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From Grief to Growth: Creating Work-Life Balance as a Married Entrepreneur with Robert Fukui

Balancing the chaos of marriage and entrepreneurship, married entrepreneur Robert Fukui embarks on a mission to achieve tandem success, unraveling the secrets to work-life harmony and overcoming the challenges of married entrepreneurship.

"Investing in relationships first is the key to having both a thriving business and a happy marriage. Success is redefined when relationships come first." - Robert Fukui

Access all show and episode resources HERE

About Our Guest:

Robert Fukui is the co-founder of I 61 Inc., a marketing expert with a successful background in increasing sales for major companies such as Coca Cola and Novartis. Together with his wife, Kay Lee, Robert has developed a program called Power Couples by Design, aimed at assisting married entrepreneurs in achieving a healthy work-life balance. Their book, Tandem, offers practical guidance and strategies for navigating the unique challenges faced by couples in business together. With a focus on redefining success, Robert brings a wealth of experience and a commitment to helping married entrepreneurs thrive both personally and professionally. Through their innovative approach, Robert and Kay Lee are paving the way for a world where prosperous businesses and thriving marriages go hand in hand.

Reasons to Listen:

  • Discover strategies for balancing married life and business to create harmony and happiness in both.
  • Explore the importance of nurturing relationships in business and learn how they can contribute to long-term success.
  • Learn how to redefine success beyond material wealth and find fulfillment in all aspects of your life.
  • Gain insights into the unique challenges faced by married entrepreneurs in achieving work-life balance and find practical solutions to overcome them.
  • Navigate the complexities of running a small family business with expert tips on managing roles, responsibilities, and communication.
  • Foster a thriving work-life relationship as a married entrepreneur and find fulfillment in both your personal and professional lives.
  • Discover the secrets to achieving a balanced and fulfilling life as a married entrepreneur, and unlock the potential for success in all areas of your life.

Episode Resources & Action Steps:

  • Visit the website of I 61 Inc to learn more about their innovative program, Power Couples by Design, for married entrepreneurs looking to create greater work-life balance.
  • Purchase a copy of Robert and Kaylee Fukui's book, Tandem, to discover their insights and strategies for building thriving marriages and prosperous businesses simultaneously.
  • Check out Robert Fukui's podcast, Power Up, to listen to interviews with other successful entrepreneurs and gain valuable insights into leading with purpose in both the boardroom and the living room.
  • Get Robert's Free Gift - Balance Business and Marriage Better

Resources for Leaders from Tim Winders & SGC:

🔹 Unlock Your Potential Today!

  • 🎙 Coaching with Tim: Elevate your leadership and align your work with your faith. Learn More
  • 📚 "Coach: A Story of Success Redefined": A transformative read that will challenge your views on success. Grab Your Copy
  • 📝 Faith Driven Leader Quiz: Discover how well you're aligning faith and work with our quick quiz. Take the Quiz

Key Lessons:

1. The importance of communication and conflict resolution in marriage and entrepreneurship: Married entrepreneurs face unique challenges, and effective communication and conflict resolution skills are crucial for success in both areas.

2. The value of investing in relationships: Building strong relationships with customers, employees, and most importantly, within the marriage itself, is essential for long-term happiness and fulfillment.

3. The need to set boundaries and reassess priorities: It's important to establish boundaries between work and family life and regularly reassess priorities to maintain a healthy balance between business and marriage.

4. The significance of grieving and processing emotions: Grieving is an important and often underrated process that should not be ignored, even in situations beyond losing loved ones. It is essential to create a space to talk about and process one's emotions.

5. The power of vulnerability and finding authentic community: Authenticity, vulnerability, and empathy in building relationships and finding community can provide much-needed support during challenging times.

6. The significance of creativity and taking action: Acting on creative impulses and not being held back by self-doubt or fear is essential for personal and professional growth.

7. The importance of faith and spirituality: Faith can provide solace and guidance during difficult circumstances and help shape one's values and priorities in life and business.

Overall, this episode encourages listeners to prioritize their relationships, seek support during challenging times, and find a healthy balance between work and family life.

Episode Highlights:

00:00:00 - The Interconnection of Business and Marriage

The guest emphasizes that there is no separation between business and marriage and family issues. They all affect each other. However, help is often sought in only one area, either through marriage counseling or business coaching, without considering how the two intersect.

00:02:05 - Redefining the Entrepreneurial Journey

The guest explains that their mission is to help married entrepreneurs achieve greater work-life balance. They aim to assist entrepreneurs in succeeding both in their business and in their marriage, rather than feeling like they have to prioritize one over the other.

00:03:04 - The Importance of Relationships in Business

The guest highlights the significance of relationships in business. Building relationships with customers, employees, and even the brand itself is crucial for long-term success. Additionally, investing in relationships with one's spouse and family is essential for personal fulfillment and lasting memories.

00:04:05 - Success in Business vs. Success in Relationships

The guest challenges the belief that success in business can only be achieved at the expense of personal relationships. They argue that it is possible to invest in both and provide examples of thriving family enterprises that have achieved success in business while prioritizing relationships.

00:08:14 - Redefining Success based on Accomplishments

The guest shares their personal journey of redefining success. Growing up with a strong work ethic, they initially defined success based on achievements and accomplishments. However, they realized the importance of investing in relationships.

00:13:59 - Being There for Others in Times of Loss

The guest shares his experience of losing his wife and emphasizes the importance of being there for someone who is grieving. He encourages people to not shy away from offering support and acknowledges that simply being present for someone can make a significant difference in their healing process.

00:15:26 - Redefining Success and Valuing Relationships

The guest reflects on how his wife's passing caused him to redefine his understanding of success. He realizes that true success lies in nurturing and valuing relationships. He shares the story of his relationship with his wife, from being childhood sweethearts to the sudden loss, highlighting the importance of cherishing the time spent with loved ones.

00:16:59 - Struggles of Being a Preacher's Kid

The guest, a preacher's kid, admits to drifting away from his faith but still maintaining a healthy view of God. He believes that many preacher's kids wander because they perceive the church as an obstacle to a closer relationship with their parents. He emphasizes the significance of investing time and attention into children's lives.

00:18:19 - Trusting in God's Plan

Despite not actively walking with the Lord at the time of his wife's passing, the guest's faith remained strong. He shares a moment of surrender and trust in God's plan, acknowledging that even though he didn't understand the situation, he had to believe that something good would come out of it.

00:27:14 - Meeting Kay Lee on a Christian dating website

Robert shares how he met his wife Kay Lee on a Christian dating website after clicking on a spam email. He describes how meeting her led him back to the church and how they eventually got married.

00:28:14 - Growing in faith together

Robert talks about how Kay Lee slowly introduced him back to the church and how they became more involved in their church community. He shares how their trip to Israel and getting baptized in the Jordan River solidified his commitment to his faith.

00:29:36 - Following God's breadcrumbs

Robert discusses the concept of following breadcrumbs and taking one step at a time in his faith journey. He explains how God led him to start a business in marketing consulting and how he found fulfillment in helping small family businesses succeed.

00:34:08 - Discipling people through the seven mountains of culture

Robert talks about the concept of the seven mountains of culture and how they influence and disciple society. He explains the importance of having a positive influence in different spheres, such as business, arts, and entertainment.

00:36:56 - Consulting with small family businesses

Robert shares how he transitioned from his corporate job to consulting full-time with small family businesses. He discusses his passion for helping these businesses succeed and the impact it has on their lives and communities.

00:39:49 - The Struggle of Work-Life Balance

Regardless of how much money someone has or how successful their business is, work-life balance is still a struggle. Being present in the now is challenging for entrepreneurs, and it affects both their personal and professional lives.

00:42:19 - Small Family Business

Small family businesses, defined as those with less than $10 million in revenue, face unique challenges. The intertwining of marriage and business creates tension and conflicts that few people understand. Business owners, especially those who work together with their spouses, often find it difficult to navigate both aspects of their lives.

00:43:43 - The Importance of Addressing Marriage and Business

The lack of separation between marriage and business is a common problem. Most counseling or coaching services focus on one aspect while neglecting the other. However, addressing both marriage and business issues is crucial for business owners, as they directly impact each other.

00:45:41 - Communication and Conflict Resolution

The top challenge for married entrepreneurs is communication and conflict resolution. Disagreements and differing viewpoints between spouses can create tension in both personal and business matters. Valuing each other's opinions, listening, and focusing on personal change are essential for resolving conflicts.

00:49:45 - The Power of Listening to Your Spouse

Listening to your spouse's input, even if they are not directly involved in the business, is crucial. Spouses often have valuable insights and intuitions that should not be disregarded.

00:53:32 - The Decision to Write a Book

The hosts discuss how they came to the decision to write a collaborative book with different experts contributing to each chapter. They credit a couple in Arizona for inspiring them to write the book and share their vision of reaching as many married entrepreneurs as possible.

00:54:35 - The Purpose of the Book

The book is designed to help married entrepreneurs improve their lives and businesses. It includes a workbook and QR codes for additional resources. The authors emphasize that the information in the book is not entirely new, but they have packaged it in a way that they believe will be beneficial.

00:55:37 - Understanding Your Partner

The hosts emphasize the importance of studying your spouse or partner in order to better understand their strengths, communication style, and love language. They recommend using assessments such as StrengthsFinder, DISC, and Love Languages to gain insight into yourself and your partner.

00:56:09 - Choosing the Title 'Tandem'

The guest credits their mastermind group for coming up with the title 'Tandem' for their book. They explain that the title represents the idea of two people working together in life and business, like riding a tandem bike. They share a humorous anecdote about their own experience with a tandem bike.

00:58:59 - Resources and Where to Find Them

The hosts mention their podcast, 'Power Couples', and their website, marriedentrepreneur.co, as resources for married entrepreneurs.

Thank you for listening to Seek Go Create!

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Transcript
Robert Fukui:

There really is no separation between business

Robert Fukui:

and marriage and family issues.

Robert Fukui:

They all affect the other, but you can only get help on one side or the

Robert Fukui:

other, whether it's marriage counseling or business coaching or consulting.

Robert Fukui:

right?

Robert Fukui:

But never the two shall meet.

Tim Winders:

In a world where the grind of entrepreneurship often

Tim Winders:

overshadows personal life, one man has made it his mission to harmonize

Tim Winders:

the hustle with heartfelt home life.

Tim Winders:

Welcome to Seek Go Create,

Tim Winders:

where today we're chatting with Robert Fukui, co-founder of I 61 Inc.

Tim Winders:

A visionary who's redefining the entrepreneurial journey.

Tim Winders:

Robert is a marketing maestro with a track record of skyrocketing sales

Tim Winders:

for giants like Coca-Cola Novartis.

Tim Winders:

Alongside with his wife Kay Lee, he's crafted a lifeline for married

Tim Winders:

entrepreneurs drowning in the sea of

Tim Winders:

business demands with their innovative program, Power Couples

Tim Winders:

by design and their book Tandem.

Tim Winders:

I just finished reading that they are lighting the path to a world

Tim Winders:

where thriving marriages and prosperous businesses are not mutually

Tim Winders:

exclusive, but mutually empowering.

Tim Winders:

Listeners, buckle up as we explore the secrets to scaling your business

Tim Winders:

without sacrificing your most valuable asset, your marriage.

Tim Winders:

Let's get to the heart of what it means to lead with purpose, both in

Tim Winders:

the boardroom and the living room.

Tim Winders:

Robert, welcome to Seek Go Create.

Robert Fukui:

Hey, Tim.

Robert Fukui:

Hey, thanks.

Robert Fukui:

You know what?

Robert Fukui:

I'm gonna have to use that intro as my bio That was amazing.

Robert Fukui:

I that for sure.

Tim Winders:

you can do that.

Tim Winders:

Yeah, I was working on that some that, and the pronunciation of your last name.

Tim Winders:

I've been working on that for

Tim Winders:

some

Robert Fukui:

Which, which, which one took longer?

Tim Winders:

I think the pronunciation of the last name.

Tim Winders:

But anyway, Hey Robert.

Tim Winders:

Let's pretend we just bumped into each other.

Tim Winders:

We've done some things.

Tim Winders:

We've been guests on your podcast and you and I have chatted about some things.

Tim Winders:

But let's pretend we just bumped into each other.

Tim Winders:

You just came from a conference this last weekend, or you're on a plane or

Tim Winders:

something, and I ask you what you do.

Tim Winders:

What do you tell people when they ask what you do?

Robert Fukui:

Yeah, sometimes I wonder.

Robert Fukui:

But, we're basically, or I'm basically a business consultant

Robert Fukui:

with an interesting twist.

Robert Fukui:

so we really helped married entrepreneurs create greater work life balance.

Robert Fukui:

That's the crux of it.

Robert Fukui:

But within that is how do we help the entrepreneur win both in their

Robert Fukui:

business and in their marriage.

Robert Fukui:

They're sometimes they, we operate in silos and unfortunately we feel like we

Robert Fukui:

have to lean towards one side the other.

Robert Fukui:

so we just help them do both better, basically.

Tim Winders:

All right.

Tim Winders:

So you and I have talked a while back and you know that my wife

Tim Winders:

and I for 35 years-ish, have been essentially attempting to do this

Tim Winders:

that you and Kaylee talk about, and y'all been doing this for some time.

Tim Winders:

Why ? Why is the marriage relationship such a big deal,

Tim Winders:

especially when we're talking about entrepreneurs and business owners?

Robert Fukui:

just if, even when you talk about in a business context,

Robert Fukui:

it's all about relationships.

Robert Fukui:

And if you don't have relationships, we really don't have a business.

Robert Fukui:

you have to develop a relationship with your customers, one that's

Robert Fukui:

long lasting and deep so that they come back right, again and again.

Robert Fukui:

And then your employees.

Robert Fukui:

you're not just, you these days with the younger generation,

Robert Fukui:

they want more of a relationship.

Robert Fukui:

even customers want a relationship with the brand.

Robert Fukui:

Employees want a relationship with the business, with the owner.

Robert Fukui:

They wanna feel they're part of something.

Robert Fukui:

And then go back to your marriage and your family.

Robert Fukui:

if you don't have them, I who are you gonna celebrate with?

Robert Fukui:

I the things that we remember as we get older are the memories.

Robert Fukui:

It's not about just the accomplishments, we'll talk about it, but really the

Robert Fukui:

things that drive you emotionally for the good are gonna be your memories.

Robert Fukui:

And it's gonna be your spouse, your kids.

Robert Fukui:

and so at the end of the day, you want to, really invest into them because

Robert Fukui:

you can still make a lot of money.

Robert Fukui:

While investing in relationships first, but if you're investing

Robert Fukui:

primarily in your business, your relationships are gonna suffer.

Robert Fukui:

So I guess you choose.

Robert Fukui:

The only way you can have both is if it's relationships first.

Tim Winders:

So the, I don't know, devil's advocate or the cynical

Tim Winders:

in me kind of popped up there.

Tim Winders:

And I do wanna say I'm in agreement with you.

Tim Winders:

Obviously I've been married and working with my wife for a while,

Tim Winders:

but I'm just trying to think about the person that would say something

Tim Winders:

like, yeah, but business is business.

Tim Winders:

there are plenty of examples out there of hard charge and business

Tim Winders:

people, probably mostly men, but probably men and women that have plowed

Tim Winders:

through, been successful in business and gone through 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Tim Winders:

More relationships along the way, disconnected family, but

Tim Winders:

they're successful in business.

Tim Winders:

How do you respond when someone says, but how important is this

Tim Winders:

Because you can really be successful without the family, can't you?

Robert Fukui:

Monetarily.

Robert Fukui:

Absolutely.

Robert Fukui:

And you're just as your just example you gave, but how happy are you, four

Robert Fukui:

or five marriages and I'm sure you're probably, have some people in mind

Robert Fukui:

when you say that just like I do.

Robert Fukui:

And how happy are they?

Robert Fukui:

Right.

Robert Fukui:

just going through one divorce is just excruciating.

Robert Fukui:

I haven't been through that, but I just know friends that, that have, just one

Robert Fukui:

divorce is painful enough and you go through multiple, that's just a grind.

Robert Fukui:

And then you've got all the complexities around, having different, multiple

Robert Fukui:

families, So it's just really just, it's just really complex.

Robert Fukui:

And so really how happy and fulfilled are you versus just pouring into

Robert Fukui:

relationships you already have.

Robert Fukui:

And I think the, you my pushback is we think we can't have it all.

Robert Fukui:

We think we can't invest into our relationships and still

Robert Fukui:

grow a thriving business.

Robert Fukui:

And I can give you examples of that, that there's that example On the other

Robert Fukui:

side is where one marriage, one family, and they still have a thriving business.

Robert Fukui:

And an enterprise.

Robert Fukui:

I mean, I'll just share with you, Sure as we got on the call that we're just at the

Robert Fukui:

Family Business magazine conference and examples of, six generations of families

Robert Fukui:

in the business and, some of 'em are doing better than others, but there's the

Robert Fukui:

ones that are just thriving and they're family enterprises, which means they

Robert Fukui:

have multiple, a multimillion dollar business as well as all the assets and

Robert Fukui:

the thriving relationship relationally.

Robert Fukui:

There was this one, guy on a panel, last week and it was, their last name

Robert Fukui:

was, I won't say the last name, but they became a running joke in the conference

Robert Fukui:

for the whole week because they were such an example of three brothers being

Robert Fukui:

in a work well together, even when they were going through a buyout that

Robert Fukui:

they were still thriving relationally before, during and after because they

Robert Fukui:

had invested into relationship upfront and it really came from their dad.

Robert Fukui:

But, so there's examples of this, the side where we can invest in relations first

Robert Fukui:

and still grow a thriving enterprise.

Tim Winders:

I think it's good to hear stories like that because I

Tim Winders:

think often, this feeds the cynicism, we hear the stories of the ones

Tim Winders:

that have the bodies littered and very similar to what you said.

Tim Winders:

I think about, I even tell my wife this from time to time that I know . How much,

Tim Winders:

and this in a positive way, how much work it is to be in one marriage relationship.

Tim Winders:

And we've got two grown children, and this is in no way judging

Tim Winders:

people that have had some multiple families and things like that.

Tim Winders:

I'm not doing that at all, but

Tim Winders:

I can't picture how difficult it would be to deal with, multiple holidays,

Tim Winders:

multiple families, multiple, interactions,

Tim Winders:

relationships, and things like that.

Tim Winders:

So I just, I like my life to be a little bit simpler.

Tim Winders:

If possible.

Tim Winders:

E even though we know life is complicated, in fact, I think

Tim Winders:

I'd love to do this.

Tim Winders:

Now, Robert, I know that, we talk about redefining success here,

Tim Winders:

and I think what we try to do is

Tim Winders:

we're trying to shift the mindset that some people might have.

Tim Winders:

That success is just making money and cars in the garage and big

Tim Winders:

houses, but no healthy, successful relationships and marriages.

Tim Winders:

But I know that you've been through an interesting story and I'd love

Tim Winders:

for you to share a little bit of your background we've got the, in

Tim Winders:

the bio there, which was really cool.

Tim Winders:

You said, the marketing and the corporate work that you've had

Tim Winders:

and you've moved into being in business for yourself with Kaylee.

Tim Winders:

but there's some things that you've had to redefine and some challenges

Tim Winders:

and also share some things about that.

Tim Winders:

Whatever you're willing to share here.

Robert Fukui:

Yeah.

Robert Fukui:

Redefining success.

Robert Fukui:

that's the key.

Robert Fukui:

The key thing, because I'm sure you grew up just like I grew up, where success

Robert Fukui:

was defined by our accomplishments.

Robert Fukui:

And so I think that's where we get that, the cynicism of relationship

Robert Fukui:

and business and we can't have both and all this kind of stuff.

Robert Fukui:

And so even though I grew up as a pk.

Robert Fukui:

My dad was a pastor and but even he, he grew up a, with a

Robert Fukui:

very, very strong work ethic.

Robert Fukui:

He grew up on a sugarcane plantation in Hawaii.

Robert Fukui:

And so the family's working, from the time they're young all the way through.

Robert Fukui:

So they definitely, he grew up with a strong work ethic,

Robert Fukui:

which he passed down to me.

Robert Fukui:

But because of that too, even as a pastor, he got so focused on the ministry and

Robert Fukui:

having success really was the ministry.

Robert Fukui:

how well was the church and the congregation doing that?

Robert Fukui:

The family often took a back seat.

Robert Fukui:

And so here you are, you have a pastor, you're the shepherds of the

Robert Fukui:

congregation, the shepherds of the flock, yet his own, in his own nuclear flock.

Robert Fukui:

His own family was taken aback seat.

Robert Fukui:

And it's no, nothing negative of him.

Robert Fukui:

I know he loved us, I loved him.

Robert Fukui:

we had a great relationship as we got older, but it was because of

Robert Fukui:

how he grew up, just like you and I.

Robert Fukui:

And so I think that's what happens is, how we define success is

Robert Fukui:

a lot based on how he grew up.

Robert Fukui:

So it wasn't just my dad's fault, he just did what he knew, right?

Robert Fukui:

And so I carried that with me.

Robert Fukui:

And so whether it was sports or in school and in my career.

Robert Fukui:

I wanted to succeed by checking out the boxes, getting MVP for cross country

Robert Fukui:

or basketball and getting good grades.

Robert Fukui:

And then getting that marketing degree and getting that first job

Robert Fukui:

outta college was with Coca-Cola.

Robert Fukui:

it was like the feather my cap, Here I had some of my friends, graduating

Robert Fukui:

from college and trying to find a job, any job, let alone something within

Robert Fukui:

their major And here I did both, right.

Robert Fukui:

It was my major and it was a great brand.

Robert Fukui:

so then, and then I went into the, moved into the pharmaceutical industry and then,

Robert Fukui:

you here I am, my, my career's growing.

Robert Fukui:

I'm knocking on six figures and, I got all this opportunity.

Robert Fukui:

Even my wife at the time too growing in her career.

Robert Fukui:

Um, we had purchased our first house, got our first puppy.

Robert Fukui:

And you're checking the boxes, right?

Robert Fukui:

Of success from career to even personal.

Robert Fukui:

But it was based on stuff, right?

Robert Fukui:

Accomplishments.

Robert Fukui:

it was the, the house, it was the puppy, whatever.

Robert Fukui:

Um.

Robert Fukui:

And then 22 years ago though, like everything shifted where it was a week

Robert Fukui:

before Christmas and I kissed her goodbye.

Robert Fukui:

We had tandem parking in our, garage down in the condo.

Robert Fukui:

And so I had to let her out.

Robert Fukui:

So I kissed her goodbye.

Robert Fukui:

we give a nice hug and then she drives away.

Robert Fukui:

And then literally 10 minutes from the spot I'm sitting at right

Robert Fukui:

now, she got in a car accident and passed away at the scene.

Robert Fukui:

She didn't survive the accident.

Robert Fukui:

I didn't know about it until that evening when I got home and the

Robert Fukui:

coroner was waiting for me at my door.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm like, what, what's a coroner want to talk to me about?

Robert Fukui:

I was just, I'm just like, what?

Robert Fukui:

I thought he was selling something.

Robert Fukui:

At first I'm like, what?

Robert Fukui:

What does he want to sell me?

Robert Fukui:

Like a plot or something?

Robert Fukui:

And I'm like, what?

Robert Fukui:

he asked to come in and I bring him in, come, he comes in the

Robert Fukui:

house and he tells me what happens.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm just like looking at him with just no, I just saw her, nine, 10 hours ago.

Robert Fukui:

I just saw her, I kissed her, I hugged her, I felt her.

Robert Fukui:

And so that couldn't have happened.

Robert Fukui:

And then she, he brings out her driver's license and says, is this her?

Robert Fukui:

And then all of a sudden it just this, just, range of emotions.

Robert Fukui:

I don't know what they were, but it was just like, stuff's flooding my head.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm like, it's still confused.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm just like, this does not make sense.

Robert Fukui:

'cause when you think about your spouse passing, it's gonna be an old age and

Robert Fukui:

she might be sick or something, and there's always some kind of preparation.

Robert Fukui:

But this was just like, a hundred miles to zero and nothing flat.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm crying, but I'm still kind of in disbelief.

Robert Fukui:

And so when he left, I got on the phone immediately and I called her boss.

Robert Fukui:

I called her best friend at work, and I just asked him, did she show up to work?

Robert Fukui:

And both of 'em said, no.

Robert Fukui:

And she, they're like, you know what happened?

Robert Fukui:

We haven't heard from her.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm like, I tell her what happened, the coroner came and all that and

Robert Fukui:

just, it was just, the nightmare.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm just, everything stops.

Robert Fukui:

And you, when we always make excuses, if we gotta do this, we gotta do that,

Robert Fukui:

and we can't stop for a moment for kids or to, kiss your wife or whatever,

Robert Fukui:

or talk to your wife or whatever.

Robert Fukui:

But, in that moment, like everything stopped, whatever was on my plate

Robert Fukui:

for that evening and going into the next day was just nothing was there.

Robert Fukui:

Right.

Robert Fukui:

What was, what was important?

Robert Fukui:

obviously my wife and dealing with that and trying to make

Robert Fukui:

sense of this whole thing.

Robert Fukui:

and then so I think subconsciously you're starting to, I'm sure I wasn't

Robert Fukui:

trying to redefine success at that time, but I know subconsciously, things are

Robert Fukui:

running through your head, regrets.

Robert Fukui:

there's all this stuff that goes through your head, I don't have another moment to,

Robert Fukui:

whether it's fix something in a conflict or do something in the future for us.

Robert Fukui:

I had what I had.

Robert Fukui:

I can't, I I don't have a future with her anymore.

Robert Fukui:

And then anything that happened in the past was, is gone.

Robert Fukui:

it's, I can't change any of that.

Robert Fukui:

Then the next morning, I think when you talk about redefining success, the

Robert Fukui:

next morning is when I saw what success really looked like, and the next morning,

Robert Fukui:

Knocking the door and I opened the door and literally the the doorframe created

Robert Fukui:

a picture of what success looked like.

Robert Fukui:

And it was my family and it was my friends from fourth grade, high school, college.

Robert Fukui:

And even my first career, my first job at Coca-Cola, they were all

Robert Fukui:

there that next morning driving six hours from San Jose to be down in

Robert Fukui:

Southern California in Pasadena.

Robert Fukui:

And, nothing they can say or do would change anything obviously,

Robert Fukui:

and change emotion, but the fact that they were there was huge.

Robert Fukui:

And so I tell this to people, you know, 'cause we always, we have

Robert Fukui:

a loved one or someone that, they have someone that passes away.

Robert Fukui:

We want to be there for them or say something, but we don't know what to do.

Robert Fukui:

It's that awkwardness of what do I do?

Robert Fukui:

it's nothing I can say or do is gonna change anything or make them feel better.

Robert Fukui:

And so a lot of times we stay away from people when they lose somebody.

Robert Fukui:

but the reality is that's when they need people the most and don't ever think

Robert Fukui:

that they don't have time or they're, I know they're processing, which they are,

Robert Fukui:

but just being there, being present for people is just does amazing, just wonders.

Robert Fukui:

'cause then I knew I wasn't alone, right?

Robert Fukui:

Because if I'm just, because you never know.

Robert Fukui:

and so anyways, all I'll to say is that was the, I, one of the first

Robert Fukui:

stages for me of redefining success.

Robert Fukui:

And I was always, I always value relationships, but I think

Robert Fukui:

obviously in something like this, it kind of hyper-focused you on

Robert Fukui:

what really success looked like.

Robert Fukui:

And it was relationships.

Robert Fukui:

And I was grateful for the time that I was with my wife.

Robert Fukui:

'cause we were actually childhood sweethearts.

Robert Fukui:

I met her when I was 12 years old.

Robert Fukui:

She was 10.

Robert Fukui:

We met at a church camp, grew up together and she, we started officially

Robert Fukui:

dating once I graduated from college.

Robert Fukui:

And so there's this storybook, thing to this.

Robert Fukui:

And then, you you're thinking you're on your way and then next

Robert Fukui:

thing you know, it all stops.

Tim Winders:

How old were you?

Robert Fukui:

so

Tim Winders:

how old were you at that time?

Robert Fukui:

I was 35.

Tim Winders:

35.

Tim Winders:

And, what was your faith?

Tim Winders:

Walk you're, you said you're a preacher's kid and every time I hear preacher's kid,

Tim Winders:

I think of almost two divergent paths.

Tim Winders:

and we don't have to get into this but one path

Tim Winders:

and you brought it up.

Tim Winders:

y'all are at times, family can be secondary to the

Tim Winders:

mission, whatever that may be.

Tim Winders:

and, it doesn't sound like you went down the total opposite path, but how

Tim Winders:

strong was your faith at that moment that the coroner was at your door?

Robert Fukui:

that's a good question.

Robert Fukui:

And 'cause I get asked that quite a bit, especially in the early days of

Robert Fukui:

how I got through that period, and it wasn't easy of course, but my faith was

Robert Fukui:

very strong even though I really wasn't walking with the Lord at that time.

Robert Fukui:

So I was one of those pks that kind of wandered away from the flock.

Robert Fukui:

And it, I think it comes down to, and I tell entrepreneurs and even, and people

Robert Fukui:

in ministry that if you don't invest into your kids' lives and it doesn't

Robert Fukui:

take a lot of time, it's just make sure you check in and say, Hey, are you good?

Robert Fukui:

when you're, if you're not investing into their relationship and they

Robert Fukui:

don't, and your children do not know.

Robert Fukui:

That you're first, they're first in your life.

Robert Fukui:

Right?

Robert Fukui:

And then people say that, I said the same thing.

Robert Fukui:

I know my dad loves me and he did, but there is something about

Robert Fukui:

paying some attention to your kids.

Robert Fukui:

And when what I looked at the church, I looked at the church as that thing

Robert Fukui:

that was stopping me from having a really good relationship with my dad.

Robert Fukui:

And so that's why pks, that's why I feel that pks wander, and not all of

Robert Fukui:

them do, but the ones that do, I think a lot of it stems through that is that

Robert Fukui:

it wasn't be they, I think I still had a healthy even, I wasn't really

Robert Fukui:

walking with the Lord at the time, but I still had a healthy view of God.

Robert Fukui:

I knew that God existed and I didn't, I did not confuse God

Robert Fukui:

with what my dad was doing.

Robert Fukui:

But a lot of pks and will say that, they run away from the faith because their

Robert Fukui:

example of who God is, was their parents.

Robert Fukui:

They're dead.

Robert Fukui:

And so I've said that's who God is and I don't want part of that.

Robert Fukui:

Right.

Robert Fukui:

And so luckily I was blessed that I, I did not have that

Robert Fukui:

skewed, a view of who God was.

Robert Fukui:

Um, but I know I did drift from the faith because a lot of it was that.

Robert Fukui:

And if it wasn't for my own personal, I think experience with God and young age

Robert Fukui:

at nine years old, where he literally had a Samuel experience where God

Robert Fukui:

literally woke me up with an audible voice in bed in the middle of the night.

Robert Fukui:

and he spoke to me.

Robert Fukui:

And if I didn't have that experience, I'm not sure, how I would've drifted

Robert Fukui:

to the faith that might, I might've been one of those other, those pks

Robert Fukui:

that really went off the rails.

Robert Fukui:

But going back to, so all I have to say is even though I wasn't really walking

Robert Fukui:

the Lord going to church regularly, I still had a grounding in, in, in my

Robert Fukui:

faith and who God was, had my experience.

Robert Fukui:

So I, I could not deny who God was.

Robert Fukui:

And so even I was sitting, I remember sitting at my.

Robert Fukui:

Computer that week, starting to write up, type out my eulogy, type out the

Robert Fukui:

eulogy for the service, the funeral.

Robert Fukui:

And I just stopped in the middle and I said, okay, I know they said all

Robert Fukui:

things work together for the good.

Robert Fukui:

And so I said, God, this better be good because right

Robert Fukui:

now this just, it's terrible.

Robert Fukui:

this is about, I've never experienced death on this level.

Robert Fukui:

Never really experienced any kind of tragedy growing up.

Robert Fukui:

And so I'm like, yeah, this next phase better be really good

Robert Fukui:

because right now this is terrible.

Robert Fukui:

And so I'm just gonna have to put my faith that it's gonna be good.

Robert Fukui:

and so that, that was that moment where I'd said, okay, I have to trust in God.

Tim Winders:

Because a lot of people in those situations would be mad at God.

Tim Winders:

I don't, a lot of people get upset when

Tim Winders:

we say they're questioning God.

Tim Winders:

And I've actually come to grips that I don't think it's bad to ask questions.

Tim Winders:

A lot of people go, oh, we shouldn't not ask.

Tim Winders:

Nah, I think that's okay.

Tim Winders:

But, I'm just curious, Robert, because I know from a cultural standpoint

Tim Winders:

you have, uh, Japanese heritage.

Tim Winders:

Obviously Hawaii is a little bit different culture than definitely where I grew up

Tim Winders:

in the Bible Belt of the South, but were you equipped to grieve or to be a good

Tim Winders:

griever or any of that, or was it like, cover all that up and don't do anything?

Tim Winders:

Because as we get into conversations about, the tandem the book and how

Tim Winders:

to work with, our spouses, a lot of these things are roots on how well

Tim Winders:

we handle things in the future.

Tim Winders:

I'm, I guess this is me.

Tim Winders:

How, were you a good griever or were you a bad griever?

Tim Winders:

'cause I don't, I'm not a really good griever, I don't think either.

Robert Fukui:

Yeah.

Robert Fukui:

gr growing up I wasn't a good griever.

Robert Fukui:

my they don't teach those kind of things in seminary, apparently.

Robert Fukui:

, you know, conflict and all that.

Robert Fukui:

Um, grieving is hugely important.

Robert Fukui:

it's underrated and it's not even just losing people.

Robert Fukui:

I think when you lose a job, or you have some bad experience in

Robert Fukui:

life in general, there's a grieving process that you have to go through.

Robert Fukui:

And too many times, because we're growing up to achieve, we just

Robert Fukui:

skip over that and say, Hey, that's the past and I gotta move forward.

Robert Fukui:

But you do have to take a moment to, or moments to grieve, and it's okay to, even

Robert Fukui:

as you're moving forward, to still grieve.

Robert Fukui:

And I certainly did that.

Robert Fukui:

And so I don't think I would've been a good griever, but it was actually walking

Robert Fukui:

my wife through her grief in two years.

Robert Fukui:

She lost her mom.

Robert Fukui:

it's a surpr, it was a surprise.

Robert Fukui:

her dad had late stage prostate cancer, so we thought he was gonna go first.

Robert Fukui:

Next thing you know, um, her mom has congestive heart failure and dies.

Robert Fukui:

It was like, it just, it was almost immediate.

Robert Fukui:

within a matter of days.

Robert Fukui:

And and then two years later, her dad ends up passing away from cancer.

Robert Fukui:

and then six months later my wife passes away.

Robert Fukui:

And so walking my wife through the grieving process.

Robert Fukui:

And you've heard the seven stages of grief and all that.

Robert Fukui:

it's real We just don't know when and where, how it's gonna

Robert Fukui:

happen in, in those and what stage and where, what it, it's not.

Robert Fukui:

The seven stages of grief are not written in like a linear order

Robert Fukui:

where this is, these are the stages and these are the exact stages.

Robert Fukui:

it's the emotions can be, where they fall in that line of seven is gonna

Robert Fukui:

be different for everybody, but .For sure those seven stage degree for real.

Robert Fukui:

And I walked my wife through that and it was rough, just even for me helping

Robert Fukui:

her, 'cause I, I was like, what's going, you know, what's wrong with you?

Robert Fukui:

It was like, it's been a year, you know, you should be getting over this.

Robert Fukui:

so I even, I was that kind of a bad husband in that way, but, ultimately,

Robert Fukui:

yeah, I said, okay, you know, I got this.

Robert Fukui:

and so seeing her and observing those, the grief and, how and when it happens

Robert Fukui:

and all that and what's needed.

Robert Fukui:

And so I found that what's needed most when you're grieving like

Robert Fukui:

this is to be able to talk.

Robert Fukui:

it's and if you cover it up and try to be the man and be

Robert Fukui:

strong and just move forward.

Robert Fukui:

and so it's like some of the bad worst advice you can get from people, and

Robert Fukui:

I've got it too, is like you just gotta keep yourself busy and focus

Robert Fukui:

on your business or you focus on your career and just move forward.

Robert Fukui:

Keep yourself busy.

Robert Fukui:

Don't dwell on the emotion, but that's the worst advice.

Robert Fukui:

You've got to deal with the emotion.

Robert Fukui:

Just like even in conflict as husband and wife or with kids, whatever emotion's out

Robert Fukui:

there, we gotta deal with it because if we put it under the rug, you're just creating

Robert Fukui:

this rumbling of lava in this dormant volcano that eventually is gonna erupt.

Robert Fukui:

And the problem is when it erupts years later and you can't connect

Robert Fukui:

it with the emotion that's tied to the grief because it's years later.

Robert Fukui:

So for me it was, I might as well deal with the grief now and understand where

Robert Fukui:

the grief stems from then to deal with it later when I have no clue what's going on.

Robert Fukui:

Because there is moments like six, there's six months after my wife

Robert Fukui:

passed, I'm driving on the freeway and just, I just break down bawling.

Robert Fukui:

I'm, my tears are flowing.

Robert Fukui:

I can't see, I have to pull off the freeway.

Robert Fukui:

And I wasn't consciously thinking about my wife, but it just came and

Robert Fukui:

it was like, what just happened?

Robert Fukui:

And for some people it might be anger.

Robert Fukui:

I.

Robert Fukui:

,right?

Robert Fukui:

then, so anyways, all that to say is you need to be able to deal with

Robert Fukui:

these things and have people, whether it's a professional counselor or a

Robert Fukui:

pastor, good friends, people that are really authentically willing

Robert Fukui:

to listen to you just to share and just get it off your chest.

Robert Fukui:

And for them to be able to empathize.

Robert Fukui:

And that was, and for me, so for me, it was witnessing my wife through that.

Robert Fukui:

And then I said, okay, I know I need to talk about it.

Robert Fukui:

And at the time I was in the pharmaceutical industry, I

Robert Fukui:

was in the oncology division.

Robert Fukui:

And so my customers were oncologists, cancer doctors and nurses.

Robert Fukui:

And so they dealt with this stuff all the time.

Robert Fukui:

And so when I, and I took about a month off of work when I came back to work

Robert Fukui:

and I started visiting my offices.

Robert Fukui:

there was a handful of 'em that were like, Robert, how are you?

Robert Fukui:

and some of the doctors, even how busy they were, sometimes

Robert Fukui:

it's hard to get a moment.

Robert Fukui:

But they would see me and they would stop and they'd say, Robert, how are you?

Robert Fukui:

But, and the way they said it was like.

Robert Fukui:

Don't BS me.

Robert Fukui:

How are you really doing And if I try to BSS 'em, especially the nurses,

Robert Fukui:

they'll pull me into an exam room and just shut the door and say, let's talk.

Robert Fukui:

And so they were my therapist basically.

Robert Fukui:

And I thank God for them.

Tim Winders:

it's good to have that.

Tim Winders:

in a recent interview, someone was talking about authentic community

Tim Winders:

and words that keep popping up that I don't . I don't know that I heard if they

Tim Winders:

existed, I didn't hear them years ago.

Tim Winders:

Words like authenticity, vulnerability, empathy, things like that, that,

Tim Winders:

unfortunately with, some generations, especially with males, they

Tim Winders:

don't really work their way in.

Tim Winders:

But you mentioned Romans 8 28, all things work together.

Tim Winders:

for those that are his children, that maybe my translation,

Tim Winders:

not the exact translation.

Robert Fukui:

Yeah.

Tim Winders:

And you mentioned that you told God, what's next here?

Tim Winders:

And you were 35 years old and you had lost your wife.

Tim Winders:

So let's fast forward.

Tim Winders:

What is all the things that work together for your good?

Tim Winders:

Because I know some of the rest of the story, so let's move through the,

Tim Winders:

some of the rest of the story here.

Robert Fukui:

Yeah.

Robert Fukui:

it's, as we sit here today, you know, it's a culmination of things and experiences,

Robert Fukui:

from, growing up with my first wife and, going through death and all that.

Robert Fukui:

And then a year and a half afterwards, after my wife

Robert Fukui:

passed, my first wife passed.

Robert Fukui:

I wasn't looking for my next wife per se, but I knew I just needed

Robert Fukui:

to get out there and meet people.

Robert Fukui:

I, I was new to Southern California.

Robert Fukui:

I really didn't have any friends, although I had rekindled some

Robert Fukui:

relationships with some of my old church camp friends, they came out

Robert Fukui:

because of the funeral and all that.

Robert Fukui:

got reconnected with them.

Robert Fukui:

The ones that are really here in Southern California.

Robert Fukui:

And so spent a lot of time with them and that they were a godsend for sure.

Robert Fukui:

and then I'd said, okay, I need to, not so much date, but I knew I need

Robert Fukui:

to get out and just meet people.

Robert Fukui:

I just can't just stay in my shell.

Robert Fukui:

and I wasn't, didn't have expectations about dating, I just said, I just

Robert Fukui:

wanna go out and meet people.

Robert Fukui:

I'm not looking for the one, 'cause I've also seen the bad of guys like just

Robert Fukui:

running into another relationship and try to get married as quick as they can

Robert Fukui:

because they can't handle being alone basically, is what it comes down to.

Robert Fukui:

and so I wasn't that, I wasn't looking for that, but I just

Robert Fukui:

was, Hey, let's just meet people.

Robert Fukui:

And a year and a half afterwards, I met my current wife Kaylee, and I just,

Robert Fukui:

met her on a Christian dating site.

Robert Fukui:

and I was actually, I wasn't looking for a Christian dating site.

Robert Fukui:

I wasn't looking for a dating site early fair, but I got on my AOL.

Robert Fukui:

So I'm dating this process here, my AOL account,

Tim Winders:

We may

Robert Fukui:

although I just came across.

Tim Winders:

we may need to explain what that is to some people,

Robert Fukui:

I just got an email this morning though, from

Robert Fukui:

someone with an AWOL account.

Robert Fukui:

so that's still in existence.

Robert Fukui:

It's apparently still around,

Robert Fukui:

um,

Tim Winders:

is a little better than a Hotmail.

Tim Winders:

you get Hotmail, AOL and CompuServe or something

Tim Winders:

like that.

Robert Fukui:

Yeah.

Robert Fukui:

so I got the spam in my inbox in my ALL account.

Robert Fukui:

It said Meet Christian singles.

Robert Fukui:

And again, I told you I wasn't really walking with the Lord at the time,

Robert Fukui:

but, so I clicked on it, went on the website, and I'm like, okay, these

Robert Fukui:

women look pretty normal, because I was expecting like these Amish green,

Robert Fukui:

dress pink women or something like that.

Robert Fukui:

so I don't know what I was expecting, but anyways, and I'm thinking, oh, I,

Robert Fukui:

I know my mom would probably like for me to meet a nice Christian woman.

Robert Fukui:

So I said, what the heck?

Robert Fukui:

So I go on there.

Robert Fukui:

I.

Robert Fukui:

long story short, I met Kaylee.

Robert Fukui:

we converse for a couple days through the system and then finally I said,

Robert Fukui:

okay, let's, wanna get on the phone.

Robert Fukui:

Um, and about a week or two later I said, I'm gonna be, she lived an hour

Robert Fukui:

for me in Ventura, which happened to be part of my sales territory.

Robert Fukui:

So I said, Hey, I'm gonna be out there on Friday.

Robert Fukui:

Would you wanna get together for dinner?

Robert Fukui:

She said, sure.

Robert Fukui:

And so we got to dinner and met her and I really had a good time

Robert Fukui:

and obviously really good time 'cause we're married 17 years now.

Robert Fukui:

And so definitely, she was a good, raised a good Baptist woman.

Robert Fukui:

And so was the person that got me back in, into the church basically.

Robert Fukui:

And she didn't push, but she slowly weaved some things in will you pray for the meal?

Robert Fukui:

And I said, sure.

Robert Fukui:

What the heck?

Robert Fukui:

And then, as things got more serious and, I would, either be out there

Robert Fukui:

for the weekend or she'd be out here.

Robert Fukui:

So if I was out in Ventura, she says, it's Sunday, we should go to church.

Robert Fukui:

So we, would go to church with her, to her church.

Robert Fukui:

And then, when we got engaged and we decided that she was gonna move

Robert Fukui:

out to Pasadena, she said, okay, we need to find a home church.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm like, oh, okay, it's this is getting serious, right?

Robert Fukui:

So, long story short, we landed on our current church Harvest

Robert Fukui:

Rock Church here in Pasadena.

Robert Fukui:

And, and then all of a sudden, we get married and then next

Robert Fukui:

thing you know, she's we should get involved with a small group.

Robert Fukui:

You 'cause we needed to meet people.

Robert Fukui:

I'm like, all So I was getting a little more uncomfortable.

Robert Fukui:

I'm like, so anyways, so we got involved with a small group and

Robert Fukui:

then she's oh, we, I think we should start our own small group.

Robert Fukui:

I'm like, what?

Robert Fukui:

It's So she's no, it'd be great.

Robert Fukui:

So I'm like, okay.

Robert Fukui:

And started leading a small group and then little by little I'm getting more

Robert Fukui:

and more involved with the church.

Robert Fukui:

And then this is over, what, 2, 3, 4 years now.

Robert Fukui:

So it's not happening quickly, but she's you see how Kaylee's acting?

Robert Fukui:

She just weaves some things in.

Robert Fukui:

And then, and then the church announced that, hey, we're gonna, we're gonna to

Robert Fukui:

Israel for the first time, and so our pastor's gonna lead us trip to Israel.

Robert Fukui:

And Kaylee's oh, that's been on my bucket list.

Robert Fukui:

I'm like, really?

Robert Fukui:

I'm like, okay.

Robert Fukui:

So we go to Israel.

Robert Fukui:

and then we got, I.

Robert Fukui:

We got to get baptized at the Jordan River, which I think that's what church

Robert Fukui:

groups do when they go to Israel.

Robert Fukui:

Israel, You gotta get baptized in the Jordan.

Robert Fukui:

Interesting story with that was I wasn't gonna get baptized because

Robert Fukui:

I said, oh, I've done that before.

Robert Fukui:

I've been baptized.

Robert Fukui:

And the whole group is gonna get baptized.

Robert Fukui:

And except for me and the pastor's wife, so we were in this, they have

Robert Fukui:

this amphitheater set up at the Jordan.

Robert Fukui:

It's somewhat commercialized, but there's these two amphitheaters.

Robert Fukui:

And so we were in one.

Robert Fukui:

And so as everybody's gonna get baptized, me and the pastor's wife,

Robert Fukui:

we decided we're staying back, so we're gonna watch all the stuff.

Robert Fukui:

And so it was one, it was interesting that when we, there was nobody at nobody there.

Robert Fukui:

Like we were the only group there.

Robert Fukui:

And like we pulled in the parking lot and there was no cars in the parking lots.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm thinking, is this open?

Robert Fukui:

And so usually, and the tour guy will tell you, usually it's just, like

Robert Fukui:

I said, it's pretty commercialized, so just it's crowded and there's

Robert Fukui:

one group after another just waiting to get in to be baptized.

Robert Fukui:

I'm looking at everybody getting ready to be baptized.

Robert Fukui:

And we even had a worship service, that's how long we were there

Robert Fukui:

without have anybody interrupt us.

Robert Fukui:

So as I'm watching everybody getting in line to get baptized and I see my wife

Robert Fukui:

down there alone, um, without me, I'm thinking I probably should get baptized

Robert Fukui:

with my wife, And so I really feel as God's way of holding the crowds back

Robert Fukui:

so I can come to my senses and get down there and get baptized with my wife.

Robert Fukui:

And that was the first time I committed myself to the Lord on my terms.

Robert Fukui:

Not because I was a pk and because it was an expectation as a pastor's kid,

Robert Fukui:

And it that, and I'll just pause there 'cause that, all that say and that

Robert Fukui:

culmination of things and that just shifted things in my own life and my

Robert Fukui:

relationship with God and just set a stage for what the next phase of my life,

Robert Fukui:

my career, and even when I'm doing now

Robert Fukui:

is.

Tim Winders:

Yeah, it's fascinating to me.

Tim Winders:

it really is obvious, especially as you tell the story that God brought.

Tim Winders:

Her to you And I did have this vision , while you were telling the story of

Tim Winders:

Robert almost with a hook in his mouth and just being pull pulled along.

Tim Winders:

I led guided, I'm sure I'm not, you weren't probably kicking and screaming,

Tim Winders:

but, I was just, I'm just praying this morning I was saying, Lord, lead me down

Tim Winders:

the path that you would have me to go and steer me away from the path that

Tim Winders:

you would have me, to stay away from, or, close doors and things like that.

Tim Winders:

and to me that is just so, I mean, listen, I don't think anybody would

Tim Winders:

be excited about losing a spouse, but then have to look at, all things,

Tim Winders:

you know, in that scripture and, the, not even the completion of

Tim Winders:

the story, the rest of the story.

Tim Winders:

'cause the story's still being written

Tim Winders:

along the way.

Tim Winders:

and I, we've, I've, I.

Tim Winders:

I've met Kaylee once and it's, y'all are beautiful couple with obviously

Tim Winders:

a heart to do something that is very unique and I think challenging

Tim Winders:

in the culture that we're in.

Tim Winders:

And so I guess the question I have now is how did y'all then get

Tim Winders:

into this, what I call a mission?

Tim Winders:

I don't, I think that's the way I'll term it too.

Tim Winders:

This mission of not just business and not consulting and not just helping people

Tim Winders:

with marketing and all these things.

Tim Winders:

'cause I know she has a background.

Tim Winders:

Her family was business people

Tim Winders:

also.

Tim Winders:

So she also feels the, the

Robert Fukui:

The tension.

Tim Winders:

being the mistress of a business owner or

Tim Winders:

pastor's kid and stuff like that.

Tim Winders:

But so how did y'all then move into what you're doing now?

Tim Winders:

What was the thing that led you, it seems like there was just this path

Tim Winders:

that was being laid out for you.

Robert Fukui:

Yeah, for sure.

Robert Fukui:

So I like to say like a lot of people want, they wanna know God's

Robert Fukui:

will in their life, of course.

Robert Fukui:

And they wanna know the big picture.

Robert Fukui:

They wanna know, what do you have for me?

Robert Fukui:

And for me, well, I always say you better be careful what you wish for.

Robert Fukui:

'cause like sometimes if he reveals the whole thing, you can't handle

Robert Fukui:

it or you're gonna try to run away.

Robert Fukui:

And so for me, it's always about following breadcrumbs.

Robert Fukui:

even just a story with Kaylee, it's like this falling one step after another

Robert Fukui:

and it's not looking too far ahead, but I'm just like following the next step.

Robert Fukui:

And so that's what happened even to where we are now.

Robert Fukui:

Was in, in our church, we got introduced to, this concept.

Robert Fukui:

I know Lauren Cunningham and Bill Bright, years ago had this same, the

Robert Fukui:

same dream or vision about the seven mountains of culture and how we are

Robert Fukui:

influenced and discipled by these seven mountains and culture, which are like

Robert Fukui:

the business and arts and entertainment, even religion and government education.

Robert Fukui:

there's all these seven spheres that together they really

Robert Fukui:

disciple and form our culture.

Robert Fukui:

And so it was all about, Hey, wherever you're called, wherever

Robert Fukui:

God's called you in these spheres, you want to be an influence, a

Robert Fukui:

positive influence in that area.

Robert Fukui:

So we can turn the tide instead of arts and entertainment, inundating

Robert Fukui:

us with some really bad stuff.

Robert Fukui:

right?

Robert Fukui:

How about if we influence that to have a positive message?

Robert Fukui:

it's not so much just about evangelizing people, but it's about

Robert Fukui:

just discipling people the right way.

Robert Fukui:

When God calls.

Robert Fukui:

So I started thinking about, okay, what's my next step?

Robert Fukui:

am I supposed to stay in this corporate environment or is it supposed

Robert Fukui:

to be doing something different?

Robert Fukui:

So I started entertaining the idea of having a business, which

Robert Fukui:

I never entertained before.

Robert Fukui:

'cause my dad just said, get a job basically get a good job.

Robert Fukui:

And so I was never had an entrepreneurial mindset, but Kaylee

Robert Fukui:

actually when we were dating, said, oh, I can see you having a business.

Robert Fukui:

And so I think that plan to see, and so I started thinking about that and

Robert Fukui:

I was like, Hey, what would it be?

Robert Fukui:

so I checked off, I had a list of all these different types of industries

Robert Fukui:

and I checked off all of 'em and said, Nope, nope, And so I said, well, you

Robert Fukui:

know, my background's in marketing, so why don't I do some marketing

Robert Fukui:

consulting with different businesses and maybe I'll find something that I like.

Robert Fukui:

it turns out I really liked just consulting.

Robert Fukui:

I really enjoyed helping family businesses succeed because you see the impact

Robert Fukui:

it has on their life, their family.

Robert Fukui:

I.

Robert Fukui:

And their employees in a different level than it is when I'm just working

Robert Fukui:

for a corporation and I'm just really trying to keep the shareholders happy.

Robert Fukui:

Right.

Robert Fukui:

, we're just trying to keep the shareholders happy.

Robert Fukui:

it's a wholly, totally different impact and I see it on more of a personal level

Robert Fukui:

when I'm helping small family business.

Robert Fukui:

And so I said, okay, I'm gonna go down this road.

Robert Fukui:

And then my pastor got, had this ministry school and then they asked me

Robert Fukui:

to Create kind of a kingdom business curriculum to, to launch with the school.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm thinking, okay, I never had a business, but I know how to train.

Robert Fukui:

I've done some sales training and all that.

Robert Fukui:

I understand that process.

Robert Fukui:

And so long story short, we got a, we got, with an organization called

Robert Fukui:

Nehemiah Project that had a kingdom business curriculum all written.

Robert Fukui:

I took the course and they licensed it out.

Robert Fukui:

So I said, Hey, why don't we just license this thing out instead of me

Robert Fukui:

trying to recreate something or create something that's, it's already here.

Robert Fukui:

So started doing that for about six years.

Robert Fukui:

led that, course.

Robert Fukui:

And so that started me down, more of the trail of really helping

Robert Fukui:

small family business and that's far more from a kingdom perspective.

Robert Fukui:

And then, um, six years ago, so I said, this is where it's at.

Robert Fukui:

And so six years ago or seven years ago, I left my corporate job to consult

Robert Fukui:

full-time at small family business.

Robert Fukui:

And then in the midst of that, as you're, you really get to know the

Robert Fukui:

owners, the clients a little bit better.

Robert Fukui:

They start opening up about their personal life.

Robert Fukui:

And then one owner after another started talking about their marriage.

Robert Fukui:

And so I started looking, seeing the trend and the connection that the stress of

Robert Fukui:

trying to grow this business was affecting their home life and not in a good way.

Robert Fukui:

And they're so all in trying to do this business that their marriage,

Robert Fukui:

their family was suffering.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm like, Hey, why are you doing that?

Robert Fukui:

'cause I started going that, that same path myself when I was

Robert Fukui:

working full time and starting to launch my consulting career.

Robert Fukui:

I was working till 2:00 AM until I finally stopped and said, wait, a, this is crazy.

Robert Fukui:

'cause by the time I hit the weekend, I'm dead.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm with my wife, I'm with Kaylee physically, but I'm not present.

Robert Fukui:

I'm exhausted.

Robert Fukui:

And so I'm sitting at my desk at 1:00 AM one night and I'm like, Lord.

Robert Fukui:

I don't think this is your best.

Robert Fukui:

I understand the sacrifices have to be made to transition, but even

Robert Fukui:

within the transition, I don't believe that sacrificing quality time with

Robert Fukui:

Kaylee is what I'm supposed to do.

Robert Fukui:

I don't think that's your best, but I, so I'm falling into the trap that

Robert Fukui:

every other entrepreneur, or even people in ministry or doing, was going

Robert Fukui:

all in and say, I'm gonna sacrifice my family life, while I grow this thing.

Robert Fukui:

And so I, I couldn't change the fact that I had to work outside

Robert Fukui:

of the full-time job to do this.

Robert Fukui:

But I said, okay, what do I, at least, instead of going bed at 2:00 AM when I,

Robert Fukui:

what about 11:00 AM or 11:00 PM That's three hours a night I get back and over

Robert Fukui:

the course of a week, that's a big, and I can be functional more than functional by

Robert Fukui:

the weekend And so creating that boundary allowed me to reassess what I was doing in

Robert Fukui:

the business and what was really important versus what was just taking up time.

Robert Fukui:

we get so busy and a lot of that busy work is not productive work.

Robert Fukui:

And so I really started looking at what is really productive versus not.

Robert Fukui:

And really started to carve this thing out.

Robert Fukui:

And so I was able to, get to bed by 11, sometimes 10 30.

Robert Fukui:

And then I made sure that even after I went full-time in the business,

Robert Fukui:

I didn't backfill it with just, getting used to working till 10 30.

Robert Fukui:

I wanna make sure I wasn't working till 10 30 even when I hope

Robert Fukui:

didn't have my full-time job.

Robert Fukui:

And so all that to say that experience and as we, and we also, Kaylee and

Robert Fukui:

I went through counseling, before we got married, two years of counseling.

Robert Fukui:

I know you read the book.

Robert Fukui:

We went to counseling for two years before we got married and helped us

Robert Fukui:

develop tools to do conflict better.

Robert Fukui:

Just to be able to do issues.

Robert Fukui:

And so all the, to say, all the culmination of stuff was like, I

Robert Fukui:

started really helping my clients with co conflict and saying, Hey,

Robert Fukui:

how do we do this business better?

Robert Fukui:

How do we make sure that you can still focus on family and you

Robert Fukui:

can still grow this business, but let's focus on family first.

Robert Fukui:

So that's kinda a little bit of the story of how we got here, just the

Robert Fukui:

rabbit trails, uh, or the trails.

Robert Fukui:

The breadcrumbs of just one thing after another led me to say,

Robert Fukui:

Hey, there's an issue here that nobody's really dealing with.

Robert Fukui:

And I think people are just accepting this status quo of focusing your time and

Robert Fukui:

energy on the business and whatever's left over the family gets, and then maybe when

Robert Fukui:

we get the business to a certain level, then we'll be able to live life, have

Robert Fukui:

greater work-life balance and all that.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm here to say that it doesn't matter how size, how big the revenue

Robert Fukui:

is or the size of your bank account or your net worth, people still

Robert Fukui:

struggle with work-life balance, regardless of how much money they have

Robert Fukui:

and how much time they could have if they were really wanting to do it.

Tim Winders:

I think the struggle of being present in the now is something

Tim Winders:

that entrepreneurs, business people struggle with, that maybe it's a

Tim Winders:

little bit easier if you work for someone else in another environment.

Tim Winders:

Maybe it's not, I don't know.

Tim Winders:

There could be people that struggle with that.

Tim Winders:

Anyway, I know I had that.

Tim Winders:

I was interviewing someone recently and they said that they

Tim Winders:

had an addiction to tomorrow.

Robert Fukui:

Yeah.

Tim Winders:

and I think my addiction was to more, just

Tim Winders:

whatever.

Tim Winders:

It was more, hey, if I could work till 1:00 AM you know what, I probably do 1 32.

Tim Winders:

and we've got these conflicting structures, the world system

Tim Winders:

which says hustle and, and go at it, and things like that.

Tim Winders:

And then, like you mentioned, the kingdom, which basically

Tim Winders:

says, be at rest, be at peace.

Tim Winders:

There's something called a Sabbath and things like that,

Robert Fukui:

The one commandment.

Robert Fukui:

We all violate

Tim Winders:

the only

Tim Winders:

one

Robert Fukui:

don't put it up there

Tim Winders:

one

Robert Fukui:

the one that we, our EAs, it's the easiest one to violate because

Robert Fukui:

there's no, it's not, thou sht not kill, there's no these ramifications.

Robert Fukui:

It's more of a personal issue, but it also has relational issues too.

Robert Fukui:

But it's the one we can easily violate.

Robert Fukui:

Right?

Tim Winders:

and unfortunately our culture rewards that hustle because you

Tim Winders:

probably had people that were telling you, man, yeah, you gotta pay the price.

Tim Winders:

You gotta, you stay up, you're building your own company, you're

Tim Winders:

building your own business, Robert, you gotta do all these things.

Tim Winders:

And, that's kinda where we find ourselves.

Tim Winders:

Let's, before we get too much farther though, I wanted to kind

Tim Winders:

of, you mentioned, you know, family . Family, small family business.

Tim Winders:

So I'd like to define that in just a second, just to make sure we understand.

Tim Winders:

But I'd also like for you in the same kind of conversation to, to let me

Tim Winders:

know what's your balance right now.

Tim Winders:

'cause I know you do consulting for people that are in business

Tim Winders:

and then that started opening up doors for you to do conversations

Tim Winders:

about marriage relationships.

Tim Winders:

And a lot of the books and the resources you have now are for

Tim Winders:

married couples in that situation.

Tim Winders:

but what's the ratio right now of, I don't wanna say just business people versus.

Tim Winders:

Working with married couples.

Tim Winders:

What, first of all, define small family business.

Tim Winders:

What is that niche for you guys and how do you define it?

Tim Winders:

I've got a definition that I use for what I, for the people I work with.

Tim Winders:

And then how much is like marriage work?

Tim Winders:

Probably almost all of it because it all relates.

Tim Winders:

And then how much would you say is just like hardcore actual

Tim Winders:

business growth and business work?

Robert Fukui:

I follow the SBA, the small business administration definition of

Robert Fukui:

small business, which is $500 million in revenue or, or 500 employees and less.

Robert Fukui:

but our, most of our clients are doing well, less than that, less than

Robert Fukui:

$10 million in a year in revenue.

Robert Fukui:

and so we Yeah, all our focus is primarily all marriage and business.

Robert Fukui:

So they're business owners that are married and they have the tension of

Robert Fukui:

sometimes they're working together too.

Robert Fukui:

A lot of times they're working together.

Robert Fukui:

Most of our clients are working together, so they feel the tension

Robert Fukui:

of business working together, conflict, teamwork issues, all that.

Robert Fukui:

There's, it's all wrapped and run, and there's no separation of those things.

Robert Fukui:

And that's been the problem.

Robert Fukui:

The clients that come to us do say, oh, you're a breath of fresh air because

Robert Fukui:

there really is no separation between business and marriage and family issues.

Robert Fukui:

They all affect the other, but you can only get help on one side or the

Robert Fukui:

other, whether it's marriage counseling or business coaching or consulting.

Robert Fukui:

right?

Robert Fukui:

But never the two shall meet.

Robert Fukui:

Never the two shall meet.

Robert Fukui:

And so they'll tell us, a lot of times they'll tell us like, yeah, we get

Robert Fukui:

marriage help, but they really can't empathize what's going on in the business.

Robert Fukui:

And then if we have a business consultant, they really can't empathize

Robert Fukui:

what's going on in the marriage.

Robert Fukui:

And so we get these and sometimes we get these good advice for one

Robert Fukui:

aspect of life, but it also conflicts with the other aspect of life.

Robert Fukui:

And but we understand business and we have a heart for the family, and we understand

Robert Fukui:

those two dynamics and how much tension there can be because only about six

Robert Fukui:

point, only about 6% of the population are married and have a business, right?

Robert Fukui:

It's about 9% of the population have a business and about

Robert Fukui:

70, 70% of them are married.

Robert Fukui:

And so very few people You can't understand the tension that goes along

Robert Fukui:

with being married and having business, whether you work together or not.

Robert Fukui:

There's not very people that can understand, empathize with that.

Robert Fukui:

And so having someone that understands that and can help them navigate those two

Robert Fukui:

parts of your lives, um, is refreshing.

Robert Fukui:

So yeah, it's all marriage and business basically.

Robert Fukui:

And how much, how much of our time is spent on one.

Robert Fukui:

The other, it's, it gets blurred too.

Robert Fukui:

'cause sometimes we're talking about business issues, but then some relational

Robert Fukui:

conflict issue comes up, which is important because that's part of, that's

Robert Fukui:

part of the reason why their business is getting stagnated 'cause they can't

Robert Fukui:

make a decision to move things forward.

Robert Fukui:

And anyways, I hope that answers your question,

Tim Winders:

There used to be, there used to be this joke that we had years ago.

Tim Winders:

I was in a, in an MLM business, and one of the, one of the jokes, or it was actually

Tim Winders:

a principle that we talked about was if you go speak to someone, make sure you

Tim Winders:

speak with both the husband and wife.

Tim Winders:

That way you'll be guaranteed to have the decision maker and I know that even

Tim Winders:

though let's just use a traditional, and I know that we're not in necessarily

Tim Winders:

a traditional world much anymore more, but traditionally a male is out as the

Tim Winders:

head of the business and the female may be working in some type of role.

Tim Winders:

It is interesting.

Tim Winders:

We can talk about some of the roles that we sometimes pigeonhole

Tim Winders:

people into just because of

Tim Winders:

tradition, but even if, let's just say the spouse isn't there,

Tim Winders:

I do know that spouse has decision making over whoever

Tim Winders:

that leader or that person is.

Tim Winders:

But, that's fascinating to me.

Tim Winders:

What are, and the book does a great job, we'll talk about the book here in

Tim Winders:

just a moment, but what are some of the biggest issues that you see top 1, 2,

Tim Winders:

3, whatever, related to business owners that are also either working with or

Tim Winders:

they're, or they're, they're married because I don't really separate off.

Tim Winders:

I think if you're going into the same office together every day,

Tim Winders:

there might be certain things there.

Tim Winders:

for those that are watching the video here, I'm in the main room of our RV

Tim Winders:

and my wife and I are here with about 400 square feet, and we are business

Tim Winders:

owners and we are together almost 24 7.

Tim Winders:

This is our quote unquote air quotes here, office.

Tim Winders:

But just what are some of the top two or three things that you see, and we

Tim Winders:

may try to address those here before we wrap up and let people know how

Tim Winders:

they can get some more resources.

Robert Fukui:

The top two or three things that, what

Tim Winders:

That are the challenges for people that are, married,

Tim Winders:

entrepreneur, business owners.

Tim Winders:

what are the big ones that you see

Robert Fukui:

so number one, the first one's always

Robert Fukui:

communication, conflict resolution,

Tim Winders:

shocking,

Robert Fukui:

always that.

Robert Fukui:

Yeah.

Robert Fukui:

that's what creates the tension in the relationship is you just

Robert Fukui:

not able to resolve an issue.

Robert Fukui:

I.

Robert Fukui:

, right?

Robert Fukui:

And there's two different, viewpoints and we just can't come to agreement.

Robert Fukui:

And so whether it's, an issue in your personal life or the business, and

Robert Fukui:

like I said, even if the spouse isn't working the business, but they're

Robert Fukui:

having some input in what they're seeing their spouse going through in

Robert Fukui:

the business, and sometimes they're they're clashing on these differences.

Robert Fukui:

And it's especially the spouse that's running the business, a

Robert Fukui:

lot of times they will disregard what their spouse is saying.

Robert Fukui:

'cause, oh, you don't really know the business 'cause you're not part of it.

Robert Fukui:

And so because of that, they disregard what the, I'm just gonna say wife, because

Robert Fukui:

I'll just use my own example what the wife has to say because, oh, you don't know.

Robert Fukui:

And so the problem is they know more than you think, and they don't have to know the

Robert Fukui:

intricacies of the business, but they have a knowing and a feeling and discernment,

Robert Fukui:

whatever you want to call it, about what you should be doing or not doing.

Robert Fukui:

say even what people you should be involved with.

Robert Fukui:

So that really valuing each other's opinions and not just poo-pooing it

Robert Fukui:

and knowing how to listen and then come to agreement and, and especially

Robert Fukui:

like whenever we have disagreements or conflict, you know, we always

Robert Fukui:

want, we're trying to talk the other person into seeing your viewpoint.

Robert Fukui:

We're always trying to, we wish that the, your spouse would change,

Robert Fukui:

be different, act differently, talk differently, whatever.

Robert Fukui:

And you know, the scripture about pulling the plank outta your own eye

Robert Fukui:

so you can see the spec in here's eye.

Robert Fukui:

I the first rule of engagement is on the comp communication, conflict resolution

Robert Fukui:

issue when we come with a new client is.

Robert Fukui:

You make the change, not your spouse, you can't control her or him.

Robert Fukui:

You can't change her.

Robert Fukui:

And him, nobody can change her and him except God and themselves.

Robert Fukui:

But you can change yourselves.

Robert Fukui:

And the way you react, the way you talk, the way you act, the way you react

Robert Fukui:

to your spouse and how you do those things can totally change the dynamic

Robert Fukui:

with the issue for good or better.

Robert Fukui:

The way we react to our spouse, if we overreact, it creates an emotional

Robert Fukui:

negative response in our spouse, and she's gonna, or he's gonna

Robert Fukui:

react negatively to you as well.

Robert Fukui:

And so anyways, the communication, conflict resolution issues number one.

Robert Fukui:

And then two is then you gotta take account for what you're doing and

Robert Fukui:

what yours, what you lend into this argument, disagreement, this conflict.

Robert Fukui:

And what can you do to change yourself, not to change the other person.

Robert Fukui:

so that's, those are the top two things.

Robert Fukui:

those two things alone.

Robert Fukui:

We'll help you in marriage and business, period.

Tim Winders:

Yeah.

Robert Fukui:

listen to your spouse.

Robert Fukui:

'cause I've had a couple, two, three times where, you it was a financial decision.

Robert Fukui:

I think it was a real estate issue, whatever.

Robert Fukui:

I ran all the numbers.

Robert Fukui:

I don't think we're married yet.

Robert Fukui:

And Kaylee had a feeling.

Robert Fukui:

She said, I don't feel good about this.

Robert Fukui:

I don't like, and then I'm like, yeah, you don't understand.

Robert Fukui:

I ran the numbers.

Robert Fukui:

This is all good.

Robert Fukui:

It blew up it cost us six figures, or it cost me six figures of time.

Robert Fukui:

What really cost us six figures because that she married me.

Robert Fukui:

And so I'm like, you know what?

Robert Fukui:

After, so after I didn't listen after the first time, but after the

Robert Fukui:

second time, I'm like, you know what?

Robert Fukui:

I should probably listen when she has a feeling

Tim Winders:

That intuition.

Tim Winders:

I agree with you.

Tim Winders:

I actually wrote it down here on my notepad, that intuition is something

Tim Winders:

that, and we hate to generalize here, but it seems as if men are lacking in that

Tim Winders:

area and women are much more in tune.

Tim Winders:

I don't want to say that wholesale, because they're, I'm trying to have

Tim Winders:

better intuition, but I'm kinda like you.

Tim Winders:

It's no, the numbers are good and I believe in people and everybody's

Tim Winders:

good, and all that kind of stuff.

Tim Winders:

And we had a situation with a partner, that we never could meet.

Tim Winders:

I like going out and meeting.

Tim Winders:

taking my wife and meeting with someone before we do business, especially if it's,

Tim Winders:

we're gonna partner on some big projects.

Tim Winders:

And the guy's wife never was able to meet with us and it was bothering me, but we

Tim Winders:

kept going ahead and before we knew it, we were working together and all in bed

Tim Winders:

together in business and stuff like that.

Tim Winders:

And it did not end well.

Tim Winders:

Robert and my wife kept saying, I don't know, I don't have

Tim Winders:

a good feeling about this.

Tim Winders:

we should be able to meet his wife along the way.

Tim Winders:

And sure

Tim Winders:

enough, today he's, we're not, definitely not working together.

Tim Winders:

Cost . Probably seven figures if we really did the math.

Tim Winders:

And also he's no longer with his wife and things like that.

Tim Winders:

So it's, it, intuition.

Tim Winders:

Yes.

Tim Winders:

Now, one of the things that I loved, I just finished reading tandem the book,

Tim Winders:

And first of all, I had to grasp what the name meant.

Tim Winders:

I'll let you explain the name in just a little while.

Tim Winders:

Was that it really went back and forth between some theory and then

Tim Winders:

some hardcore, like practical stuff.

Tim Winders:

There were a couple of lists, and I might be getting these wrong, and we

Tim Winders:

got it pulled up here, but I don't have that exact page where there were like.

Tim Winders:

Seven ways to avoid having conflict, and then nine ways to handle

Tim Winders:

conflict once you deal with it.

Tim Winders:

I may have the numbers off or something like

Tim Winders:

that, but extremely good practical stuff that to me, I think are

Tim Winders:

good for married people as well as business people, leaders, because

Tim Winders:

most of these things apply in both

Tim Winders:

situations.

Tim Winders:

But what do you wanna say about the book tandem?

Tim Winders:

At what point did y'all decide we need to put some of this wisdom a book?

Robert Fukui:

that was a little bit of an evolution too.

Robert Fukui:

I mean, didn't wanna write a book.

Robert Fukui:

People would ask us early on, oh, as we were doing the work we're

Robert Fukui:

doing, oh, you should write a book.

Robert Fukui:

Like, no, that's too much work.

Robert Fukui:

but it got to a point where, again, the reason why we got into this, and,

Robert Fukui:

I'm a marketer, market researcher at heart, and so I see a need and I go,

Robert Fukui:

I think we should have filled this not thinking in the ramifications of this.

Robert Fukui:

I'm like, writing up the stuff and I'm like, we're dealing with marriage issues.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm like, why am I doing this?

Robert Fukui:

Kaylee's the one that loves this marriage stuff, it's but I'm the

Robert Fukui:

one that can put it to paper.

Robert Fukui:

anyways.

Robert Fukui:

when we first started doing this, really focusing on married entrepreneurs,

Robert Fukui:

I was like, okay, we need to scale this because there's a lot of married

Robert Fukui:

entrepreneurs that need this help.

Robert Fukui:

Because I said I didn't see any resources out there that

Robert Fukui:

specifically dealt with both issues.

Robert Fukui:

And so that's also why we started podcasts was, hey, this is one

Robert Fukui:

way to get the message out.

Robert Fukui:

'cause we know we can only help so many clients at a time.

Robert Fukui:

I mean, as much as we want to grow our business regardless, even if we have a

Robert Fukui:

hundred consultants in our belt, we can still only have help so many people.

Robert Fukui:

so as we're growing in the meantime, what can we do?

Robert Fukui:

And one of 'em was the podcast and the second one did come to,

Robert Fukui:

we really should write the book.

Robert Fukui:

we were gonna write a collaborate collaborative book with different

Robert Fukui:

experts to write in each chapter.

Robert Fukui:

And then we had a meeting with this couple that we've been taught, Kay and

Robert Fukui:

my talk, we gotta reach back out to them and thank them because they saw what

Robert Fukui:

we're doing and they wanted us to be a collaborate on a chapter in their book.

Robert Fukui:

And then they said, At first they said, have you written a book yet?

Robert Fukui:

And we're like, no.

Robert Fukui:

They're like, no, you should.

Robert Fukui:

Your first book should be your book.

Robert Fukui:

I'm like, we're like, really?

Robert Fukui:

And they just start talking.

Robert Fukui:

I'm like, oh, makes sense.

Robert Fukui:

I mean, we should set the tone.

Robert Fukui:

I mean, it's our message.

Robert Fukui:

I mean, anyway, so all that to say is, um, they, that couple, and

Robert Fukui:

they're in Arizona, they gotta find their names now and reach out to 'em.

Robert Fukui:

But, they're the ones that really got us thinking about, yeah, I

Robert Fukui:

guess we should write this book.

Robert Fukui:

And so that's where it started.

Robert Fukui:

And really the heart behind it is just to get as hand as many people as

Robert Fukui:

possible and many couples as possible.

Robert Fukui:

there's a workbook that's, built into that too.

Robert Fukui:

There's a QR code at the end of the chapter, and so

Robert Fukui:

you can download a workbook.

Robert Fukui:

And so there's videos and stuff.

Robert Fukui:

And so we built it as a multipurpose use.

Robert Fukui:

And we even thought, Hey, you can use it.

Robert Fukui:

'cause someone asked us on our book tour, Hey, could we use

Robert Fukui:

this as a, like a group study?

Robert Fukui:

And I'm like, Yeah, it's built for that.

Robert Fukui:

Yeah, sure.

Robert Fukui:

Go ahead.

Robert Fukui:

I don't care.

Robert Fukui:

if you want us involved, fine.

Robert Fukui:

We're here, but if not, go for it.

Robert Fukui:

we don't, we're not holding tight to this.

Robert Fukui:

it's not, and I, like I tell Kaylee, I said, what we put

Robert Fukui:

in this book is nothing new.

Robert Fukui:

All this information's out there, we just package it, right?

Robert Fukui:

There's nothing new under the sun We just, it's just the way you package things.

Robert Fukui:

And so we just happened to package it in a way that we feel could really

Robert Fukui:

help the married entrepreneur

Robert Fukui:

just do life and business better.

Tim Winders:

And the big thing that I get from that, and my wife and I talk about

Tim Winders:

this, Glori and I talk

Tim Winders:

about this quite often, is that we really do, especially in that

Tim Winders:

relationship, have to take our eyes off ourselves and do the best we can

Tim Winders:

to study our spouse, partner, life partner, intimate partner, all of that.

Tim Winders:

And there's a couple sections where I love that y'all go through Strength

Tim Winders:

Finders, disc, five Love Languages.

Tim Winders:

To me, I think three of the best assessments to learn about

Tim Winders:

yourself and also learn about

Tim Winders:

your partner, spouse, and I just think you guys did a great job with it.

Tim Winders:

Tell me

Tim Winders:

about the name Tandem, that's kind of unique.

Tim Winders:

And then I got a couple questions as we wrap up here.

Robert Fukui:

that came, I have to, give credit to my mastermind group.

Robert Fukui:

And so it was about, two to three months we're about to finish the manuscript.

Robert Fukui:

And we're, I think we're at the editing phase and I'm like, I need a title.

Robert Fukui:

We had a working title, but I knew that wasn't the one.

Robert Fukui:

And it was my turn to be in the hot seat.

Robert Fukui:

That's this next day.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm like, what do I wanna present with them?

Robert Fukui:

And I'm like, they're, most of them, they're all kind of

Robert Fukui:

marketers in their own right.

Robert Fukui:

And some of 'em are copywriters.

Robert Fukui:

The head of the group is this really master copywriter and did work for

Robert Fukui:

John Maxwell and some big names, right?

Robert Fukui:

And so title I said, I just said, I need a title.

Robert Fukui:

You know what we do?

Robert Fukui:

You understand a little bit about the book.

Robert Fukui:

I'm like, I need a title.

Robert Fukui:

And then somebody threw out tandem and then everybody started throwing all

Robert Fukui:

these analogies and metaphors around tandem because obviously it's, the

Robert Fukui:

book is for married entrepreneurs, so it's two people doing life

Robert Fukui:

and business together, so tandem.

Robert Fukui:

And then obviously the imagery with the tandem bike.

Robert Fukui:

and then, when the guys in the group say, oh yeah, you can, we have a,

Robert Fukui:

my wife and I have a tandem bike.

Robert Fukui:

We only rode it once, so, you can write a book.

Robert Fukui:

There's a story behind that.

Robert Fukui:

and I'm just laughing and just started laughing and I'm like,

Robert Fukui:

alright guys, time out real quick.

Robert Fukui:

Yes, this is the title because.

Robert Fukui:

When we go to the beach, a lot of times, Kay, inevitably there's

Robert Fukui:

someone a couple riding on a tandem bike going by and Kaylee's oh,

Robert Fukui:

we should get on a tandem bike.

Robert Fukui:

And I'm like, no, that's not a good idea.

Robert Fukui:

She's like, why?

Robert Fukui:

She's because I don't know exactly where I would seat you in the front or the back.

Robert Fukui:

'cause you know how you like to get distracted.

Robert Fukui:

you don't wanna pay attention to what's in front of you.

Robert Fukui:

You want to pay attention to everything else that's going around.

Robert Fukui:

And we're at the beach, which means you're gonna be looking at

Robert Fukui:

everything but what's in front of you.

Robert Fukui:

So I can't put you in the front.

Robert Fukui:

If you go in the back, you're probably not gonna be peddling so and so anyways,

Robert Fukui:

so I'm gonna be doing a lot of, that's gonna be a lot of effort for me.

Robert Fukui:

So anyways, it's this kind of running joke that between her and I, and so of

Robert Fukui:

course then I came up with a tandem thing.

Robert Fukui:

I said, oh yeah, that's gotta be it because there's so many

Robert Fukui:

life and marriage lessons.

Robert Fukui:

if you've never been on a tandem bike, try it as husband and wife because

Robert Fukui:

there's definitely some conflict that arises that can arise on a tandem bike.

Tim Winders:

We, we haven't done a tandem bike, but I just had this vision

Tim Winders:

of us when we went canoeing one time.

Tim Winders:

We were up in Whistler in

Tim Winders:

Canada and we went canoeing.

Tim Winders:

And my thought was, I'm gonna sit in the back and I'll just brute force and all.

Tim Winders:

And we, there were other people with us that were just kinda

Tim Winders:

like in a work situation.

Tim Winders:

They didn't know each other.

Tim Winders:

And we were horrible.

Tim Winders:

We were horrible.

Tim Winders:

And it was all my,

Tim Winders:

Glori can probably

Tim Winders:

hear this, she's in the back of the rv.

Tim Winders:

It was almost all my fault.

Tim Winders:

'cause my thought was, I don't want her have to work too hard.

Tim Winders:

she could just kinda steer up front and I'm just gonna,

Tim Winders:

which doesn't work in canoeing.

Tim Winders:

It probably doesn't work in biking either.

Robert Fukui:

no, not a town bike either.

Tim Winders:

great name there.

Tim Winders:

hey Robert.

Tim Winders:

Gimme some other resources.

Tim Winders:

I know you've got the podcast Power Coup, power Couple, and you've got the book.

Tim Winders:

Tell us about all the resources you guys have and where to find you.

Tim Winders:

And then I've got one more question as we wrap up here before we finish the podcast.

Robert Fukui:

Yeah.

Robert Fukui:

Thanks Tim.

Robert Fukui:

just go to our website, marriedentrepreneur.co and,

Robert Fukui:

Kaylee is always like, why'd you pick the word entrepreneur?

Robert Fukui:

I can't spell it.

Robert Fukui:

So

Robert Fukui:

sometimes.

Tim Winders:

going, I started going, we'll try to conclude

Tim Winders:

the spelling down in the links

Robert Fukui:

I go just Google it.

Robert Fukui:

Just google it.

Robert Fukui:

Google how to spell entrepreneur.

Robert Fukui:

It'll correct you, AI will correct you anyway.

Robert Fukui:

so right there you can then you'll get, be able to connect right to our podcast,

Robert Fukui:

Power Up Your Marriage and Business.

Robert Fukui:

It's also on all the podcast players.

Robert Fukui:

you can follow us on Social Power Couples by design on

Robert Fukui:

both on Facebook and Instagram.

Robert Fukui:

And you can just look me up on LinkedIn as well.

Robert Fukui:

just Robert Fukui, FF as in Frank, UK ui.

Robert Fukui:

For those of you that are not don't see my name out there, but in the show notes.

Robert Fukui:

But those are ways you can follow us.

Robert Fukui:

And of course in our website, we've got all our digital resources as well

Robert Fukui:

as, links to the book and all that.

Robert Fukui:

So that's the best way.

Tim Winders:

I listened to a number of episodes.

Tim Winders:

I was traveling, we were traveling from Colorado down here to Southern

Tim Winders:

Utah, last week, and I listened to about three or four episodes.

Tim Winders:

Great compliment.

Tim Winders:

I think it's a great compliment to what we're doing here.

Tim Winders:

For those folks

Tim Winders:

that are married entrepreneurs in business, Robert, we are seek,

Tim Winders:

go create those three words.

Tim Winders:

Last question, I'll let you pick one of those words over the other two.

Tim Winders:

Seek, go or create.

Tim Winders:

Which one do you choose and why?

Robert Fukui:

I think I'd have to go with, create and, and why

Robert Fukui:

was my, why is that my answer?

Robert Fukui:

I never thought of myself as much of an innovator or creative.

Robert Fukui:

And so Kaylee would say, 'cause I'm not, I'm more analytical

Robert Fukui:

by nature and all that.

Robert Fukui:

you don't think of analytic an analyticals like accountants and

Robert Fukui:

engineers as creative, but you really are.

Robert Fukui:

And as I've.

Robert Fukui:

walked out this journey of being in business, looking at the need that's

Robert Fukui:

out there and developing something from nothing, developing from something

Robert Fukui:

that's not really out there, and having that boldness to go and try

Robert Fukui:

something that no one's really doing.

Robert Fukui:

I've really latched onto that.

Robert Fukui:

I really, I've, it's really brought me to life, so even for you listening, you

Robert Fukui:

don't, even if you are like me that don't think you're creative, you absolutely are.

Robert Fukui:

we all see things and we all can react to things, but a lot of times we don't

Robert Fukui:

act on our impulse to create something because we think it's too risky.

Robert Fukui:

we think we don't have what it takes to do it and succeed at it.

Robert Fukui:

And let me tell you all, we are all we're all, we're built,

Robert Fukui:

we're created in God's image.

Robert Fukui:

And so we have all the aspects of the DNA of God.

Robert Fukui:

Some ratios of certain aspects of DNA is more than others, but we all

Robert Fukui:

have the ability to create something.

Robert Fukui:

And so I really, my encouragement really is if you see a need and if

Robert Fukui:

you've probably had the self-doubt of that you can do this, go for it.

Robert Fukui:

Because God's doesn't put you in a position to see things and not

Robert Fukui:

have given you the experience and the skill and gifts to do it.

Robert Fukui:

I think we just hold ourselves back and I was one of those because I'm

Robert Fukui:

not a risk taker by nature and but as I've done it, and so start doing,

Robert Fukui:

you you'll figure it out right?

Robert Fukui:

And especially if you're married, you have your spouse to help you out and

Robert Fukui:

you always have God and you always have people around you that can help you do it.

Robert Fukui:

I think the big mistake that we do as entrepreneurs.

Robert Fukui:

Just like your canoe story is we try to do it on our own.

Robert Fukui:

So that's the big mistake of why we're not able to do things.

Robert Fukui:

So as you see things, see a need, go create it, but don't

Robert Fukui:

try and do it on your own.

Robert Fukui:

Surround yourself with the right people that can help you put this

Robert Fukui:

thing into action and move it forward.

Tim Winders:

I'm very similar.

Tim Winders:

I have had an engineering background that I didn't think I

Tim Winders:

was creative, and you know what?

Tim Winders:

I was wrong and I'm okay admitting that.

Tim Winders:

Robert, thank

Tim Winders:

you so much for this conversation.

Tim Winders:

It's been awesome.

Tim Winders:

If you're listening in, get the book tandem.

Tim Winders:

I recommend that we'll have some links down below if you're either

Tim Winders:

watching this on YouTube or listening in, and then I think you should go

Tim Winders:

check out Power Up their podcast.

Tim Winders:

If you're listening via podcast, great time to just jump out right now.

Tim Winders:

If as we finish here and go subscribe and listen in over there, I think

Tim Winders:

it'll be some great wisdom for you.

Tim Winders:

We are seek, go create.

Tim Winders:

We have new episodes every Monday.

Tim Winders:

Until next time, continue being all that you were created to be.

About the Podcast

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Seek Go Create
Redefining Success in Leadership, Business & Ministry

About your host

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Tim Winders

Tim Winders is a faith driven executive coach and author with over 40 years of experience in leadership, business, and ministry. Through his personal journey of redefining success, he has gained valuable insights on how to align beliefs with work and lead with purpose. He is committed to helping others do the same, running a coaching business that helps leaders, leadership teams, business owners, and entrepreneurs to align their beliefs with their work and redefine success.

In addition to his coaching business, Tim is also the host of the SeekGoCreate podcast and author of the book Coach: A Story of Success Redefined, which provides guidance for those looking to redefine success and align their beliefs with their work. With his extensive background, unique perspective and strengths in strategic thinking, relationship building, and problem-solving, Tim is well-suited to help clients navigate through difficult times and achieve their goals.