thought he was selling something.

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At first I'm like, what?

Robert Fukui: 00:11:29

What does he want to sell me?

Robert Fukui: 00:11:30

Like a plot or something?

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And I'm like, what?

Robert Fukui: 00:11:33

he asked to come in and I bring him in, come, he comes in the

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house and he tells me what happens.

Robert Fukui: 00:11:38

And I'm just like looking at him with just no, I just saw her, nine, 10 hours ago.

Robert Fukui: 00:11:43

I just saw her, I kissed her, I hugged her, I felt her.

Robert Fukui: 00:11:46

And so that couldn't have happened.

Robert Fukui: 00:11:47

And then she, he brings out her driver's license and says, is this her?

Robert Fukui: 00:11:52

And then all of a sudden it just this, just, range of emotions.

Robert Fukui: 00:11:56

I don't know what they were, but it was just like, stuff's flooding my head.

Robert Fukui: 00:11:58

And I'm like, it's still confused.

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And I'm just like, this does not make sense.

Robert Fukui: 00:12:03

'cause when you think about your spouse passing, it's gonna be an old age and

Robert Fukui: 00:12:07

she might be sick or something, and there's always some kind of preparation.

Robert Fukui: 00:12:11

But this was just like, a hundred miles to zero and nothing flat.

Robert Fukui: 00:12:15

And I'm crying, but I'm still kind of in disbelief.

Robert Fukui: 00:12:17

And so when he left, I got on the phone immediately and I called her boss.

Robert Fukui: 00:12:21

I called her best friend at work, and I just asked him, did she show up to work?

Robert Fukui: 00:12:26

And both of 'em said, no.

Robert Fukui: 00:12:27

And she, they're like, you know what happened?

Robert Fukui: 00:12:29

We haven't heard from her.

Robert Fukui: 00:12:30

And I'm like, I tell her what happened, the coroner came and all that and

Robert Fukui: 00:12:34

just, it was just, the nightmare.

Robert Fukui: 00:12:36

And I'm just, everything stops.

Robert Fukui: 00:12:38

And you, when we always make excuses, if we gotta do this, we gotta do that,

Robert Fukui: 00:12:42

and we can't stop for a moment for kids or to, kiss your wife or whatever,

Robert Fukui: 00:12:47

or talk to your wife or whatever.

Robert Fukui: 00:12:48

But, in that moment, like everything stopped, whatever was on my plate

Robert Fukui: 00:12:51

for that evening and going into the next day was just nothing was there.

Robert Fukui: 00:12:54

Right.

Robert Fukui: 00:12:54

What was, what was important?

Robert Fukui: 00:12:55

obviously my wife and dealing with that and trying to make

Robert Fukui: 00:12:57

sense of this whole thing.

Robert Fukui: 00:13:00

and then so I think subconsciously you're starting to, I'm sure I wasn't

Robert Fukui: 00:13:03

trying to redefine success at that time, but I know subconsciously, things are

Robert Fukui: 00:13:07

running through your head, regrets.

Robert Fukui: 00:13:09

there's all this stuff that goes through your head, I don't have another moment to,

Robert Fukui: 00:13:14

whether it's fix something in a conflict or do something in the future for us.

Robert Fukui: 00:13:19

I had what I had.

Robert Fukui: 00:13:20

I can't, I I don't have a future with her anymore.

Robert Fukui: 00:13:23

And then anything that happened in the past was, is gone.

Robert Fukui: 00:13:26

it's, I can't change any of that.

Robert Fukui: 00:13:29

Then the next morning, I think when you talk about redefining success, the

Robert Fukui: 00:13:33

next morning is when I saw what success really looked like, and the next morning,

Robert Fukui: 00:13:38

Knocking the door and I opened the door and literally the the doorframe created

Robert Fukui: 00:13:43

a picture of what success looked like.

Robert Fukui: 00:13:44

And it was my family and it was my friends from fourth grade, high school, college.

Robert Fukui: 00:13:49

And even my first career, my first job at Coca-Cola, they were all

Robert Fukui: 00:13:52

there that next morning driving six hours from San Jose to be down in

Robert Fukui: 00:13:57

Southern California in Pasadena.

Robert Fukui: 00:13:59

And, nothing they can say or do would change anything obviously,

Robert Fukui: 00:14:03

and change emotion, but the fact that they were there was huge.

Robert Fukui: 00:14:09

And so I tell this to people, you know, 'cause we always, we have

Robert Fukui: 00:14:12

a loved one or someone that, they have someone that passes away.

Robert Fukui: 00:14:14

We want to be there for them or say something, but we don't know what to do.

Robert Fukui: 00:14:16

It's that awkwardness of what do I do?

Robert Fukui: 00:14:18

it's nothing I can say or do is gonna change anything or make them feel better.

Robert Fukui: 00:14:22

And so a lot of times we stay away from people when they lose somebody.

Robert Fukui: 00:14:26

but the reality is that's when they need people the most and don't ever think

Robert Fukui: 00:14:31

that they don't have time or they're, I know they're processing, which they are,

Robert Fukui: 00:14:34

but just being there, being present for people is just does amazing, just wonders.

Robert Fukui: 00:14:40

'cause then I knew I wasn't alone, right?

Robert Fukui: 00:14:43

Because if I'm just, because you never know.

Robert Fukui: 00:14:45

and so anyways, all I'll to say is that was the, I, one of the first

Robert Fukui: 00:14:49

stages for me of redefining success.

Robert Fukui: 00:14:53

And I was always, I always value relationships, but I think

Robert Fukui: 00:14:55

obviously in something like this, it kind of hyper-focused you on

Robert Fukui: 00:14:59

what really success looked like.

Robert Fukui: 00:15:01

And it was relationships.

Robert Fukui: 00:15:04

And I was grateful for the time that I was with my wife.

Robert Fukui: 00:15:07

'cause we were actually childhood sweethearts.

Robert Fukui: 00:15:09

I met her when I was 12 years old.

Robert Fukui: 00:15:10

She was 10.

Robert Fukui: 00:15:11

We met at a church camp, grew up together and she, we started officially

Robert Fukui: 00:15:14

dating once I graduated from college.

Robert Fukui: 00:15:15

And so there's this storybook, thing to this.

Robert Fukui: 00:15:18

And then, you you're thinking you're on your way and then next

Robert Fukui: 00:15:23

thing you know, it all stops.

Tim Winders: 00:15:25

How old were you?

Robert Fukui: 00:15:25

so

Tim Winders: 00:15:26

how old were you at that time?

Robert Fukui: 00:15:28

I was 35.

Tim Winders: 00:15:29

35.

Tim Winders: 00:15:30

And, what was your faith?

Tim Winders: 00:15:35

Walk you're, you said you're a preacher's kid and every time I hear preacher's kid,

Tim Winders: 00:15:40

I think of almost two divergent paths.

Tim Winders: 00:15:43

and we don't have to get into this but one path

Tim Winders: 00:15:46

and you brought it up.

Tim Winders: 00:15:47

y'all are at times, family can be secondary to the

Tim Winders: 00:15:50

mission, whatever that may be.

Tim Winders: 00:15:52

and, it doesn't sound like you went down the total opposite path, but how

Tim Winders: 00:15:59

strong was your faith at that moment that the coroner was at your door?

Robert Fukui: 00:16:06

that's a good question.

Robert Fukui: 00:16:07

And 'cause I get asked that quite a bit, especially in the early days of

Robert Fukui: 00:16:10

how I got through that period, and it wasn't easy of course, but my faith was

Robert Fukui: 00:16:15

very strong even though I really wasn't walking with the Lord at that time.

Robert Fukui: 00:16:17

So I was one of those pks that kind of wandered away from the flock.

Robert Fukui: 00:16:23

And it, I think it comes down to, and I tell entrepreneurs and even, and people

Robert Fukui: 00:16:28

in ministry that if you don't invest into your kids' lives and it doesn't

Robert Fukui: 00:16:34

take a lot of time, it's just make sure you check in and say, Hey, are you good?

Robert Fukui: 00:16:38

when you're, if you're not investing into their relationship and they

Robert Fukui: 00:16:41

don't, and your children do not know.

Robert Fukui: 00:16:45

That you're first, they're first in your life.

Robert Fukui: 00:16:48

Right?

Robert Fukui: 00:16:48

And then people say that, I said the same thing.

Robert Fukui: 00:16:50

I know my dad loves me and he did, but there is something about

Robert Fukui: 00:16:53

paying some attention to your kids.

Robert Fukui: 00:16:56

And when what I looked at the church, I looked at the church as that thing

Robert Fukui: 00:17:01

that was stopping me from having a really good relationship with my dad.

Robert Fukui: 00:17:06

And so that's why pks, that's why I feel that pks wander, and not all of

Robert Fukui: 00:17:11

them do, but the ones that do, I think a lot of it stems through that is that

Robert Fukui: 00:17:16

it wasn't be they, I think I still had a healthy even, I wasn't really

Robert Fukui: 00:17:20

walking with the Lord at the time, but I still had a healthy view of God.

Robert Fukui: 00:17:23

I knew that God existed and I didn't, I did not confuse God

Robert Fukui: 00:17:27

with what my dad was doing.

Robert Fukui: 00:17:29

But a lot of pks and will say that, they run away from the faith because their

Robert Fukui: 00:17:35

example of who God is, was their parents.

Robert Fukui: 00:17:37

They're dead.

Robert Fukui: 00:17:39

And so I've said that's who God is and I don't want part of that.

Robert Fukui: 00:17:42

Right.

Robert Fukui: 00:17:43

And so luckily I was blessed that I, I did not have that

Robert Fukui: 00:17:48

skewed, a view of who God was.

Robert Fukui: 00:17:51

Um, but I know I did drift from the faith because a lot of it was that.

Robert Fukui: 00:17:54

And if it wasn't for my own personal, I think experience with God and young age

Robert Fukui: 00:18:00

at nine years old, where he literally had a Samuel experience where God

Robert Fukui: 00:18:04

literally woke me up with an audible voice in bed in the middle of the night.

Robert Fukui: 00:18:08

and he spoke to me.

Robert Fukui: 00:18:10

And if I didn't have that experience, I'm not sure, how I would've drifted

Robert Fukui: 00:18:14

to the faith that might, I might've been one of those other, those pks

Robert Fukui: 00:18:17

that really went off the rails.

Robert Fukui: 00:18:19

But going back to, so all I have to say is even though I wasn't really walking

Robert Fukui: 00:18:23

the Lord going to church regularly, I still had a grounding in, in, in my

Robert Fukui: 00:18:28

faith and who God was, had my experience.

Robert Fukui: 00:18:30

So I, I could not deny who God was.

Robert Fukui: 00:18:32

And so even I was sitting, I remember sitting at my.

Robert Fukui: 00:18:36

Computer that week, starting to write up, type out my eulogy, type out the

Robert Fukui: 00:18:40

eulogy for the service, the funeral.

Robert Fukui: 00:18:42

And I just stopped in the middle and I said, okay, I know they said all

Robert Fukui: 00:18:45

things work together for the good.

Robert Fukui: 00:18:47

And so I said, God, this better be good because right

Robert Fukui: 00:18:51

now this just, it's terrible.

Robert Fukui: 00:18:54

this is about, I've never experienced death on this level.

Robert Fukui: 00:18:57

Never really experienced any kind of tragedy growing up.

Robert Fukui: 00:19:01

And so I'm like, yeah, this next phase better be really good

Robert Fukui: 00:19:05

because right now this is terrible.

Robert Fukui: 00:19:07

And so I'm just gonna have to put my faith that it's gonna be good.

Robert Fukui: 00:19:10

and so that, that was that moment where I'd said, okay, I have to trust in God.

Tim Winders: 00:19:16

Because a lot of people in those situations would be mad at God.

Tim Winders: 00:19:20

I don't, a lot of people get upset when

Tim Winders: 00:19:21

we say they're questioning God.

Tim Winders: 00:19:23

And I've actually come to grips that I don't think it's bad to ask questions.

Tim Winders: 00:19:28

A lot of people go, oh, we shouldn't not ask.

Tim Winders: 00:19:30

Nah, I think that's okay.

Tim Winders: 00:19:33

But, I'm just curious, Robert, because I know from a cultural standpoint

Tim Winders: 00:19:38

you have, uh, Japanese heritage.

Tim Winders: 00:19:41

Obviously Hawaii is a little bit different culture than definitely where I grew up

Tim Winders: 00:19:45

in the Bible Belt of the South, but were you equipped to grieve or to be a good

Tim Winders: 00:19:52

griever or any of that, or was it like, cover all that up and don't do anything?

Tim Winders: 00:19:58

Because as we get into conversations about, the tandem the book and how

Tim Winders: 00:20:02

to work with, our spouses, a lot of these things are roots on how well

Tim Winders: 00:20:07

we handle things in the future.

Tim Winders: 00:20:09

I'm, I guess this is me.

Tim Winders: 00:20:10

How, were you a good griever or were you a bad griever?

Tim Winders: 00:20:13

'cause I don't, I'm not a really good griever, I don't think either.

Robert Fukui: 00:20:16

Yeah.

Robert Fukui: 00:20:17

gr growing up I wasn't a good griever.

Robert Fukui: 00:20:19

my they don't teach those kind of things in seminary, apparently.

Robert Fukui: 00:20:22

, you know, conflict and all that.

Robert Fukui: 00:20:24

Um, grieving is hugely important.

Robert Fukui: 00:20:26

it's underrated and it's not even just losing people.

Robert Fukui: 00:20:28

I think when you lose a job, or you have some bad experience in

Robert Fukui: 00:20:32

life in general, there's a grieving process that you have to go through.

Robert Fukui: 00:20:36

And too many times, because we're growing up to achieve, we just

Robert Fukui: 00:20:38

skip over that and say, Hey, that's the past and I gotta move forward.

Robert Fukui: 00:20:42

But you do have to take a moment to, or moments to grieve, and it's okay to, even

Robert Fukui: 00:20:47

as you're moving forward, to still grieve.

Robert Fukui: 00:20:49

And I certainly did that.

Robert Fukui: 00:20:50

And so I don't think I would've been a good griever, but it was actually walking

Robert Fukui: 00:20:55

my wife through her grief in two years.

Robert Fukui: 00:20:59

She lost her mom.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:01

it's a surpr, it was a surprise.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:02

her dad had late stage prostate cancer, so we thought he was gonna go first.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:06

Next thing you know, um, her mom has congestive heart failure and dies.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:11

It was like, it just, it was almost immediate.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:13

within a matter of days.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:15

And and then two years later, her dad ends up passing away from cancer.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:20

and then six months later my wife passes away.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:23

And so walking my wife through the grieving process.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:27

And you've heard the seven stages of grief and all that.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:30

it's real We just don't know when and where, how it's gonna

Robert Fukui: 00:21:33

happen in, in those and what stage and where, what it, it's not.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:37

The seven stages of grief are not written in like a linear order

Robert Fukui: 00:21:39

where this is, these are the stages and these are the exact stages.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:42

it's the emotions can be, where they fall in that line of seven is gonna

Robert Fukui: 00:21:47

be different for everybody, but .For sure those seven stage degree for real.

Robert Fukui: 00:21:51

And I walked my wife through that and it was rough, just even for me helping

Robert Fukui: 00:21:56

her, 'cause I, I was like, what's going, you know, what's wrong with you?

Robert Fukui: 00:21:59

It was like, it's been a year, you know, you should be getting over this.

Robert Fukui: 00:22:01

so I even, I was that kind of a bad husband in that way, but, ultimately,

Robert Fukui: 00:22:04

yeah, I said, okay, you know, I got this.

Robert Fukui: 00:22:06

and so seeing her and observing those, the grief and, how and when it happens

Robert Fukui: 00:22:12

and all that and what's needed.

Robert Fukui: 00:22:14

And so I found that what's needed most when you're grieving like

Robert Fukui: 00:22:17

this is to be able to talk.

Robert Fukui: 00:22:20

it's and if you cover it up and try to be the man and be

Robert Fukui: 00:22:26

strong and just move forward.

Robert Fukui: 00:22:28

and so it's like some of the bad worst advice you can get from people, and

Robert Fukui: 00:22:31

I've got it too, is like you just gotta keep yourself busy and focus

Robert Fukui: 00:22:35

on your business or you focus on your career and just move forward.

Robert Fukui: 00:22:37

Keep yourself busy.

Robert Fukui: 00:22:38

Don't dwell on the emotion, but that's the worst advice.

Robert Fukui: 00:22:41

You've got to deal with the emotion.

Robert Fukui: 00:22:42

Just like even in conflict as husband and wife or with kids, whatever emotion's out

Robert Fukui: 00:22:47

there, we gotta deal with it because if we put it under the rug, you're just creating

Robert Fukui: 00:22:54

this rumbling of lava in this dormant volcano that eventually is gonna erupt.

Robert Fukui: 00:22:59

And the problem is when it erupts years later and you can't connect

Robert Fukui: 00:23:03

it with the emotion that's tied to the grief because it's years later.

Robert Fukui: 00:23:07

So for me it was, I might as well deal with the grief now and understand where

Robert Fukui: 00:23:10

the grief stems from then to deal with it later when I have no clue what's going on.

Robert Fukui: 00:23:15

Because there is moments like six, there's six months after my wife

Robert Fukui: 00:23:18

passed, I'm driving on the freeway and just, I just break down bawling.

Robert Fukui: 00:23:23

I'm, my tears are flowing.

Robert Fukui: 00:23:24

I can't see, I have to pull off the freeway.

Robert Fukui: 00:23:27

And I wasn't consciously thinking about my wife, but it just came and

Robert Fukui: 00:23:32

it was like, what just happened?

Robert Fukui: 00:23:35

And for some people it might be anger.

Robert Fukui: 00:23:37

I.

Robert Fukui: 00:23:38

,right?

Robert Fukui: 00:23:38

then, so anyways, all that to say is you need to be able to deal with

Robert Fukui: 00:23:42

these things and have people, whether it's a professional counselor or a

Robert Fukui: 00:23:45

pastor, good friends, people that are really authentically willing

Robert Fukui: 00:23:49

to listen to you just to share and just get it off your chest.

Robert Fukui: 00:23:53

And for them to be able to empathize.

Robert Fukui: 00:23:54

And that was, and for me, so for me, it was witnessing my wife through that.

Robert Fukui: 00:23:58

And then I said, okay, I know I need to talk about it.

Robert Fukui: 00:24:01

And at the time I was in the pharmaceutical industry, I

Robert Fukui: 00:24:03

was in the oncology division.

Robert Fukui: 00:24:05

And so my customers were oncologists, cancer doctors and nurses.

Robert Fukui: 00:24:08

And so they dealt with this stuff all the time.

Robert Fukui: 00:24:10

And so when I, and I took about a month off of work when I came back to work

Robert Fukui: 00:24:14

and I started visiting my offices.

Robert Fukui: 00:24:16

there was a handful of 'em that were like, Robert, how are you?

Robert Fukui: 00:24:20

and some of the doctors, even how busy they were, sometimes

Robert Fukui: 00:24:22

it's hard to get a moment.

Robert Fukui: 00:24:23

But they would see me and they would stop and they'd say, Robert, how are you?

Robert Fukui: 00:24:27

But, and the way they said it was like.

Robert Fukui: 00:24:29

Don't BS me.

Robert Fukui: 00:24:30

How are you really doing And if I try to BSS 'em, especially the nurses,

Robert Fukui: 00:24:34

they'll pull me into an exam room and just shut the door and say, let's talk.

Robert Fukui: 00:24:38

And so they were my therapist basically.

Robert Fukui: 00:24:40

And I thank God for them.

Tim Winders: 00:24:41

it's good to have that.

Tim Winders: 00:24:43

in a recent interview, someone was talking about authentic community

Tim Winders: 00:24:47

and words that keep popping up that I don't . I don't know that I heard if they

Tim Winders: 00:24:53

existed, I didn't hear them years ago.

Tim Winders: 00:24:55

Words like authenticity, vulnerability, empathy, things like that, that,

Tim Winders: 00:25:00

unfortunately with, some generations, especially with males, they

Tim Winders: 00:25:04

don't really work their way in.

Tim Winders: 00:25:06

But you mentioned Romans 8 28, all things work together.

Tim Winders: 00:25:11

for those that are his children, that maybe my translation,

Tim Winders: 00:25:14

not the exact translation.

Robert Fukui: 00:25:16

Yeah.

Tim Winders: 00:25:17

And you mentioned that you told God, what's next here?

Tim Winders: 00:25:20

And you were 35 years old and you had lost your wife.

Tim Winders: 00:25:24

So let's fast forward.

Tim Winders: 00:25:26

What is all the things that work together for your good?

Tim Winders: 00:25:30

Because I know some of the rest of the story, so let's move through the,

Tim Winders: 00:25:34

some of the rest of the story here.

Robert Fukui: 00:25:38

Yeah.

Robert Fukui: 00:25:38

it's, as we sit here today, you know, it's a culmination of things and experiences,

Robert Fukui: 00:25:43

from, growing up with my first wife and, going through death and all that.

Robert Fukui: 00:25:49

And then a year and a half afterwards, after my wife

Robert Fukui: 00:25:53

passed, my first wife passed.

Robert Fukui: 00:25:55

I wasn't looking for my next wife per se, but I knew I just needed

Robert Fukui: 00:25:58

to get out there and meet people.

Robert Fukui: 00:25:59

I, I was new to Southern California.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:00

I really didn't have any friends, although I had rekindled some

Robert Fukui: 00:26:03

relationships with some of my old church camp friends, they came out

Robert Fukui: 00:26:07

because of the funeral and all that.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:08

got reconnected with them.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:09

The ones that are really here in Southern California.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:12

And so spent a lot of time with them and that they were a godsend for sure.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:16

and then I'd said, okay, I need to, not so much date, but I knew I need

Robert Fukui: 00:26:19

to get out and just meet people.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:21

I just can't just stay in my shell.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:22

and I wasn't, didn't have expectations about dating, I just said, I just

Robert Fukui: 00:26:25

wanna go out and meet people.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:25

I'm not looking for the one, 'cause I've also seen the bad of guys like just

Robert Fukui: 00:26:30

running into another relationship and try to get married as quick as they can

Robert Fukui: 00:26:32

because they can't handle being alone basically, is what it comes down to.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:36

and so I wasn't that, I wasn't looking for that, but I just

Robert Fukui: 00:26:39

was, Hey, let's just meet people.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:40

And a year and a half afterwards, I met my current wife Kaylee, and I just,

Robert Fukui: 00:26:45

met her on a Christian dating site.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:47

and I was actually, I wasn't looking for a Christian dating site.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:50

I wasn't looking for a dating site early fair, but I got on my AOL.

Robert Fukui: 00:26:54

So I'm dating this process here, my AOL account,

Tim Winders: 00:26:59

We may

Robert Fukui: 00:27:00

although I just came across.

Tim Winders: 00:27:01

we may need to explain what that is to some people,

Robert Fukui: 00:27:04

I just got an email this morning though, from

Robert Fukui: 00:27:06

someone with an AWOL account.

Robert Fukui: 00:27:09

so that's still in existence.

Robert Fukui: 00:27:10

It's apparently still around,

Robert Fukui: 00:27:12

um,

Tim Winders: 00:27:12

is a little better than a Hotmail.

Tim Winders: 00:27:13

you get Hotmail, AOL and CompuServe or something

Tim Winders: 00:27:17

like that.

Robert Fukui: 00:27:18

Yeah.

Robert Fukui: 00:27:19

so I got the spam in my inbox in my ALL account.

Robert Fukui: 00:27:23

It said Meet Christian singles.

Robert Fukui: 00:27:24

And again, I told you I wasn't really walking with the Lord at the time,

Robert Fukui: 00:27:27

but, so I clicked on it, went on the website, and I'm like, okay, these

Robert Fukui: 00:27:31

women look pretty normal, because I was expecting like these Amish green,

Robert Fukui: 00:27:34

dress pink women or something like that.

Robert Fukui: 00:27:37

so I don't know what I was expecting, but anyways, and I'm thinking, oh, I,

Robert Fukui: 00:27:40

I know my mom would probably like for me to meet a nice Christian woman.

Robert Fukui: 00:27:43

So I said, what the heck?

Robert Fukui: 00:27:44

So I go on there.

Robert Fukui: 00:27:46

I.

Robert Fukui: 00:27:46

long story short, I met Kaylee.

Robert Fukui: 00:27:48

we converse for a couple days through the system and then finally I said,

Robert Fukui: 00:27:52

okay, let's, wanna get on the phone.

Robert Fukui: 00:27:54

Um, and about a week or two later I said, I'm gonna be, she lived an hour

Robert Fukui: 00:27:58

for me in Ventura, which happened to be part of my sales territory.

Robert Fukui: 00:28:02

So I said, Hey, I'm gonna be out there on Friday.

Robert Fukui: 00:28:04

Would you wanna get together for dinner?

Robert Fukui: 00:28:06

She said, sure.

Robert Fukui: 00:28:07

And so we got to dinner and met her and I really had a good time

Robert Fukui: 00:28:10

and obviously really good time 'cause we're married 17 years now.

Robert Fukui: 00:28:14

And so definitely, she was a good, raised a good Baptist woman.

Robert Fukui: 00:28:19

And so was the person that got me back in, into the church basically.

Robert Fukui: 00:28:23

And she didn't push, but she slowly weaved some things in will you pray for the meal?

Robert Fukui: 00:28:28

And I said, sure.

Robert Fukui: 00:28:29

What the heck?

Robert Fukui: 00:28:29

And then, as things got more serious and, I would, either be out there

Robert Fukui: 00:28:34

for the weekend or she'd be out here.

Robert Fukui: 00:28:36

So if I was out in Ventura, she says, it's Sunday, we should go to church.

Robert Fukui: 00:28:39

So we, would go to church with her, to her church.

Robert Fukui: 00:28:42

And then, when we got engaged and we decided that she was gonna move

Robert Fukui: 00:28:46

out to Pasadena, she said, okay, we need to find a home church.

Robert Fukui: 00:28:49

And I'm like, oh, okay, it's this is getting serious, right?

Robert Fukui: 00:28:53

So, long story short, we landed on our current church Harvest

Robert Fukui: 00:28:56

Rock Church here in Pasadena.

Robert Fukui: 00:28:59

And, and then all of a sudden, we get married and then next

Robert Fukui: 00:29:03

thing you know, she's we should get involved with a small group.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:05

You 'cause we needed to meet people.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:06

I'm like, all So I was getting a little more uncomfortable.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:09

I'm like, so anyways, so we got involved with a small group and

Robert Fukui: 00:29:12

then she's oh, we, I think we should start our own small group.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:16

I'm like, what?

Robert Fukui: 00:29:17

It's So she's no, it'd be great.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:19

So I'm like, okay.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:20

And started leading a small group and then little by little I'm getting more

Robert Fukui: 00:29:23

and more involved with the church.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:26

And then this is over, what, 2, 3, 4 years now.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:29

So it's not happening quickly, but she's you see how Kaylee's acting?

Robert Fukui: 00:29:33

She just weaves some things in.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:35

And then, and then the church announced that, hey, we're gonna, we're gonna to

Robert Fukui: 00:29:39

Israel for the first time, and so our pastor's gonna lead us trip to Israel.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:42

And Kaylee's oh, that's been on my bucket list.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:46

I'm like, really?

Robert Fukui: 00:29:46

I'm like, okay.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:47

So we go to Israel.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:49

and then we got, I.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:50

We got to get baptized at the Jordan River, which I think that's what church

Robert Fukui: 00:29:53

groups do when they go to Israel.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:55

Israel, You gotta get baptized in the Jordan.

Robert Fukui: 00:29:58

Interesting story with that was I wasn't gonna get baptized because

Robert Fukui: 00:30:01

I said, oh, I've done that before.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:02

I've been baptized.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:03

And the whole group is gonna get baptized.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:04

And except for me and the pastor's wife, so we were in this, they have

Robert Fukui: 00:30:09

this amphitheater set up at the Jordan.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:11

It's somewhat commercialized, but there's these two amphitheaters.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:13

And so we were in one.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:16

And so as everybody's gonna get baptized, me and the pastor's wife,

Robert Fukui: 00:30:20

we decided we're staying back, so we're gonna watch all the stuff.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:23

And so it was one, it was interesting that when we, there was nobody at nobody there.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:28

Like we were the only group there.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:30

And like we pulled in the parking lot and there was no cars in the parking lots.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:33

And I'm thinking, is this open?

Robert Fukui: 00:30:35

And so usually, and the tour guy will tell you, usually it's just, like

Robert Fukui: 00:30:39

I said, it's pretty commercialized, so just it's crowded and there's

Robert Fukui: 00:30:42

one group after another just waiting to get in to be baptized.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:44

I'm looking at everybody getting ready to be baptized.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:46

And we even had a worship service, that's how long we were there

Robert Fukui: 00:30:50

without have anybody interrupt us.

Robert Fukui: 00:30:53

So as I'm watching everybody getting in line to get baptized and I see my wife

Robert Fukui: 00:30:56

down there alone, um, without me, I'm thinking I probably should get baptized

Robert Fukui: 00:31:02

with my wife, And so I really feel as God's way of holding the crowds back

Robert Fukui: 00:31:08

so I can come to my senses and get down there and get baptized with my wife.

Robert Fukui: 00:31:12

And that was the first time I committed myself to the Lord on my terms.

Robert Fukui: 00:31:16

Not because I was a pk and because it was an expectation as a pastor's kid,

Robert Fukui: 00:31:20

And it that, and I'll just pause there 'cause that, all that say and that

Robert Fukui: 00:31:25

culmination of things and that just shifted things in my own life and my

Robert Fukui: 00:31:29

relationship with God and just set a stage for what the next phase of my life,

Robert Fukui: 00:31:33

my career, and even when I'm doing now

Robert Fukui: 00:31:36

is.

Tim Winders: 00:31:37

Yeah, it's fascinating to me.

Tim Winders: 00:31:38

it really is obvious, especially as you tell the story that God brought.

Tim Winders: 00:31:45

Her to you And I did have this vision , while you were telling the story of

Tim Winders: 00:31:51

Robert almost with a hook in his mouth and just being pull pulled along.

Tim Winders: 00:31:56

I led guided, I'm sure I'm not, you weren't probably kicking and screaming,

Tim Winders: 00:32:01

but, I was just, I'm just praying this morning I was saying, Lord, lead me down

Tim Winders: 00:32:05

the path that you would have me to go and steer me away from the path that

Tim Winders: 00:32:09

you would have me, to stay away from, or, close doors and things like that.

Tim Winders: 00:32:13

and to me that is just so, I mean, listen, I don't think anybody would

Tim Winders: 00:32:17

be excited about losing a spouse, but then have to look at, all things,

Tim Winders: 00:32:23

you know, in that scripture and, the, not even the completion of

Tim Winders: 00:32:26

the story, the rest of the story.

Tim Winders: 00:32:28

'cause the story's still being written

Tim Winders: 00:32:30

along the way.

Tim Winders: 00:32:31

and I, we've, I've, I.

Tim Winders: 00:32:33

I've met Kaylee once and it's, y'all are beautiful couple with obviously

Tim Winders: 00:32:37

a heart to do something that is very unique and I think challenging

Tim Winders: 00:32:42

in the culture that we're in.

Tim Winders: 00:32:45

And so I guess the question I have now is how did y'all then get

Tim Winders: 00:32:51

into this, what I call a mission?

Tim Winders: 00:32:53

I don't, I think that's the way I'll term it too.

Tim Winders: 00:32:56

This mission of not just business and not consulting and not just helping people

Tim Winders: 00:33:00

with marketing and all these things.

Tim Winders: 00:33:01

'cause I know she has a background.

Tim Winders: 00:33:03

Her family was business people

Tim Winders: 00:33:05

also.

Tim Winders: 00:33:05

So she also feels the, the

Robert Fukui: 00:33:07

The tension.

Tim Winders: 00:33:08

being the mistress of a business owner or

Tim Winders: 00:33:11

pastor's kid and stuff like that.

Tim Winders: 00:33:13

But so how did y'all then move into what you're doing now?

Tim Winders: 00:33:17

What was the thing that led you, it seems like there was just this path

Tim Winders: 00:33:20

that was being laid out for you.

Robert Fukui: 00:33:23

Yeah, for sure.

Robert Fukui: 00:33:24

So I like to say like a lot of people want, they wanna know God's

Robert Fukui: 00:33:28

will in their life, of course.

Robert Fukui: 00:33:30

And they wanna know the big picture.

Robert Fukui: 00:33:31

They wanna know, what do you have for me?

Robert Fukui: 00:33:33

And for me, well, I always say you better be careful what you wish for.

Robert Fukui: 00:33:37

'cause like sometimes if he reveals the whole thing, you can't handle

Robert Fukui: 00:33:40

it or you're gonna try to run away.

Robert Fukui: 00:33:42

And so for me, it's always about following breadcrumbs.

Robert Fukui: 00:33:45

even just a story with Kaylee, it's like this falling one step after another

Robert Fukui: 00:33:48

and it's not looking too far ahead, but I'm just like following the next step.

Robert Fukui: 00:33:51

And so that's what happened even to where we are now.

Robert Fukui: 00:33:55

Was in, in our church, we got introduced to, this concept.

Robert Fukui: 00:34:00

I know Lauren Cunningham and Bill Bright, years ago had this same, the

Robert Fukui: 00:34:04

same dream or vision about the seven mountains of culture and how we are

Robert Fukui: 00:34:09

influenced and discipled by these seven mountains and culture, which are like

Robert Fukui: 00:34:13

the business and arts and entertainment, even religion and government education.

Robert Fukui: 00:34:18

there's all these seven spheres that together they really

Robert Fukui: 00:34:22

disciple and form our culture.

Robert Fukui: 00:34:25

And so it was all about, Hey, wherever you're called, wherever

Robert Fukui: 00:34:27

God's called you in these spheres, you want to be an influence, a

Robert Fukui: 00:34:31

positive influence in that area.

Robert Fukui: 00:34:33

So we can turn the tide instead of arts and entertainment, inundating

Robert Fukui: 00:34:37

us with some really bad stuff.

Robert Fukui: 00:34:40

right?

Robert Fukui: 00:34:40

How about if we influence that to have a positive message?

Robert Fukui: 00:34:44

it's not so much just about evangelizing people, but it's about

Robert Fukui: 00:34:47

just discipling people the right way.

Robert Fukui: 00:34:50

When God calls.

Robert Fukui: 00:34:51

So I started thinking about, okay, what's my next step?

Robert Fukui: 00:34:53

am I supposed to stay in this corporate environment or is it supposed

Robert Fukui: 00:34:56

to be doing something different?

Robert Fukui: 00:34:58

So I started entertaining the idea of having a business, which

Robert Fukui: 00:35:00

I never entertained before.

Robert Fukui: 00:35:02

'cause my dad just said, get a job basically get a good job.

Robert Fukui: 00:35:05

And so I was never had an entrepreneurial mindset, but Kaylee

Robert Fukui: 00:35:09

actually when we were dating, said, oh, I can see you having a business.

Robert Fukui: 00:35:13

And so I think that plan to see, and so I started thinking about that and

Robert Fukui: 00:35:16

I was like, Hey, what would it be?

Robert Fukui: 00:35:18

so I checked off, I had a list of all these different types of industries

Robert Fukui: 00:35:21

and I checked off all of 'em and said, Nope, nope, And so I said, well, you

Robert Fukui: 00:35:25

know, my background's in marketing, so why don't I do some marketing

Robert Fukui: 00:35:27

consulting with different businesses and maybe I'll find something that I like.

Robert Fukui: 00:35:31

it turns out I really liked just consulting.

Robert Fukui: 00:35:33

I really enjoyed helping family businesses succeed because you see the impact

Robert Fukui: 00:35:38

it has on their life, their family.

Robert Fukui: 00:35:40

I.

Robert Fukui: 00:35:40

And their employees in a different level than it is when I'm just working

Robert Fukui: 00:35:44

for a corporation and I'm just really trying to keep the shareholders happy.

Robert Fukui: 00:35:47

Right.

Robert Fukui: 00:35:48

, we're just trying to keep the shareholders happy.

Robert Fukui: 00:35:50

it's a wholly, totally different impact and I see it on more of a personal level

Robert Fukui: 00:35:54

when I'm helping small family business.

Robert Fukui: 00:35:55

And so I said, okay, I'm gonna go down this road.

Robert Fukui: 00:35:58

And then my pastor got, had this ministry school and then they asked me

Robert Fukui: 00:36:05

to Create kind of a kingdom business curriculum to, to launch with the school.

Robert Fukui: 00:36:11

And I'm thinking, okay, I never had a business, but I know how to train.

Robert Fukui: 00:36:14

I've done some sales training and all that.

Robert Fukui: 00:36:16

I understand that process.

Robert Fukui: 00:36:17

And so long story short, we got a, we got, with an organization called

Robert Fukui: 00:36:20

Nehemiah Project that had a kingdom business curriculum all written.

Robert Fukui: 00:36:24

I took the course and they licensed it out.

Robert Fukui: 00:36:26

So I said, Hey, why don't we just license this thing out instead of me

Robert Fukui: 00:36:29

trying to recreate something or create something that's, it's already here.

Robert Fukui: 00:36:33

So started doing that for about six years.

Robert Fukui: 00:36:35

led that, course.

Robert Fukui: 00:36:37

And so that started me down, more of the trail of really helping

Robert Fukui: 00:36:41

small family business and that's far more from a kingdom perspective.

Robert Fukui: 00:36:45

And then, um, six years ago, so I said, this is where it's at.

Robert Fukui: 00:36:49

And so six years ago or seven years ago, I left my corporate job to consult

Robert Fukui: 00:36:54

full-time at small family business.

Robert Fukui: 00:36:56

And then in the midst of that, as you're, you really get to know the

Robert Fukui: 00:37:00

owners, the clients a little bit better.

Robert Fukui: 00:37:01

They start opening up about their personal life.

Robert Fukui: 00:37:04

And then one owner after another started talking about their marriage.

Robert Fukui: 00:37:09

And so I started looking, seeing the trend and the connection that the stress of

Robert Fukui: 00:37:14

trying to grow this business was affecting their home life and not in a good way.

Robert Fukui: 00:37:18

And they're so all in trying to do this business that their marriage,

Robert Fukui: 00:37:22

their family was suffering.

Robert Fukui: 00:37:24

And I'm like, Hey, why are you doing that?

Robert Fukui: 00:37:26

'cause I started going that, that same path myself when I was

Robert Fukui: 00:37:29

working full time and starting to launch my consulting career.

Robert Fukui: 00:37:31

I was working till 2:00 AM until I finally stopped and said, wait, a, this is crazy.

Robert Fukui: 00:37:37

'cause by the time I hit the weekend, I'm dead.

Robert Fukui: 00:37:39

And I'm with my wife, I'm with Kaylee physically, but I'm not present.

Robert Fukui: 00:37:42

I'm exhausted.

Robert Fukui: 00:37:44

And so I'm sitting at my desk at 1:00 AM one night and I'm like, Lord.

Robert Fukui: 00:37:51

I don't think this is your best.

Robert Fukui: 00:37:52

I understand the sacrifices have to be made to transition, but even

Robert Fukui: 00:37:56

within the transition, I don't believe that sacrificing quality time with

Robert Fukui: 00:38:00

Kaylee is what I'm supposed to do.

Robert Fukui: 00:38:03

I don't think that's your best, but I, so I'm falling into the trap that

Robert Fukui: 00:38:06

every other entrepreneur, or even people in ministry or doing, was going

Robert Fukui: 00:38:10

all in and say, I'm gonna sacrifice my family life, while I grow this thing.

Robert Fukui: 00:38:15

And so I, I couldn't change the fact that I had to work outside

Robert Fukui: 00:38:18

of the full-time job to do this.

Robert Fukui: 00:38:20

But I said, okay, what do I, at least, instead of going bed at 2:00 AM when I,

Robert Fukui: 00:38:23

what about 11:00 AM or 11:00 PM That's three hours a night I get back and over

Robert Fukui: 00:38:30

the course of a week, that's a big, and I can be functional more than functional by

Robert Fukui: 00:38:33

the weekend And so creating that boundary allowed me to reassess what I was doing in

Robert Fukui: 00:38:38

the business and what was really important versus what was just taking up time.

Robert Fukui: 00:38:42

we get so busy and a lot of that busy work is not productive work.

Robert Fukui: 00:38:46

And so I really started looking at what is really productive versus not.

Robert Fukui: 00:38:50

And really started to carve this thing out.

Robert Fukui: 00:38:51

And so I was able to, get to bed by 11, sometimes 10 30.

Robert Fukui: 00:38:56

And then I made sure that even after I went full-time in the business,

Robert Fukui: 00:38:59

I didn't backfill it with just, getting used to working till 10 30.

Robert Fukui: 00:39:02

I wanna make sure I wasn't working till 10 30 even when I hope

Robert Fukui: 00:39:05

didn't have my full-time job.

Robert Fukui: 00:39:07

And so all that to say that experience and as we, and we also, Kaylee and

Robert Fukui: 00:39:11

I went through counseling, before we got married, two years of counseling.

Robert Fukui: 00:39:15

I know you read the book.

Robert Fukui: 00:39:16

We went to counseling for two years before we got married and helped us

Robert Fukui: 00:39:19

develop tools to do conflict better.

Robert Fukui: 00:39:21

Just to be able to do issues.

Robert Fukui: 00:39:23

And so all the, to say, all the culmination of stuff was like, I

Robert Fukui: 00:39:26

started really helping my clients with co conflict and saying, Hey,

Robert Fukui: 00:39:29

how do we do this business better?

Robert Fukui: 00:39:31

How do we make sure that you can still focus on family and you

Robert Fukui: 00:39:34

can still grow this business, but let's focus on family first.

Robert Fukui: 00:39:38

So that's kinda a little bit of the story of how we got here, just the

Robert Fukui: 00:39:41

rabbit trails, uh, or the trails.

Robert Fukui: 00:39:43

The breadcrumbs of just one thing after another led me to say,

Robert Fukui: 00:39:46

Hey, there's an issue here that nobody's really dealing with.

Robert Fukui: 00:39:49

And I think people are just accepting this status quo of focusing your time and

Robert Fukui: 00:39:55

energy on the business and whatever's left over the family gets, and then maybe when

Robert Fukui: 00:39:59

we get the business to a certain level, then we'll be able to live life, have

Robert Fukui: 00:40:02

greater work-life balance and all that.

Robert Fukui: 00:40:04

And I'm here to say that it doesn't matter how size, how big the revenue

Robert Fukui: 00:40:08

is or the size of your bank account or your net worth, people still

Robert Fukui: 00:40:12

struggle with work-life balance, regardless of how much money they have

Robert Fukui: 00:40:15

and how much time they could have if they were really wanting to do it.

Tim Winders: 00:40:19

I think the struggle of being present in the now is something

Tim Winders: 00:40:23

that entrepreneurs, business people struggle with, that maybe it's a

Tim Winders: 00:40:28

little bit easier if you work for someone else in another environment.

Tim Winders: 00:40:34

Maybe it's not, I don't know.

Tim Winders: 00:40:35

There could be people that struggle with that.

Tim Winders: 00:40:36

Anyway, I know I had that.

Tim Winders: 00:40:39

I was interviewing someone recently and they said that they

Tim Winders: 00:40:41

had an addiction to tomorrow.

Robert Fukui: 00:40:44

Yeah.

Tim Winders: 00:40:44

and I think my addiction was to more, just

Tim Winders: 00:40:48

whatever.

Tim Winders: 00:40:48

It was more, hey, if I could work till 1:00 AM you know what, I probably do 1 32.

Tim Winders: 00:40:54

and we've got these conflicting structures, the world system

Tim Winders: 00:40:56

which says hustle and, and go at it, and things like that.

Tim Winders: 00:41:00

And then, like you mentioned, the kingdom, which basically

Tim Winders: 00:41:04

says, be at rest, be at peace.

Tim Winders: 00:41:06

There's something called a Sabbath and things like that,

Robert Fukui: 00:41:08

The one commandment.

Robert Fukui: 00:41:09

We all violate

Tim Winders: 00:41:11

the only

Tim Winders: 00:41:12

one

Robert Fukui: 00:41:12

don't put it up there

Tim Winders: 00:41:13

one

Robert Fukui: 00:41:14

the one that we, our EAs, it's the easiest one to violate because

Robert Fukui: 00:41:17

there's no, it's not, thou sht not kill, there's no these ramifications.

Robert Fukui: 00:41:21

It's more of a personal issue, but it also has relational issues too.

Robert Fukui: 00:41:24

But it's the one we can easily violate.

Robert Fukui: 00:41:26

Right?

Tim Winders: 00:41:26

and unfortunately our culture rewards that hustle because you

Tim Winders: 00:41:30

probably had people that were telling you, man, yeah, you gotta pay the price.

Tim Winders: 00:41:35

You gotta, you stay up, you're building your own company, you're

Tim Winders: 00:41:37

building your own business, Robert, you gotta do all these things.

Tim Winders: 00:41:40

And, that's kinda where we find ourselves.

Tim Winders: 00:41:43

Let's, before we get too much farther though, I wanted to kind

Tim Winders: 00:41:45

of, you mentioned, you know, family . Family, small family business.

Tim Winders: 00:41:50

So I'd like to define that in just a second, just to make sure we understand.

Tim Winders: 00:41:54

But I'd also like for you in the same kind of conversation to, to let me

Tim Winders: 00:42:00

know what's your balance right now.

Tim Winders: 00:42:03

'cause I know you do consulting for people that are in business

Tim Winders: 00:42:06

and then that started opening up doors for you to do conversations

Tim Winders: 00:42:11

about marriage relationships.

Tim Winders: 00:42:12

And a lot of the books and the resources you have now are for

Tim Winders: 00:42:15

married couples in that situation.

Tim Winders: 00:42:16

but what's the ratio right now of, I don't wanna say just business people versus.

Tim Winders: 00:42:23

Working with married couples.

Tim Winders: 00:42:26

What, first of all, define small family business.

Tim Winders: 00:42:28

What is that niche for you guys and how do you define it?

Tim Winders: 00:42:32

I've got a definition that I use for what I, for the people I work with.

Tim Winders: 00:42:35

And then how much is like marriage work?

Tim Winders: 00:42:38

Probably almost all of it because it all relates.

Tim Winders: 00:42:41

And then how much would you say is just like hardcore actual

Tim Winders: 00:42:44

business growth and business work?

Robert Fukui: 00:42:47

I follow the SBA, the small business administration definition of

Robert Fukui: 00:42:50

small business, which is $500 million in revenue or, or 500 employees and less.

Robert Fukui: 00:42:55

but our, most of our clients are doing well, less than that, less than

Robert Fukui: 00:42:59

$10 million in a year in revenue.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:01

and so we Yeah, all our focus is primarily all marriage and business.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:08

So they're business owners that are married and they have the tension of

Robert Fukui: 00:43:12

sometimes they're working together too.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:13

A lot of times they're working together.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:14

Most of our clients are working together, so they feel the tension

Robert Fukui: 00:43:17

of business working together, conflict, teamwork issues, all that.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:21

There's, it's all wrapped and run, and there's no separation of those things.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:24

And that's been the problem.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:26

The clients that come to us do say, oh, you're a breath of fresh air because

Robert Fukui: 00:43:31

there really is no separation between business and marriage and family issues.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:34

They all affect the other, but you can only get help on one side or the

Robert Fukui: 00:43:39

other, whether it's marriage counseling or business coaching or consulting.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:43

right?

Robert Fukui: 00:43:43

But never the two shall meet.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:45

Never the two shall meet.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:46

And so they'll tell us, a lot of times they'll tell us like, yeah, we get

Robert Fukui: 00:43:50

marriage help, but they really can't empathize what's going on in the business.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:53

And then if we have a business consultant, they really can't empathize

Robert Fukui: 00:43:56

what's going on in the marriage.

Robert Fukui: 00:43:56

And so we get these and sometimes we get these good advice for one

Robert Fukui: 00:44:00

aspect of life, but it also conflicts with the other aspect of life.

Robert Fukui: 00:44:03

And but we understand business and we have a heart for the family, and we understand

Robert Fukui: 00:44:09

those two dynamics and how much tension there can be because only about six

Robert Fukui: 00:44:14

point, only about 6% of the population are married and have a business, right?

Robert Fukui: 00:44:19

It's about 9% of the population have a business and about

Robert Fukui: 00:44:22

70, 70% of them are married.

Robert Fukui: 00:44:25

And so very few people You can't understand the tension that goes along

Robert Fukui: 00:44:31

with being married and having business, whether you work together or not.

Robert Fukui: 00:44:33

There's not very people that can understand, empathize with that.

Robert Fukui: 00:44:36

And so having someone that understands that and can help them navigate those two

Robert Fukui: 00:44:41

parts of your lives, um, is refreshing.

Robert Fukui: 00:44:43

So yeah, it's all marriage and business basically.

Robert Fukui: 00:44:46

And how much, how much of our time is spent on one.

Robert Fukui: 00:44:48

The other, it's, it gets blurred too.

Robert Fukui: 00:44:50

'cause sometimes we're talking about business issues, but then some relational

Robert Fukui: 00:44:53

conflict issue comes up, which is important because that's part of, that's

Robert Fukui: 00:44:57

part of the reason why their business is getting stagnated 'cause they can't

Robert Fukui: 00:44:59

make a decision to move things forward.

Robert Fukui: 00:45:02

And anyways, I hope that answers your question,

Tim Winders: 00:45:04

There used to be, there used to be this joke that we had years ago.

Tim Winders: 00:45:08

I was in a, in an MLM business, and one of the, one of the jokes, or it was actually

Tim Winders: 00:45:14

a principle that we talked about was if you go speak to someone, make sure you

Tim Winders: 00:45:19

speak with both the husband and wife.

Tim Winders: 00:45:21

That way you'll be guaranteed to have the decision maker and I know that even

Tim Winders: 00:45:28

though let's just use a traditional, and I know that we're not in necessarily

Tim Winders: 00:45:32

a traditional world much anymore more, but traditionally a male is out as the

Tim Winders: 00:45:36

head of the business and the female may be working in some type of role.

Tim Winders: 00:45:41

It is interesting.

Tim Winders: 00:45:41

We can talk about some of the roles that we sometimes pigeonhole

Tim Winders: 00:45:45

people into just because of

Tim Winders: 00:45:46

tradition, but even if, let's just say the spouse isn't there,

Tim Winders: 00:45:53

I do know that spouse has decision making over whoever

Tim Winders: 00:45:57

that leader or that person is.

Tim Winders: 00:45:59

But, that's fascinating to me.

Tim Winders: 00:46:01

What are, and the book does a great job, we'll talk about the book here in

Tim Winders: 00:46:05

just a moment, but what are some of the biggest issues that you see top 1, 2,

Tim Winders: 00:46:11

3, whatever, related to business owners that are also either working with or

Tim Winders: 00:46:19

they're, or they're, they're married because I don't really separate off.

Tim Winders: 00:46:22

I think if you're going into the same office together every day,

Tim Winders: 00:46:24

there might be certain things there.

Tim Winders: 00:46:26

for those that are watching the video here, I'm in the main room of our RV

Tim Winders: 00:46:30

and my wife and I are here with about 400 square feet, and we are business

Tim Winders: 00:46:34

owners and we are together almost 24 7.

Tim Winders: 00:46:37

This is our quote unquote air quotes here, office.

Tim Winders: 00:46:39

But just what are some of the top two or three things that you see, and we

Tim Winders: 00:46:44

may try to address those here before we wrap up and let people know how

Tim Winders: 00:46:47

they can get some more resources.

Robert Fukui: 00:46:49

The top two or three things that, what

Tim Winders: 00:46:51

That are the challenges for people that are, married,

Tim Winders: 00:46:54

entrepreneur, business owners.

Tim Winders: 00:46:56

what are the big ones that you see

Robert Fukui: 00:46:58

so number one, the first one's always

Robert Fukui: 00:47:00

communication, conflict resolution,

Tim Winders: 00:47:02

shocking,

Robert Fukui: 00:47:03

always that.

Robert Fukui: 00:47:03

Yeah.

Robert Fukui: 00:47:04

that's what creates the tension in the relationship is you just

Robert Fukui: 00:47:08

not able to resolve an issue.

Robert Fukui: 00:47:09

I.

Robert Fukui: 00:47:10

, right?

Robert Fukui: 00:47:10

And there's two different, viewpoints and we just can't come to agreement.

Robert Fukui: 00:47:15

And so whether it's, an issue in your personal life or the business, and

Robert Fukui: 00:47:19

like I said, even if the spouse isn't working the business, but they're

Robert Fukui: 00:47:22

having some input in what they're seeing their spouse going through in

Robert Fukui: 00:47:25

the business, and sometimes they're they're clashing on these differences.

Robert Fukui: 00:47:30

And it's especially the spouse that's running the business, a

Robert Fukui: 00:47:33

lot of times they will disregard what their spouse is saying.

Robert Fukui: 00:47:38

'cause, oh, you don't really know the business 'cause you're not part of it.

Robert Fukui: 00:47:41

And so because of that, they disregard what the, I'm just gonna say wife, because

Robert Fukui: 00:47:46

I'll just use my own example what the wife has to say because, oh, you don't know.

Robert Fukui: 00:47:50

And so the problem is they know more than you think, and they don't have to know the

Robert Fukui: 00:47:55

intricacies of the business, but they have a knowing and a feeling and discernment,

Robert Fukui: 00:48:00

whatever you want to call it, about what you should be doing or not doing.

Robert Fukui: 00:48:04

say even what people you should be involved with.

Robert Fukui: 00:48:06

So that really valuing each other's opinions and not just poo-pooing it

Robert Fukui: 00:48:13

and knowing how to listen and then come to agreement and, and especially

Robert Fukui: 00:48:20

like whenever we have disagreements or conflict, you know, we always

Robert Fukui: 00:48:22

want, we're trying to talk the other person into seeing your viewpoint.

Robert Fukui: 00:48:26

We're always trying to, we wish that the, your spouse would change,

Robert Fukui: 00:48:30

be different, act differently, talk differently, whatever.

Robert Fukui: 00:48:33

And you know, the scripture about pulling the plank outta your own eye

Robert Fukui: 00:48:36

so you can see the spec in here's eye.

Robert Fukui: 00:48:39

I the first rule of engagement is on the comp communication, conflict resolution

Robert Fukui: 00:48:43

issue when we come with a new client is.

Robert Fukui: 00:48:46

You make the change, not your spouse, you can't control her or him.

Robert Fukui: 00:48:50

You can't change her.

Robert Fukui: 00:48:51

And him, nobody can change her and him except God and themselves.

Robert Fukui: 00:48:55

But you can change yourselves.

Robert Fukui: 00:48:56

And the way you react, the way you talk, the way you act, the way you react

Robert Fukui: 00:49:00

to your spouse and how you do those things can totally change the dynamic

Robert Fukui: 00:49:06

with the issue for good or better.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:08

The way we react to our spouse, if we overreact, it creates an emotional

Robert Fukui: 00:49:13

negative response in our spouse, and she's gonna, or he's gonna

Robert Fukui: 00:49:16

react negatively to you as well.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:19

And so anyways, the communication, conflict resolution issues number one.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:23

And then two is then you gotta take account for what you're doing and

Robert Fukui: 00:49:26

what yours, what you lend into this argument, disagreement, this conflict.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:32

And what can you do to change yourself, not to change the other person.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:36

so that's, those are the top two things.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:38

those two things alone.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:40

We'll help you in marriage and business, period.

Tim Winders: 00:49:43

Yeah.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:44

listen to your spouse.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:45

'cause I've had a couple, two, three times where, you it was a financial decision.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:50

I think it was a real estate issue, whatever.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:52

I ran all the numbers.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:53

I don't think we're married yet.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:55

And Kaylee had a feeling.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:56

She said, I don't feel good about this.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:57

I don't like, and then I'm like, yeah, you don't understand.

Robert Fukui: 00:49:59

I ran the numbers.

Robert Fukui: 00:50:00

This is all good.

Robert Fukui: 00:50:01

It blew up it cost us six figures, or it cost me six figures of time.

Robert Fukui: 00:50:05

What really cost us six figures because that she married me.

Robert Fukui: 00:50:08

And so I'm like, you know what?

Robert Fukui: 00:50:10

After, so after I didn't listen after the first time, but after the

Robert Fukui: 00:50:12

second time, I'm like, you know what?

Robert Fukui: 00:50:14

I should probably listen when she has a feeling

Tim Winders: 00:50:17

That intuition.

Tim Winders: 00:50:19

I agree with you.

Tim Winders: 00:50:19

I actually wrote it down here on my notepad, that intuition is something

Tim Winders: 00:50:25

that, and we hate to generalize here, but it seems as if men are lacking in that

Tim Winders: 00:50:32

area and women are much more in tune.

Tim Winders: 00:50:35

I don't want to say that wholesale, because they're, I'm trying to have

Tim Winders: 00:50:39

better intuition, but I'm kinda like you.

Tim Winders: 00:50:40

It's no, the numbers are good and I believe in people and everybody's

Tim Winders: 00:50:43

good, and all that kind of stuff.

Tim Winders: 00:50:44

And we had a situation with a partner, that we never could meet.

Tim Winders: 00:50:50

I like going out and meeting.

Tim Winders: 00:50:52

taking my wife and meeting with someone before we do business, especially if it's,

Tim Winders: 00:50:57

we're gonna partner on some big projects.

Tim Winders: 00:51:00

And the guy's wife never was able to meet with us and it was bothering me, but we

Tim Winders: 00:51:07

kept going ahead and before we knew it, we were working together and all in bed

Tim Winders: 00:51:11

together in business and stuff like that.

Tim Winders: 00:51:13

And it did not end well.

Tim Winders: 00:51:17

Robert and my wife kept saying, I don't know, I don't have

Tim Winders: 00:51:20

a good feeling about this.

Tim Winders: 00:51:21

we should be able to meet his wife along the way.

Tim Winders: 00:51:23

And sure

Tim Winders: 00:51:23

enough, today he's, we're not, definitely not working together.

Tim Winders: 00:51:26

Cost . Probably seven figures if we really did the math.

Tim Winders: 00:51:31

And also he's no longer with his wife and things like that.

Tim Winders: 00:51:34

So it's, it, intuition.

Tim Winders: 00:51:36

Yes.

Tim Winders: 00:51:36

Now, one of the things that I loved, I just finished reading tandem the book,

Tim Winders: 00:51:41

And first of all, I had to grasp what the name meant.

Tim Winders: 00:51:44

I'll let you explain the name in just a little while.

Tim Winders: 00:51:47

Was that it really went back and forth between some theory and then

Tim Winders: 00:51:52

some hardcore, like practical stuff.

Tim Winders: 00:51:55

There were a couple of lists, and I might be getting these wrong, and we

Tim Winders: 00:51:57

got it pulled up here, but I don't have that exact page where there were like.

Tim Winders: 00:52:02

Seven ways to avoid having conflict, and then nine ways to handle

Tim Winders: 00:52:09

conflict once you deal with it.

Tim Winders: 00:52:10

I may have the numbers off or something like

Tim Winders: 00:52:11

that, but extremely good practical stuff that to me, I think are

Tim Winders: 00:52:15

good for married people as well as business people, leaders, because

Tim Winders: 00:52:18

most of these things apply in both

Tim Winders: 00:52:20

situations.

Tim Winders: 00:52:21

But what do you wanna say about the book tandem?

Tim Winders: 00:52:23

At what point did y'all decide we need to put some of this wisdom a book?

Robert Fukui: 00:52:29

that was a little bit of an evolution too.

Robert Fukui: 00:52:31

I mean, didn't wanna write a book.

Robert Fukui: 00:52:33

People would ask us early on, oh, as we were doing the work we're

Robert Fukui: 00:52:37

doing, oh, you should write a book.

Robert Fukui: 00:52:38

Like, no, that's too much work.

Robert Fukui: 00:52:41

but it got to a point where, again, the reason why we got into this, and,

Robert Fukui: 00:52:45

I'm a marketer, market researcher at heart, and so I see a need and I go,

Robert Fukui: 00:52:48

I think we should have filled this not thinking in the ramifications of this.

Robert Fukui: 00:52:53

I'm like, writing up the stuff and I'm like, we're dealing with marriage issues.

Robert Fukui: 00:52:56

And I'm like, why am I doing this?

Robert Fukui: 00:52:57

Kaylee's the one that loves this marriage stuff, it's but I'm the

Robert Fukui: 00:52:59

one that can put it to paper.

Robert Fukui: 00:53:01

anyways.

Robert Fukui: 00:53:02

when we first started doing this, really focusing on married entrepreneurs,

Robert Fukui: 00:53:06

I was like, okay, we need to scale this because there's a lot of married

Robert Fukui: 00:53:11

entrepreneurs that need this help.

Robert Fukui: 00:53:12

Because I said I didn't see any resources out there that

Robert Fukui: 00:53:15

specifically dealt with both issues.

Robert Fukui: 00:53:17

And so that's also why we started podcasts was, hey, this is one

Robert Fukui: 00:53:20

way to get the message out.

Robert Fukui: 00:53:21

'cause we know we can only help so many clients at a time.

Robert Fukui: 00:53:24

I mean, as much as we want to grow our business regardless, even if we have a

Robert Fukui: 00:53:27

hundred consultants in our belt, we can still only have help so many people.

Robert Fukui: 00:53:32

so as we're growing in the meantime, what can we do?

Robert Fukui: 00:53:34

And one of 'em was the podcast and the second one did come to,

Robert Fukui: 00:53:37

we really should write the book.

Robert Fukui: 00:53:39

we were gonna write a collaborate collaborative book with different

Robert Fukui: 00:53:42

experts to write in each chapter.

Robert Fukui: 00:53:44

And then we had a meeting with this couple that we've been taught, Kay and

Robert Fukui: 00:53:47

my talk, we gotta reach back out to them and thank them because they saw what

Robert Fukui: 00:53:51

we're doing and they wanted us to be a collaborate on a chapter in their book.

Robert Fukui: 00:53:55

And then they said, At first they said, have you written a book yet?

Robert Fukui: 00:53:59

And we're like, no.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:00

They're like, no, you should.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:02

Your first book should be your book.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:05

I'm like, we're like, really?

Robert Fukui: 00:54:06

And they just start talking.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:08

I'm like, oh, makes sense.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:09

I mean, we should set the tone.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:10

I mean, it's our message.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:11

I mean, anyway, so all that to say is, um, they, that couple, and

Robert Fukui: 00:54:15

they're in Arizona, they gotta find their names now and reach out to 'em.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:18

But, they're the ones that really got us thinking about, yeah, I

Robert Fukui: 00:54:21

guess we should write this book.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:23

And so that's where it started.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:24

And really the heart behind it is just to get as hand as many people as

Robert Fukui: 00:54:28

possible and many couples as possible.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:30

there's a workbook that's, built into that too.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:33

There's a QR code at the end of the chapter, and so

Robert Fukui: 00:54:34

you can download a workbook.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:35

And so there's videos and stuff.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:37

And so we built it as a multipurpose use.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:39

And we even thought, Hey, you can use it.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:42

'cause someone asked us on our book tour, Hey, could we use

Robert Fukui: 00:54:44

this as a, like a group study?

Robert Fukui: 00:54:46

And I'm like, Yeah, it's built for that.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:48

Yeah, sure.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:49

Go ahead.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:49

I don't care.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:50

if you want us involved, fine.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:51

We're here, but if not, go for it.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:53

we don't, we're not holding tight to this.

Robert Fukui: 00:54:55

it's not, and I, like I tell Kaylee, I said, what we put

Robert Fukui: 00:54:58

in this book is nothing new.

Robert Fukui: 00:55:00

All this information's out there, we just package it, right?

Robert Fukui: 00:55:02

There's nothing new under the sun We just, it's just the way you package things.

Robert Fukui: 00:55:06

And so we just happened to package it in a way that we feel could really

Robert Fukui: 00:55:09

help the married entrepreneur

Robert Fukui: 00:55:11

just do life and business better.

Tim Winders: 00:55:13

And the big thing that I get from that, and my wife and I talk about

Tim Winders: 00:55:19

this, Glori and I talk

Tim Winders: 00:55:20

about this quite often, is that we really do, especially in that

Tim Winders: 00:55:25

relationship, have to take our eyes off ourselves and do the best we can

Tim Winders: 00:55:29

to study our spouse, partner, life partner, intimate partner, all of that.

Tim Winders: 00:55:37

And there's a couple sections where I love that y'all go through Strength

Tim Winders: 00:55:40

Finders, disc, five Love Languages.

Tim Winders: 00:55:43

To me, I think three of the best assessments to learn about

Tim Winders: 00:55:47

yourself and also learn about

Tim Winders: 00:55:48

your partner, spouse, and I just think you guys did a great job with it.

Tim Winders: 00:55:54

Tell me

Tim Winders: 00:55:55

about the name Tandem, that's kind of unique.

Tim Winders: 00:55:59

And then I got a couple questions as we wrap up here.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:03

that came, I have to, give credit to my mastermind group.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:06

And so it was about, two to three months we're about to finish the manuscript.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:11

And we're, I think we're at the editing phase and I'm like, I need a title.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:14

We had a working title, but I knew that wasn't the one.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:16

And it was my turn to be in the hot seat.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:17

That's this next day.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:19

And I'm like, what do I wanna present with them?

Robert Fukui: 00:56:21

And I'm like, they're, most of them, they're all kind of

Robert Fukui: 00:56:23

marketers in their own right.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:24

And some of 'em are copywriters.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:26

The head of the group is this really master copywriter and did work for

Robert Fukui: 00:56:29

John Maxwell and some big names, right?

Robert Fukui: 00:56:31

And so title I said, I just said, I need a title.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:35

You know what we do?

Robert Fukui: 00:56:36

You understand a little bit about the book.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:38

I'm like, I need a title.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:39

And then somebody threw out tandem and then everybody started throwing all

Robert Fukui: 00:56:44

these analogies and metaphors around tandem because obviously it's, the

Robert Fukui: 00:56:47

book is for married entrepreneurs, so it's two people doing life

Robert Fukui: 00:56:50

and business together, so tandem.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:53

And then obviously the imagery with the tandem bike.

Robert Fukui: 00:56:56

and then, when the guys in the group say, oh yeah, you can, we have a,

Robert Fukui: 00:57:00

my wife and I have a tandem bike.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:01

We only rode it once, so, you can write a book.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:03

There's a story behind that.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:05

and I'm just laughing and just started laughing and I'm like,

Robert Fukui: 00:57:08

alright guys, time out real quick.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:09

Yes, this is the title because.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:12

When we go to the beach, a lot of times, Kay, inevitably there's

Robert Fukui: 00:57:15

someone a couple riding on a tandem bike going by and Kaylee's oh,

Robert Fukui: 00:57:19

we should get on a tandem bike.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:21

And I'm like, no, that's not a good idea.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:23

She's like, why?

Robert Fukui: 00:57:24

She's because I don't know exactly where I would seat you in the front or the back.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:28

'cause you know how you like to get distracted.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:30

you don't wanna pay attention to what's in front of you.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:32

You want to pay attention to everything else that's going around.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:34

And we're at the beach, which means you're gonna be looking at

Robert Fukui: 00:57:36

everything but what's in front of you.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:38

So I can't put you in the front.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:40

If you go in the back, you're probably not gonna be peddling so and so anyways,

Robert Fukui: 00:57:46

so I'm gonna be doing a lot of, that's gonna be a lot of effort for me.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:48

So anyways, it's this kind of running joke that between her and I, and so of

Robert Fukui: 00:57:53

course then I came up with a tandem thing.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:54

I said, oh yeah, that's gotta be it because there's so many

Robert Fukui: 00:57:57

life and marriage lessons.

Robert Fukui: 00:57:58

if you've never been on a tandem bike, try it as husband and wife because

Robert Fukui: 00:58:01

there's definitely some conflict that arises that can arise on a tandem bike.

Tim Winders: 00:58:06

We, we haven't done a tandem bike, but I just had this vision

Tim Winders: 00:58:10

of us when we went canoeing one time.

Tim Winders: 00:58:13

We were up in Whistler in

Tim Winders: 00:58:14

Canada and we went canoeing.

Tim Winders: 00:58:17

And my thought was, I'm gonna sit in the back and I'll just brute force and all.

Tim Winders: 00:58:21

And we, there were other people with us that were just kinda

Tim Winders: 00:58:25

like in a work situation.

Tim Winders: 00:58:26

They didn't know each other.

Tim Winders: 00:58:27

And we were horrible.

Tim Winders: 00:58:30

We were horrible.

Tim Winders: 00:58:33

And it was all my,

Tim Winders: 00:58:34

Glori can probably

Tim Winders: 00:58:35

hear this, she's in the back of the rv.

Tim Winders: 00:58:36

It was almost all my fault.

Tim Winders: 00:58:38

'cause my thought was, I don't want her have to work too hard.

Tim Winders: 00:58:40

she could just kinda steer up front and I'm just gonna,

Tim Winders: 00:58:44

which doesn't work in canoeing.

Tim Winders: 00:58:45

It probably doesn't work in biking either.

Robert Fukui: 00:58:47

no, not a town bike either.

Tim Winders: 00:58:49

great name there.

Tim Winders: 00:58:50

hey Robert.

Tim Winders: 00:58:50

Gimme some other resources.

Tim Winders: 00:58:52

I know you've got the podcast Power Coup, power Couple, and you've got the book.

Tim Winders: 00:58:56

Tell us about all the resources you guys have and where to find you.

Tim Winders: 00:58:59

And then I've got one more question as we wrap up here before we finish the podcast.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:04

Yeah.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:05

Thanks Tim.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:05

just go to our website, marriedentrepreneur.co and,

Robert Fukui: 00:59:09

Kaylee is always like, why'd you pick the word entrepreneur?

Robert Fukui: 00:59:12

I can't spell it.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:13

So

Robert Fukui: 00:59:13

sometimes.

Tim Winders: 00:59:14

going, I started going, we'll try to conclude

Tim Winders: 00:59:15

the spelling down in the links

Robert Fukui: 00:59:17

I go just Google it.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:18

Just google it.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:19

Google how to spell entrepreneur.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:21

It'll correct you, AI will correct you anyway.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:23

so right there you can then you'll get, be able to connect right to our podcast,

Robert Fukui: 00:59:27

Power Up Your Marriage and Business.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:28

It's also on all the podcast players.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:30

you can follow us on Social Power Couples by design on

Robert Fukui: 00:59:33

both on Facebook and Instagram.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:36

And you can just look me up on LinkedIn as well.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:38

just Robert Fukui, FF as in Frank, UK ui.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:41

For those of you that are not don't see my name out there, but in the show notes.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:45

But those are ways you can follow us.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:46

And of course in our website, we've got all our digital resources as well

Robert Fukui: 00:59:50

as, links to the book and all that.

Robert Fukui: 00:59:51

So that's the best way.

Tim Winders: 00:59:53

I listened to a number of episodes.

Tim Winders: 00:59:54

I was traveling, we were traveling from Colorado down here to Southern

Tim Winders: 00:59:57

Utah, last week, and I listened to about three or four episodes.

Tim Winders: 01:00:01

Great compliment.

Tim Winders: 01:00:02

I think it's a great compliment to what we're doing here.

Tim Winders: 01:00:04

For those folks

Tim Winders: 01:00:05

that are married entrepreneurs in business, Robert, we are seek,

Tim Winders: 01:00:10

go create those three words.

Tim Winders: 01:00:12

Last question, I'll let you pick one of those words over the other two.

Tim Winders: 01:00:15

Seek, go or create.

Tim Winders: 01:00:16

Which one do you choose and why?

Robert Fukui: 01:00:18

I think I'd have to go with, create and, and why

Robert Fukui: 01:00:24

was my, why is that my answer?

Robert Fukui: 01:00:28

I never thought of myself as much of an innovator or creative.

Robert Fukui: 01:00:33

And so Kaylee would say, 'cause I'm not, I'm more analytical

Robert Fukui: 01:00:38

by nature and all that.

Robert Fukui: 01:00:39

you don't think of analytic an analyticals like accountants and

Robert Fukui: 01:00:42

engineers as creative, but you really are.

Robert Fukui: 01:00:44

And as I've.

Robert Fukui: 01:00:46

walked out this journey of being in business, looking at the need that's

Robert Fukui: 01:00:52

out there and developing something from nothing, developing from something

Robert Fukui: 01:00:55

that's not really out there, and having that boldness to go and try

Robert Fukui: 01:01:00

something that no one's really doing.

Robert Fukui: 01:01:02

I've really latched onto that.

Robert Fukui: 01:01:04

I really, I've, it's really brought me to life, so even for you listening, you

Robert Fukui: 01:01:08

don't, even if you are like me that don't think you're creative, you absolutely are.

Robert Fukui: 01:01:12

we all see things and we all can react to things, but a lot of times we don't

Robert Fukui: 01:01:17

act on our impulse to create something because we think it's too risky.

Robert Fukui: 01:01:23

we think we don't have what it takes to do it and succeed at it.

Robert Fukui: 01:01:27

And let me tell you all, we are all we're all, we're built,

Robert Fukui: 01:01:32

we're created in God's image.

Robert Fukui: 01:01:34

And so we have all the aspects of the DNA of God.

Robert Fukui: 01:01:38

Some ratios of certain aspects of DNA is more than others, but we all

Robert Fukui: 01:01:43

have the ability to create something.

Robert Fukui: 01:01:45

And so I really, my encouragement really is if you see a need and if

Robert Fukui: 01:01:50

you've probably had the self-doubt of that you can do this, go for it.

Robert Fukui: 01:01:54

Because God's doesn't put you in a position to see things and not

Robert Fukui: 01:02:02

have given you the experience and the skill and gifts to do it.

Robert Fukui: 01:02:05

I think we just hold ourselves back and I was one of those because I'm

Robert Fukui: 01:02:09

not a risk taker by nature and but as I've done it, and so start doing,

Robert Fukui: 01:02:12

you you'll figure it out right?

Robert Fukui: 01:02:14

And especially if you're married, you have your spouse to help you out and

Robert Fukui: 01:02:17

you always have God and you always have people around you that can help you do it.

Robert Fukui: 01:02:21

I think the big mistake that we do as entrepreneurs.

Robert Fukui: 01:02:25

Just like your canoe story is we try to do it on our own.

Robert Fukui: 01:02:28

So that's the big mistake of why we're not able to do things.

Robert Fukui: 01:02:31

So as you see things, see a need, go create it, but don't

Robert Fukui: 01:02:34

try and do it on your own.

Robert Fukui: 01:02:36

Surround yourself with the right people that can help you put this

Robert Fukui: 01:02:39

thing into action and move it forward.

Tim Winders: 01:02:41

I'm very similar.

Tim Winders: 01:02:42

I have had an engineering background that I didn't think I

Tim Winders: 01:02:45

was creative, and you know what?

Tim Winders: 01:02:48

I was wrong and I'm okay admitting that.

Tim Winders: 01:02:50

Robert, thank

Tim Winders: 01:02:51

you so much for this conversation.

Tim Winders: 01:02:52

It's been awesome.

Tim Winders: 01:02:53

If you're listening in, get the book tandem.

Tim Winders: 01:02:56

I recommend that we'll have some links down below if you're either

Tim Winders: 01:03:00

watching this on YouTube or listening in, and then I think you should go

Tim Winders: 01:03:03

check out Power Up their podcast.

Tim Winders: 01:03:05

If you're listening via podcast, great time to just jump out right now.

Tim Winders: 01:03:09

If as we finish here and go subscribe and listen in over there, I think

Tim Winders: 01:03:13

it'll be some great wisdom for you.

Tim Winders: 01:03:15

We are seek, go create.

Tim Winders: 01:03:17

We have new episodes every Monday.

Tim Winders: 01:03:19

Until next time, continue being all that you were created to be.