Managing Emotions God’s Way: Alicia Michelle on Faith, Mindset, and Managing Overwhelm With Science and Scripture

Speaker: 00:00:00

It was awful.

Speaker: 00:00:00

God took everything and was just like right here.

Speaker: 00:00:03

You looking at me?

Speaker: 00:00:04

You looking at me.

Speaker: 00:00:05

'cause we're gonna talk about this.

Speaker: 00:00:06

And he's like, it's not about getting more sleep.

Speaker: 00:00:09

You need to understand what is going on in your head that you think that

Speaker: 00:00:13

you need to keep pushing harder and harder and harder and never pay

Speaker: 00:00:17

attention to these signs inside of you.

Speaker: 00:00:30

What if your emotions didn't derail your day, but actually drew you closer to God?

Speaker: 00:00:35

In this episode of Seek, go Create, we welcome Alicia Michelle

Speaker: 00:00:38

Christian, life Coach Neuroco and author of Emotional Confidence.

Speaker: 00:00:43

Alicia combines Biblical Truth with brain science to help people

Speaker: 00:00:47

manage emotions, overcome anxiety, and live with peace and purpose.

Speaker: 00:00:52

If you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck in your thoughts, or simply wanna build

Speaker: 00:00:56

emotional resilience grounded in faith, this conversation will offer clarity,

Speaker: 00:01:02

hope, and tools you can use right now.

Speaker: 00:01:05

Alicia, I need that right now.

Speaker: 00:01:07

I need it.

Speaker: 00:01:08

So welcome to.

Speaker: 00:01:11

I think we all need that.

Speaker: 00:01:13

We all need these sorts of tools, don't we?

Speaker: 00:01:16

I tell you what, yeah, I was doing restarts on my computer and had

Speaker: 00:01:20

meetings earlier and meetings later, and I said, man, let me

Speaker: 00:01:24

get in the space here for Alicia.

Speaker: 00:01:27

And we set a prayer a second ago, so hopefully we're peaceful and

Speaker: 00:01:31

calm and I'm, I'm glad you're here.

Speaker: 00:01:34

So, thanks for joining us.

Speaker: 00:01:35

Yeah, it's great to be here and chat with you, Tim.

Speaker: 00:01:37

know, I know.

Speaker: 00:01:38

First, first question, your choice,

Speaker: 00:01:41

Okay.

Speaker: 00:01:41

you, would you rather answer what do you do or who are you?

Speaker: 00:01:48

Well, I feel like.

Speaker: 00:01:49

You've, you've shared some about what I do.

Speaker: 00:01:51

So I, I a coach.

Speaker: 00:01:53

I am a podcaster.

Speaker: 00:01:54

My podcast is called The Christian Mindset Coach.

Speaker: 00:01:57

I am an author.

Speaker: 00:01:59

but I think we are really quick to answer that question and

Speaker: 00:02:03

label ourselves by those things.

Speaker: 00:02:05

so I would prefer to answer who I am.

Speaker: 00:02:08

first and foremost, I'm a daughter of God.

Speaker: 00:02:10

I am a wife to another man named Tim for, 24 plus years now, and a mom of four.

Speaker: 00:02:19

even those are still kind of roles.

Speaker: 00:02:20

So I think at the core, am a creative person.

Speaker: 00:02:25

I am someone who loves adventure and fun, but also right on that middle line

Speaker: 00:02:30

between extroversion and introversion.

Speaker: 00:02:32

So I am to go out and chat to a whole bunch of people, but I also really value

Speaker: 00:02:37

that quiet time and alone time and time with the Lord, in silence and quiet.

Speaker: 00:02:42

So.

Speaker: 00:02:43

I feel like I have a lot of good mixes of different sides of things, which helps

Speaker: 00:02:47

me relate to a lot of different people.

Speaker: 00:02:49

But, that's a little bit about me.

Speaker: 00:02:51

It's fascinating.

Speaker: 00:02:52

I am actually finding, that I, I once was, man, my energy and everything

Speaker: 00:02:58

came from being around other people and I still do enjoy that.

Speaker: 00:03:01

I mean, obviously I'm sitting here interviewing someone on a podcast.

Speaker: 00:03:04

You and I met at an event that was sort of a connecting or

Speaker: 00:03:08

networking type of an event.

Speaker: 00:03:10

But I am getting much, much more comfortable and excited about sitting

Speaker: 00:03:17

down, reading, studying right now, doing some biblical studies that are like

Speaker: 00:03:23

stretching me at 60 something years old.

Speaker: 00:03:25

I'm like even changing my mind about some things that I used

Speaker: 00:03:29

to be fairly dogmatic about.

Speaker: 00:03:31

Wow.

Speaker: 00:03:34

what's up with that?

Speaker: 00:03:36

I think that's one of the gifts of going through some of these second half of

Speaker: 00:03:41

life years where we spend the first half building, building families, building

Speaker: 00:03:48

careers, discovering more about who God is, seeing his faithfulness trusting him.

Speaker: 00:03:53

And it's not that we don't see that in the second half.

Speaker: 00:03:56

And I have to admit, I just turned 50 this year, so I'm

Speaker: 00:03:58

just starting the second half.

Speaker: 00:04:00

I got a long way to go in the second half.

Speaker: 00:04:02

But what I'm sensing is a time now where we can go back to

Speaker: 00:04:08

some of those things that.

Speaker: 00:04:10

were interested in some of the hobbies we can explore a little

Speaker: 00:04:13

deeper and some knowledges that we've been wanting to look at.

Speaker: 00:04:15

We can, get to grow in these deep ways with the Lord and then continue

Speaker: 00:04:20

to use that in combination with what he's taught us through his

Speaker: 00:04:23

faithfulness through the years.

Speaker: 00:04:25

And we get to share in that way now as we're moving forward.

Speaker: 00:04:28

So I think it's a beautiful season to be able to do that.

Speaker: 00:04:31

I think it is too, and this actually circles back even in my first

Speaker: 00:04:34

question that I'm observing with me.

Speaker: 00:04:38

I believe that early on in my life, what I did.

Speaker: 00:04:43

Defined me much more than who I was or maybe I was just aware of

Speaker: 00:04:48

it more, or I tried to impress people with what I did or whatever.

Speaker: 00:04:52

and I'm really into more of who I am

Speaker: 00:04:56

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:04:57

Maybe it's, I just got fatigued with all that other stuff and all that.

Speaker: 00:05:01

And I, I think that feeds into our mindset.

Speaker: 00:05:04

Don't you agree?

Speaker: 00:05:05

Sure.

Speaker: 00:05:06

And I think it feeds into depth at which we want to experience life

Speaker: 00:05:10

and wanna share that with others.

Speaker: 00:05:12

You know, for some people we might just share, this is who I am,

Speaker: 00:05:15

these are the roles that I play.

Speaker: 00:05:16

and that may be all that we feel comfortable sharing or we

Speaker: 00:05:19

all really think that we are.

Speaker: 00:05:21

But the longer we live, we see, gosh, those roles can change at any moment.

Speaker: 00:05:26

I can have new roles added in.

Speaker: 00:05:27

I can have roles taken away the core, who am I, who do I wanna be?

Speaker: 00:05:32

Who is God making me to be?

Speaker: 00:05:34

there are some things about you and I that will never change any

Speaker: 00:05:37

person that will ever change.

Speaker: 00:05:38

These are just who we are at our essence.

Speaker: 00:05:40

That's what I wanna dig into more, and that's what I wanna

Speaker: 00:05:42

be known for that person.

Speaker: 00:05:46

Right.

Speaker: 00:05:46

and I can't say that I was always that way.

Speaker: 00:05:48

I'm very similar.

Speaker: 00:05:49

you said a word that, I want to let everyone know, we're gonna be talking

Speaker: 00:05:54

about emotional confidence and mindset.

Speaker: 00:05:55

You've got a great tool that we're gonna discuss later, a DD and things like that.

Speaker: 00:06:01

But you triggered me with a word and, I think it's a good

Speaker: 00:06:05

conversation with someone like you.

Speaker: 00:06:07

Hmm.

Speaker: 00:06:08

The word share is something that you said earlier, and this is

Speaker: 00:06:13

something that I have been really spending a lot of time with the Lord

Speaker: 00:06:18

hmm.

Speaker: 00:06:18

investigating because I have always been wired to impress, to inspire

Speaker: 00:06:26

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:06:27

if I learn something, I want to get it out to other people.

Speaker: 00:06:31

I really want to share info.

Speaker: 00:06:35

so I've always been teacher, coach, trainer.

Speaker: 00:06:37

We're on a podcast, wrote a book, you've written books, things like that.

Speaker: 00:06:41

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:06:42

I have been asking the Lord

Speaker: 00:06:45

Hmm.

Speaker: 00:06:46

questions like, why do I want to share?

Speaker: 00:06:50

Hmm.

Speaker: 00:06:51

Is it important for me to share?

Speaker: 00:06:54

When do I just digest things and make sure I'm clear before I blurt out

Speaker: 00:07:01

and post or flip on the microphone or start writing and, and trying to

Speaker: 00:07:08

get it out to the world and change people's minds and impact their lives.

Speaker: 00:07:12

You know, impact is a word that kind of can tie into this.

Speaker: 00:07:15

Have you had any thoughts of that as you move from your, your young

Speaker: 00:07:21

age to a slightly more mature age?

Speaker: 00:07:24

On what?

Speaker: 00:07:27

I mean, do you ever like pause or, or, and was there a time maybe

Speaker: 00:07:32

that you would just, I got it.

Speaker: 00:07:33

I need to share this with the world.

Speaker: 00:07:34

I mean, I'm just curious about that.

Speaker: 00:07:36

I'm asking myself the question, why do I share this?

Speaker: 00:07:39

Why did I just share what I just did?

Speaker: 00:07:41

I don't know.

Speaker: 00:07:42

that's an interesting question.

Speaker: 00:07:43

I think that I've been asked that question by God before.

Speaker: 00:07:48

because I feel like God reveals to me two main times when I feel like he speaks to

Speaker: 00:07:53

me, he speaks to me at like 3:00 AM when I'll just wake up with this whole idea of

Speaker: 00:07:57

stuff and then I try to go back to sleep.

Speaker: 00:07:59

And then it's like, clearly there's this point where you're

Speaker: 00:08:01

like, I just need to get up.

Speaker: 00:08:03

I just need to get a ride it all down and get it all out of my head.

Speaker: 00:08:05

And then I feel so much better and I can go to sleep and then I wake up.

Speaker: 00:08:07

But if I don't do that, it just.

Speaker: 00:08:11

I will have time with him in the morning and journaling or

Speaker: 00:08:14

spending time in his word just straightly strictly through that.

Speaker: 00:08:17

And it's like it sparks all these ideas.

Speaker: 00:08:19

And I start writing and then I'm like, next thing I know, I'm writing

Speaker: 00:08:21

an outline for a podcast episode.

Speaker: 00:08:23

Or I'm thinking, oh, I need to create this resource, or I need to write this thing.

Speaker: 00:08:27

And there have been times when God has said

Speaker: 00:08:31

like, what if just what I'm sharing with you is for you?

Speaker: 00:08:35

Not that you couldn't share it someday, but right now you, I

Speaker: 00:08:40

need you to hear this message.

Speaker: 00:08:42

I need you to absorb this.

Speaker: 00:08:44

Maybe again, you might digest it and might even be something else down the

Speaker: 00:08:48

road, but Alicia, right here for you.

Speaker: 00:08:51

and I think we can, miss that we, 'cause we think, oh well, it's easier

Speaker: 00:08:55

to just go and help and give it out.

Speaker: 00:08:58

But then it's like, how's that working for you?

Speaker: 00:09:01

Are you listening to that message?

Speaker: 00:09:04

taking it in because the Lord gave it to you originally as a, as the digestion

Speaker: 00:09:07

person first before you just gets kind of gross using this analogy, putting

Speaker: 00:09:12

it in your mouth and spinning it out.

Speaker: 00:09:13

You know, we wanna digest it.

Speaker: 00:09:14

But do you, I think you get what I'm saying, that, that there's, we, we, we

Speaker: 00:09:18

have to digest it first a lot of the time.

Speaker: 00:09:21

and we are very quick just hear it and move on it.

Speaker: 00:09:25

So I, I think there's a lot of credit and, and validity to what you're

Speaker: 00:09:28

saying about waiting and sharing.

Speaker: 00:09:30

and I think culture of society, whatever puts pressure

Speaker: 00:09:35

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:09:36

because listen, I've seen your stuff on Instagram.

Speaker: 00:09:40

Great stuff.

Speaker: 00:09:41

You know, social media.

Speaker: 00:09:42

I'm on social media and that stuff's there 24 7 and it's almost begging us share.

Speaker: 00:09:51

Mm-hmm.

Speaker: 00:09:52

And so then we start moving into, okay, I'm a content creator, so I

Speaker: 00:09:57

gotta be cranking out some content.

Speaker: 00:10:00

I think there's a lot of wisdom in, for me, it's a pause.

Speaker: 00:10:05

if I'm really healthy, I'm pausing.

Speaker: 00:10:08

If I'm not, I'm going faster and blurting things out and quick

Speaker: 00:10:13

to post and stuff like that.

Speaker: 00:10:15

Yep.

Speaker: 00:10:15

got a post that I created the other day.

Speaker: 00:10:20

I think this is wisdom that I paused and said I'm gonna wait a couple

Speaker: 00:10:25

of days and I haven't posted it

Speaker: 00:10:26

Hmm

Speaker: 00:10:27

It was somewhat the biblical basis of the office of the Pope and

Speaker: 00:10:32

the Pope when we're recording.

Speaker: 00:10:33

This has just passed away and it was really good, but I felt like,

Speaker: 00:10:39

hmm, I, I've got Catholic friends.

Speaker: 00:10:41

This may not be valuable to them.

Speaker: 00:10:45

It might be, I don't know.

Speaker: 00:10:47

And so I'm pausing and you know what?

Speaker: 00:10:49

It might just disappear on me.

Speaker: 00:10:51

I think if you've heard of the concept of morning pages, either Tim or other

Speaker: 00:10:56

people listening, if you guys have heard of this concept, it's by Julia

Speaker: 00:10:59

Cameron in her book The Artist Way.

Speaker: 00:11:02

It's a book that's been around forever, like 20 years or

Speaker: 00:11:04

more, probably 30 years now.

Speaker: 00:11:06

And it's about how to have art in everyday life.

Speaker: 00:11:09

how to live as an artist, if that sounds kind of woowoo and out

Speaker: 00:11:12

there, but that's what it is.

Speaker: 00:11:13

Essence.

Speaker: 00:11:14

The essence of it is, and one of the first practices that she talks

Speaker: 00:11:17

about is this idea of morning pages.

Speaker: 00:11:19

So you just sit down with a journal and you just write for, if it's 10 minutes,

Speaker: 00:11:24

she tells you to write for three pages and it doesn't have to mean anything.

Speaker: 00:11:27

It's just junk.

Speaker: 00:11:27

It's just stuff coming out.

Speaker: 00:11:29

And I advise that all the time to clients because I can't tell you

Speaker: 00:11:32

many people I work with who are.

Speaker: 00:11:36

wise Bible believing amazing people who have no idea what's going on in their head

Speaker: 00:11:41

and have no idea what they're feeling.

Speaker: 00:11:42

just a simple practice of a couple of times a week sitting

Speaker: 00:11:45

down and just getting that out.

Speaker: 00:11:47

It's like, oh, I'm priming the pump.

Speaker: 00:11:49

Now I can see what's in there.

Speaker: 00:11:51

So my point in saying that is a lot of times you get that stuff out and it's

Speaker: 00:11:55

just, it's not anything you really need to use or be purposeful with.

Speaker: 00:11:59

It just needs to come out and, but it takes time.

Speaker: 00:12:01

Like you said, maybe whatever that message was that you had

Speaker: 00:12:04

regarding the Pope, it can come out.

Speaker: 00:12:05

But it takes time and wisdom and discernment from the Holy Spirit

Speaker: 00:12:07

to say, so is this, maybe it's, maybe it is a message I need to

Speaker: 00:12:11

share, but is this the right time?

Speaker: 00:12:13

Or maybe it isn't a message that I need to share.

Speaker: 00:12:15

So I think it's okay to let it come out is my point.

Speaker: 00:12:18

But discerning about how, when, if it's shared, that's

Speaker: 00:12:21

a whole nother conversation.

Speaker: 00:12:23

Yeah, it doesn't need to be adjusted or things like that.

Speaker: 00:12:26

and for me, finally, as I enter my sixties, I consider

Speaker: 00:12:31

that some degree of maturity.

Speaker: 00:12:34

And so I'm finally getting to a place of maturity, which is sort of exciting

Speaker: 00:12:38

for the people around me that I,

Speaker: 00:12:40

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:12:40

They're, they're finally.

Speaker: 00:12:42

Excited about that.

Speaker: 00:12:43

My wife says, do you think that's funny?

Speaker: 00:12:45

That's not really funny.

Speaker: 00:12:46

That's not a joke.

Speaker: 00:12:47

Anyway, I think this was sort of a good transition into mindset.

Speaker: 00:12:50

and the thing that first drew me to you was the fact that you call

Speaker: 00:12:56

yourself a Christian mindset coach.

Speaker: 00:12:58

And I've got quite an affinity to the word coach and I believe that, you know what,

Speaker: 00:13:05

let me, I'm gonna go ahead and go here.

Speaker: 00:13:07

I believe there are a lot of people now that are calling themselves

Speaker: 00:13:09

coaches that probably aren't.

Speaker: 00:13:11

And so what is your definition or understanding of what a coach is and does?

Speaker: 00:13:20

Hmm.

Speaker: 00:13:23

I think that there's lots of definitions of what a coach is.

Speaker: 00:13:28

My personal opinion, this is all my opinion, to be a professional coach.

Speaker: 00:13:33

I think it's important to have training in how to coach people and what that looks

Speaker: 00:13:40

like from a, it's a professional vocation.

Speaker: 00:13:43

it's not me standing there saying, I have some wisdom to impart on

Speaker: 00:13:46

you, because number one, that's not what coaching is at all.

Speaker: 00:13:49

What coaching is not about me convincing you to do something.

Speaker: 00:13:52

It's about learning about you, where you're at, where you wanna go, and me

Speaker: 00:13:57

discerning the right questions to help you go where you wanna go, help you

Speaker: 00:14:01

figure out the answer to how to get there.

Speaker: 00:14:03

It's not me telling you how to get there.

Speaker: 00:14:04

So I think it's, that takes knowledge, that takes practice,

Speaker: 00:14:07

that takes training and.

Speaker: 00:14:12

A willingness to serve, a willingness to not tell, but to listen.

Speaker: 00:14:17

So to me, those are marks of a good coach.

Speaker: 00:14:19

I don't think you have to go to any specific school.

Speaker: 00:14:22

I have an ICF certification, which is the gold standard in coaching,

Speaker: 00:14:27

but that was important to me.

Speaker: 00:14:28

I felt like I wanted to be able to say, this is the highest level and I have that.

Speaker: 00:14:33

but I think I, I, I do understand the frustration you're talking about when

Speaker: 00:14:39

someone just kind of labels themself as this, it can do a disservice

Speaker: 00:14:43

to what it means to be a coach, especially in the area of telling

Speaker: 00:14:46

versus allowing the coachee to lead the conversation and guide the discussion.

Speaker: 00:14:53

I,

Speaker: 00:14:53

think, Tim?

Speaker: 00:14:54

Well, I, I love what you said.

Speaker: 00:14:57

I think you mentioned the servant role and I was just thinking the servant heart.

Speaker: 00:15:01

Mm-hmm.

Speaker: 00:15:01

I think you really do have to park your own biases, dogmas issues, whatever, and

Speaker: 00:15:12

really look at the person you work with.

Speaker: 00:15:14

This is the way I word it.

Speaker: 00:15:16

And listen, I'm not certified, so I'm, I just know from the.

Speaker: 00:15:19

Point I was 12 years old.

Speaker: 00:15:22

Coaching was something that was in my genes.

Speaker: 00:15:25

Hmm.

Speaker: 00:15:25

I wanted to be a teacher and a coach.

Speaker: 00:15:27

Both my parents were educators and, but Alicia, I had a conversation with

Speaker: 00:15:30

my dad right before I, graduated high school about how much money they made.

Speaker: 00:15:34

And I didn't know we were poor.

Speaker: 00:15:35

I thought we had a little bit more money than that.

Speaker: 00:15:37

And I went, oh my gosh, I don't think I wanna be a teacher and a coach.

Speaker: 00:15:40

So got an engineering degree and all that stuff.

Speaker: 00:15:42

But everything I've done has gravitated back to coaching.

Speaker: 00:15:44

And the way I word it now is that as a coach, my role is to reach down

Speaker: 00:15:50

inside people and pull out what God has created them to do or be, or whatever.

Speaker: 00:15:56

That is not a very technical description,

Speaker: 00:15:59

No,

Speaker: 00:15:59

that helps me

Speaker: 00:16:00

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:16:01

and it helps me not to decide, you know what, if I'm working

Speaker: 00:16:04

with Alicia or someone else, here's what I think you should do.

Speaker: 00:16:08

But I, I wanna say one quick thing.

Speaker: 00:16:10

There's some tension that I've got going on right now in that

Speaker: 00:16:14

I've been a coach for so long and coaches don't really do anything.

Speaker: 00:16:20

We enable other people to do stuff, but I don't think I do.

Speaker: 00:16:24

I, I, like you said, I question people and help them move to where they need to.

Speaker: 00:16:28

I've actually just been hired by a client to come in and help run their

Speaker: 00:16:32

company as an operations person, and I told my wife, I'm not sure

Speaker: 00:16:36

that I can actually do any work.

Speaker: 00:16:38

I haven't done work in so long.

Speaker: 00:16:40

I would push back on that, that coaches don't do anything.

Speaker: 00:16:44

I understand what you're saying and I'm not saying that from

Speaker: 00:16:46

like, well, we do things.

Speaker: 00:16:47

I'm not saying it like that.

Speaker: 00:16:48

I'm saying like in the same way that.

Speaker: 00:16:53

A lighter, like a, like a you would use to light a candle.

Speaker: 00:16:57

The candle is what we end up seeing, but we need the lighter

Speaker: 00:17:00

to make the candle start.

Speaker: 00:17:03

The fire, a coach's job is to be the behind the scenes support person to

Speaker: 00:17:07

get them to, to go where they wanna go.

Speaker: 00:17:09

So we do a lot, we're the conduit for the Holy Spirit to do the

Speaker: 00:17:13

work in their life without that conduit and without that guidance.

Speaker: 00:17:17

and a lot of times that accountability and a little bit of gentle guidance

Speaker: 00:17:21

and asking the tough questions that a friend wouldn't ask, that's not the

Speaker: 00:17:25

role of a coach, is not to be a friend.

Speaker: 00:17:27

It's to ask for permission to ask some of the tough questions.

Speaker: 00:17:30

but without those questions, they're not gonna take that step.

Speaker: 00:17:33

So they take the credit for the step.

Speaker: 00:17:35

It's almost like a stage production.

Speaker: 00:17:36

Everybody behind the stage, the people doing the lighting and the

Speaker: 00:17:41

makeup and everybody else, they're responsible for that production.

Speaker: 00:17:44

It's not just the person on stage singing.

Speaker: 00:17:47

I think of a coach in kind of that same way.

Speaker: 00:17:48

we're not the ones taking the action, but we still do a lot to get them there.

Speaker: 00:17:53

I agree.

Speaker: 00:17:53

That may have been my bit of self-deprecating or tongue

Speaker: 00:17:57

in cheek type description.

Speaker: 00:17:58

take it that way, but I just, I think that's important to note.

Speaker: 00:18:01

I think that's important for people who are like, I wanna be a

Speaker: 00:18:04

coach to tell someone what to do.

Speaker: 00:18:06

'cause if that's why you wanna coach, that's not a good reason to coach.

Speaker: 00:18:10

And even in coaching school, like they taught us, you can coach on any topic.

Speaker: 00:18:14

I could coach someone on becoming a basketball player.

Speaker: 00:18:18

I've never, I'm not a basketball player.

Speaker: 00:18:20

Okay?

Speaker: 00:18:20

But I'm not telling them how to do basketball.

Speaker: 00:18:24

I'm talking to them about the mindset that's getting in the

Speaker: 00:18:26

way of them becoming the best basketball player that they can be.

Speaker: 00:18:30

I know how to coach people in that way.

Speaker: 00:18:31

That's what I'm trained to do.

Speaker: 00:18:33

So that's why I feel like I'm not telling you as an expert, I'm helping you

Speaker: 00:18:37

discover and let you step into the role.

Speaker: 00:18:40

I've often thought that in the world that we're in today,

Speaker: 00:18:44

Mm-hmm.

Speaker: 00:18:44

in many ways coaches are the closest thing to a discipleship role

Speaker: 00:18:52

that, that we have in our culture.

Speaker: 00:18:55

Because, you know, in the church world that we have, most of it is,

Speaker: 00:19:01

you know, there's a group, they listen, they go on in one day.

Speaker: 00:19:05

you, I guess, are probably interacting with people on a very regular basis.

Speaker: 00:19:11

You're listening, you're pulling things from them, you're commenting, well,

Speaker: 00:19:16

when someone says that a coach is, is like a, it's like discipleship.

Speaker: 00:19:23

What comes to mind when I say that?

Speaker: 00:19:27

guiding, directing.

Speaker: 00:19:29

I feel like discipleship still though, has the connotation of

Speaker: 00:19:33

I am directing you where to go.

Speaker: 00:19:37

Where the very pure side, I can hear my coaching professor saying

Speaker: 00:19:40

that would not be what coaching is.

Speaker: 00:19:42

because it's not me telling you, I think in discipleship you're still

Speaker: 00:19:45

saying be like me, create these habits.

Speaker: 00:19:49

Although that still could be an example.

Speaker: 00:19:51

it depends on how pure you wanna be in that coaching role.

Speaker: 00:19:55

there's definitely a place for that, but might be a little bit too much of a

Speaker: 00:20:01

directive bias perhaps, if I could say

Speaker: 00:20:03

Okay, that's fair.

Speaker: 00:20:04

So what do you do to, what are some of the practices that you have to keep

Speaker: 00:20:11

your mindset where it needs to be?

Speaker: 00:20:15

And I also wanna say that practices, rhythms, habits, I do think that there.

Speaker: 00:20:22

Individual.

Speaker: 00:20:23

There's a lot of people out there that copy other people's practices

Speaker: 00:20:27

and they may not work for them.

Speaker: 00:20:28

But I'm curious what yours are and then a follow up question, I'll go ahead and

Speaker: 00:20:31

ask it, and you can go into that, is what are some things that you don't do that

Speaker: 00:20:35

you see others do that work well for them?

Speaker: 00:20:38

okay, so this is a massive question, so I could go in a gazillion directions.

Speaker: 00:20:41

I'll just start off by saying that, the first thing that comes to mind

Speaker: 00:20:44

is I host a membership group called The Emotional Confidence Club.

Speaker: 00:20:48

My book is called Emotional Confidence.

Speaker: 00:20:50

Emotional Confidence Club is where we take what we talk about in

Speaker: 00:20:53

emotional confidence, and these are women who are wanting to.

Speaker: 00:20:58

better able to manage their emotions throughout the day in relationships.

Speaker: 00:21:02

they wanna learn practical tools to do that.

Speaker: 00:21:04

So I think of the seven mindset tools, the roadmap that we talk about in the

Speaker: 00:21:10

membership, the emotional confidence club.

Speaker: 00:21:12

noticing and naming our feelings, that's the very first thing I have had

Speaker: 00:21:17

to learn how to do that in a big way.

Speaker: 00:21:21

paying attention to what I'm feeling and noticing is the first step that we start.

Speaker: 00:21:26

I start everybody out because I think a lot of us have been trained by society,

Speaker: 00:21:30

by busyness, by, Unfortunate situations that we've come into with our own

Speaker: 00:21:34

emotions or other people's emotions to not really deal with emotions.

Speaker: 00:21:37

We kind of push 'em down.

Speaker: 00:21:38

and then there's other things, of course, like, processing the emotions

Speaker: 00:21:42

themselves through a tool that we'll talk about today called a DD.

Speaker: 00:21:45

That's my method that I teach for managing emotions.

Speaker: 00:21:48

I manage my emotions and my mindset through daily connection with the Lord.

Speaker: 00:21:52

I mean, it's so important to have that time with him, to hear what the

Speaker: 00:21:58

word of God says, but then to let it interact with where I am at for the day.

Speaker: 00:22:05

What am I thinking about?

Speaker: 00:22:06

What am I worried about?

Speaker: 00:22:07

what is that heaviness I'm feeling?

Speaker: 00:22:09

What are the lies that are there?

Speaker: 00:22:11

And then hearing that truth and letting it work it's magic.

Speaker: 00:22:14

Not literally magic, but you know what I'm saying.

Speaker: 00:22:16

Doing its work in my heart.

Speaker: 00:22:18

So letting that happen and then being very intentional about rest rhythms

Speaker: 00:22:23

so that I am in a place of calm.

Speaker: 00:22:26

So that I am able to respond in a way that is more logically

Speaker: 00:22:31

based versus emotions based.

Speaker: 00:22:33

So if we are feeling an emotion, the emotion side of our brain is

Speaker: 00:22:36

what is turned on and activated.

Speaker: 00:22:39

It's really hard to use a logical response, which is what we want to do

Speaker: 00:22:42

and what we think about after, oh, I wish I had responded this way, if we

Speaker: 00:22:46

are firing from that emotional side.

Speaker: 00:22:48

So doing whatever I can on a regular basis to stay in that parasympathetic

Speaker: 00:22:53

nervous system, the, the calm, rest and digest side of my body, In the

Speaker: 00:22:58

moment, practicing those sort of things.

Speaker: 00:22:59

And even noticing, like, I'll be honest, today, I am at a day where

Speaker: 00:23:02

I feel like I am reaching my point where I need to have a day off to

Speaker: 00:23:07

go rejuvenate a little bit tomorrow.

Speaker: 00:23:10

My friend and I, I live in Southern California and so we're talking

Speaker: 00:23:13

about, we've done this before.

Speaker: 00:23:14

We take the train, just like for the day, just take the train somewhere.

Speaker: 00:23:18

We're gonna take the train to downtown Disney tomorrow, and we're

Speaker: 00:23:20

gonna have lunch at downtown Disney and then take the train back and

Speaker: 00:23:23

we work while we're on the train.

Speaker: 00:23:24

So we feel like, okay, I did like a few hours of work, but

Speaker: 00:23:26

then we have fun and goof off.

Speaker: 00:23:28

So we're in the middle of planning that today, so here's hope and I

Speaker: 00:23:30

get to go on the train tomorrow.

Speaker: 00:23:31

but like that kind of stuff, the old me would not have thought about that.

Speaker: 00:23:34

The old me would've said, keep going.

Speaker: 00:23:38

It doesn't matter that you feel tired.

Speaker: 00:23:40

The old me wouldn't have even known.

Speaker: 00:23:41

She just would've been all these sensations and headaches and

Speaker: 00:23:45

all this stuff, and then just ignoring it, pushing it down.

Speaker: 00:23:48

So I think attention to it, and not just paying attention to it, but responding.

Speaker: 00:23:52

Deciding I need to shift some things because I need to show

Speaker: 00:23:56

up the way that God wants me to.

Speaker: 00:23:58

So in order to do that, I gotta, I gotta pay attention and do some things.

Speaker: 00:24:00

the reason I think this is important, Alicia, is that, you know, I work with

Speaker: 00:24:05

leaders of companies and executives not.

Speaker: 00:24:07

Mm-hmm.

Speaker: 00:24:09

Different than women that are running their businesses and running homes.

Speaker: 00:24:15

A bunch going on.

Speaker: 00:24:17

And my observation very similar to my observation in my life and what you

Speaker: 00:24:20

just brought up, is that we usually end up filling up all our time and we get

Speaker: 00:24:27

tired, exhausted, fatigued, whatever.

Speaker: 00:24:28

And, and you know, there's the hustle culture that's going on

Speaker: 00:24:31

outside of this conversation.

Speaker: 00:24:33

There's, there's, if it is to be, it's up to me.

Speaker: 00:24:35

There, there's all of these things that I've been a part of and, and, there's

Speaker: 00:24:40

a story that you've got that happened a few years ago that we're about to get to.

Speaker: 00:24:43

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:24:43

there's one thing that I want just a little more information on because

Speaker: 00:24:49

I think in many situations, people here, I just connect with God.

Speaker: 00:24:54

I spend time with the Lord and that's the most important to me.

Speaker: 00:24:59

I know for many for years, but the way my mind worked, I was like going,

Speaker: 00:25:03

I, you know, if I sit down and be quiet or wake up at 3 32 in the

Speaker: 00:25:07

morning, which is for me, that's the time, by the way, you said 3:00 AM

Speaker: 00:25:11

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:25:12

oh, there's things going through my head and people will say,

Speaker: 00:25:14

oh, you need to write it down.

Speaker: 00:25:15

I'm going, what do you mean get 3 32?

Speaker: 00:25:18

I'm not gonna get up and write down what, anyway, what get, get, let's get

Speaker: 00:25:23

a little bit like 1 0 1 basic, yeah.

Speaker: 00:25:27

Time with God.

Speaker: 00:25:27

Like, do you get in the closet?

Speaker: 00:25:29

Do you go into a trance and start, you know, lighting

Speaker: 00:25:32

incense or something like that?

Speaker: 00:25:34

Or what, what does that mean for you?

Speaker: 00:25:39

Not quite, not for me.

Speaker: 00:25:40

At least that's not what it

Speaker: 00:25:41

Okay.

Speaker: 00:25:42

Alright.

Speaker: 00:25:42

Good.

Speaker: 00:25:43

okay.

Speaker: 00:25:44

No, yeah.

Speaker: 00:25:45

No, no, no.

Speaker: 00:25:45

Nothing like that.

Speaker: 00:25:46

Uh, so there is the, the ideal answer that happens, I would say 90% of the

Speaker: 00:25:53

time, and then there's the answer.

Speaker: 00:25:54

That just is what it is.

Speaker: 00:25:56

the ideal answer, which again happens 90% of the time, is I am

Speaker: 00:25:59

very blessed to live on an acre and a half of property, and I have.

Speaker: 00:26:05

Beautiful.

Speaker: 00:26:06

We have beautiful trees on our property, so I love to be outside.

Speaker: 00:26:10

So I will go sit outside.

Speaker: 00:26:12

We have a pool.

Speaker: 00:26:12

I'll sit by the pool and I will, it's, there's like a, a waterfall sound

Speaker: 00:26:17

as part of the jacuzzi out there.

Speaker: 00:26:19

So I hear the water.

Speaker: 00:26:21

I sit outside, I, I see the trees.

Speaker: 00:26:22

I'll listen to the birds.

Speaker: 00:26:23

I bring my journal.

Speaker: 00:26:24

I am either working through a specific study at a time, like right now I'm

Speaker: 00:26:27

working through a study by Priscilla Schreyer as part of our women's group.

Speaker: 00:26:31

And, something I'm doing with my daughter.

Speaker: 00:26:33

I'm, I'm working through that, but I'm also

Speaker: 00:26:38

as I'm doing the work or I'm going through the Bible in a year, whatever it is,

Speaker: 00:26:43

just listening for those moments where I sense God saying, oh, did you catch that?

Speaker: 00:26:48

That's for you in this little area.

Speaker: 00:26:50

Sometimes that's how I approach it.

Speaker: 00:26:52

And then there are times when I just sit down and I. Have a conversation as

Speaker: 00:26:56

if I would having a conversation with somebody else, but I'm writing it down.

Speaker: 00:26:59

So I'm writing like, God, this is what's on my heart today.

Speaker: 00:27:01

I'm really tired.

Speaker: 00:27:02

I feel heavy about this, I'm worried about this.

Speaker: 00:27:05

and then I'm just silent and just kind of sit there and let that be present.

Speaker: 00:27:09

And sometimes I'll write like a little g in my journal and that's God what

Speaker: 00:27:13

I sense him saying or like a certain scripture or you're, you know, it's,

Speaker: 00:27:17

this isn't for forever, whatever it is.

Speaker: 00:27:19

I sense some of that and I write that and then I kind of respond back and forth.

Speaker: 00:27:21

So to me it's just this open conversation.

Speaker: 00:27:24

I usually, 'cause we all live in the real world and we can't do that

Speaker: 00:27:27

for, you know, four hours a day.

Speaker: 00:27:29

Maybe I set a timer.

Speaker: 00:27:31

I'm very practical.

Speaker: 00:27:32

My timer is on all day long for different things.

Speaker: 00:27:35

25 minutes is typically my timer for that sort of thing outside.

Speaker: 00:27:38

If I have more time, I'll do 45 minutes, but that helps me lose myself

Speaker: 00:27:44

in that time with the Lord so that I know I'm not like, oh my gosh, I

Speaker: 00:27:48

have to go get on that call with Tim.

Speaker: 00:27:50

the little thing will beep on my phone and I'm good.

Speaker: 00:27:52

But in that, in between time, I can just sit out there.

Speaker: 00:27:55

I can be in nature, I can listen to the Lord, I can read his word,

Speaker: 00:27:57

I can absorb it, and then I may go back out later at lunch or something

Speaker: 00:28:01

'cause I work from home, But it's just this ongoing touching base.

Speaker: 00:28:04

I think touching base is a good way to say it.

Speaker: 00:28:06

Touching base with God, whether it's through a formal study or

Speaker: 00:28:09

time in prayer, but be sensitive to what he's saying as I'm doing it.

Speaker: 00:28:13

Yeah, I think that's good.

Speaker: 00:28:15

One of the things that I've observed, and I don't know if this is scientific

Speaker: 00:28:19

or technical or what is that I have a multitasking mind and I used to

Speaker: 00:28:25

be very prideful about that, and that is the correct word by the way.

Speaker: 00:28:29

And I am now more and more convinced that we are not.

Speaker: 00:28:33

Supposed to multitask and when I write it, it, I can't multitask when

Speaker: 00:28:40

I'm writing, my mind can't go pew.

Speaker: 00:28:43

Oh, squirrel.

Speaker: 00:28:44

Here or there.

Speaker: 00:28:45

and I think that's probably why there's value to it for most people.

Speaker: 00:28:49

Just being still and quiet and erasing a bunch of stuff that's kind of going on.

Speaker: 00:28:55

'cause we've got a lot of stuff coming at us.

Speaker: 00:28:58

It's,

Speaker: 00:28:59

of your story Go ahead.

Speaker: 00:29:00

You, you've got something.

Speaker: 00:29:01

Go ahead.

Speaker: 00:29:02

it's good to just, I think like we were talking about with morning pages,

Speaker: 00:29:06

sometimes we just feel this gunk in our head and we're not quite sure

Speaker: 00:29:09

what it's about, but when we can sit down and begin letting it out, From a

Speaker: 00:29:14

brain science perspective, we're then allowing our logical brain to process

Speaker: 00:29:18

what's been stuck in the emotional mind.

Speaker: 00:29:19

So we're able to logically think, oh, well that's because of this, and I see

Speaker: 00:29:23

this pattern over here, then we can let the Holy Spirit speak into all of that.

Speaker: 00:29:27

So it's just, getting out, almost like laying it all on the table

Speaker: 00:29:30

and then sitting there with God and helping him, you know, him, helping

Speaker: 00:29:34

you figure out what to do with it.

Speaker: 00:29:35

So I think there's a lot of value in not having to sit down and have

Speaker: 00:29:38

the answer of what you're gonna say, but from that he does the direction.

Speaker: 00:29:42

so you, as your story goes, you were doing all the things that people, that women do,

Speaker: 00:29:51

family and business and things like that.

Speaker: 00:29:54

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:29:55

all of that led up to, what if I'm understanding it correctly, a pretty

Speaker: 00:30:01

scary and life altering, situation.

Speaker: 00:30:05

I'm gonna say this and then I'm gonna let you share what you want

Speaker: 00:30:08

to about that, because I think that was a real turning point.

Speaker: 00:30:12

As a coach, I fully believe that people can make a decision and methodically make

Speaker: 00:30:22

changes in their life and do different things and alter the course of their life.

Speaker: 00:30:27

I really do believe that.

Speaker: 00:30:30

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:30:31

As a human being.

Speaker: 00:30:32

From a practical standpoint, my observation is that most people make

Speaker: 00:30:37

change when a significant, sometime catalytic event occurs in their life

Speaker: 00:30:42

and that's when they make a change.

Speaker: 00:30:44

Sounds like that's what happened with you.

Speaker: 00:30:46

That's what happened with me back in oh eight and financial situation.

Speaker: 00:30:50

tell what you want to about that as we start moving into discussion.

Speaker: 00:30:54

You discussing emotional confidence and some of the tools because I,

Speaker: 00:30:58

I think it's important 'cause it seems like that was a big deal.

Speaker: 00:31:02

It was a big deal, and I would've said before

Speaker: 00:31:06

I.

Speaker: 00:31:07

that I was pretty good at listening to God and being willing to do, not having to be.

Speaker: 00:31:14

Told, like I could change, like what you were just talking about.

Speaker: 00:31:17

But, looking back and knowing what I had to go through,

Speaker: 00:31:21

which I'll explain in a second.

Speaker: 00:31:22

I see, no sometimes, and this was definitely the case.

Speaker: 00:31:25

So what happened, what Tim is referring to is in 2017 I had

Speaker: 00:31:30

two vertebral artery dissections.

Speaker: 00:31:33

And what that means is the arteries in the back of your neck, they obviously are

Speaker: 00:31:39

important, they feed your brain blood.

Speaker: 00:31:41

they run inside the column, the vertebral column of our neck, which

Speaker: 00:31:45

is why they're the vertebral arteries.

Speaker: 00:31:47

But, what had happened for me, if in an.

Speaker: 00:31:50

Aneurysm happens.

Speaker: 00:31:52

We were kind of familiar with that, where the vessel blows outward, right.

Speaker: 00:31:55

And that's not a good thing.

Speaker: 00:31:56

dissection is where the vessel collapses inward.

Speaker: 00:31:59

And almost like the inner lining is how they explained it to me.

Speaker: 00:32:02

The inner lining of the artery had collapsed upon itself.

Speaker: 00:32:06

And now there was that little space between the outer part and

Speaker: 00:32:09

the inner, and it was collecting blood clots and obviously the

Speaker: 00:32:11

restriction was made on my arteries.

Speaker: 00:32:14

so the quick story is I was down in Mexico on a missions trip, and

Speaker: 00:32:18

I had had this really bad headache.

Speaker: 00:32:20

It was just a week long missions trip.

Speaker: 00:32:21

We'd done it several times with our church and I had a couple of my kids

Speaker: 00:32:24

with me was like, just, you know.

Speaker: 00:32:27

Take an aspirin, get over it.

Speaker: 00:32:29

Alicia, you have to be here.

Speaker: 00:32:31

And I was taking the aspirin and I don't really do that kind of stuff, but I

Speaker: 00:32:34

was like, everything I could think of lavender or peppermint, like everything.

Speaker: 00:32:39

And this thing was not going anywhere.

Speaker: 00:32:41

It was really, really bad.

Speaker: 00:32:42

So one night, the second night we were in Mexico again, we're in the rural

Speaker: 00:32:46

part of Mexico, in Baja, went out.

Speaker: 00:32:49

I was just in so much pain.

Speaker: 00:32:50

I was staying in an rv and I got out of the rv, went out into the, just

Speaker: 00:32:53

sat in the cool air in the desert.

Speaker: 00:32:56

And I felt, I did not hear, but I knew more than I'd ever heard God before.

Speaker: 00:33:03

And it was, you need to go home and you need to go home right now.

Speaker: 00:33:08

And I thought,

Speaker: 00:33:11

no, God, like I'm here, I'm leading a Bible study.

Speaker: 00:33:14

My daughter's here, she's nine.

Speaker: 00:33:16

I'm not gonna leave her in Mexico with the rest of the, you know,

Speaker: 00:33:18

like we're already short staffed.

Speaker: 00:33:19

And it was like.

Speaker: 00:33:21

You need to go home and you need to comb right now.

Speaker: 00:33:23

Like this is not a joke.

Speaker: 00:33:24

so the next morning woke up the leader and I said, I'm really

Speaker: 00:33:26

sorry, this is what's happening.

Speaker: 00:33:28

And he's like, oh, of course.

Speaker: 00:33:29

You know, like drove me to the border.

Speaker: 00:33:31

My husband picked me up, it was a Saturday and because it, that was a

Speaker: 00:33:35

god thing because it was a Saturday.

Speaker: 00:33:36

When you have a really bad headache, you go to the ER on a Saturday, you don't wait

Speaker: 00:33:40

to make an appointment with the doctor.

Speaker: 00:33:42

So they drove me to the er and they took a CAT scan and they said, ma'am, you're

Speaker: 00:33:47

having a vertebral artery dissection.

Speaker: 00:33:50

We can't even treat you at this hospital.

Speaker: 00:33:52

We have to send you down to this teaching hospital down in San Diego to the ICU.

Speaker: 00:33:57

What were you doing in Mexico?

Speaker: 00:33:59

And we can't even believe you're standing here and talking to us

Speaker: 00:34:01

based on the injury that we see here.

Speaker: 00:34:03

And I'm like, what are you talking about?

Speaker: 00:34:04

And they said, were you bungee jumping?

Speaker: 00:34:06

Were you in a car accident?

Speaker: 00:34:08

Like I said, no.

Speaker: 00:34:09

Like, they're like, these are the kinds of injuries that we

Speaker: 00:34:12

see from those occurrences.

Speaker: 00:34:15

The doctors, when I got down there, they kept asking me, 'cause then I started

Speaker: 00:34:18

having these little TIAs, the trans ischemic attacks, the little mini strokes.

Speaker: 00:34:24

They're like, what did you do in Mexico?

Speaker: 00:34:26

Were you, were you skydiving, bungee jumping?

Speaker: 00:34:29

I'm like, I'm a mom on a mission trip.

Speaker: 00:34:31

No, I was not doing any of those things.

Speaker: 00:34:33

But in my heart I heard God say, you know why you're here.

Speaker: 00:34:38

You know why you're here.

Speaker: 00:34:39

And it was because for the, like the past 10 to 15 years, I had been

Speaker: 00:34:45

sleeping about four hours a night.

Speaker: 00:34:47

And I know that I went to bed at 1230.

Speaker: 00:34:49

I woke up at four 30.

Speaker: 00:34:50

That's just how I was.

Speaker: 00:34:51

I, I. Was just under a lot of stress for a really long time.

Speaker: 00:34:55

My husband traveled 50% of the time.

Speaker: 00:34:57

I had four small children who I was homeschooling.

Speaker: 00:34:59

One of them has special needs.

Speaker: 00:35:01

he had at this point when this all happened, he'd been out of work for 18

Speaker: 00:35:03

months as part of a huge corporate layoff.

Speaker: 00:35:06

We were in a literally interesting place and had been in there for a

Speaker: 00:35:10

long time, and I just kept shoving and pushing down all of that stuff.

Speaker: 00:35:16

So as all of that happened, they, I had one side, one, one artery go, and then the

Speaker: 00:35:23

other artery went a week and a half later.

Speaker: 00:35:24

So I got to go back to the hospital a week and a half later.

Speaker: 00:35:26

But after all of that ended, we got through it got, again,

Speaker: 00:35:30

I felt that impression, you are gonna make it through here.

Speaker: 00:35:33

There will be, this is your second chance, but there won't be a third.

Speaker: 00:35:35

That was what I was told, it was.

Speaker: 00:35:38

months of laying in bed because there was, again, extreme headaches, high blood.

Speaker: 00:35:43

I mean, my job was basically to go to the doctor twice a week down in La Jolla

Speaker: 00:35:46

and make sure that I was, my blood was at this certain level viscosity that it was

Speaker: 00:35:51

not gonna cause any more problems 'cause there was nothing they could do for me.

Speaker: 00:35:54

So that meant a lot of time alone with the Lord.

Speaker: 00:35:56

A lot of time I just laying there, everything had to be taken out of my life.

Speaker: 00:35:59

I could no longer homeschool.

Speaker: 00:36:00

I couldn't write, I couldn't speak, I couldn't even take care of my family.

Speaker: 00:36:04

I couldn't go to the grocery store.

Speaker: 00:36:05

I couldn't cook.

Speaker: 00:36:07

We had people from the church coming over and taking care of all this stuff.

Speaker: 00:36:09

Like it was, it was awful.

Speaker: 00:36:11

I had to be fed at some point ' cause I couldn't sit up.

Speaker: 00:36:14

It was awful.

Speaker: 00:36:15

So gun, God took everything and was just like right here.

Speaker: 00:36:18

You looking at me?

Speaker: 00:36:20

You looking at me.

Speaker: 00:36:20

'cause we're gonna talk about this.

Speaker: 00:36:22

And he's like, it's not about getting more sleep.

Speaker: 00:36:25

You need to understand what is it that was, is going on in your head that you

Speaker: 00:36:29

think that you need to keep pushing harder and harder and harder and never pay

Speaker: 00:36:33

attention to these signs inside of you.

Speaker: 00:36:34

So as I began looking at that, I realized there's a lot of stuff

Speaker: 00:36:39

that had been in there that I had never dealt with, and especially the

Speaker: 00:36:41

emotions that I had never dealt with.

Speaker: 00:36:44

Fast forwarding through the story now, but eventually learned a lot

Speaker: 00:36:47

about the brain science behind it.

Speaker: 00:36:48

Became certified as a neuro coach, which helps you understand

Speaker: 00:36:51

the patterns inside the brain.

Speaker: 00:36:53

What are the subconscious patterns that are causing us to think these,

Speaker: 00:36:56

that are affecting the logical side of our mind, how do we align them?

Speaker: 00:36:59

eventually became trained as a coach and thought I'd been working since 2012

Speaker: 00:37:03

with women, I realized there are a lot of ladies in the church who know God's

Speaker: 00:37:10

truth like I did, who believed they were enough, who knew that they were loved,

Speaker: 00:37:14

but had something inside of them that was keeping them from believing it.

Speaker: 00:37:18

And I wanna help them fix that.

Speaker: 00:37:20

So that's what I do now, the deeper work of that kind of stuff, which

Speaker: 00:37:24

usually looks like perfectionism, people pleasing, all that kind of stuff, but also

Speaker: 00:37:28

just, which is what the book is about.

Speaker: 00:37:30

How in the world do I deal with my emotions every day?

Speaker: 00:37:34

How do I deal with the overwhelm, the anger, the anxiety, the things

Speaker: 00:37:38

that my kid does that drives me nuts.

Speaker: 00:37:39

Like whatever it is, how do I deal with that?

Speaker: 00:37:42

So that's kind of how it all became readjusted and God had to help me

Speaker: 00:37:47

focus, even though I thought I was being responsive, he had to really

Speaker: 00:37:51

help me focus through that incident.

Speaker: 00:37:55

So one of the things my wife and I tell ourselves, and I don't know if we're

Speaker: 00:38:02

fooling ourselves or anything, is we discuss, Situations we've been through

Speaker: 00:38:06

and we say something to the effect of, we wouldn't wish what we went through on

Speaker: 00:38:11

anyone, but we're thankful that we went through it because of who we are today.

Speaker: 00:38:18

Yes.

Speaker: 00:38:19

you brought this up so I'm gonna ask for clarification on this.

Speaker: 00:38:23

there's some people that they struggle with their perception

Speaker: 00:38:26

of God and his nature.

Speaker: 00:38:28

Mm-hmm.

Speaker: 00:38:30

I am comfortable with this, but not everyone is.

Speaker: 00:38:33

When you say something like, God was getting my attention, because

Speaker: 00:38:38

they might say that God did that to you with your neck or, or that

Speaker: 00:38:44

maybe he used it, but what would you respond when someone say, wait, do

Speaker: 00:38:50

so You think this was a God thing?

Speaker: 00:38:55

Sure.

Speaker: 00:38:56

I don't think that, and I know that God doesn't necessarily punish us for,

Speaker: 00:39:01

I mean, we have consequences for sin.

Speaker: 00:39:03

I mean, that's honest.

Speaker: 00:39:04

That's biblical.

Speaker: 00:39:05

We can say that.

Speaker: 00:39:07

It wasn't that God was punishing me.

Speaker: 00:39:09

I can look back now and see that there were a lot of people and a lot

Speaker: 00:39:15

of ways that God tried to warn me that I was not dealing with things,

Speaker: 00:39:20

that I wasn't processing things, that I wasn't taking care of myself.

Speaker: 00:39:22

He gave me a lot of warning signs, I think, and I know that he did.

Speaker: 00:39:29

Does things like this because he loves us.

Speaker: 00:39:32

He loved me enough to save my life at that moment because they told

Speaker: 00:39:37

me, if you had not come home from Mexico, I can guarantee you within

Speaker: 00:39:40

a day or two you would've been dead.

Speaker: 00:39:41

You would've had a massive stroke down in the middle of Mexico.

Speaker: 00:39:44

And let me just tell you, there ain't no resources that where we

Speaker: 00:39:46

were, that would've helped me.

Speaker: 00:39:49

He saved my life.

Speaker: 00:39:50

Like he saved my life.

Speaker: 00:39:52

And he allowed me now to use this in ministry to help

Speaker: 00:39:56

hundreds of thousands of people.

Speaker: 00:39:58

Like what a gift.

Speaker: 00:39:59

What a gift.

Speaker: 00:39:59

So say that he, I think that he, he, he guides us for our own reasons of

Speaker: 00:40:05

why we personally need to be changed.

Speaker: 00:40:08

'cause he loves us.

Speaker: 00:40:09

He loves me, but as part of this greater plan somehow, which we don't even

Speaker: 00:40:14

fully understand, because if I hadn't gone through that, then I wouldn't

Speaker: 00:40:17

necessarily be talking about this.

Speaker: 00:40:19

And if I hadn't been talking about this, then, you know, what about those people?

Speaker: 00:40:21

Would they have not been affected?

Speaker: 00:40:22

he has to somehow use all of that together for his plan.

Speaker: 00:40:26

So I always go back to he does it out of his love for me he wants me

Speaker: 00:40:31

to, to live the fullest freest life, and he wants me to use that freedom

Speaker: 00:40:35

to impact others and help them.

Speaker: 00:40:37

Mm-hmm.

Speaker: 00:40:38

the word Sabbath just kind of popped in my head as you were talking,

Speaker: 00:40:43

and a lot of people will say, oh, Sabbath, that's a day of the week.

Speaker: 00:40:46

That's not the way I look at it.

Speaker: 00:40:47

I consider Sabbath to be a mindset or a state of being or a state of mind.

Speaker: 00:40:53

Yes.

Speaker: 00:40:53

would it be fair to say that.

Speaker: 00:40:56

old you, which is the term used earlier, would not be someone who was in a

Speaker: 00:41:02

state of Sabbath or at rest and knew you may not be totally all the time.

Speaker: 00:41:08

We're still obviously working out, but you are more in a Sabbath state

Speaker: 00:41:12

or to bring the word in mindset.

Speaker: 00:41:14

Let's start talking mindset here.

Speaker: 00:41:16

Would that be a fair statement?

Speaker: 00:41:17

Sure.

Speaker: 00:41:18

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker: 00:41:19

It's fair.

Speaker: 00:41:21

I was just, before we got on this call, I was at our weekly women's bible study

Speaker: 00:41:25

and we were talking about, hearing the will of God and hearing his voice.

Speaker: 00:41:29

And We were talking about how it's, easy to just say, oh, I'm

Speaker: 00:41:32

not gonna allow this in my life.

Speaker: 00:41:34

I'm not gonna do these things, or I am gonna do these things like with

Speaker: 00:41:37

drinking or certain foods or whatever.

Speaker: 00:41:39

but it's actually, that's legalism.

Speaker: 00:41:42

it's more.

Speaker: 00:41:44

about a relationship.

Speaker: 00:41:45

I'm just going and I'm listening to God in the every day.

Speaker: 00:41:49

And so I think about that in terms of Sabbath.

Speaker: 00:41:51

I'm not saying, oh, it's Sunday, I gotta stop.

Speaker: 00:41:54

Everything like that becomes, sure, that could be maybe for some people

Speaker: 00:41:58

that's super helpful for me that's not because then every week, well

Speaker: 00:42:01

my Sunday looks a little different.

Speaker: 00:42:02

I try to make my days lighter and we try to not do as much.

Speaker: 00:42:06

I really try to have some extended time outside with

Speaker: 00:42:08

God or with family on Sundays.

Speaker: 00:42:10

But it is a mindset, is a sensory.

Speaker: 00:42:14

Just what am I, am I getting to that boiling point where, I need to take

Speaker: 00:42:19

a little bit of a break, it's all day long sensing that letting God speak

Speaker: 00:42:23

to me, letting him bring the rest into every day that is more realistic

Speaker: 00:42:28

and more doable and more helpful.

Speaker: 00:42:31

modern world than just saying, okay, it's Sunday, so I have to do this.

Speaker: 00:42:35

That, that requires relationship.

Speaker: 00:42:37

That requires intimacy.

Speaker: 00:42:38

That requires knowing ourselves.

Speaker: 00:42:40

That's where the mindset piece comes in.

Speaker: 00:42:42

it requires being honest about where we're at and then doing something with that.

Speaker: 00:42:46

So yeah, I agree.

Speaker: 00:42:47

It's more of an ongoing thing.

Speaker: 00:42:48

and the tough thing for me, and maybe for you, you could respond to this, is that

Speaker: 00:42:53

until you've experienced it, you don't know what it is or how to get to it.

Speaker: 00:42:59

And it sounded to me when you said you were forced because you were in the

Speaker: 00:43:04

hospital, you couldn't homeschool, which you felt like that's a duty of yours.

Speaker: 00:43:07

you couldn't wife, you couldn't take care of your house, you

Speaker: 00:43:10

couldn't do all these things.

Speaker: 00:43:12

You had a forced Sabbath that showed you a little bit a

Speaker: 00:43:16

glimpse of what it looked like.

Speaker: 00:43:17

would that be correct?

Speaker: 00:43:18

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:43:19

I had to be forced.

Speaker: 00:43:20

I didn't like it.

Speaker: 00:43:21

there are times when it's still uncomfortable.

Speaker: 00:43:23

It's a lot more comfortable than it was, but, it still feels a little

Speaker: 00:43:28

foreign and it's scary and I get frustrated 'cause I think, Ooh, I would

Speaker: 00:43:31

rather be just working, but it's, no.

Speaker: 00:43:35

And then I get into it and then I'm okay.

Speaker: 00:43:36

And I see it.

Speaker: 00:43:38

So, yeah.

Speaker: 00:43:39

I think that, let's bring emotions into the conversation because I think,

Speaker: 00:43:43

and, this is so ironic that this statement's about to come outta my

Speaker: 00:43:48

mouth because those in my close circle would say that I'm fairly emotionless.

Speaker: 00:43:54

Hmm.

Speaker: 00:43:55

but it's an observation of mine.

Speaker: 00:43:57

Okay.

Speaker: 00:43:57

But, but we all know that's incorrect.

Speaker: 00:44:00

everyone has it.

Speaker: 00:44:01

Some are more visible, some people deal with them different ways.

Speaker: 00:44:04

We won't, this is not a counseling session, so let's don't go there.

Speaker: 00:44:07

Okay?

Speaker: 00:44:08

Okay.

Speaker: 00:44:09

when my emotions get the best of me, or when I observe people around

Speaker: 00:44:13

me is when they have expectations.

Speaker: 00:44:15

Maybe perfectionism.

Speaker: 00:44:16

They think something's gonna work out a certain way, and

Speaker: 00:44:19

it's sometimes a control thing.

Speaker: 00:44:21

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:44:22

when it doesn't go that way, emotions can kick in and there may be other things,

Speaker: 00:44:29

but maybe I should pause and say, why don't you tell us how emotions fit into

Speaker: 00:44:36

the conversation that we're having here.

Speaker: 00:44:39

In what way?

Speaker: 00:44:40

How it fit into what part of the conversation?

Speaker: 00:44:42

The mindset, the Sabbath, all the, what we're building upon here,

Speaker: 00:44:46

Hmm.

Speaker: 00:44:47

now we're gonna layer in emotional and we've got some tools we're about

Speaker: 00:44:51

to talk about here that you teach on.

Speaker: 00:44:53

Sure.

Speaker: 00:44:53

I'm gonna read the subtitle to your book, 'cause this might

Speaker: 00:44:56

help Three simple steps to manage Emotions with Science and Scripture.

Speaker: 00:45:01

That is quite a bold subtitle for a book, Alicia.

Speaker: 00:45:05

Yay.

Speaker: 00:45:06

Well, thank you.

Speaker: 00:45:07

I'm glad you liked the subtitle.

Speaker: 00:45:08

okay, so just before we go into that other part, let's talk about the, the

Speaker: 00:45:11

subtitle, why, I was very insistent on certain words, steps that was important.

Speaker: 00:45:19

Of course, I manage emotions, but science and scripture, that was the

Speaker: 00:45:23

most important part for me because I think there are a lot of people who are

Speaker: 00:45:26

doing either one of those, but not both.

Speaker: 00:45:30

as believers, we can have both.

Speaker: 00:45:32

We can have both.

Speaker: 00:45:33

And I think the church really needs to understand how to use the gifts of how

Speaker: 00:45:38

God made our bodies to be able to help our emotions line up with what he wants

Speaker: 00:45:42

us to believe and how he wants us to act.

Speaker: 00:45:44

and the, the freedom that comes in that.

Speaker: 00:45:47

So, in terms of how emotions can play into all of this, probably the

Speaker: 00:45:51

simplest metaphor that I give is that.

Speaker: 00:45:55

We are like a pot on a stove full of water.

Speaker: 00:46:01

There is always a fire underneath us.

Speaker: 00:46:04

And we always can probably most of the time, sense that water bubbling our job.

Speaker: 00:46:10

If the water in the pot is our emotions, our job is to make sure that the emotions

Speaker: 00:46:15

are not boiling over the top of the pot.

Speaker: 00:46:18

That we're not covering it up and there's steam coming out and then

Speaker: 00:46:21

there's water coming out the side.

Speaker: 00:46:22

We're never gonna have a perfectly flat level inside there or a really cold

Speaker: 00:46:27

bunch of water 'cause there's always gonna be tension and sometimes we can't

Speaker: 00:46:30

control that level of heat underneath.

Speaker: 00:46:33

But we are in charge of noticing what's going on in that pot of water

Speaker: 00:46:38

and we're in charge of bringing in calm, either taking the top off or

Speaker: 00:46:43

doing different things to lower it.

Speaker: 00:46:47

doing that all of the time with God's help and through understanding how

Speaker: 00:46:51

our body works, how our nervous system works, what's happening in our body

Speaker: 00:46:54

when we're feeling these things.

Speaker: 00:46:56

So this is an ongoing thing.

Speaker: 00:46:58

I also give the example of husband is a diabetic, and so the

Speaker: 00:47:02

topic of blood sugar is always.

Speaker: 00:47:05

Hi.

Speaker: 00:47:05

The number of what his blood sugar is is always kind of as part of

Speaker: 00:47:08

the background of our conversation.

Speaker: 00:47:09

So if you don't live with a diabetic, you probably don't know that the ideal blood

Speaker: 00:47:14

sugar number is 100 at a given point.

Speaker: 00:47:16

That's the number we're always aiming for.

Speaker: 00:47:18

And you're never gonna get to 100.

Speaker: 00:47:19

Sometimes you're gonna be 150, you're gonna be a 200 depending on what you ate.

Speaker: 00:47:23

You might, you could go down to 60, but you're always trying to aim for a hundred.

Speaker: 00:47:28

And that's like with our emotions.

Speaker: 00:47:29

We're never going to be perfectly calm, chill this zen environment,

Speaker: 00:47:34

or we can't hold it for very long.

Speaker: 00:47:36

We're never gonna be at a hundred for very long because the next thing's gonna come.

Speaker: 00:47:41

so it's like that.

Speaker: 00:47:41

I think we're in charge of just what's the temperature happening inside

Speaker: 00:47:45

that water, asking God for help as to where it could be coming from.

Speaker: 00:47:49

What can I do in my body to calm that down?

Speaker: 00:47:51

And then yes, what can I do to process it?

Speaker: 00:47:53

Which is that a DD method we'll talk about in a minute.

Speaker: 00:47:55

But we, we are in charge of that.

Speaker: 00:47:59

Not somebody else.

Speaker: 00:48:00

We have to learn the skill to be in charge of it.

Speaker: 00:48:03

We have to decide that I'm gonna do something about it, not just see

Speaker: 00:48:06

it and continue to be overflowing because a lot of us have been

Speaker: 00:48:09

overflowing for a long time.

Speaker: 00:48:11

And then it's that one little thing, you know, you have this huge stressful

Speaker: 00:48:16

thing at work, and then you come home and you just blow up all over everyone.

Speaker: 00:48:19

Well, because you've had this huge, long, stressful thing at work, and

Speaker: 00:48:21

you're like, why did I do that?

Speaker: 00:48:22

I didn't want, of course we didn't want to, but could learn to slowly

Speaker: 00:48:26

let off some of the steam a little at a time, then it, it's become so

Speaker: 00:48:29

much easier to manage the ongoing ups and downs of what we're feeling.

Speaker: 00:48:33

You know what's so good about that, Alicia, is just this morning with

Speaker: 00:48:37

coffee, I was talking to Glory and I was talking about, just I've got a

Speaker: 00:48:43

lot going on with a new role and the things I'm working on, and and I was

Speaker: 00:48:47

just saying that I need to focus on those things that release the steam.

Speaker: 00:48:54

Ah,

Speaker: 00:48:55

In my life.

Speaker: 00:48:56

That's an analogy that I use quite a bit.

Speaker: 00:48:58

and I shared with her a few things that are the, this is what, yeah.

Speaker: 00:49:03

we're tracking here.

Speaker: 00:49:04

it's fascinating, that lets me know the Holy Spirit is kind of jumping in here

Speaker: 00:49:10

with us or running the show or whatever.

Speaker: 00:49:12

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:49:13

I think that's good.

Speaker: 00:49:14

the thing I want you to say before we kind of move into the tools that you

Speaker: 00:49:18

have, and I think it's just going to be enough for people to say, I gotta get

Speaker: 00:49:23

the book probably, 'cause I'm looking at our time here because Alicia, I

Speaker: 00:49:27

think there are a number of people in our culture and society, even people

Speaker: 00:49:31

that are sitting in churches and would call themselves followers of Christ,

Speaker: 00:49:35

that they really do believe that circumstances or culture or the way they

Speaker: 00:49:39

were raised or their situation or their work situation, family, whether all of

Speaker: 00:49:45

those things are controlling, polling

Speaker: 00:49:47

Mm-hmm.

Speaker: 00:49:48

their pot, that fire, everything like that.

Speaker: 00:49:51

And they don't really have that much, if any, control over that.

Speaker: 00:49:58

Say something to those people that are going, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker: 00:50:04

I don't, I don't, I can't really, I don't, I've got too much going on.

Speaker: 00:50:07

I'm a mom, blah, blah, blah, whatever.

Speaker: 00:50:09

they're right and they're wrong at the same time.

Speaker: 00:50:13

You wanna know why?

Speaker: 00:50:14

Because you, you cannot control the level of the fire underneath you sometimes.

Speaker: 00:50:21

And that is part of understanding your emotions.

Speaker: 00:50:23

You cannot tell someone who's going through a cancer treatment chemo, I

Speaker: 00:50:28

have a friend who's been going through cancer treatment for four years.

Speaker: 00:50:30

I cannot tell her, just stop being stressed about that.

Speaker: 00:50:33

Like, it's gonna be okay.

Speaker: 00:50:35

Are you kidding me?

Speaker: 00:50:35

Look what she's been going through.

Speaker: 00:50:37

Now, that's true, right?

Speaker: 00:50:39

That's underneath you.

Speaker: 00:50:41

But we always have the decision of what we're going to do with that heat, Are

Speaker: 00:50:49

we gonna put the top on it and just block it off and not deal with it?

Speaker: 00:50:53

we gonna let the, the negativity and all the stuff that we really feel and the

Speaker: 00:50:57

fear, are we gonna let that take over?

Speaker: 00:50:59

Another analogy that I use is the air traffic controller.

Speaker: 00:51:04

The air traffic controller decides whether or not a plane lands at an airfield.

Speaker: 00:51:09

We have the ability to say, I see that plane circling.

Speaker: 00:51:12

I see the, the frustrations I'm feeling.

Speaker: 00:51:15

Yeah, it's annoying.

Speaker: 00:51:16

That person says that, I hate that I have to struggle with

Speaker: 00:51:19

this, am I gonna let it land?

Speaker: 00:51:21

I can see it, but do I wanna let it land and unlock all the baggage that's

Speaker: 00:51:25

there, or am I gonna say, Hmm, no, sorry.

Speaker: 00:51:29

Moving on to the next runway.

Speaker: 00:51:30

I get to decide that.

Speaker: 00:51:32

I get to decide what I focus on because what I focus on determines

Speaker: 00:51:35

what deter my actions and my beliefs.

Speaker: 00:51:39

Everything is going back to what I do with it.

Speaker: 00:51:42

So I can have that stuff thrown at me.

Speaker: 00:51:44

That fire can be underneath me.

Speaker: 00:51:45

That's a hundred percent true.

Speaker: 00:51:47

I'm not gonna deny about that.

Speaker: 00:51:49

the same time, we have a response.

Speaker: 00:51:52

We have the brain that controls, or we have the mind that controls the brain.

Speaker: 00:51:56

We have the mind of Christ to even help us further control the natural things

Speaker: 00:52:00

we're thinking and working through.

Speaker: 00:52:01

So it doesn't mean that we push them down, we still see them.

Speaker: 00:52:05

part of the compassion.

Speaker: 00:52:06

When we talk about this model of processing in a minute,

Speaker: 00:52:08

that's part of the compassion.

Speaker: 00:52:09

But yeah, we have to recognize that both are present.

Speaker: 00:52:12

Both are present.

Speaker: 00:52:13

It's gonna come, the flame's gonna come.

Speaker: 00:52:15

Jesus said You will have trouble in this world, but he also said you need

Speaker: 00:52:19

to take control of your thoughts.

Speaker: 00:52:21

So it's both.

Speaker: 00:52:23

The cool thing is, is that.

Speaker: 00:52:25

To me is the mindset that I was about to ask about.

Speaker: 00:52:29

So you just addressed

Speaker: 00:52:30

Yes.

Speaker: 00:52:31

Now, at least you're leaning in that direction of the proper mindset.

Speaker: 00:52:35

Mm-hmm.

Speaker: 00:52:36

Then you need some ways of dealing with it.

Speaker: 00:52:39

We don't have a lot of time, and I wanna do it justice here, but give us a glimpse

Speaker: 00:52:44

Yes.

Speaker: 00:52:45

of the tool that helps with this.

Speaker: 00:52:48

So let's quickly go through what is called the A DD method.

Speaker: 00:52:52

The acknowledge, discern, and Decide method.

Speaker: 00:52:55

So once we figured out, okay, I'm feeling this emotion.

Speaker: 00:52:59

Three simple things that you can do, which you'll learn more about it

Speaker: 00:53:02

in the book, emotional confidence.

Speaker: 00:53:04

First step is to acknowledge.

Speaker: 00:53:05

So just simply saying it makes sense.

Speaker: 00:53:07

I feel this way because why am I feeling like this?

Speaker: 00:53:11

Why does it make sense?

Speaker: 00:53:12

I'm frustrated today.

Speaker: 00:53:13

Why does it make sense?

Speaker: 00:53:13

I'm overwhelmed and leaning into God's compassion for that because

Speaker: 00:53:17

he understands, he sees you in it.

Speaker: 00:53:20

He wants to let you know that you're not alone in it.

Speaker: 00:53:23

This is a step that I think people in the church really need to hear.

Speaker: 00:53:27

'cause a lot of us are quick to go to this second step, but

Speaker: 00:53:29

that God loves us through it.

Speaker: 00:53:31

It's okay to feel it.

Speaker: 00:53:32

It's plausible.

Speaker: 00:53:33

I'm feeling this way and here's why.

Speaker: 00:53:34

Second step is to discern.

Speaker: 00:53:37

Discern, okay, I'm feeling like this, but what's true and what's not true.

Speaker: 00:53:43

It's true that X, Y, Z, but it's not true that like this, this is where

Speaker: 00:53:46

we're leaning into God's clarity.

Speaker: 00:53:47

He's helping us sort through like stuff in a closet.

Speaker: 00:53:50

This is stuff that's true that I need to keep.

Speaker: 00:53:52

This is stuff that's junk, that is maybe old thinking or trauma from the past,

Speaker: 00:53:57

or pity parties or fear, all the stuff.

Speaker: 00:54:01

That's not what I need to be thinking about.

Speaker: 00:54:03

And that's playing a role here.

Speaker: 00:54:04

And then the last step is to decide, so in light of what I've seen and sensed

Speaker: 00:54:09

and what is true and not true, what is that next best step that God has for me?

Speaker: 00:54:13

asking for his courage.

Speaker: 00:54:15

God help me to make that ability to, let go of this, to surrender

Speaker: 00:54:19

this, to make that hard call to tell the person what I need to, to

Speaker: 00:54:23

do, to set a boundary, whatever the situation is, what is that next step?

Speaker: 00:54:27

And the second half of that is where will I emotionally dwell?

Speaker: 00:54:30

So we can work through the anxiety or the fear, but then if we're not

Speaker: 00:54:34

careful, we'll go right back to it.

Speaker: 00:54:36

So where can I dwell?

Speaker: 00:54:39

thoughts, what is that truth that I need to stand on?

Speaker: 00:54:42

Maybe it's, God is faithful.

Speaker: 00:54:44

He will be faithful through this.

Speaker: 00:54:46

God is always taking care of me.

Speaker: 00:54:48

God always loves me.

Speaker: 00:54:49

I serve an audience of one for a people pleaser.

Speaker: 00:54:51

It doesn't need to be perfect for me to be loved.

Speaker: 00:54:54

You know, that's a perfectionist.

Speaker: 00:54:55

Things like that.

Speaker: 00:54:55

What is that place where I wanna live emotionally as I make that decision?

Speaker: 00:54:59

So that's the process.

Speaker: 00:55:00

Acknowledge, discern, and decide.

Speaker: 00:55:02

So a couple quick things on it.

Speaker: 00:55:05

it sounds simple, but my guess is it's not easy.

Speaker: 00:55:11

Correct.

Speaker: 00:55:13

it is simple in how it is explained and put together.

Speaker: 00:55:18

The best way to describe it is there's A motto for, one of my favorite games that I

Speaker: 00:55:24

like to play a board game called Othello.

Speaker: 00:55:26

My kids always are like, mom, don't make me play Othello with you.

Speaker: 00:55:29

I love Othello, but the motto is, A Minute to learn.

Speaker: 00:55:32

A Lifetime to master.

Speaker: 00:55:34

I love that because I can talk through this in a minute and explain it to

Speaker: 00:55:38

you, but The more I get into that mode of thinking through it, the easier it

Speaker: 00:55:42

becomes, the more natural it becomes.

Speaker: 00:55:45

That's why I created the membership, the Emotional Confidence Club, because it's

Speaker: 00:55:48

like we need to be around other people who are also practicing this and working

Speaker: 00:55:52

through this and seeing, oh, well, I tried this or I didn't do this, or whatever.

Speaker: 00:55:56

So it's a practice.

Speaker: 00:55:58

It's a simple thing to learn, but it's a practice as we do it.

Speaker: 00:56:02

My guess is, is some people are looking for an easy answer and so

Speaker: 00:56:05

they think they'll walk through this once and that will be it.

Speaker: 00:56:09

But it seems as if it, as you said, practice almost a lifestyle too.

Speaker: 00:56:14

I mean, can, does it

Speaker: 00:56:15

Very

Speaker: 00:56:15

move to that within your community?

Speaker: 00:56:17

Do you notice that?

Speaker: 00:56:18

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:56:18

So there are some things that you may just work through in a second.

Speaker: 00:56:21

Like you just kind of can walk through it really quickly.

Speaker: 00:56:23

And then there's like, my friend with cancer, you know, she's

Speaker: 00:56:26

continually having to go back through some of those different steps.

Speaker: 00:56:30

really needing to acknowledge a new part of this, a new part of the diagnosis.

Speaker: 00:56:34

seeing, oh, this new fear is coming up or this new thing, and that's not true.

Speaker: 00:56:37

That's not what, what God wants me to focus on.

Speaker: 00:56:39

So we're continually using this as like a lifestyle, like a guide to

Speaker: 00:56:42

help us as we're walking through it.

Speaker: 00:56:44

So it's good for those kind of long-term things we're walking

Speaker: 00:56:46

through, or even in the moment.

Speaker: 00:56:48

Okay, how can I work through this in a more efficient way or helpful way for me?

Speaker: 00:56:52

And honestly as you start off this conversation, what you said, how

Speaker: 00:56:56

can I use the everyday emotions that I have with Jesus in a real way?

Speaker: 00:57:03

I can't think of a more honest, vulnerable way to get to know the Lord

Speaker: 00:57:07

than to be real with your emotions with him in a thing like this.

Speaker: 00:57:11

Yeah, that's very good.

Speaker: 00:57:12

Why don't you, I think I've got one more question after this, but Alicia,

Speaker: 00:57:16

tell us where to find all your stuff.

Speaker: 00:57:20

You got membership, you got podcasts, you got book.

Speaker: 00:57:23

We'll include things down in the notes.

Speaker: 00:57:24

But for those that might just be listening in, just go ahead and give us, your pitch.

Speaker: 00:57:29

Tell me where your stuff is.

Speaker: 00:57:31

well I try to make it simple.

Speaker: 00:57:32

my website is alicia michelle.com, so it's A-L-I-C-I-A-M-I-C-H-E-L-L e.com.

Speaker: 00:57:41

And you can go there to find out about the club.

Speaker: 00:57:44

I have a program called the Christian Mindset Makeover.

Speaker: 00:57:46

you can find the podcast anywhere or on the site too, but it's

Speaker: 00:57:50

called the Christian Mindset Coach.

Speaker: 00:57:52

Honestly, the best way to connect with me is to reach out to me on social.

Speaker: 00:57:57

I love talking on Instagram or Facebook.

Speaker: 00:57:59

It's at Alicia Michelle, coach, or I think on Facebook.

Speaker: 00:58:03

It's at the Alicia Michelle, coach.

Speaker: 00:58:04

Don't ask me why I got set up like that, but it is.

Speaker: 00:58:07

if anyone listening wants to talk further about these things, please

Speaker: 00:58:10

send me a dm. Let's talk further.

Speaker: 00:58:12

I love just quick calls like this or just talking about some

Speaker: 00:58:16

of these things in a deeper way.

Speaker: 00:58:17

So yeah, reach out and let's continue the conversation.

Speaker: 00:58:20

Very good, Alicia.

Speaker: 00:58:22

If somebody's listening in and they feel as if their emotions are getting the

Speaker: 00:58:27

best of them or they're frustrated with things, or they may be like old you.

Speaker: 00:58:32

Mm-hmm.

Speaker: 00:58:32

give you just a few sec. I, I would like you to speak directly to them.

Speaker: 00:58:36

As we finish up here.

Speaker: 00:58:37

why don't you just offer a word of encouragement for someone

Speaker: 00:58:40

who's still sticking around, but they may be struggling with some

Speaker: 00:58:43

of the stuff we talked about.

Speaker: 00:58:45

I would say that you are a whole person.

Speaker: 00:58:50

You're not just a job, you're not just a mom, you're not just a dad.

Speaker: 00:58:54

that you're not just a body, you are a soul.

Speaker: 00:58:57

you also have a physical body.

Speaker: 00:58:59

Everything works together in your body.

Speaker: 00:59:01

if you are feeling it is like a check engine light for your

Speaker: 00:59:06

soul of what's happening.

Speaker: 00:59:08

It's not that you, see a check engine light, we don't

Speaker: 00:59:11

have to pull over right then.

Speaker: 00:59:12

And oh my gosh, I have to change my tires right now.

Speaker: 00:59:14

No, probably not.

Speaker: 00:59:15

So if you're sensing some of these things going off, know

Speaker: 00:59:19

that it's not that you're broken.

Speaker: 00:59:23

It's that God is trying to use this very natural part of how he's

Speaker: 00:59:28

created you to say, Hey, this little part of you, I wanna help you.

Speaker: 00:59:33

I really don't want it to become something in your life that requires

Speaker: 00:59:36

you to be in bed for nine months.

Speaker: 00:59:38

I don't wanna have to get your attention in this way, but know

Speaker: 00:59:40

that if I don't let you see this, it's gonna affect your health.

Speaker: 00:59:44

It's gonna affect your relationships.

Speaker: 00:59:46

There is no way that it cannot affect these other areas.

Speaker: 00:59:49

So just take some time with me bring it before me and let me help you

Speaker: 00:59:55

kind of work through what it could be about, just sitting down in the quiet

Speaker: 00:59:59

and starting to unpack some of that.

Speaker: 01:00:00

That would be the very first step I would say, is what could this be about?

Speaker: 01:00:03

Bring it before God.

Speaker: 01:00:05

Let him help you see what it is, and don't be afraid to see

Speaker: 01:00:08

it, because a lot of times we're like, I don't even wanna see it.

Speaker: 01:00:10

That's really scary.

Speaker: 01:00:11

Then what do I do with it?

Speaker: 01:00:12

Well, again, this book is a great place to go if you're not sure what

Speaker: 01:00:15

to do with it, how to process it.

Speaker: 01:00:16

This is a great place to start.

Speaker: 01:00:19

I love it.

Speaker: 01:00:19

Alicia, Michelle, thank you.

Speaker: 01:00:21

Enjoyed the conversation.

Speaker: 01:00:22

The book is, this is on my Kindle here.

Speaker: 01:00:24

Emotional confidence for those watching on YouTube.

Speaker: 01:00:27

You could see the cover probably.

Speaker: 01:00:29

I bet it looks a lot better in real book.

Speaker: 01:00:32

There's the real one.

Speaker: 01:00:32

Yeah.

Speaker: 01:00:33

Look at those colors and all that much better.

Speaker: 01:00:36

Three simple steps to manage emotions with science and scripture.

Speaker: 01:00:40

love.

Speaker: 01:00:41

I've got a visual of a boiling pot of water that's sitting on a flame and.

Speaker: 01:00:46

Some steam coming out that started my morning this morning and, and

Speaker: 01:00:51

Michelle just continued that.

Speaker: 01:00:52

Get her book.

Speaker: 01:00:53

Go listen to the podcast right now.

Speaker: 01:00:54

Go subscribe.

Speaker: 01:00:55

The links are down below.

Speaker: 01:00:57

I appreciate this conversation.

Speaker: 01:00:59

Thank you all for listening in.

Speaker: 01:01:00

I appreciate all of you, your liking and sharing.

Speaker: 01:01:03

We're seeing so many things bubble with what we're doing here

Speaker: 01:01:06

at Seek Go Create not long ago crossing over our 300th episode.

Speaker: 01:01:10

we will see everyone next week on Seek Go Create.